This Side of Tomorrow
by Raven Sinead
Summary: Loss is not a fixed moment in time. It is its own creature; gnawing, ravenous, unceasing and merciless in its devouring. Facing loss can make you one of two things. It can make you bitter, or it can make you kind. It...did not make me kind. Sequel to "This Side of Yesterday" - A retelling of ME2 **TEMP HIATUS FOR DRAGON AGE: INQUISITION**
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Everything belongs to BioWare. I own nothing, nor do I receive any profit...except your wonderful reviews.

**_Author's Note:_**Well, here we are again, ready to dive into the world of Mass Effect. This one will probably be shorter than "This Side of Yesterday", due to the fact that it will still be told strictly from Liara's point of view. In any case, I hope you all enjoy.

Bright Blessings,

~Raven Sinead

* * *

**Thessia**

"Sen," a dark, deep, crisp accent spoke her name and the asari found her heart racing, "it's good to see you."

Mira rose from the table, an absolute vision in a shimmering silver gown. It accentuated the ebony radiance of her skin and the golden tattoo that spiraled down her arm, around the base of her elbow in exotic sworls and extending to the back of her hand, radiating along the lines of her veins. Dark eyes, the color of earth and coals, bored deep into Sen's chest and she took a breath, as though reminding herself that such a thing was necessary for life.

_I've missed you_, were the first words that sprung to mind, but they seemed too needy, to self-centered, and that was not at all what she wanted to communicate.

"Thank you." she extended a hand, shocked when Mira took it. "Thank you for seeing me."

Mira's eyebrow quirked upward, but she said nothing as Sen took her seat and stared attentively at the menu.

"There's something different about you." Mira commented, looking over the screen at her former lover's face. "I can't put my finger on it, but you've definitely…changed."

Sen looked up, grateful as always that Mira did not flinch from her gaze, did not think her features strange and her markings unnatural. The human had always accepted her as she was…Sen had missed that. She had missed being seen; she had missed being part of someone's life.

It had been a month, and Chief Ela T'Vari had somehow managed to find a way to keep the investigation going. No other medical facility would even look twice at Sen's application during the investigative period; the cardiologist knew that, and therefore did not attempt to find new employment. She had enough money to live on for at least a year without work, thanks to her mother's meddlesome interference in her affairs, and a few well-placed investments. Not to mention it was a paid suspension.

But the last month had been lonely, only broken by the random vid-calls from Liara, who had been off-world for two weeks, but had kept her promise to remain in touch with Sen. And last week, after three of silence, Mira had called. Sen had waited until the few stilted words between them were spoken, had agreed to meet for dinner this evening, and waited until Mira's face disappeared from view to dissolve into tears of happiness, relief, and sorrow co-mingled.

The fact that she sat here now was more than she could have hoped for. She smiled at Mira and melted again as her love's full lips curved upward, revealing perfect, gleaming white teeth.

"I've had a lot of time to think." Sen replied. "And learned more in a day than I have in a lifetime. Not to mention the fact that I've actually been able to go to sleep at a decent hour."

"Oh?" Mira frowned. "What do you mean?"

Sen typed her selection into the menu and closed the screen. "I suppose I didn't get the chance to tell you." she said. "The day…the day you left, I was suspended from work, pending an investigation."

Mira's eyes went wide. "It's not a malpractice suit is it?" she asked, true worry filling her voice.

"No." Sen shook her head. "Nothing like that. My last patient's scanners were hacked. They think I might have had something to do with that."

Mira took a sip of wine. "Impossible." she said. "I engineer that equipment and designed the very system that Thessia Medical uses. It's impenetrable. You're good, darling, but you're not that good."

Sen spread her hands, even though the endearment made her heart catch fire. "I'm not allowed to look into it. I do not know if T'Vari trumped up something in order to get rid of me, or if the system actually _was_ hacked. Given the patient…it wouldn't surprise me if they were."

"Oh." Mira's voice went flat. "That's right. You were playing personal physician to Liara T'Soni. I remember."

Sen bit back her frustration, the edge in her tone, instead looking at the woman she loved. "I know it still seems like a ridiculous story." she said, extending her omni-tool. "But I've got proof."

Sen kept her peace as Mira read the information, the written messages exchanged between Sen and Liara. Her eyes widened and her lips parted as she turned her eyes from the screen and looked at the asari she had left.

"You can't fake a digital signature." she whispered. "At least, you can't. I…I am sorry, Sen. It's just…everything got so…so quiet between us and I couldn't stand it. I was going out of my mind; you were always working, I was always working, we only had snatches of time to be together and I…"

"I know." Sen reached across the table and took Mira's hand, her breath shuddering at the human's naturally warmer body temperature. "I'm to blame for most of that." she admitted, stunning Mira into silence.

"You really _have_ changed." Mira commented, her voice holding a note of awe.

The asari she remembered was stubborn, obstinate, insistent on how her life and career should be run. Every question became an argument…Sen had been so defensive, and almost never in the wrong. The admission of guilt was staggering.

"Liara has helped immensely." Sen whispered. "Helped me see a lot of where I went wrong. Mentored me, you might say. She taught me what love was meant to be, and when I realized that I had that with you…and lost it somehow…I want nothing more than to have that back again. But…" she paused as Mira opened her mouth, "…I understand that you need time, and I won't ask for more than you can give."

Mira smiled and Sen's heart kicked in her chest. "I've been doing a lot of thinking, Sen." Mira's voice grew heavy and Sen inhaled, deep, waiting for the rejection. Waiting for Mira to tell her that she had moved on, that the letter she had left no longer rang true…a month was a great deal of time.

"All right."

"God, Sen…I've _missed_ you."

Sen released the breath she had been holding; loosed the tension spiraled in her shoulders. Her lips shook and she nodded as the first of many barriers between them came crashing down.

"I've missed you too." she admitted.

"I still…I still need time." Mira confessed, clarifying.

"So do I." Sen nodded, alleviating the guilt she could see in Mira's molten earth gaze. "But…let's start here. Let's eat, and laugh, and tell each other ridiculous stories and forget what used to be. And if that goes well, maybe we'll do it again another night. And maybe…maybe I'll find where I stepped wrong when I tried to reach your heart."

Mira reached for her glass of wine, and Sen noticed that her fingers trembled. She wondered if she had said the wrong thing, if her response had been too much emotion too soon, but she could not withhold from Mira what she felt in her heart.

"Is Dr. T'Soni giving you elocution lessons?" Mira teased, but her words were gentle.

"I'm learning to speak from my heart instead of my head." Sen replied, eliciting a deep, throaty chuckle from Mira. "I'm finding out that my head…can be rather stupid."

Mira laughed at this, nodding in silent admission of Sen's accuracy. "Yes, dear, but so can mine."

Sen shot Mira a sly grin. "Well now that we have that sorted out…"

"Food. Now that we've sorted that out, we eat food." Mira dictated with a grin as the VI server approached with a tray.

Sen smiled, draping her napkin across her lap and savoring every moment, the exquisite taste of the dishes prepared, the intoxicating light that was Mira's presence…the sheer _goodness_ of not being alone, inside her own mind, attempting to sort through the thoughts she had all the time in the world to focus on.

She celebrated that night, indulging in more than one glass of wine, in holding Mira's eyes a little too long, in tracing the golden tattoo across her hand as the evening wore on. But, all good things must end, though they parted on a pleasant note, and a gentle press of Mira's lips across Sen's cheek. The asari returned to her apartment, and, though the space beside her was empty, it no longer felt as though it were a howling desolate wasteland of eternal loneliness.

Sen smiled, and dreamed of bright things, good things, of azure skin and ebony wrapped in an embrace, the pleasure of kisses and the depth of attraction and longing given physical form. She jarred awake from the dream as the door alarm rang in the too-early morning. Groggy, she rose from the bed and threw a robe on, readying her biotics just in case.

She opened the door and her heart began beating a rapid tattoo in her chest as she saw two asari peacekeepers in uniform. The one before her held out a badge, but Sen did not care, looking into the asari's eyes for the truth.

"I'm Officer Renya Miyal." she introduced herself. "Are you Doctor Sen T'Aryn?"

"I am." Sen replied, clutching her robe more tightly around her.

"You're listed as the emergency contact for a Mira Dorsen." the officer looked at her omni tool. "We regret to inform you that there's been an accident."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thessia**

Liara rolled her shoulders as she exited the transport and picked up her single bag. She smiled as she hefted the minimal weight and slung it over her shoulder. Her time spent as a soldier in the Reaper War had taught her the benefits of packing light, and she could live for a month out of a single carry-on backpack. Alas, she had only needed to be on Sur Kesh for two weeks, rendezvousing with one of her agents in the STG. Her agent, of course, had not been appraised that he was meeting with _the _Shadow Broker.

Unlike her reclusive, paranoid predecessor, Liara had employed the strategy of hiding in plain sight, and it had worked for over three hundred years. All of those who had known her secret were long dead or on Tuchanka, and no one would have ever guessed that the great war hero Liara T'Soni still stood at the forefront of the galaxy's underworld. The underworld itself did not know.

She smiled as she approached her skycar, letting her mind drift to the comforts of the T'Soni estate, including the pool-sized jacuzzi. The thought of a glass of wine, an selection of asari operas, and a hot bath made Liara shiver with the anticipation of creature comforts and the home she had missed for two weeks.

Liara opened the door as her omni-tool chirped, alerting her to a call on her private frequency. She frowned, wondering who would be calling her at this obscene hour. But confusion transformed to worry as she saw Sen's name across the screen and she quickly accepted the call.

The asari on the vid-link looked distraught and Liara scanned the background visible through the screen, attempting to discover Sen's location.

"Liara," Sen's voice sounded ragged, and Liara could see the remnants of tears on her cheeks, the violet veins standing out in her bloodshot corneas, "Liara, I apologize for calling you; I know you're off world but…"

"Sen, what's happened?" Liara kept her voice calm, a tone that could cut through worry and draw coherent information out of the most fractured mind.

"There was an accident…it's on the news." Sen explained, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes, as though seeking clarity and pertinent information. "A skycar…the anti-grav system malfunctioned and it fell, skidded across the street into a building. The engine was destabilized by the impact and it…the car exploded…"

Sen's voice broke and Liara took a deep breath, attempting to control her heart rate. "Sen, are you hurt?" she asked the question pressing at her.

"No." Sen shook her head and Liara breathed a sigh of relief. "But…but Mira was walking home. She was caught in the explosion. I'm still listed as her emergency contact but we're…we're not bonded and we're not family. I'm at Thessia Medical but…I'm still suspended…and no one will tell me anything. They won't let me _see_ her and I'm…" Sen's voice cracked again and tears slipped from her eyes and down her cheeks, "…Liara, I'm scared."

"Stay where you are." Liara counseled her. "I just returned to Thessia, and I will be there as soon as possible."

"No." Sen's voice sounded strained. "You…you don't have to come I just…"

"For the goddess' sake." Liara snapped, knowing that the harshness in her tone would clear Sen's mind. "Get yourself some water, sit down, and wait for me. I'll try to find out what I can."

"A…all right." Sen nodded, looking around as though trying to find her functioning mind. "Thank you, Liara."

"Think nothing of it." Liara replied, severing the link with Sen, bringing up a news feed and gleaning pertinent information before opening an encrypted channel and calling the only entity who knew all of her secrets.

"Greetings, Dr. T'Soni." Glyph's voice rang over the link. "How might I assist you this morning?"

"Glyph, access Thessia Medical and the peacekeeper's station records from Sector Seventeen. Find anything and everything you can on Mira Dorsen and send it to me on this channel, text only, no audio."

"Of course. It will be done." Glyph replied and Liara swung into the seat of her vehicle, keying in the auto-pilot and setting the destination.

She needed the time to concentrate. Sen's eyes had held a wild frenzy, a panicked disbelief, a shock that Liara had seen once before. In her own eyes on that terrible…terrible day. Her hands trembled and she laced them together as memories, rarely revisited, assaulted her anew. Her throat tightened as her mind filled her senses with the stench of smoke. Her eyes closed and fire flashed behind them in sickening oranges and reds.

Liara's heart rebelled against the memories, but it hurt with the thought that Sen might have to endure those same emotions…it would be made all the worse by her strained relationship with Mira. The Shadow Broker had no doubt that Sen loved the human technological engineer, it shone in her eyes and lived in her voice…and that manner of loss, so sudden and unexpected…it could break a stronger heart.

_Just as it broke mine, all those centuries ago. _

Her omni tool chirped and Liara thanked her predecessor for engineering such efficiency into the little VI that somehow managed to keep her life from utter and complete chaos. She opened the message and her heart sank. The pictures of the accident scene were grisly. There were more than a few bystanders who would not be at the hospital…but in the morgue. Liara appraised the pictures with an impartial eye, looking for signs that this had been a purposeful attack. It would almost be impossible to do so through images alone, and Liara dashed off quick message to one of the Broker's agents in crime scene investigation.

Another chirp alerted her to an incoming message, and she opened the readout of the emergency services report on the condition of Mira Dorsen. Liara paled at the litany of injuries.

_Found unconscious at the scene. Multiple shrapnel wounds to the extremities and abdomen. Torn intestine. Internal hemorrhaging. Collapsed lung. Open fracture of the tibia. Probable skull fracture, requires further evaluation. Exhibiting signs of septic shock.  
_

"Goddess." Liara breathed, staring at information that she should not have…information that Sen, as a physician herself, would desperately desire…information Liara did not want to give.

_It is very likely that Mira will not survive. _Liara knew all too well the fragilities of the human body…even when that body belonged to a soldier, hardened by injury and with more reason to live than most.

Tears, tears that had been shed a thousand times, pricked Liara's eyes, and she let them fall as she forced herself to think of happier times, of better days and sweeter dreams. She still had time…time before she had to face Sen and see the terror in her eyes. Enough time to calm herself and remember…remember what had come before the darkest days of her life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Liara**

"I…don't think…" Shepard panted, dragging her fingers through her sweat soaked hair, "…I'm ever…going to get tired…of that."

"My beautiful commander." I whispered, lacing my hand around her neck, pulling her into a kiss that tasted of salt and satiation. "Breaking all the rules."

Shepard rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. A smile crept over my face as I watched her breasts rise and fall with her breathing.

"Fuck 'em." she sighed, stretching her muscles and burrowing deeper under the covers.

Her brow creased and she inhaled sharply as she moved. Alarmed, I propped myself up on my elbow and rested my hand on the wide swath of scar tissue on her left side.

"Does it still pain you?" I asked, worried.

Due to my lover's apparent penchant for life-threatening situations,I had been researching human physiology and attempting to learn as much as I could from Doctor Chakwas. However, I had not learned enough to ascertain whether or not Shepard would still be feeling the pain of her injuries. And, if she were, if it was natural or something to worry over.

"No." Shepard relaxed and turned her eyes to mine. "It's still a little sensitive is all."

"Are you sure?" I questioned.

"You questioning my integrity, T'Soni?" she teased, her silver eyes sparkling with laughter and light and the pleasant haze of our earlier love-making.

"No, commander." I schooled my face into seriousness. "I am questioning your honesty."

Shepard's arm reached out and laced around my shoulders, pulling me alongside her. I pressed every part of my body against hers, resting my head beneath her chin, over her chest, listening to the pulsating vibrations of her heartbeat. I adored the heat of her skin as it radiated against mine. I loved the variegated textures of her skin beneath my fingertips.

A low hum of contentment left her lips and I smiled as I felt the vibration of the sound through my crest. Our mission had taken us far from Citadel space, far from the edicts of the Council and the interference of the Alliance. We had discovered a few outposts of the geth that remained after Saren's invasion and dealt with them summarily, but we continued searching. It seemed more enemies could always be found.

Shepard spoke often with Captain, now Councilor Anderson. After the ugly confrontation and the revelation of Udina's attempted manipulation of Shepard, the council had decided to appoint another representative. Shepard _had_ endorsed her former commanding officer, much to Udina's chagrin.

The repair of the Citadel was underway, though it looked to be a project that would take years. The Council was still in uproar, attempting to focus on all the worlds that had suffered from Sovereign's invasion, in addition to repairing the Citadel and taking action against the non-Council races who had taken advantage of the uproar to attempt to invade. The batarian Hegemony had become a problem, as well as mercenary and gang activity the galaxy over.

It still shocked me that I couldn't care less. Not in the case of those who had suffered…my heart ached for their losses, for the conflict had visited on me my own grievous loss…but I could not summon any caring for those in power who had turned a blind eye countless times to the woman who did nothing but stand before them and speak the truth.

"Something wrong?" Shepard asked. "You went all tense."

"I am merely thinking." I told her, looking up, feeling the comfort that always washed over me when I fell into her eyes.

Her hand reached up and she traced her fingers over my facial markings. She insisted on calling them eyebrows, even though I told her it was an incorrect term. She persisted in believing that if she named them as such, eventually they would become fuzzy. Here, away from the dire sense of urgency that had dogged us as we chased Saren across the galaxy, more layers of the woman Serena Shepard was had been revealed.

Beneath the heart of titanium and dedication, beneath the eloquent words she could speak, beneath the nightmares that haunted her waking and sleeping hours…there dwelt a simple, beautiful woman. She had a teasing sense of humor, a way of silent understanding, an empathy that reached further than the subtle glimpses I had seen along the way.

I had loved her before these revelations. I loved her even more now.

"What are you thinking of, _álainn anam_?" she asked, and the Gaelic endearment served to make my heart kick in my chest, as it always did.

"All that is amiss with the galaxy at this moment." I replied, knowing I could keep nothing from her and having no desire to.

Shepard's eyes darkened, but she smiled. "Come here." she guided my head back against her and we both looked out of the window, at the black void of space, the distant stars. "Look outside, tell me what you see."

"Stars." I answered. "Space. Planets. Why do you ask, my love?"

"Just wondering if we see the same things."

"Do we?" I asked.

"Not really." Shepard smiled. "I can see the thoughts whirring through your mind, racing at lightspeed. You look outside at space and you see the blundering chaotic swirl of life, of cause and effect, you think about the secrets lost to time and the trials endured right now." her hand idly moved across my crest in a soothing motion. "All I see is the peace that I can't find anywhere else. I see an expanse so wide that I can let go of everything that ever hurt me. And…and…" her voice darkened and I looked up, shocked to see a perfect, single tear sliding down her cheek.

"I finally have someone to share that with." she turned her eyes to mine and consecrated her words with a chaste kiss. "I…I can forget everything in this moment, in this place, except the miracle that is you, and your hands, and your heart…your very presence in my life."

_Your eyes are like stars_…I remembered her words after we had woken from a meld after the horrible skirmish on Edolus with a thresher maw.

At the time I had thought it a mind-addled compliment, a sweet nothing from an overtaxed, concussed brain and an over-extended heart. It had warmed me then, but hearing her definition of what the stars meant, hearing her gratitude for this moment between us…my heart ached as I fell in love with her once more.

We had known each other for less than a year, and I already knew that I did not want to spend any time separate from her. I had once felt the ache of her loss, and realized how deeply she dwelt in me…losing her would be worse than death.

I pressed my forehead against hers, inhaling her scent, joining my lips with hers in a quiet, passionate kiss. I pulled away only to breathe, lost as I saw a light in her silver eyes that always weakened my knees and set my heart racing.

"I love you, Liara T'Soni." she whispered.

The woes of the galaxy faded from my mind. The thoughts of war and battle dimmed. The mission I accompanied her on seemed as nothing but something trivial to pass the time. Serena Shepard had become my world, my all-encompassing love, and I did not know how to put the all-consuming, inexorable passion I felt for her into words.

The words she spoke were simple, but to me…they were everything. They were everything because they fell from her lips. She had lost everything, time and again, and nearly given her life for a galaxy who did not know the measure of her sacrifices for them. Even her own people could not measure it, because her pain seemed so untouchable. But I had seen inside her mind. I had walked with her in her darkest moments. I had felt her heart bleed. I lay beside her in the night when she shivered with nightmares made all the worse by the fact that they were memories.

But she could still say those words. Her wounded, battered heart could render all of its feeling, all of its emotion with such unshakeable honesty that my spirit shivered when she spoke them.

"I love you too." I replied, and her silver eyes caught fire.

The next kiss between us was the slow heating of a forge, the rekindling of coals that would never die out. Desire flooded my entire being as audible words became too little and our souls screamed to share themselves, to merge and twine and become one.

"Do we…have time?" I asked as her lips feathered down my neck.

"Yes." she replied. "We're still a few hours out from Alchera."


	4. Chapter 4

**Liara**

I slipped my boots on, smiling as I listened to the low notes emanating from the open bathroom door, accompanied by the melodic, almost rainfall-like sound of the shower. That had been another of the remarkable revelations of Shepard. Her singing rang pleasant to the ear. Not well-trained, and oft times slipping off-key, but she had a deep alto timbre that lent itself well to the somber songs she was so fond of.

I rose from the bed and tugged the edges of my tunic down, then grabbed a dry towel from the rack and waited for her to emerge. I leaned my head against the doorway, feeling a soft smile come over me as I listened.

"_I am a poor, wayfaring stranger,_" the haunting melody echoed out from the ceramic coated shower, "_while trav'ling through this world of woe…_"

"Must you always sing of such things, Serena?" I asked, turning my attention from the door as the VI announced that the ship had begun scanning the planet's surface for evidence of a geth stronghold. "Is not woe too ever present in your mind to let it occupy even the inanities of washing?"

"You tell me." she asked, emerging from the shower with a cloud of steam.

My eyes fixed to the glory of her body, and I became mute as I roved over the angles and planes of her physique. Though she had not regained all the weight she had lost after the injuries incurred on the Battle of the Citadel, her body no longer had the strained, gaunt look it had possessed a month and a half ago. She took the towel from me and ruffled it through the mess of her red hair, which had grown out beyond regulation length, but she did not seem to care, citing that she would cut it once more when it became necessary. I took that to mean it would be when she needed to see someone of higher rank in person.

I felt foolish wondering if the act of cutting a human's hair caused any sort of pain. So foolish that I could not bring myself to ask her. But removing any part of the body, no matter how cavalier any human was when they spoke of it, seemed simply grotesque and unnatural.

_Besides_, I thought as Shepard ruffled her fingers through the damp locks, _I adore her hair. How it feels when I run my fingers through it…how it tickles my thighs when she lowers her mouth to my azure. Goddess…_ my body clenched even thinking about it and the blood heated in my veins.

Shepard finished drying and walked out of the bathroom, towards the closet, exposing the horrific patchwork of scarring that comprised her back. It reminded me of what we had been speaking of before I had been…distracted.

"You never answered me." I chided her. "Why do you sing of such things? Is not the subject matter…too close for comfort?" I asked as she removed her under-armor from a drawer inside her closet.

"That's why I love the ancient, melancholy songs." she turned to me and zipped up the insulated, protective mesh under-suit.

"I do not understand." I replied, and she smiled as she always did at the familiar words, though I said them far less now than when I had first come aboard the Normandy.

"I remember telling a certain, beautiful asari that music was a universal language." Shepard grinned.

"I recall agreeing with you." I nodded. "It still does not explain why you derive any sort of satisfaction from the utterly miserable lyrics."

Shepard entered the code for the locker that contained her armor and began running diagnostics on the hardsuit with her omni-tool. She remained the picture of calm as she prepared for battle, and I found myself jealous of the ability. I could not control the beat of my heart when I dressed in armor, could not help the quick breaths when I ran a weapons check. I had not become inured to the lifestyle, as Shepard had, but I would not let her go alone. I refused to remain safe while she placed herself in harm's way.

Shepard kept an eye on the diagnostic readout as she leaned against the locker. She turned her eyes to me. "I derive a certain comfort from them." she replied. "In knowing that there were others who took what tragedy had comprised their life and made something somehow beautiful. It's an encouragement. To know I'm not alone. To know that others saw a light somewhere in the darkness and wrote it down in song."

"Traveling through a world of woe does not connote an image of hope springing from darkness." I countered, and Shepard grinned.

"You didn't let me finish the song." she reminded me.

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. "By all means." I demanded. "Serenade me, please. Illuminate this mystery."

"No." she retorted, and my lips turned down at the corners. "I sing for the shower. It does not mock me nor does it criticize my musical selections."

"But it gives you nothing in return." I countered.

"In that appraisal, my lovely, brilliant doctor, you are most incorrect." Shepard teased.

"Enlighten me."

"It provides warmth, comfort, and cleanliness." she ticked the gifts of the shower off on her fingers and I shook my head, wondering if I would ever cease falling prey to her entrapments that tended more and more to the ridiculous.

"Please." I lowered my voice and pushed off from the wall, purposefully swaying my hips as I moved towards her and traced a single finger along her side, up, across her shoulder, then threading my hand in her hair and drawing a path down across her neck.

Her breath shuddered out and her silver eyes kindled to a veritable flame. "No singing." she whispered. "But I'll tell them to you."

"I accept your compromise." I said, whispering a kiss across her cheek.

She smiled and reached up, threading her fingers through my own. "I am a poor, wayfaring stranger, while traveling through this world of woe. But there's no sickness, toil, or danger, in that bright world to which I go. I'm going there to see my father, I'm going there, no more to roam. I'm only going over Jordan…I'm only going over home."

I bit my lip, still attempting to see the comfort she found in the words, and save those mentioning a reunion with family, I could find nothing.

"It sounds akin to the poetry Ashley is so fond of quoting." I observed. "And speaks of a message similar to her religious beliefs, which you told me you do not share."

"Heaven?" Shepard asked, and I nodded. "You're right. I don't believe in that."

"Then what sort of 'bright world' do you envision when you sing this song?" I questioned.

Shepard sighed and her lips thinned, a sure sign that the conversation was veering in a direction she did not quite desire. But I knew she would answer me. She always did. She always had.

"Somewhere lovely." she murmured. "Somewhere that has the peace of space and the beauties of Earth. A place where…where soldiers aren't needed…where Avi would be happy."

"Oh." seemed to be the sole word I could speak.

I understood that Shepard had loved years before she and I had even met, before we even knew of the other's existence. I had seen in her mind the pain of losing that love to a battle-mad comrade's bullet, and the confusion of seeing that love once more after death. It was a confusion I shared, not knowing if it had been real or illusion when I saw Avi Rivera supporting Shepard after pulling her from Sovereign's wreckage. I did not begrudge Shepard her love of Avi, but I did loathe the fact that I could never heal this pain that dwelt ever and deep within her.

"Liara, look at me." Serena curled a finger under my chin and raised my eyes to hers. "I love you. And, if ever I have the misfortune to find that 'bright world' too early, I'll be waiting there for _you_. You are first in my life, and first in my heart. Nothing can change that."

"I love you, Serena." I whispered, and she kissed me before turning towards her locker and beginning the process of armoring herself. "Are you anticipating geth on Alchera?" I wondered.

"Just a feeling." she replied. "Better to be over prepared than under."

"I can agree with that." I nodded, and keyed in the code to my own armor locker, which Shepard had moved to her cabin when it became clear that my staying in the medical storeroom was a waste of space.

"_Commander,_" Joker's voice crackled over the comms. "_you might want to hurry. I've got something on our radar._"

Shepard snapped her wrist brace on and looked up, even though she could not see the Normandy's pilot. "What is it?" she asked.

"_Don't know_." he answered, and I began to worry. "_It's nothing the scanners have ever read before. But it's coming in fast_."

"Try to hail." Shepard ordered. "If they don't respond, evasive maneuvers. Get the FTL drive ready."

"_Will do_."

"Well." Shepard walked to me and helped me adjust my neck seal. "Today just got interesting."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thessia**

_No. _Liara reached out and gripped the wheel of the skycar, even though the auto-pilot had driven it to Thessia Medical and was now setting it down on the top level of the parking deck. _This is not the time to dwell on those memories. This is not a time of loss, simply a time of worry. Sen needs support, and care. If I know her as I believe I do…she will neither rest nor care for herself. And that simply cannot be allowed. _

Liara took the time in the elevator to regain control over her emotions. She had her reasons for never revisiting that day above Alchera, her reasons for pushing it to the back of her mind even after centuries had dulled the full force of the pain. It was not simply the horror of having Shepard torn away from her…but of what had come afterward.

_Two years is nothing in the lifetime of an asari…or so we think. Most of us cannot see ourselves changing in so short a time, no matter the state of the galaxy or the chaos in our own life. Somewhere, along the way, my people have come to believe in the face we present to the galaxy. And I, of all of us, know well that it is false. _

The doors of Thessia Medical opened and Liara bristled at the harsh scent of sterility. It reminded her of yet another dark time…when the galaxy had rejoiced in its safety, but a small group, whom all admired but few truly knew, had grieved as though the world had, indeed, ended.

_This is not then._ Liara gave herself a stern reminder as she entered the waiting area.

Sharp blue eyes scanned the room. It had been built into a shrine of peace and beauty. A tree grew in the center on a small hill covered with verdant grass. An asari-made river flowed around it, filled with brightly colored fish imported from Earth. But Liara knew, no matter the atmosphere…this place was far from peaceful. She could see it in those gathered there, the slumped shoulders, the tight lines around their eyes. Her muscles shivered with the memory of her body in those exact same positions. Defeat. Despondence. Loss.

At last, her eyes landed on the tense, huddled figure of Sen T'Aryn. The cardiologist had drawn her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Her head rested against the wall and her eyes were closed, though the expression on her face was one of absolute pain. Liara's heart broke as she crossed the little footbridge above the false river and walked towards her friend…her friend who was all alone in the world, whose mind was racing with thoughts and images that no one should have to endure.

She knelt down in front of Sen and rested a hand on her leg, not wishing to frighten her. "Sen," she spoke, soft, "I'm here."

The asari's eyes flew open and she looked around the room as though startled, fixing her gaze on Liara after a long moment of exhausted surprise. Some of the tension in her body eased and her eyes filled with tears once more. Sen moved off the chair, joining Liara on the floor and wrapping her arms around the older asari.

Liara held her for a long moment, feeling guilt wash over her at the comfort she took from their embrace, the sense that somehow the proper stars had aligned and that wrongs had been righted. She rubbed her hand along Sen's back as the asari wept against her shoulder, at last feeling safe to release her pain and anxiety in the arms of someone she trusted.

"Thank the goddess you're here." Sen breathed, attempting to regain her composure. She pulled out of the embrace, stood, and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I don't…I don't have anyone else."

_Zhira T'Aryn is not one to be unsympathetic_, Liara thought, a slight smile crossing her mind at the name of her old friend, and Sen's mother. _But perhaps Sen has not spoken to her, considering the time difference between Illium and Thessia. Besides…_Liara examined the cardiologist, her heart cracking all over again as she read the all too familiar expression on Sen's countenance, _…Sen is one to suffer in silence. _

"Have you heard anything?" Liara asked, the corners of her eyes tightening as she waged an internal war over whether or not to reveal what she knew of Mira's condition.

"No." Sen shook her head. "I…I called Mira's father. He is catching the next transport from Earth. It should arrive in two days but by then…Liara, I can't do this. I am a doctor. Not knowing is driving me to the limit of insanity, and I am stonewalled at every turn. It's taken hiding in a corner to keep security from throwing me off the premises. By Chief T'Vari's orders, I'm not even allowed on the grounds but I can't…I can't _leave_ her."

"I know." Liara replied. _Oh, Sen, how I know. _

The Shadow Broker drew herself up, the internal war decided. "Sen, I need you to sit down." she spoke, and the asari sank into the chair.

Liara joined her and pulled up her omni-tool. "I need an…allowance…from you, Sen." she stated, looking directly into the cardiologist's eyes.

"Of course." Sen nodded.

"I do not want you to ask how I came by this information, simply accept the fact that I possess it." Liara said. "I also want you to prepare yourself for what you find."

"Oh goddess." Sen breathed, and her hands curled into tremoring fists.

"This is the report from the paramedics on scene." Liara said, extending her arm and allowing Sen to read over the report.

Liara watched the quiet change, as anxiety became outright fear. Sen's lips parted and began quivering, her hands trembled as they scrolled down the list. Her eyes filled with a desperate terror and tears flooded them anew. Her hand went to her open lips and a strangled sob, half a cry of anguish, half a scream of rage, broke the quiet of the room.

From the corner of her eye, Liara saw a security guard stiffen and turn her eyes toward them at the sound. Liara moved quickly, rising from her seat, taking Sen's hand, assisting her from her chair. Liara wrapped her arm around Sen's waist and the doctor leaned heavily on her as they left the waiting room and went outside.

The crisp, cool air washed over them and a light dusting of snow began to fall from the sky, re-coating the layer of it already on the ground. Sen abruptly left Liara's support and sagged, falling to her knees in the snow, lifting her face to the sky. Liara's eyes filled with tears as she saw the despondent grief and knew in her heart that Sen believed Mira would not survive.

"I cannot do this." Sen whispered, and Liara did not know if the physician spoke to her or to the sky. "We reconnected. It's tenuous, but I know we were going to be happy again. This can't be happening. I…I…_This! Can't! Be! Happening!_"

The pure, ragged emotion echoed off of the buildings and the streets and Liara fell to her knees beside Sen, holding the asari as her body bucked with the anguished cries tearing from her throat.

"There is still hope." Liara whispered. "Humans are strong, Sen, so very, impossibly strong. And your love of her will give her the strength to survive. Do not let this worry defeat you. Do not borrow tomorrow's grief."

Sen's body began to tremble and Liara knew she hovered on the delicate edge of exhaustion and collapse. "I want you to come home with me." Liara said. "You need to rest, and you do not need to be alone, and I can provide both company and comfort."

Sen struggled to rein in her frantic breathing, shaking her head. "I cannot ask you to do that." she said. "I…I'll call a transport and go home. You…you must be exhausted."

"Do not be foolish." Liara counseled, though her heart warmed. "I knew someone once who would have said those exact words to me, and been just as foolish in saying them. Come. You are over-wrought and over tired, and if you stay outside in this freezing weather much longer, you will make yourself ill."

Liara opened her omni-tool and issued a command, smiling as she saw her skycar rise from the parking deck and descend to their location. She pulled Sen to her feet and got her into the car, moving to the driver's seat and ordering the vehicle to take them to the T'Soni estate.

They drove in silence, not speaking, though Liara's heart ached with every one of Sen's sniffles, quiet gasps, and the tears that seemed never to cease rolling down her cheeks. The sun began to rise as they reached the T'Soni estate, and Liara all but had to carry Sen into the house. She took her into one of the guest rooms on the lower floor, recognizing the signs of emotional shock and exhaustion.

She whispered an order to Glyph and guided Sen to the bed, removing her coat and helping her undress, providing the cardiologist with sleep-wear from her own bureau. She turned down the bed-covers and helped Sen beneath them as the housekeeper VI appeared in the doorway with a tray of tea. Liara took the cup, ordered the VI to leave, and pressed the tea into Sen's hands.

"Drink." she said, watching as Sen obeyed and took a sip.

A tiny thread of guilt tugged at Liara's heart, but she ignored it. Lacing the tea with a mild sedative might have been underhanded, but Sen needed the peace that only true rest could bring. After a few more sips, Sen's eyelids began to flutter, and Liara took the tea and set it aside on the dresser. She helped Sen lie down and pulled the covers over her.

Sen's eyes opened and the tension in her expression eased as Liara offered a comforting smile.

"Thank you." Sen whispered, her voice rough with grief. "Please…"

"I will obtain as much information as I am able." Liara promised, and Sen's eyes closed as she slipped into slumber.

Liara watched her for a moment more, then leaned down and pressed a brief kiss to the asari's brow. Her heart heavy, she left the room, assaulted by the specters of tragedy that swarmed around her. Her feet traced the path to another room. The low lighting was never extinguished in this place. It was full of display cases, filled with memories of the past. Liara smiled as she gazed at the Prothean artifacts she had acquired through the years. Her weapons from the Reaper War had also been enshrined, as well as the suits of armor that she had worn through the most hectic and fraught years of her life.

But it was to the case at the back that she went. Her fingers reached up, touching the glass that held the battered, charred husk of armor. The blazing red stripe of the N7 suit stood out, as proud and fierce and strong as the blood in human veins.

"Serena." Liara whispered, pressing her forehead to the case. "I need you now. I cannot do this alone. Please, my love, help me now. Lend me your courage. Lend me your kindness. Lend me your strength, so that I might give it to another, who so desperately requires it."


	6. Chapter 6

**Thessia**

Liara entered her secure room and sighed as she sank down in a battered leather chair. Glyph turned on the feeds, the reports from agents galaxy-wide, but Liara's vision blurred as she began to read them. Too much had happened, and focus had fled.

Fled towards the asari who now rested under her roof. It had been decades since Liara had opened the doors of the T'Soni estate for anyone but herself. The feeling of not being alone, not being isolated, carried its own brand of strangeness.

"Doctor T'Soni," Glyph spoke, breaking the silence, "I have taken the liberty of placing a watch on Mira Dorsen's medical reports as they are updated."

"Thank you, Glyph." Liara replied, closing her eyes and pressing her fingers against them, attempting to scrape away the exhaustion. "Have there been any changes?"

"At zero two hundred hours she was taken into the operating room." Glyph replied.

"Goddess." Liara breathed, for the first time thinking of how much she despised what her life had become.

_It was so easy to lock myself away again_, Liara sighed. _After…after the war and the horrors that followed, it was too easy to become who I once was. However, I traded dusty digs on faraway planets for the comforts of home and the concealed importances of the galaxy at my fingertips. It is all archaeology regardless. Discovering buried secrets. _

_ Serena would…she would hate this life for me. _

"It is not my fault." Liara spoke to the nothingness, to the ghosts that surrounded her. Ghosts of a happier time, a happier time regardless of suffering or fear. "My reasons were torn away from me. Everything I had. Vanished in the dark." she breathed the last words and the monitors darkened at a single command from her fingers.

In the silence, in the quiet, in the black, Liara's thoughts wandered, venturing at a frenetic pace, anywhere away from that day. Anywhere away from that moment where the galaxy had turned on its end and Liara had seen…she had seen the harshness of the galaxy, the gore of battle, the fear of near loss. But that day had shown her something crueler than a soldier's mandates. It had shown her something darker than the phantoms of bloodshed and fighting for survival. Something bleaker than the nightmares that haunted her.

It had shown her the abject monstrosity of fate. That something deeper than those residing within it moved the galaxy. It had no conscience, no respect, and no knowledge of love. She had been innocent at that time, had seen mystical, marvelous things that had convinced her that love was immutable in the face of the weapons of man and the vagaries of the galaxy. Being proven wrong had been…devastating.

"Doctor T'Soni," Glyph re-appeared from wherever it was he had gone, and Liara looked up, "I thought you should be informed. There are sounds of distress emanating from the guest room."

Liara rose from her chair and pushed away the exhaustion that had begun to take hold. She exited the secure room and walked to Sen's, her heart catching in her throat as she peered in the door. The younger asari shivered in the grip of a nightmare, the soft light of the morning sun highlighting the planes and angles of her face. Liara's breath caught and her heart cracked yet further.

She walked to the edge of the bed and rested her hand lightly on the doctor's shoulder. She did not think Sen would have a violent reaction to being awakened, but she could not help the instinct that sleeping beside a soldier had honed.

"Sen." Liara spoke, and the asari's eyes flared open, casting about the unfamiliar space until they settled on Liara.

Her breathing evened and she wiped at the light sheen of sweat across her face. "Wha…what happened?"

Liara sat at the edge of the bed, folding her hands in her lap in order to restrain the movement they wished to undertake. To comfort, to calm. "You were having a nightmare." she said the words, tasting their bitter familiarity. "Do you remember anything?"

"Yes." Sen replied, her voice ragged. She propped herself up against the headboard and drew her legs up, wrapping her arms around her bent knees. "I dreamed…I dreamed I was there. That I couldn't do anything. That it was too late. I dreamed I…"

"Held her while she died." Liara whispered, recounting the dreams that haunted her nights. "I know."

"I don't." Sen breathed, and the confession tore at Liara's heart. The known demons were always easier to confront. "Liara, I don't. I do not know…I do not know how to confront this how to…how to silence the screams inside my own head. I do not know how to lose anything. Especially not…not something I loved."

"Oh, Sen." Liara's voice cracked, and she moved, wrapping her arms around her friend, imparting a voiceless comfort to a pain no words could assuage.

"I don't know what to do." Sen asked. "I am…I am attempting to prepare for the worst, but I do not even know what the worst may be, or what it will look like, or how it will feel. I have no comprehension of…anything. And part of me screams at myself…how did I ever have the _pride_ to attempt to comfort the families of patients who did not survive? How did I deliver the news with a calm countenance and…"

Liara pulled out of the embrace and eyed the younger asari…the sole living person to enter her home in over two centuries.

"Because you didn't know." Liara explained. "It is easier to look at things with a critical, clinical eye…but after they have touched you, you will never see the world in the same light again."

"I…I do not like to ask for anything." Sen whispered, staring down at the bedcovers. "But I am terrified. I need…"

"You need to know how loss can change you." Liara replied, feeling the ache in her heart intensify. She had known this day would come…and had not wanted to face it. "You need to know how something as transient as fear, as inexplicable as coincidence can shake the very foundations of your established identity."

"Yes." Sen looked up, and there were tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"It is all right." Liara answered. "I knew, one day, this time would come." She paused, gathering her composure. "There is no sound in space. No warning. When the strike comes, all you hear is your own world fracturing, splintering to pieces."


	7. Chapter 7

**Liara**

We reached the door of Shepard's quarters, and she paused. She shuddered and turned to me, one of the strangest looks in her eyes that I had ever seen. "I want you to key into the shipboard comm." she said.

I frowned, but brought up my omni tool and lowered the volume as my auditory implant shrieked. I attempted to dim the sudden clamor of everyone speaking in the flight deck, blocking it out of my mind, though I heard Joker say something about "flying dark." I assumed that meant the ship's stealth systems were engaged.

I breathed a sigh of relief, no longer fearing the strange ping on the radar that Joker had alerted us to, but Serena still seemed wary. Her movements became too fluid, almost cagey as we moved toward the elevator.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, trusting her instincts.

"Yeah." she nodded. "Can't put my finger on it, but something's off. Stay keyed in. I don't want anything catching you unaware."

"What about you?"

"I'll be fine." she answered, a soft smile on her lips. "It's not me I'm worried for."

_It never is_, I thought as I stepped towards the elevator, shocked when the door closed in my face and the elevator indicator turned red. I stared at the closed door…wondering why Shepard had left me behind. Static crackled over the comms and, for the moment, I forgot my lover leaving me behind.

_{Still got that unidentified cruiser?} _Joker asked.

{_Roger that_.} Ensign McCann answered.

{_It doesn't match any known signatures.}_ Joker sounded thoughtful.

{_Cruiser is changing course.} _McCann noted. _{It is now on an intercept trajectory.}_

Worry threaded around my heart and I tapped the call button for the elevator even though it still moved interminably slow, no matter how many of the engineers had attempted to increase its speed. I doubted that Shepard had reached the CIC by now.

_Why did she leave me?_

_{It can't be.} _Executive Officer Pressly said, disbelief coloring his tone. {_The stealth systems are engaged. No geth ship could possibly…}_

_ {It's not the geth.} _Joker sliced off his words and I began to panic. _{Brace for evasive maneuvers!}_

_ Goddess! What is happening!?_ I slammed my fist against the elevator's interface, but it did nothing save for crack the screen. The Normandy swerved, a violent turn that knocked me off balance. I stumbled against the door and scrambled to regain my footing, feeling my heart beat faster as I heard the shearing of metal and smelled the stench of electrical fires.

_{Pressly and McCann are down!} _Joker shouted. _{Multiple hull breaches, weapons offline! Somebody get that fire out!}_

"Damn you, Serena Shepard!" I hissed, wreathing my fist in biotic energy and slamming it into the elevator door, smiling as the metal dented at the force. I struck it again, desperate to get down to another level, to be with my commander and _help_ in the midst of this…whatever was happening.

The elevator door gave way and the ship jerked again, throwing me through the hole I had made and into the elevator shaft. It was not a long fall, but my knees still protested, even though my hardsuit dampened the blow. I opened the hatch at the top of the elevator and gasped at the heat from the fire. I could feel it even here, and I felt light headed as the flames scoured away the oxygen. I lifted my helmet and engaged my armor's life support system, breathing a sigh of relief as fresh air filtered in.

I dropped through the hatch, raced out of the open elevator door, and stumbled once more as the ship swerved before I broke into a run. One name pounded with every beat of my heart, resonated with every breath as I raced through a labyrinth of destruction. I ignored the screams of the wounded, the cries of the trapped, because I was not the one who could save them.

"Shepard!" I recognized her through the smoke, a stalwart figure putting on her helmet, surveying the damage with what I knew would be an unmovable silver gaze.

"The distress beacon has been launched." Shepard said, her voice as cold as ice, sharper than the blade of a knife.

"Will help reach us in time?" I demanded, looking through the visor of her helmet, seeking some measure of hope, some light, some promise that we would all walk away from this, as we had walked out of the Battle of the Citadel. Alive.

"No." she said, her silver eyes filling with sorrow. "It won't." she grabbed a fire extinguisher from the wall and began spraying it at the flames that leaped higher with every moment. "But I'm not going to sit here and let them find a ship of corpses." I breathed easier when I heard the warrior's resolve in her voice. She tossed me another fire extinguisher and I began to battle the flames as more explosions rocked the ship. "Get everyone onto the escape shuttles. You go too!"

"Joker is still in the flight deck. He won't abandon the Normandy! You know he won't!" I informed her. "And I'm not leaving you!"

"The hell you aren't, Liara." Shepard's voice trembled. "Get to the shuttle." her hand landed on my shoulder, startling me. "I'll get Joker out of here. Just keep yourself safe."

"Why did you leave me behind?" I demanded, knowing it was the worst possible time to ask, knowing that the flames we had beaten back temporarily would return. "Why did you close the elevator!?"

"Liara, you need to go." Shepard spoke, barely a whisper, but I could hear it through the comm, louder than a scream. "Please, _álainn anam_. Please go. Be safe."

I began backing away, driven by the note of sorrow in her voice. I could tell that she had no fear for herself, and I wondered if it stemmed from her belief that she had lost every battle she ever would.

"Promise me you'll come back." I ordered. "Serena, promise me I'll see you again!"

"It's time." she said, and her response gave me nothing. Nothing to cling to, nothing to grip in a disintegrating world. "Go, Liara. Now."

She turned away, towards the flight deck. "Commander!" I shouted, and she turned back to me, the smoke obscuring her silver eyes. But I knew a light lay within them. A light that could not go dark. I knew that she would understand.

_I love you. I __**will**__ see you again. Be safe, and know that you carry my soul. Be safe…and do not hold another's life above your own. I beg you. I beg you. _


	8. Chapter 8

**Liara**

"Liara, strap down!" Ashley Williams ordered.

We waited in the escape shuttle, until the last moment, hoping beyond the boundaries of that same emotion. Carrying it too far. Hoping that the woman who had pulled the galaxy from the edge of the destruction would once more emerge from the flames. I stood by the closed door, my finger poised over the controls, ready to open it for her when she arrived.

_I know you will come_, my heart whispered. _I know you will not lose. You __**cannot **__lose. _

"Everybody, sit the fuck down and strap the fuck in!" Ashley screamed at the remaining crew-members. Few…far too few for those the ship had housed.

I looked around at all of them, the faces I had grown to know as friends and comrades in the last month and a half. Renee', the medic, sank down in a chair, clutching the shrapnel embedded in her thigh. Doctor Karin Chakwas knelt to take a look. But the rest of the crew still stood, disobeying Ashley's orders. Many of them were officers, but they were lost, beyond comprehension, beyond understanding and coherence. We were all lost.

The Normandy's stealth systems were, bar none, the finest in the galaxy. It was impossible that any other race or species possessed the technology necessary to locate the vessel. And yet, through the tiny window of the closed door…we watched our world, our securities, our lives and mission…burn.

"Look!" Ashley's voice held a desperate edge, and the Normandy's survivors looked to her. "There _is_ another shuttle, and we all know that the chances are _damn good_ that the Skipper will be on it. But pretty soon that goddamn fire is going to fry the jettison systems, and we'll burn with her! So _sit down, __**strap in**_**, **and we'll all meet on the other side! Am! I! Clear!?"

A weak chorus of "aye-ayes" greeted the gunnery chief…the take-charge warrior woman who had lost her entire unit on Eden Prime. Aside from Shepard and Chakwas, she was the only woman I had met who could control her entire self when the rest of the world was crumbling. I listened as the crew sat down, as Chakwas began to move, muttering a few placating words to Ashley as she began triage for the wounded on board.

I remained next to the door, hand still poised over the controls, waiting. I watched the flames devouring the ship that had become my home, and I thought of those still trapped within…those we did not have enough time to save. Those for whom space would be where they met their final end, and whatever waited beyond it.

"Serena, where are you?" I whispered, flinching as a hand rested on my shoulder.

I turned to see warm brown eyes staring back at me. Locked behind the forced calm lay sheer terror, held at bay by ferocious courage.

"Liara. Sit down." Ashley said, and I parted my lips, wanting to protest, wanting to forego my pride and beg.

_Just a little more time…_

"The Skipper will be fine." the gunnery chief promised, and I could see her belief in her eyes, hear it in her voice, and I capitulated.

I sat down, obedient, strapping myself in as the shuttle pilot prepared us for the jettison from the Normandy. The countdown ended and I felt us pushed away from the vessel. It grew smaller as we drifted into the black, above the cold wastes of Alchera.

I could not help but think the burning ship looked beautiful, in some twisted way. It appeared to be a fractured star reaching its end, an event horizon…a portal to a new and different world.

_How is it that destruction possesses its own beauties? _I wondered as my hands curled into fists. I ached to do something, to move, to be of some use, to occupy my mind with anything but the thoughts of what had happened to the woman I loved.

The silence in the shuttle became a living entity as seconds slogged through existing, becoming minutes fraught with worry and waiting. Everyone flinched as a static burst screamed over the shuttle's comm system. I looked up at the speakers, begging for a word, a hint, a shred of Serena's voice. I could see the second shuttle through the window, fleeing the wreckage.

My nails bit into the flesh of my palms and I had to remind myself to breathe. Static crackled once again, roaring before fading to patches of light white noise.

_{Shuttle two to Shuttle one.} _Joker's voice crackled over the speakers, and relief filled my heart.

_She did it_, triumph roared fierce through my veins. _She saved him, and they escaped. Now all we must do is wait to be reuinted. _

"I read you loud and clear, Joker." Ashley wore a small, hopeful smile. "Sit-rep?"

_{I've got most of engineering on board.} _he replied, and we breathed a collective sigh of relief. More of our comrades had survived. _{Some injuries, nothing too bad. I think I broke my hand again.}_

I winced at the humor, but I respected it for what it was. An attempt to diffuse a taut situation. But inside I screamed, begged, pleaded.

_Where is Shepard!?_

"Joker…who else?" Ashley asked, and the lines at the corners of her eyes deepened as her lips thinned.

{_Jesus, Williams.} _Joker's voice cracked.

"What happened?" I asked, unbuckling my harness and getting to my feet, walking towards Williams. "Is Shepard all right? Is she injured? Joker, _what happened to her!?_"

_{She pulled me out of the cockpit.} _Joker answered and my heart began racing in my chest. {_Carried me to the shuttle. I…I had a grip on her hand…there was…__fucking__ hell…there was an explosion and I tried to hold on, I swear to god I did but…}_

The words stopped, but the static remained. A void took hold, a silent scratching in the back of every mind as we attempted to make sense of the words, as we processed the tone of regret in the pilot's voice.

{_She's gone, Ash.}_

"No." I shook my head, refusing to believe. "No! You're wrong. She wouldn't…couldn't…" I turned to Ashley. "We have to go back! Her suit…it will hold, but the oxygen will be depleted soon! We have to go back!"

{_I saw…she…she got hit by debris…ripped the suit open.} _I could hear the tears in the pilot's tone, so antonymic to his character. {_I'm sorry. I'm…I'm so fucking…it's my fucking fault…goddam it.}_

The link went dead and we stood in stunned silence. I could not process what I had just heard. I could not fathom it, could not even consider it as truth. Serena could not die. She had defeated death countless times, proven herself invincible. She loved me. Not an hour ago we had lain together naked. Our skin had touched, our lips had kissed…we had spoken. That. Could. Not. Be. Gone.

I shook my head and drove my eyes into Ashley's stricken countenance. "It isn't true." the sound emerging from my lips was ragged, raw, guttural. "He is imagining things. It is a mistake."

Ashley's lips parted, but no sound emerged. Instead, she shook her head, a miniscule moment.

I looked to the other members of the crew, daring them to believe Joker's lies. Daring them to believe that the woman who had brought down a Reaper could be killed in something as ignominious as a random attack from an unknown enemy. Shock had stamped itself on their faces, disbelief etched itself in their features and I felt comfort from that.

_She is not dead. _I willed myself to believe. _I would know. I love her. And I would __**know**__ if this were true. _

I looked at Chakwas, who knelt before Renee', tending to her wound. Her hand had frozen in place on the piece of shrapnel. Her lips trembled, and she lowered her head, letting her grey hair obscure her features.

"Oh, my girl." she whispered, her elegant accent jagged and torn with grief. "My beautiful, brave commander." we stood silent, transfixed by the stalwart physician's grief. She turned her eyes to mine, and the pain stamped on her features was eloquent and devastating. A single tear spilled from each eye and traveled down her weathered cheeks. "I am sorry, Liara."

"_No!_" I shouted, clenching my hands into fists, unable to control the biotic energy that coruscated around them, a fire of fury, a flare of determination. I turned back to Ashley. "Go _back!_" I shouted.

"It's…it's too dangerous." Ashley said, and I knew her words held reason, held sense, but I could not see beyond the swarming fire in my eyes, the earthquake splintering my heart.

"She would do the same for you!" I shrieked, biotics swirling around me; I could not control it. "You _have to __**go back!**_"

"We can't." Ashley's voice cracked, and I could not understand why they were grieving, why they were all _accepting_ what _could not_ be true.

I could feel the biotic energy swarming around me, coalescing into an attack, into a move of force to make them _listen_, to make them _understand_.

"We have to save her!" I screamed, lurching forward as a sharp pain hit my shoulder.

My eyelids fluttered of their own volition and I looked back into the kind, sorrowful eyes of Doctor Chakwas. She held an empty syringe in her hand and I stared at her in confusion as my knees gave out. I buckled and would have fallen, had not the human doctor wrapped her arms around me and borne me to the floor of the shuttle.

She cradled me in her lap as I fought the effects of the drug, to no avail.

"I'm sorry, child." she whispered, cradling me.

The world blurred at the edges and Chakwas' features fuzzed and morphed into a different, comforting face. The eyes I looked into were silver, the face bisected by an angry scar. Comfort infused my heart and I wafted a delirious hand in the air, attempting to rest it against her cheek. Everything would be all right now. It had been a dream. A terrible, evil dream. Warm, strong arms held me, a low, kind voice bade me rest.

"Serena." I whispered, smiling at her.

I could rest now. She had come back. Nothing but a nightmare. I would wake, and all would be well.


	9. Chapter 9

**Liara**

"Neural mapping, unstable. Biotic levels, fluctuating. Problematic. Recommend further sedation." I heard the rapid tattoo of a high pitched voice…a salarian, by syntax and tone.

_There are no salarians aboard the Normandy, _my very thoughts felt sluggish, as though I had to reach through a thick fog to gather them together.

"I respect your opinion, doctor." I heard Chakwas and my confusion eased.

_We must…have come alongside…a salarian ship. Were there geth on Alchera? Have I been injured…_I took a moment to assess my condition, but I could find no physical discomfort present. Though the heavy fog in my mind might very well have been caused by pain medication.

"Respect not approval. Human speech, too roundabout. State intentions."

"Of course." Chakwas replied. "I refuse to keep her under sedation. Even in light of all that has happened. It would be cruel."

"Necessity is cruel." the salarian replied. "Will trust your opinion, within acceptable parameters. Patient moved to lockdown. Less risk for crew."

"Of course, doctor." Chakwas replied. "I will accompany her."

"Right. Follow."

My head swam as the surface beneath me moved. There were strange sounds assaulting me, and I attempted to place them. Voices, some familiar, some not. Those that were not familiar all had the same choppy speech of the salarian race.

And the sounds…the sounds were of a ship. They were the normal ambient noises made by ships that were not the Normandy. Why were we not aboard the Normandy? What had happened?

I heard the swish of a door opening, the movement stopped, and the door closed. The 'thunk' particular to magnetic locks at last jarred my eyes open, and I stared at an unfamiliar ceiling.

"Liara?" Dr. Chakwas asked, and she entered my field of vision. "Are you awake, my dear?"

"I am…very confused." I muttered, my voice sounding faraway. "Why are we not on the Normandy?" I struggled to sit up, and Karin assisted me. "Has something happened? Have I been wounded?"

Chakwas' eyes darkened and filled with pain. As my vision cleared I noticed that the human woman seemed pale and drawn, as though she had aged years since I had last seen her. A darkness began shivering in the back of my mind like a haunting melody. Something I should know. Something deep and terrible.

"Do you not remember, Liara?" she asked, and I could detect the faintest quiver in her voice, as though she were fighting to keep her emotions in check.

I closed my eyes, flinching as fire flashed behind them. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, quicksilver eyes burning a hole inside of me. A whispered endearment…a raging inferno…a baptism into what hell must be. My lips began to tremble as three devastating words echoed through my memory, etched with a crackle of static…ghosts of those lost, screaming into the void of a fiery, frigid death.

_She's gone, Ash._

I opened my eyes and looked at the human doctor, one of the kindest women I had ever met, seeking for something to tell me that it had all been a dream. Instead, all I witnessed was a sea of sorrow, a wealth of pain.

_Oh, my girl. _

My entire body began to tremble and I felt the ice of space invade my heart. Chills shook my body and my mind became a solid blank. I did not want to think. I did not want to process speech. I did not want to move from wherever I was…my world had been ripped open, an ugly gash in what had been an unsullied paradise.

Something warm and soft settled around my shoulders, but it could not erase the foreign room or the stench of smoke, nor could it ease the shivers that wracked my body, merciless and brutal.

"Why could it not have been a dream?" I asked, looking to Chakwas, begging the woman who had seen the war between life and death countless times to explain this to me. "How…how could it…how could it have happened?"

She shook her head, her hair swaying with the movement. "I don't know." she replied. "We're on board a salarian STG ship. They responded to the Normandy's distress beacon."

"Stop." I begged, lifting my hand, watching it tremble. "Please just…how can you be so calm? This cannot be real, Karin. It simply _cannot_ be!"

"You're in a state of shock, Liara." Karin said, her voice even, though it remained laced by the weight of a terrible burden. "I had to sedate you on board the shuttle. You were losing control of your biotics."

"Goddess." my eyes flared wide and nausea churned in my gut. "Did I…did I hurt anyone?" I asked, wincing as acid rose in my throat and my trembling intensified.

"No." Karin answered, and the dullest relief I had ever felt settled across me.

I lifted my head and met Karin's eyes. Her brows furrowed and she frowned, reaching out and placing two of her fingers against the pulse point at my neck. I whimpered at the warmth of her touch, shuddering violently at the remembrance of the heat of Shepard's body against mine, the salty, earthy taste of her skin, the conflagration of her caress.

_It cannot be true_, my mind rebelled. _She is so strong, so powerful so…_

Blood drained from my face and I froze. Chakwas removed her hands and reached for something that I could not see…for I was locked in time, short hours ago, where I had stood inside a burning ship, looked into my lover's eyes, and demanded that she return to me. I had wanted her promise, her assurance, for she had _never_ broken her word.

_It's time_…was all she had said. She had promised me nothing; given me nothing; made me flee to safety while she walked further into destruction.

_Why would she say such a thing?_

The answer followed the question, all too fast, and my stomach rebelled. Chakwas was there, holding a bowl, and I closed my eyes as I retched. Over and over, my strangled heaves echoed in the small room and the vile stench of vomit rose, serving only to prolong the spasms wrenching my insides. At last, I had nothing more left within me and I curled into a tight, shivering ball of pain and confusion. The demons of war gnawed at my heart and I wanted to scream, to cry, but I could find neither voice nor tears.

A gentle hand pressed a warm cloth to my face, cleaning the mess I had made…Karin Chakwas finding her place in the world. A comforter. A healer. I had once had such a place, such a reason. I was the stronghold of Serena Shepard, the one who carried her pain, who adored her scars, who soothed her nightmares. But if she was gone…

"Why?" I rasped, looking into Chakwas' eternally kind gaze. "Why did I listen?"

"What do you mean, my dear?" she asked, soaking another cloth in cool water and wiping the sweat from my brow, drawing the thin, military issue blankets around my curled, trembling form.

"Why didn't I die too? I don't…" my breath caught in my throat, "…I don't want…I do not want to be alive."


	10. Chapter 10

**Liara**

I had never disliked silence. In fact, for most of my life, I had craved it. I would spend hours, days, without hearing another person's voice. It allowed me to listen to the ground I walked on, to unearth the secrets that I sought there, to find what had been lost to the millennia. Silence could be comfortable, enlightening, and peaceful.

It was not so now. I lay in the bed, waiting for tears that did not come. I did not even know how to grieve this. All I knew was that my heart, which had been filled with the whispers of promise and the quiet comfort of love…had become a wasteland where a wretched, gnawing silence dwelt.

When I had lost Benezia, I had been there. I had watched the light leave her eyes. I had held her, listening as she broke the silence with her last words, ragged whispers of love and reassurance, conquering the great quiet that she went to, leaving her mark on the world.

But I had not been given that with Serena. She had been torn away from me. She had been taken to a place I could not follow. I could not see her, not hold her for the last time, not still my heart with tangible knowledge nor touch the source of loss.

I looked out of the window to the stars. They had been her peace, they had been her quiet place of rest and healing. But now, the black surrounding me appeared to be but a yawning chasm of death that swallowed all who entered it, who crept at the edges of their lives and waited for the moment to devour them, to leave the world devoid of their presence.

"I thought love could endure anything." I whispered, not knowing if anyone was near to hear me. I had listened to the opening and closing of the door several times…but I did not care if anyone were beside me.

It would not matter if they were. I had been left alone in the world. Because she had refused to answer me. She had refused to promise to return. I had _begged_ her not to value another's life above her own, but she did not know how to be selfish. She did not know how to place love above the mandates of her own stupid, foolish, soldier's heart. She had done what she needed to do, with no thought for how I might suffer.

Joker had lived. A man with a disease that made his existence so fragile, so tenuous, had somehow taken precedence over the life of the woman who had proven herself strong enough to save the entire galaxy. It had been his hands that failed her. It had been his weakness that cast her out into the dark, into the fiery, freezing wastes of space.

I closed my eyes and pictured her face as I had last seen it. Fierce, defiant…that strange look in her eyes that was not the immutable determination of the warrior. It had been…gleaming, bright, as though she witnessed the edge of eternity, as though she had seen into her future and known…known something that no mere mortal possibly could.

_It's time. _

"You convinced me love could transcend death." I whispered, and the words tasted bitter in the silence of the ship that was not my home, the ship that had come to the wreckage too late, that had not been able to save us all. "Why did you lie to me, Serena?" I hissed. "Why did you not tell me that you could see your own death in the future? We could have fought…you…you could not lose another battle, you swore that to me."

_It's time. _

How had she known? Is this the reason that she had activated the elevator while I had stood outside? Is this why she had made me key into the ship's communication systems, to hear what was happening…so that I might know all that transpired and be able to protect myself with that knowledge? She had taken me with her in the fight against Saren, though she had not wanted to. She had wanted to keep me safe…but had not.

She had known she would not lose, then. But this time…this time…somehow she had grasped the thread of her own fate and followed it to its end.

"I would have died with you." I breathed to the loneliness surrounding me, the silence that took form and slowly pressed on my chest until it became so heavy I thought my ribs would break. "I lived for you. For the dream of _us. _Why did you save me from that? Why did you force me to run? Why did I listen?"

_Why did I listen_? The question would not cease repeating through my mind, so fast and rapid that the words began to trip and run over each other until I could distinguish no clear one of them from the clamor.

The incessant furor drove me from the bed. I stared at my clothes, damaged by the smoke, burned and singed, but I could not bring myself to care. I wanted to wear the destruction of the Normandy. I wanted to bathe in the stench of death in hopes that I would become one with it and exit this world that held nothing but an expanse of pain extending to every horizon of every planet.

I knew one thing. I was alone here. The humans had their own company. They had the comfort they could draw from each other. Their silences would be broken by the camaraderie of soldiers, who knew loss, who knew that death could take as it wanted without consequence. They would never understand. They could not love her as I had loved her. She had been their commander, but she was my very _soul_.

I had remained with them because Serena was one of them. But her death severed my connection, and as much as they wished to care, as much as they wanted to offer words of comfort…they had already segregated me from them. They had placed me in a stark, locked room because the energy they could not understand nor fully harness might pose a danger to _them_.

They were weak. They were weak, and cowardly, and fearful, and the death of the best of their race had turned them back into the controversial beings they had been from their discovery of the galaxy. I could not be among them any longer. I could no longer care for them. I could not accept their sorrow, for it rang hollow in my hearing and my heart.

I walked to the door, ignoring the aches and pains and complaints from my body. I knocked on it and it opened, revealing a young salarian in armor, armed with what looked to be a tranquilizer weapon.

"I need to speak to your commander." I informed him. "Regarding transport back to Thessia."


	11. Chapter 11

**Thessia**

Sen lowered her eyes as Liara fell silent. She had no idea where the strength to ask the archaeologist of her grief had come from, or how she had been willing to accept entry into the T'Soni estate, where no asari but the owner ventured. She did not understand all that had happened, how Mira had been caught in the accident, how Liara had been able to discover the information that she had.

And now…now…Sen wished she had never asked. Liara looked frail, much more so than she had looked when dressed in a hospital tunic and under Sen's care. Even then, Liara had carried a veil of strength that now, between them, had vanished.

Sen understood what Liara had meant when she spoke of a lack of tangible proof. She had read the report of Mira's condition, but it was not the same as seeing her, holding her hand, willing energy into the universe to bring her back, healthy and whole. What she did not understand was how Liara had sought to leave the company of the crew. Dr. Chakwas had been kind to her, and though Liara had not mentioned it, Sen was certain that Ashley Williams had been devastated by the loss of her battle-sister.

Sen could not imagine leaving this place now without a friend at her side. She shuddered at the thought of being alone, with no one to wake her from her nightmare. No one to offer her kindness.

"Did you truly do it?" Sen broke the silence with an exhausted, tear-stained voice. "Did you leave the crew of the Normandy behind and return here?"

Liara nodded, worrying her lower lip with the edge of her teeth. "I did." she said, barely above a whisper.

"Why?"

"I was young. Stupid, young, and heartbroken for the very first time in my short life." Liara replied. "There was an emotion at the back of my mind that, aboard the STG ship, I had no knowledge of. I thought of Kaidan Alenko's death, and how the crew had endured their time of mourning and then continued on with the mission. I could not bear them treating Shepard's death in the same manner."

"I can understand that." Sen nodded, wondering who would grieve for Mira besides Sen and her father.

Mira had spoken of friends, a foreign idea in Sen's mind, until she had met Liara. It comforted Sen in some odd way, to know that more than family and a lover would grieve Mira's loss, if such a tragedy were to transpire.

"The STG commander aboard that ship was close with Captain Kirrahe, who was with us on Virmire. Because Kirrahe respected Shepard so much, the commander allowed me to take the ship's shuttle and fly to the nearest inhabited planet to obtain transport to Thessia. I did not even say good-bye to the crew."

"Were they not your…friends?" Sen asked, bewildered by the cold words from Liara's lips.

The asari sitting beside her had never seemed heartless, had never spoken of connection with another as anything to be hidden or subverted, but rather to be celebrated and cherished. It seemed anathema to her character to leave without bidding those she cared for good-bye.

"I could not think of them as such." Liara said, shaking her head, the residue of ancient shame still stamped clear on her features. "As they were preparing the shuttle for my departure, the voice in my head grew louder, telling me to revile them, telling me that their weakness had gotten Shepard killed. The strong were meant to protect the weak…but not to die for them. I loathed Joker with everything I had in me. I loathed his stubbornness in not abandoning the cockpit, making Shepard have to return for him. I loathed the frailty of his body, of his hand that could not retain its grip, that was broken for the trying. I hated Ashley, who had not allowed the shuttle to return to the wreckage. I hated Karin Chakwas for admitting Shepard's death so soon. It took me too long to realize that I never hated them at all."

"What?" Sen asked as the house VI entered bearing another tray with a steaming tea kettle and two cups.

Liara poured tea and handed the cup to Sen, who wrapped her chilled hands against the ceramic with a grateful smile.

"How could I hate them?" Liara mused, staring off into a world where Sen could not enter. "How could I hate them for things not of their own doing? Shepard had gone of her own free will to save Joker, when escape protocol dictated that he be allowed to die. Ashley had followed that same protocol in refusing to return to the crash. Chakwas had done what she knew…and called the time of death. They were not my enemies."

"Did you turn your hatred inward?" Sen asked, believing such an occurrence entirely feasible.

The thoughts running through her mind whispered that she should have been there. That, had she been, a biotic barrier would have been in place around Mira, or that a different route home would have been chosen, or that if she had begged Mira to return home with her, the human would have relented and none of this would have happened.

"No." Liara whispered. "No, even though I should have. It might have made more sense, to a logical mind. but I had lost logic at that time."

"Who did you blame, when the anger overcame you and superseded the grief?" Sen asked, taking a sip of the scalding tea, letting it burn down her throat and soothe her spirit.

"I began to hate Serena." Liara replied. "Though it took me quite some time to come to that realization. When I returned here, to the home I had left decades ago, I still hated the crew of the Normandy. And when I arrived here, I let that hatred fester and grow in the dark until it rationalized itself foolishly and dominated my mind. Because, when I opened these doors, I found neither peace nor forgetfulness."

Sen's brow creased.

"What did you find?"

Liara traced the embroidery on the coverlet with an elegant, callused fingertip. She answered with a single word.

"Ghosts."


	12. Chapter 12

_**Author's Note:** Hello all! Thank you so much for your patience. I thoroughly enjoyed myself at Dragon Con and had some memorable moments. Foremost among them being able to meet Courtenay Taylor and Kimberly Brooks (the voice actresses of Jack and Ashley Williams, respectively). But I am more than happy to be back, and excited to continue writing. Thank you once again for bearing with me, and I hope you continue to enjoy. _

_Bright Blessings, _

_~Raven_

* * *

**Liara**

"Are you certain you are all right?" the transport driver asked as I exited the skycar and stumbled.

"I'm fine." I replied, perhaps too fast, perhaps without the gentility of tone so innate to the asari.

She nodded; I closed the door and moved away, clenching my empty hands into fists, feeling the bite of my nails into my palms, forcing myself to remain awake. I had avoided sleep from the shuttle ride away from the STG ship, to the transport to Thessia, and even now refused to let exhaustion conquer me. A full day, or more, had passed, but I would not comprehend time.

My time had been stolen. My life had been invaded, and here I stood at the gates of my…it was not my home. My home had been with Serena, in her arms, in her heart, with our arms wrapped around each other as a fortress. This place stood…I had been born here, raised here. My dreams had taken their first breaths on these grounds. My dreams had died in the void of the horizons that fueled them.

I sighed and opened the gate interface, entering my access code with trembling fingers, knowing that it would not have been changed. Those who lived here would not have done so. The gates opened and I stumbled through, carrying nothing. I had left here with much, and gained more…but my return was empty.

Still, I knew comfort would lie within. Benezia had many followers, many acolytes. They had lived with her and shared her life in ways that I had never been able to. They had felt her loss, perhaps more keenly than I. Therefore, I would find comfort. I would find understanding. There would be no soldiers here, no hearts of stone that took death upon them and cracked it, forcing it away so that the mission might be pursued.

Strange, once, that I had thought such an ability powerful, perhaps even admirable. Now it seemed cold, needless…cruel with the intention of being so. I could not sever my soul from my emotions. Serena deserved more. She deserved more than the feckless, stony grief of soldiers.

I lifted my head as the wind brushed my cheeks, bringing the scent of the sea with it. I rubbed my eyes, clearing the grit from them, for the first time taking in my surroundings, the grounds of my ancestral home.

_This is…wrong. _

The estate, which had always been kept immaculate, had deteriorated. The fountain before my home no longer shot joyous streams of water into the air. The stone surrounding it had been overgrown by feral vines. The grasses had grown wild, standing much too tall, whipped by the wind coming from the sea. The carefully groomed topiaries had stretched beyond their shapes, looking somehow monstrous in the glow of sunset. The pathway to the estate was shot through with weeds, the mortar dark, and a sheen of moss had begun to grip the outlying stones.

_What has happened here?_ I wondered as curiosity and confusion bred clarity out of the fugue of travel and misery. _Benezia would have left the estate in the care of one of her acolytes when she left to seek out Saren. This level of disrepair would not be tolerated. Even after she died, after the matriarch's censure of her…how is this possible? _

I walked to the door and gave it my code, but it did not allow me entry. I knocked, but received no answer. The windows were dark, ominous, like gaping holes filled with questions that knew no answers. I pulled up my omni tool and entered the frequency for the small security station on the estate…received no response.

Instead, a pre-recorded message blared from the speaker.

"_All assets of the T'Soni estate have been seized pending an investigation into war crimes committed by Benezia T'Soni. Access is denied; trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law._"

My blood heated as I remembered Matriarch Avarya, her stern countenance and condemnatory words aboard the Normandy, when Shepard had requested that Benezia's body be transported back to Thessia. Even though my mother's body had been returned home, even though the asari councilor had listened to Shepard…the damn matriarchy had still condemned my mother for actions committed against her will. And their order had made me a criminal for standing on land that belonged to me.

"Step away from the door." a voice jarred me from my thoughts and I turned, slow, looking over the form of an asari in leathers, her weapon trained on my chest, her jacket embroidered with the symbol of Avarya's personal guard.

I raised both of my hands, though the gesture was moot. Our biotics rendered my species always armed; only drugs or dampening fields could strip our natural weapons.

"I mean you no harm." I said, meaning the words.

My mind had reached the limit of its tolerance. All I wished was to hide away from the world, to attempt to comprehend, to let the mystical aspects of time take hold and begin their supposed healing. The wound inside my heart and soul would not cease bleeding. It was the ache between the beats of my heart, the cruelty of every exhale, the shadows taking residence in my eyes.

"State your name." the commando ordered. "And how you got through the gate. Now."

"I am Doctor Liara T'Soni." I replied. "And this is my home. I have been away for decades, so it is possible that my access codes were overlooked when the estate was seized."

"I am required by law to take you into custody and question you." the commando said, moving one hand from her weapon and retrieving a pair of biotic dampening restraints. "If you are carrying any weapons, relinquish them now."

Something cracked inside. It deafened me as my spine twisted and my mind rebelled and my overtaxed heart beat one time too many with the life it should not have had. _I_ should have been with my lover, cast adrift into the wastes of the void. _I _should have perished above the wastes of Alchera.

"Go back to Avarya and tell her I have returned." I stated, refusing to comply with the commando's demands. "Tell her that whatever her grievance may have been with my mother, I shed blood for this galaxy, and will _not_ be treated as a common vagrant or looter. Leave my home _at once_."

"Doctor T'Soni, I have no wish to restrain you by force, but will do so if I must."

Again the ear-splitting crack. Again I felt anger in my heart instead of the grief that should be present. Without thought, I reached out with my biotics, molding them to the commando's form and clenching my hand into a fist. Her body snapped forward at an angle of terrible unnaturalness and a ragged cry left her throat. I held her still as I walked forward, letting the pain of Serena's death wash away in this moment of unadulterated fury.

I pulled the pistol from her hand, taking the barrel of it in my fist and slamming the grip across her face. An ugly tear appeared in her skin, dripping violet blood down her cheek. Blood that should have been mine, that should have been boiled by the frigid temperature of space. I lifted the commando and walked back down the path, ignoring the moans of pain and gasps of agony. I resolved that no sound so wretched would be peeled from my lips. Not in pain. Not in anger. Not in grief.

The gate opened at my order and I glared at the pathetic commando in my grip. Her eyes were filled with anguish, and I could hear broken bones grate as I suspended her above me, helpless. I reached with my other hand and removed her omni-tool, crushing it against the stone with the heel of my boot.

"If this world will continually show me no mercy," I hissed, "then I shall repay in kind. If you should survive, do inform those who would seek me out that to come near me is to welcome their demise."

With that, I threw her through the gate, watching as she skidded across the road, landing against a tree with a sickening thud. The gates closed and I turned my back on the wounded asari, as everyone I knew had turned their back on me. I returned to my home and threw a crackling ball of biotic energy at one of the windows flanking the door. Weariness replaced the anger of before, and as I walked through the rain of shattered glass, I prayed that Avarya would be foolish enough to send more of her own.

Because, in that moment, in listening to bones crack, in watching flesh split, I had forgotten the still bleeding wounds in my own soul and psyche.


	13. Chapter 13

**Liara**

I walked through the grand foyer of the house, chilled by the silence. My footsteps echoed off of the highly polished stone floor, coming back to me as the sound ricocheted off of the walls. I clutched the railing of the stairs as a wave of dizziness overtook me. This stairway would lead to my room, to the memories of who I was before I had left Thessia. I wondered if Benezia had kept it as it had been when I departed, if she had retained some sentiment for her rebellious daughter.

_You have always made me proud, Liara_. My heart ached.

It did not seem right that I should remember the words she had spoken before her death. Not in this place, not where she had lived, established her sanctuary, and counseled both the wisest and weakest of us.

_My father left you_, I spoke to Benezia in my thoughts, wishing that she could reach out, that the love of the universe could return her to me, as it had given Avi back to Shepard when she needed it most. _Did you feel that loss, mother? Did your heart ache less because my father still lived? Or did it hurt all the more, feeling the chasm between the two of you and knowing that it would not be mended? _

My lips trembled and I felt a phantom blade slice clean into my heart. Slow, a chill spread from the metal that did not exist, and I could not face myself. I could not return to my own room. I could not face my past, to see what I had been, and how that had changed.

The Liara of before had never used biotics save to ward off wild animals on faraway digs. She had never held a weapon with any familiarity, nor chosen violence as a recourse. That same asari did not exist now. I had broken the bones of an asari commando without thought. I had cast her from my gates and let her lie in the dark, suffering, in pain, perhaps not even living any longer.

Once, I might have felt compassion. Once, I might have known regret. But not now. I turned from the staircase and walked further into the house, to the back, where a locked door protected Benezia's private rooms. A simple hack and the door opened and I stepped through, turning on the light with a command.

I stumbled and clutched the wall, thrown back by the sculpture standing in the back of the room. It was not the eclectic lines of the statue that moved me, nor the skill of the craftsman who had created it. Instead, the shock lay in the pure silver sheen of the sculpture, a color that reminded me of eyes that same hue. Eyes that flared with passion, that sang with grief, that glittered with the promise of damnation for the evil of the world.

I closed my eyes, remembering how Serena's gaze could wrap around me, isolate me in the galaxy, until she and I were alone and together against the world. I bit my lip as I imagined the heat of her hand resting against my skin, over my heart, absorbing its beat and luxuriating in the melody. How she would look at me with wonder in her liquid silver eyes, cherishing me as a singular good in her tragedy-littered life. How I had felt warm, safe, and whole in her presence with our bodies pressed together, our lips locked in concert.

"Why?" I whispered to the cold of my mother's room. "Why did you leave me?"

I received no answer. I searched, believing that our love, though new, had been strong enough to call her back to me across time and space. I believed that I would see her again, as she and I had seen Avi Rivera.

Until then…I grabbed the coverlet from my mother's bed and flung it over the sculpture, unable to look at the color of my lover's eyes, unable to be near a reminder of her absence.

But it became worse when I turned to the bed. The sheets were silk, a rich, sinful cloth that Benezia had adored, an export from Earth…another connection to the human whom I loved. But it was the color that screamed at me, more painful than the silver of the sculpture. The silk had been dyed deep crimson, the color of human blood, the color that had covered my hands as I held my lover after the Battle of the Citadel. Rich, decadent, evocative.

Without thinking, I shed my clothes and crawled beneath the sheets, ignoring the heat of the room, for it reminded me of Serena's warmth. I wrapped myself tight in the color of blood, inhaling the faint scent of valendria flowers, Benezia's favored fragrance. I clutched a crimson pillow and pulled it tight against me, pressing it against my breasts, attempting to soothe my longing, exhausted body. The smell of flowers vanished, replaced in my mind by the heavy scent of copper and salt…the distinct odor of human blood.

I found it comforting. Serena had shown me a darker world. But she had been in that world, a light, a force, a sacrifice. She had bled for this galaxy…and I could not bleed for her. But I could sleep amidst the shades of her blood…a rich gift. A blessing.

For the first time in more than a day, I closed my eyes and let exhaustion take me.

* * *

_"Liara?" I hear a voice, so sweet, so soft, so longed for. "Liara." a warm hand on my shoulder, callused fingers playing along my crest. "Wake up, álainn anam_."

_I open my eyes and feel a slow, sedate smile spread across my lips. I look into beautiful silver eyes, basking in the sense of awe they still hold within them, close to their carefully guarded heart. I reach out and run my fingers through the flaming strands of tousled hair that obscure Serena's features. _

_ "Are you real?" I ask._

_ Her brow creases, making the scar across her face ripple. "Of course I'm real, sweetheart." she reaches up and rests her hand against my forehead. "Are you feeling all right?"_

_ I sit up in the bed, pressing my fingers against my closed eyes, attempting to remember what had been so troubling. She had pulled me from a place of darkness, a place of horror and fear and grief…a world where she did not exist. _

_ "I…I do not know." I answer, reaching out, feeling her fingers lace with mine and ground me in the waking world. "I believe I was dreaming."_

_ "Yeah?" she sits up as well, wrapping her legs about me, pulling me back against the heat of her naked body, the slight swell of her breasts. "Good dreams? Bad ones? Are your nightmares getting worse?"_

_ I sigh and lean back against her shoulder, turning my face into her neck, smelling the dusky salt scent of her skin. She is always worried when I wake from nightmares of Feros, Noveria, Virmire…that last fateful confrontation on the Citadel. I know that the dreams haunt her as well; I have held her after she awakens, feeling the tremors of her muscles, hearing her rasping, panting breaths. I have been bruised in the night when she lashes out, unconscious of her actions. _

_ "This one was new." I reply. "I dreamed…I dreamed that you were gone."_

_ Her arms around me tighten and she presses a kiss to my forehead. "I'm here." she says, and her voice is a promise that can never be broken, because her word is the strength of her resolve. Her strength is the sort that can bear a galaxy to safety. _

_**Yes. **__An inner voice comforts me. __**She is here. With you. Safe. Nothing can assail you here. No harm can come. **_

_ {Hey, commander.} Joker's voice echoes over the speaker {There's a ship on our radar. Can't get a read on it.}_

_ "Roger that, Joker." the timbre of her voice vibrates through my skin and it is soothing. "I'll be down in just a second."_

_ With a second brief kiss she untangles herself from me and throws on a sports bra and her favorite black t-shirt with the N7 insignia imprinted over her left breast. As she pulls up her cargo pants and belts them, the ship shudders._

_ {Shots fired!} Joker shouts over the PA. {I repeat, shots fired! Brace for evasive maneuvers!}_

_ I roll out of the bed and pull my clothes on as Shepard shouts orders. The ship shakes again and Shepard rushes for the door. I follow her, losing my balance and falling as she enters the elevator to the CIC and the doors close behind her. My heart flutters in my chest and pain slices through me as I get to my feet and slam the elevator doors, forcing them to open, wondering where I have felt this before…where I have known this panic and this dread, this cold gnawing ache in the pit of my stomach. _

_ The elevator doors break under the force of my biotics and the ship bucks as it is struck once more. The jolt throws me through the broken doors and I cry out as I fall through the shaft and land on top of the elevator. I struggle to breathe, to right myself as the ship continues to shake under the onslaught of our as yet unseen enemy. _

_ I reach for the hatch to enter the elevator and tear it open, dropping to the bottom and landing harder than I wish. I begin to get to my feet, stopping as the sight before me rips my heart open. _

_ Shepard lays on the elevator floor, propped up in the corner, one hand clutching the piece of metal protruding from her stomach. Her silver eyes are wide, her legs trembling, her breath coming in stuttering spurts. _

_ "No." I breathe, kneeling beside her, removing the hand that would attempt to pull the shrapnel from her body. "No no no no no no no no. Serena," I use my free hand to turn her eyes to mine, "Serena, stay with me." I beg, surrounded by the scent of smoke and blood. _

_ "Li…ara…" she gasps, and droplets of red fleck her lips. "The…hell…h'ppened?" _

_ "Lie still." I whisper, harsh. "I've got to get Chakwas."_

_ "No." Serena reaches out, her fingers grazing my sleeve. "Ship…not…safe…"_

_ I see the elevator doors are buckled, damaged, and sheared. A piece of that metal is embedded in my lover's body, killing her. I coil my biotics in my fist, ready to break these doors open as well and get Shepard the help she so desperately needs. _

___"That doesn't matter." I tell her. "I am __**not**__ going to let you die."_

_ "Yes." I turn my head and look at her, wondering what she means. "Yes…" she coughs and blood slides in a thick line from the corner of her mouth, "…you…are…"_


	14. Chapter 14

**Liara**

_I step through the elevator doors, expecting the thick cloud of smoke, the stench of burning flesh, the horrors of death and destruction wrought by an enemy's action. I anticipate chaos and a cloud of fear so thick in the air that I cannot breathe. However…the atmosphere changes. _

_ No longer am I aboard a burning ship in the void of space. No longer do I hear my lover's blood-choked breaths behind me, driving me forward. Instead, I bring my hand up to shield my face from the gleaming, overpowering light of the sun. A gentle wind caresses my cheeks and the air is sweet, filled with the smell of honeysuckle and nutmeg, spicy and rich. _

_ Verdant grasses wave, surrounding me in a sea of green, of peace, of utter and complete calm. My heart rate slows as I witness the bright world, the trees standing tall, the rush of the river beside me. My hands no longer tremble and when I look at them, the bright red stains of blood are gone. _

_ In the distance I see four figures and I walk closer, listening to the sounds of laughter brought to me by the wind. As I approach I am able to make out their features and my heart clenches as I recognize them from the melds and pictures that Serena has shared with me. _

_ An older woman with fiery hair streaked through with grey sits among the grasses, reclining on a blanket. A man lies beside her, his head pillowed in her lap; his gaze focuses on her with nothing but the utmost admiration and love. I recognize the fire in his eyes, for I have had it directed towards me in a shade of glimmering silver that serves to mesmerize and comfort. The woman threads her fingers through his hair, tousling it in the same playful manner that the wind moves the grasses. _

_ Her eyes are fixed on a small child held in another woman's arms. The baby's head is covered with downy hair, thin and wispy, but already the same color as her mother's. I walk closer and the child's eyes open, the Shepard shade of silver that arrests the heart and moves any with an artist's proclivities to create something of beauty in homage to it. _

_ The baby reaches up towards the face of the woman that holds her, attempting to grasp long, thick strands of obsidian hair that tickle her cheeks. The small fingers wave and attempt to clench, but fail, and I see full crimson lips smile down at this perfect human baby before pressing light kisses to each little finger-tip, eliciting a warbling coo that warms my heart. _

_ "Sweet Elizabeth." the woman speaks, and my heart clenches as I recognize the voice of Avi Rivera. "Beautiful and bright, just like Serena said."_

_ Avi looks up and smiles at Hannah and Jackson Shepard, Serena's mother and father, taken from this world years ago on the colony of Mindoir. _

_ "Thank you." she says, her hazel eyes filling with a sheen of sorrow. "Thank you for letting me wait here with you."_

_ Hannah's lips turn down at the corners, but her voice is one of warmth as she speaks. "You are family, my dear." she says, her accent marked by a gentle lilt. _

_ Avi's expression darkens. "Thank you…I simply wish that we were all gathered here for a…happier occasion."_

_**This is a reunion**__. My eyes fill with tears as I see the peace of the place I am in, the bright sun, the beauty of the land. This is the "bright world" that Shepard's melancholy songs speak of, the afterlife wherein those we have lost wait for us…where we return to what has been taken. __**They are all here, waiting for her, waiting for her to come from her life of pain and tragedy and bask in this peace with them, to restore the years that were lost, the love that was stolen. This is a place where pain is erased, where suffering seems as nothing. Serena will be given back all that was taken…she will be loved, cared for, cherished, and I will continue to live…apart…severed from this place and her life forever more. **_

_ I wish to find peace in those thoughts, but I cannot. I cannot look at the hope on the faces of her family and the woman that she loved…not without the breaking of my own heart. We were meant to have forever…Serena had said I was first in her life and first in her heart, but this proves those words wrong. Here, they wait for her. Here, she will at long last be at peace. My love was nothing more than a temporary comfort. Here, Serena will be truly…happy. Happy as I could never make her. _

_ "It is what it is." Jackson speaks and the first tear slips from my eyes and traces down my cheek. _

_ Serena inherited her father's voice. Low, gentle, resonant, weighted with a simple wisdom. Hannah smiles down at her husband, though her brow creases at his simple phrase, as though the pragmatism in it disturbs her. _

_ "What do you mean, darling?" she asks. _

_ Jackson smiles, and it is Serena's smile, somehow confident, wise, and mournful simultaneously. "Our girl is coming home, Hannah. All that we were never able to give her, never able to tell her…all those years are going to be replaced." he reaches for his wife's hand and squeezes it. "We'll be able to give her our apologies, maybe repair the wounds she suffered in our absence. That's worth something."_

_ "It's too soon." Hannah whispers. "It's too soon, Jackson. My children," her eyes flit to Elizabeth in Avi's arms, "my children should have had long, happy lives, filled with love and peace. I never wanted this. Not for my Serena. Why did she become a soldier, Jackson? Why would our little girl to that to herself?"_

_ "Because she loved you." Avi answers, drawing both Hannah and Jackson's gaze. "Because she never wanted any child to lose their parents. She wanted a world without widows and orphans and suffering. That's what made her a damn good soldier. That's what made me fall in love with her. I joined the Alliance because I wanted to honor my dad's legacy, make him proud. Kind of selfish reasons, when you think about it. Serena joined because she wanted to protect people. She's the most selfless person I've ever known."_

_ A quiet sob echoes on the wind as tears stream down Hannah's cheeks. "She could have been anything." Hannah whispers. "But she made her choice and now she…she…"_

_ "She's coming home." Avi echoes Jackson's words. "We'll all be together again." the soldier presses a kiss to Elizabeth's forehead. "We'll be a family."_

_**Where are you, Serena? **__I wonder, looking to the horizon, looking for my love to emerge and find her happiness, find all that had been torn from her restored. __**As much as I long for you, miss you, **__**need**__** you…I will not deny you this. Avi's love, your mother's affection, your father's pride, your sister's forgiveness. Where are you, my love? Come, take your rest. You have earned it. **_

_ I wait, unseen by all as the sun begins to sink lower in the sky. Still, Serena does not appear. My features contort into a frown as I continue to listen to her family speak of memories, of love, of how much they cannot wait to greet her after all of this time. _

_**This is not right**_**, **_I resolve, though it cracks my heart. __**She should be here, surrounded by love. I…I have to find her. I have to bring her to this place. Where she will no longer be alone. Where she will be loved in the land of the dead as I loved her in life. **_

_ I walk away from the four of them, from their laughter and light. Venturing deeper into the shadows, I watch the landscape change. The verdant fields break, and the soft earth beneath me turns to cracking stone. The air becomes hot, almost oppressive, difficult to breathe. _

_ A loud snap breaks the ominous silence and I look down, gasping in horror as I see the corpse beneath my feet, the bone I have stepped on and splintered into dust. I back away, looking at the land around me. It is an obscene scape of corpses in various stages of decomposition. All species lie around me, batarian, krogan, asari, salarian, turian, hanar, quarian, vorcha, volus…death represented by all who have experienced it. _

_ At the center of this mass graveyard a fire burns, shooting sparks into the air. Before it stands a woman. I would know the lean, long line of her body anywhere. I would know the flash of hair, the same color as the flames that leap into the sky. _

_ "Serena." I call her name and she turns from the fire with a slow, methodical movement. _

_ I gasp as I see her countenance. I have looked into the darkness in her eyes before, but never has it dominated the calm that defines her, the light that she keeps so closely guarded, so that she does not lose her identity beneath the horror of the task she has set herself to. Now, however, it dominates her. The scar across her face is a fresh wound, blood seeping from the ragged edges of torn skin. Her eyes are haunted, hollow, and bruised. _

_ "Why are you here?" she asks. "I told you to go, and you did. You saved yourself. You should not be here, Liara."_

_ "I've…I've come for you." I stammer. "I have seen your family…your mother and father. Elizabeth. Avi. They are waiting for you, Serena. Why are you…why are you here? In this place?"_

_ "This is my birthright." Serena speaks, her voice dark and tinged with bitterness. "This is the end I bought for myself. I am a monster, Liara. The dead surrounding you are my ghosts, my companions, the voices that whisper to me in the night. I belong to them, to their hell. Blood must be paid for in kind. I have taken lives…so many lives. My own, in death, is forfeit."_

_ "No." I shake my head, refusing to believe. "You have done such good in the galaxy. You are a beacon of hope in the darkness. It cannot take you. I will not let it! Come with me!"_

_ "__**Álainn anam**__." she whispers, calling me a 'beautiful soul' in her mother's dead language. "You let me die. You did not save me. What makes you think you can return me to that bright world? This is your failure, Liara. Maybe, had you come with me, had you not left, I would have been able to find your love beyond death, and let it guide us to our own bright world. Instead, I am forever bound, torn away from those who love me."_

_ "You asked me to leave." I step back from her, stunned, hurt, shocked by her words. "You demanded that I seek safety. Why are you saying this to me, Serena? I do not understand!"_

_ "You failed, Liara." Serena says. "I'm in hell. Because of you, I am trapped here, in a landscape of death and suffering caused by my hands. All of my wounds bleed. Every scar is torn open, every injury present. My eternal torment and pain are your burden to bear. I will not return to you. In your supposed love of me, you cursed me for eternity. So go back. Go back to my mother and father. Tell them that their daughter is damned. Go to Avi and tell her that you failed, that the love, __the__ love of me, that she entrusted to you is too weak."_

_ She moves forward and takes my hand, coating it with a thick layer of blood. "Take back my blood on your hands and go back to your life. Leave me in the hell you have built for me, Liara. Leave me with my ghosts and my tragedies and the constant remembrance of a love that __**wasn't enough**__."_

_ My entire body begins to tremble as Shepard turns her back to me in a perfect, memorized about-face. My lips part in a wordless cry as she steps into the roaring fire, letting the flames coruscate and leap around her body. Once more, she turns, facing me, and the silver in her gaze is full of wrath, anger…betrayal. _

_ "No." I whisper, torn to shreds by the image of the woman I love burning alive, blaming me for the flames that devour her. "No, this cannot be happening! This is not real! Please, Serena! Please…come back! This is not real!"_

* * *

"No!" I screamed, sitting up in the bed, looking at the room.

Everything that had been in careful order now lay strewn on the ground. The sheets that covered me were shredded and torn, and the walls were scorched with biotic energy. Bile rose in my throat as my stomach rebelled, the stench of blood and death and burning skin still lingering from the dream.

I threw myself off of the bed, stumbling and staggering to the washroom, leaning over the toilet as my body bucked and heaved. Acid scoured my throat and my tongue, my teeth ached as I retched until nothing remained in me. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and collapsed onto the floor, pressing my forehead to the cool tiles. I wrapped my arms around myself as my body began to tremor and shake in uncontrollable spasms.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to the remnants of the dream. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."


	15. Chapter 15

**Liara**

_Life holds dim triumphs_, I thought as I roamed the halls in darkness.

When I had loved a soldier, I had not known such a thing was possible. For me, all the victories won at Serena's side were epic, grandiose in scale and their impact on the galaxy. I had taken a bullet to the chest and recovered. I had survived a thresher maw attack. I had walked through the most tragic histories of one of the most broken and beautiful minds that existed, and brought it to safe harbor. Together, we had stopped Saren, who had been powered, fueled by a Reaper's rage. And we had defeated the Reaper itself.

No. In the months that followed our victory, I had not thought victories could be small, that triumphs could be simple. But now, it seemed an effort of immense strength to draw breath into my lungs. It took all of my energy to keep my eyes open. Through force of will alone did I place one foot in front of another.

I leaned against the richly textured walls of my home, devastated by my miniscule triumphs. I lived. I breathed. Somehow, my heart continued beating though I could feel the holes punctured through it. In my soul there dwelt a chasm I could not reach into.

Slow, I staggered into the kitchen, my stomach rebelling at the thought of food, though I knew, in the back of my mind that screamed for survival, that I needed to eat. Bile rose in my throat again and I swallowed down acid, before contenting myself with a simple glass of water.

I stared at it for a long moment before drinking it down, wincing at the unfamiliar taste. It tasted saltier than the water aboard the Normandy, though I knew such was not the case. It had simply been put through fewer filtration systems.

_I thought I knew how quickly a life could change, _I stared out the kitchen doors to the vast expanse of the T'Soni estate; watched the moon gleam off of the crashing waves of the sea. _It seemed so strange to me, watching myself become a different person in the months aboard the Normandy, greeting a new face in the mirror every morning. It is even stranger to see myself now, to attempt to define myself without Shepard…without all of them. _

My thoughts whispered her name and my gut clenched. I had failed her, in so many ways. I had failed her because I had failed myself. She had lost love, and I had not listened to her wisdom, believing that if we had made it through all that we had survived together, that nothing further could assail us. That nothing could tear one from the other. That I need not build a life beyond what we shared every moment…

* * *

_"Liara, what are you doing?" Serena asks, and I wonder why her silver eyes hold such seriousness as they peer over my shoulder at the screen in front of me. _

_ "I am simply archiving my research." I reply, beginning to feel unnerved as her gaze hardens for no reason. _

_ "I thought you were getting bombarded by universities asking for your papers and giving you opportunities to guest-lecture?" she asks, raising a single eyebrow in the way she has been known to do when questioning a lower ranking crew-member when they have obviously done something amiss. _

_ I nodded. "I have told them that I am unavailable and that I am taking an extended leave of absence from my chosen field."_

_ Serena's frown deepens and the scar across her face creases. Her lips purse and I wonder what I have done to upset her. She reaches back and pulls a chair towards me, sitting down and taking my hand in hers. She holds it for an extended moment of silence, hanging her head, letting her fiery hair shield her features. A deep sigh leaves her lungs and her shoulders slump. _

_ At last, she looks up at me, wars fighting themselves in her eyes. "Why?" _

_ The question is so simple, so soft. Were it to come from any other that I knew, I would consider it an attack, a questioning of my decisions…but Serena is not simply anyone. She is the woman to whom I have entrusted my heart, my secrets, and my life. _

_ "To be frank, it is becoming distracting." I answer. "I am so busy replying and vid-conferencing that I fear I do too little aboard the Normandy. If I wanted to further my name in academia, I would not have remained here."_

_ A slight smile quirks her lips. "My ego is happy." she says, and I remove my hand from hers, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. "But don't archive everything, Liara. You can limit what you do, sure. God knows I won't be pissed if you're in bed a little more and vid-conferencing less often."_

_ I bite my lip, not certain how to take her words. So much of this is still new to me. "I thought…I thought you would be happy." _

_ "Sweetheart, I'm not unhappy." She assures me and my heart flutters as it always does when she calls me that human term of affection. "I'm just worried."_

_ "Why would you be worried about this?" I wonder. _

_ "Because I know you." she smiles, and my heart melts. "You have a tendency to throw yourself into things heart first and head last, in spite of that logical brain of yours. I know you love me, Liara, and I thank everything every day for that, but you can't **just** love me…you need to love other things too."_

_ "I believe I understand what you are trying to say." I nod, attempting to see this from her point of view. "But why do you say it?"_

_ Serena sighs. "When I lost Avi, I lost my legs, and my military career." she explains. "And there's no desperation like the feeling of losing everything. I didn't have any family; didn't really have any friends, either. I didn't know where to go, and that's why I went…why I went to where she was. We both know how everything changed from there. But…and I say this with so much love and faith in you…please keep loving something else. Because if you lose me…"_

_ "I will not." I shake my head, refusing even to entertain the idea. _

_**We have been through too much together. We have both bled in each other's arms, and walked to the other side of that injury into the healing that lay beyond. She has already lost every battle she ever will. Nothing will tear us asunder. I know this to be fact.**_

_"No, you won't." Serena places a brief kiss to my forehead. "Not by my choice anyway. Just…keep in mind what I've said, okay?"_

_ "I will." I reply as I turn back to my console, immediately dismissing everything she has told me as I archive my research and type an automatic response for those who might seek me out._

* * *

Sharp pain dragged me out of the memory and I stared at the shards of glass covering the counter. Biotic energy swirls around my fingers, wisping away as I rein it in and watch violet blood drip onto the counter from the gashes in my palm.

_Not by my choice, anyway._ Serena's words echoed in my head and I began shaking from something deeper than fury, more ferocious than wrath.

_She lied to me_, I stared at the blood smeared across the counter. _She __**chose**__ to go after Joker, she __**chose**__ to force me away! She lied…why would she lie to me? Why? _


	16. Chapter 16

**Thessia**

Sen relaxed back against the pillows, her mind spinning in shock. She saw the hard glint in Liara's eyes, the ferocity of the hand gripping the coverlet until the knuckles paled to azure. The Liara she had come to know had never shown any signs of bitterness; had not seemed capable of harboring hate. But they were centuries divorced from the time Liara spoke of, when she had been young and first discovering the horrors of heartbreak.

"Is that when…you first began...feeling bitterness towards Shepard?" Sen asked, her words soft and hesitant, pulling Liara from the quagmire of her memory.

"Yes." Liara answered, her voice dark, rich, heated like blood. "That is when it began. But I ignored it, at first. The pinpricks of anger were like throwing rocks into the ocean of my grief. They rippled, faltered, and died. But when the grief calmed, those rocks lay at the bottom of the ocean, a weight inside my chest, taking me down in a dark spiral whose depth seemed to have no ending."

Sen's lips quivered and tears pricked her eyes. Even if…even if Mira were not to survive her injuries, Sen did not believe she could blame the woman, or be angry with her. Mira had committed no crime; done nothing that she had not done a hundred times before. And Sen could understand what Shepard had done. She had chosen to save a life, and Sen felt that she would make the same decision. Because she and Shepard had taken an oath, for different purposes, but the same reason. To preserve life. Shepard had done so by destroying enemies. Sen did so by healing wounds and mending hearts.

_Liara had taken no such oath, and as much as she believed she understood what it is to be a soldier, she could not know how dear some of them hold their vows. And Shepard…Shepard gave her life, not just for her species and race, but for __**all**__ of them. But I do not believe that I could have this knowledge were I not three centuries old…in my full maidenhood, I would have perhaps been just as furious, just as wounded. _Sen mused, almost afraid to push Liara further into the retelling.

"I could not sleep." Liara whispered. "Even when exhaustion would drag me down, it would wake me within an hour's time, crying, shaking, feeling a tearing sensation in my heart. I kept myself awake for as long as possible before I would fall into nightmares. Nightmares of holding Serena while she bled out, nightmares of being cast adrift in space and feeling myself freeze to death. But they were not always terrifying and dark dreams." Liara's voice cracked and Sen's heart burned for the grief of the young asari, all alone in the galaxy.

"Were they not?" Sen asked, shuddering as she remembered the nightmare that Liara had awakened her from.

"No." Liara looked away, out of the window to the full light of day, a harshness that seemed wrong for this quiet, intimate retelling. "The mind can conjure sweetness from ashes. It tires of torment and attempts to console. Little does the mind understand that the heart would rather remain broken rather than have what it longs for most dangled at the edge of a dream. I dreamed of our intimate nights. I dreamed of being locked inside her soul and in her body. I dreamed of her kisses, spicy like cinnamon and white pepper. And I woke to the nothing, the cold, the absence of her. I did not know it then, but I was dying. A little more, each day."

Sen's brow creased and she became confused, wondering if Liara spoke in metaphor or truth. "Does this…" she broached the question, "…does this have anything to do with your heart condition?"

"No." Liara shook her head. "That transpired later. This was a harsher injury dealt, and a greater consequence that I knew at the time."

"But it did not…it did not endanger your life." Sen said, not understanding.

"You are correct." Liara offered a sorrowful smile. "It endangered my soul. Grief, anger, sleeplessness, hunger, thirst…all of them ate away at me, physically, mentally, emotionally. In three weeks, I became a shell of myself, an empty vessel filled with rage, made all the stronger and more purposeful for the memories of love cut short too soon."

"What happened?" Sen asked, drawn once more into Liara's story-telling, though now she asked to hear, not for her own comfort, but because, as a healer, she could sense a wound left untended.

"Avarya returned." Liara breathed. "She came to arrest me for attacking her commando, who had not died, but who later underwent extensive surgery and augmentation in order to be able to walk again. The matriarch was furious, arrogant, and in that arrogance and confidence, she destroyed herself. You see…I had learned one thing, watching my mother die."

Sen nodded, afraid to speak in the presence of this Liara, who had, within a second, turned from someone awash in the memory of grief to someone cold, calculating…almost maleficent.

"Matriarchs are to be feared." Liara hissed, a malevolent laughter behind her voice. "They have lived centuries to a thousand years, honing their wisdom, learning the ways of other races, studying in tactics, building their biotics to an unsurpassable strength. But, my soldier had taught me two things. One, the element of surprise is unsurpassed. Two…given the element of surprise, bullets move faster than biotics."

Sen paled. She knew Liara had taken lives, many of them, in fact…but the gentle asari before her did not seem the sort to murder in cold blood. And it would have been murder. Sen knew the history of the Matriarch Avarya, renowned for her additions to asari law, vaunted for her strict adherence to rule and code, never known to venture from it. She would have come to arrest Liara for her crimes; not to kill her. But…that history also read that Avarya had died at home, in her sleep, of old age.

"You…you…"

Liara hung her head, the chaotic glow fading from her blue eyes. "I murdered her." the asari admitted, and Sen's heart gentled as it realized that Liara knew the scope of her crimes. "I orphaned her daughters as I had been orphaned. I took wisdom from the galaxy because I was bitter, angry, and so very, very afraid. Afraid that the world would never set itself aright."

"What did you do?" Sen queried, sitting up, letting her exhaustion fade as she sensed something about to be revealed that no other living person of any race had knowledge of.

"One does not simply kill a matriarch." Liara whispered. "I prepared to flee, to where I did not know. Until my omnitool chirped. I thought of ignoring the message, because I feared for my life…but _something _told me to open it."

"What did it say?" Sen asked, feeling stupid as she reiterated almost the exact same question as before, like a child.

Liara's eyes faded again, centuries back in her life. Her voice dropped, holding promise, holding the hope that must have ignited in her heart after reading the words she had not forgotten, even more than three hundred years later.

"Meet me in the Afterlife. For Serena."


	17. Chapter 17

**Liara**

This ship was too loud. Even in the black, non-gravitational void of space it made raucous noises that kept me even from what little rest I allowed myself. I sat in the cargo hold of this sad little vessel, watching the countdown on my omni-tool. We were close to Omega.

A creeping darkness filled my heart as I stared at the name of my destination. In every language of every race, it's title held the same meaning. The End of All Things. I shuddered. Little asari children were told, when they misbehaved, that they would be sent to Omega to work under its evil queen. Even now, far removed from those years gone by, the thought of setting foot there sent a chill up my spine.

_The end of all things…_I thought, looking at the crates full of contraband, red sand, illegally modified weapons...and the specialty of Thessia's black market, biotic amps that surpassed those with military grade capabilities. _Is that where I am? Where I must go to find Shepard…to know that she is truly dead? Is that where I must run to find safety after the crimes I have committed? _

I stared at the cuff of my sleeve, eyeing the stain of violet…the dried blood of a matriarch. Avarya had invaded my home…she had been warned. The commando in her service had lived...Avarya herself had not. She wrongly expected me to bow to her status and her power. She did not expect the pistol behind my back, the cryogenic rounds in the chamber that stole her life and her breath. She could not even cry out as the icy projectile fissured her heart.

I hung my head, trying to feel remorse, trying to feel fear…trying to feel anything, really. But I could not. My entire body felt numb to any sensation. My mind had become an arid wasteland of incoherent thoughts. I lived alone there, alone in a series of moments that held less and less significance. I had one goal. To meet with the one who had messaged me, asking me to meet them at the end of all things.

_For Serena_…the last words whispered through the desert of my thoughts, leaving a chill in their wake.

Once, I would have done anything for her. Including abandoning her to death. A death that she had chosen, that she must have somehow known…why else would she have shut that elevator door? Why else would she have breathed "It's time."?

_{Now approaching Omega docking station}_ my omni-tool alerted me and I rose from the crate I leaned against, eyeing the weapons inside.

I sneered. They were poor quality…as cheap and pathetic as the batarian I had hired to bring me here. He had been my only option…the only one who did not demand an itinerary or ask for identification. No. All he desired was money. _That_, I could provide. In abundance.

Avarya might have seized the T'Soni estate, but she could not touch my mother's accounts, which now belonged to me. Financial security was not something I would have to worry about.

I moved towards the flight deck, about to step forward from the shadows when I heard the batarian speak.

"One of Shepard's crew, huh?" I peered around the corner, saw the ship's captain speaking with the turian brothers who worked under him. "I'm not worried. If you're gonna have a Spectre on your side, might wanna make sure they aren't _dead_."

"Heh. Yeah." one of the turians agreed. "Looked the asari up on the extranet. She's got money, boss…lots more than she paid you. She's also wanted for questioning in the case of an attack and a murder."

The batarian blinked all four eyes, slow. "Well." he hefted his rifle. "This looks like a business opportunity. I'm willing to bet she'd pay a _lot_ more if we didn't tell anyone who our passenger was."

"You've been paid, captain." I broke my cover, striding into the flight deck. "And it is not as though anyone at our destination will care that I am wanted on my homeworld."

"Just like a damn two-eyed rich girl." the batarian snarled, and I could see why my dead lover had hated his kind and what they had done to her people. Miserable slaver scum. "Your damn matriarchy isn't above putting a price on your head."

"And when they send a bounty hunter, I will be more than happy to treat them in the same manner I treated Matriarch Avarya. Let us simply conduct a civil business transaction and part ways on the station."

"How about no." the batarian snarled. "I want quadruple what you paid for passage."

_{Batarian Freighter, this is Omega Control. Prepare for docking, over.}_

"What's it gonna be, two-eyes?" the batarian growled. "Do I tell 'em we dock, or do I turn around and take you back to Thessia?"

"You can do neither!" I hissed. I did not have time to waste with this petty criminal.

I pulled up a biotic shield with one hand and released a shockwave with another, throwing all three of them back in the flight deck. Bullets pinged off of my shield and spun into the walls of the ship. The warning systems went off and a cacophonic alarm began shrieking through the vessel. One of the turian's pistols landed against my feet and I smiled at my good fortune.

I crouched to the ground and lifted it, holding my shield before me with the other. The turian brothers died against the walls of the ship where they had fallen, two bullets in each heart. The batarian fired his rifle, the bullets deflecting off of my shield. I smiled as I lifted him into the air and shot him in the head. Brain matter and chunks of skull splattered against the walls, ceiling, and floor.

I stared at the sight for a moment, expecting the nausea, the regret that had followed me when I had taken life during the missions aboard the Normandy…but it simply did not exist. Shepard had chosen to die, and she had taken the heart that cared, the naïve archaeologist, with her. I did not know who I was…but it was no longer who I had been when in her presence.

_{Batarian Freighter, this is Omega Control. Do you want to dock or not!?}_

I rushed to the comm deck and opened the communications channel. "Omega Control, this is Liara T'Soni. I was simply…negotiating my fee. Yes, I wish to dock."

_{Omega Control copies, T'Soni. Are you here on Omega for business, or personal reasons?}_

"Both." I replied, looking back at the dead behind me, thinking of the dead I had come to seek. "I have someone I need to meet…in the Afterlife."


	18. Chapter 18

**Liara**

The door of Afterlife opened and I entered, disoriented by the thick, muggy air, the earthy smell of sweat mingling with the bitter-sweet odor of alcohol and the acrid stench of illegal pharmaceuticals. The building itself was fogged with smoke, lust hung thick, and vice pervaded the atmosphere. I stood to the side of the entrance, taking in my surroundings, watching the dancers ply their trade.

The selling of flesh. The tantalizing dream of beauty paraded before the drooling, gaping maw of the scum of the galaxy. This is where I had come. Where law did not exist. Where strength of arms superseded strength of mind. Afterlife. Where honor died. Where dreams were polluted and skewed, held at arm's length, daring those brave enough or foolish enough to take them by force.

Here I stood, divested of every good thing my life had possessed. Here I stood with nothing in my heart but grief and bitterness. I had come to hell seeking a dream, believing in the words of a stranger whom I did not know. Here I stood…with innocent blood on my hands. No better than any of the other patrons here. No better than the worst of the galaxy who made this place their final refuge.

I walked to the bar and locked eyes with the turian bartender. His mandibles twitched as he met my gaze, and I wondered what he saw there. Did he see the crimes I had committed, the laws I had broken, the things I had lost? Could he see my soul hanging by a thread?

"Whiskey." I ordered Shepard's drink of choice. "Neat."

He said nothing, merely nodded and poured the drink. I stared at the amber liquid in the frosted glass for a moment before wrapping my fingers around it and feeling the chill. I drank the bitter liquid, swallowing it down, letting it scald down my throat and settle in the pit of my stomach where it burned.

I looked back at the asari dancers, their naked bodies on display as they gyrated to the thrumming beat of the music. I set the glass down and signaled the bartender, who poured another shot. I lifted the glass to my lips and sipped this time, letting the flavor coat my tongue as I watched the dance, roving over the curves of their hips, watching the swell of their perfect breasts move in time with the pulsating rhythm.

I wanted to feel my own body heat with the savage edge of desire. I wanted to know that all of me had not perished above Alchera. But I remained unmoved by the lewd beauty before me. I wanted another body above me, a body decorated with scars, taut with muscle earned by running, fighting, shedding blood. I did not want the jewel tones of asari eyes looking back at me and devouring my vulnerability. I wanted the blade of a knife piercing my gaze, a ragged silver with nightmares locked inside.

I wanted my haunted goddess. My place of peace given name and granted form. I wanted her beside me in the Afterlife, for the beat of the drum to be the firing of weapons, the empty vacant stares of those who came here to be eyes locked wide in death. I wanted the savagery of her teeth at my neck, the insistent press of her hand between my legs…to be brought to life again.

I searched for the one who might have sent me the message, the one who had known Serena's first name…a gift given to so very few. The identity that she protected with all the ferocity she could muster. The child that had survived Mindoir. The woman who had loved and lost at Akuze. The woman who had been broken so many times and yet retained a form of kindness that once spoke to my heart.

_Until that kindness got her killed_, I could feel my heart hardening. _Proving the uselessness of such an emotion. There is vulnerability, and there is weakness. She was weak. _

"Excuse me," I attempted civility when I addressed the elcor at the bar beside me, "I am looking for someone. Would you happen to know if anyone here has asked for Liara T'Soni?"

The elcor did not turn his massive head as he spoke in the monotone that defined his species. "**Mild Annoyance** Why do you find it necessary to interrupt me?"

"I meant no offense." I clarified. "I simply thought…"

"**Anger** That since I was an elcor I would not be watching the dancers? **Reprimand** Elcor are excellent dancers, but none will give us the chance. **Offended** You have insulted me. Please leave."

I shook my head and finished the whiskey, slamming the glass back onto the bar. If I were forced to ask every single patron here of their intentions, I would be shot within an hour.

"Elcor." I heard a dry voice. "It's a mercy they learned to indicate their emotions before speaking. Otherwise they might have been laughed out of existence."

I turned to see a hooded figure at my side. The voice was masculine, but I could see no defining features.

"Dr. T'Soni, I presume." he nudged the hood back and I found myself face to face with a drell. His golden eyes held a wicked intelligence, but I found myself immediately on guard.

He carried himself with an eerie grace, a non-chalant posture which I had learned, from watching Shepard and Ashley, belied a lethal skill.

"You are the one who sent me the message?" I asked. "You have information about Sh…"

He clutched my hand, effectively silencing me as he all but dragged me out of Afterlife and to the desolate streets of Omega.

"It's not safe to ask questions on Omega." he growled. "Not even about the time. We're being followed."

"I do not care." I hissed. "I need to know what you know. **Now**."

"My name is Feron." he said, slipping into a shadowed corner. I followed him. "And you're right. I do know where Commander Shepard is. But you won't like what I have to say."

"She's dead." the words and their truth still tasted bitter, and I hated that I spoke them, hated them for their truth.

Feron glanced at me, quizzically. "You think she's dead?"

My head snapped up. "What do you mean?" I clenched my hands into fists. "I was _there. _No one can survived being spaced!"

Feron looked back and forth, making certain we were alone. "That's the thing." he whispered. "No one will confirm death. Even the Alliance has her listed as missing in action. So either she is dead, or very close to it. The body has been recovered in some sort of stasis pod…not alive by any means but perhaps…salvageable. Had I known this before, I wouldn't have messaged you, but my intelligence at the time differed. You've come far, and I apologize for the bad news."

"No." I shook my head. "You do not get to dangle this in front of me and send me away. I _need_ to see her, Feron. I need to confirm whether she is dead or alive for _myself_."

_She left me, you ignorant drell! Have you ever lost something that is an innate part of you, then heard that all might not be as it seems? I __**have**__ to know! _My heart raced in my chest. If Shepard might be saved…I needed to know. I needed my eyes to verify her death, to seal the coffin, to lock my heart away forever. Hope burned like white phosphorus through my veins and I despised myself for it.

"Listen," he growled, "you aren't the only one looking for her. Let the dead sleep. Go home."

I glared at him. "Is your translator fried?" I demanded. "I _**need**_ to see Shepard!"

"This will cost you." he seemed to relent. "I don't work for free. And you don't have your big bad Spectre protecting you now. Your life is at risk."

"I'll pay whatever you like." I spat. "And my life is worth less than it ever has been. Take me to her, Feron."

"Fine." he nodded. "But this is Omega, not the Citadel with transports everywhere. It's a long walk."

"Do I appear as though I care?"

With a sigh, he started off and I followed him, seeking the proof I needed. Because I needed to look at her body. I needed to see that her kindness had destroyed her, that she had chosen to leave me. I had done things…I had murdered and killed…because I had lost her. And, if there were any chance that she still lived or that she was _salvageable,_ as Feron had said…then she would need to look upon what she had created.

She would see me. And the tears I had never cried for her would be in her eyes…for I believed myself dead. This was not an errand of mercy. This was an act of vengeance.


	19. Chapter 19

**Liara**

I could be certain of one thing on this station. Feron was not talkative. He led me through the labyrinth of Omega, not speaking a word. It made me miss the away missions with the crew of the Normandy, the way Shepard and Garrus would trade barbs and witticisms. It made me miss Tali's technological observations, her exuberant joy when she uncovered something that could better the quality of life for the Migrant Fleet.

For a moment, my bitterness fled as I remembered Ashley's quiet strength and the poetry that fell from her lips with ease. Doctor Chakwas' kind wisdom. Joker's wry sense of humor. Even Wrex's gruff and gruesome stories. Simply walking beside a silent person made me remember what it was not to be alone.

_But I __**am**__ alone. _I rationalized. _This is…this is a temporary and strange alliance. I do not even know if I can trust him…all I know is that I believe he will take me to Shepard. The reason I am alone in this wide galaxy. _

Feron stopped abruptly, surveying the area. I could see nothing, hear nothing, but I knew that if a man such as him had stopped…the chances were his instincts were correct. Shepard had possessed some sense, some second sight that alerted her to danger. It had also taken her from me.

_It's time. _

"Feron?" I whispered. "Is everything…"

"Hush." he replied, eyeing the intersection in front of us warily. "I don't like it, but there's no other way through. Damn it."

"Are we still being followed?" I wondered.

"Oh yes." he nodded. "Your movements have been tracked since you set foot on Omega. By who, I don't know…but you have your name splashed all over the extranet. Being part of Shepard's crew makes you famous in its own right. The few who saved the galaxy. Council space at least. The part of the galaxy people care about."

"Our enemy's strategy simply led him there." I defended the dead and the living. "Believe you me, had Sovereign succeeded, the _entire_ galaxy would have been wiped out. It was not simply Council space threatened or preserved."

"Sovereign?" Feron looked at me, his gold eyes questioning. "Don't you mean Saren? The rogue Spectre and his army of geth?"

My lips pursed. "It would seem the higher echelons of power are still intent on sweeping the truth beneath the rug."

My heart sank as my words died on the human idiom. No matter how much I attempted to distract myself from everything that had happened, every joyous and painful moment stamped in my memory, I could not escape where I had been. What I had become. But I could change it.

I could become someone that pain did not touch any longer. I could free myself from the shackles of grief. And it would begin by finding the source of my unshed tears and the ache gnawing away at me that had yet to fade.

"No way around but through." Feron muttered, beginning to walk forward.

I remained alert, trusting Feron's instincts as I had trusted Serena's, hoping that he would not lead me astray. Biotic energy swirled around my fists as we moved through the shadowed intersection. Chaos broke loose.

A human grasped Feron, locking his arms around the drell's shoulders, chopping at his wrist and disarming him. Feron thrashed as in the stranger's grip. Weapons were trained on us as more figures of every species emerged from the shadows, all of them wearing a similar bright blue armor with a white circle in the chest.

"Blue Suns!" Feron shouted warning and I reached out with biotics, ready to send them all to oblivion.

"Cool your biotics, bitch." a dark, gravelly voice snarled and cold metal iced at the back of my neck.

I looked back to see the hulking form of a krogan in the same armor as the others, turians, humans, and batarians that surrounded us. The barrel of his pistol rested against my skin, and his finger seemed much too at home on the trigger. Cold, armored hands wrapped around my upper arms and held me still as the krogan stared at me. I wanted to shiver at the krogan's cold, hollow stare, but I could not. It looked too much akin to the new expressions and emotions stamped in my own eyes.

"What's a pretty thing like you doing on Omega looking for someone who's dead?" the krogan growled and I heard low cursing as Feron once more attempted to wrench himself free.

"That is _none _of your concern!" I snapped, resisting the urge to slam the two goons holding me backwards, to break their bones with my biotics. To do so would invite a bullet through my skull...and I needed to survive, to see this mission through to its end.

"Oh yes it is." the krogan sneered. "Shepard's the name on everyone's lips. She's a hot commodity. And there's one little asari in this damn big world looking for her. The _Shadow Broker_ wants to know why."

_The Shadow Broker? _My thoughts tripped over themselves. I had heard the name for much of my life, referenced in the odd conversation here and there, but it always seemed like some myth on the edge of the galaxy. After all, if one were to have access to all of the information purportedly owned by the Shadow Broker, it would require a base of operations that simply could not be concealed. Not even in the Terminus systems.

"I do not have to reveal my motivations to a common mercenary." I hissed. "Or a nebulous information broker."

Pain exploded through my face as the butt of his pistol struck me across the cheek. I gritted my teeth, refusing to cower beneath this rough treatment. I had brought down a geth armature single-handed. I had faced off against Saren and emerged victorious. I could ignore the blood streaming down my cheek and the pain shrieking through my jaw and between my temples.

"More where that came from." the krogan glared. "Talk, or it'll get worse for you."

I spat a thick glob of blood and saliva on the ground, wincing at the taste. "I have _nothing_ to say to you."

The krogan raised the pistol again and I closed my eyes, preparing for the next strike when a resounding _crack_ thundered through the air and I heard a scream.

"Sniper!" someone shouted and the vice grips around my arms vanished in a spray of blood and gurgling cries.

Feron's captors dropped next and chaos ensued. "Feron!" I shouted, pulling him with my biotics and shoving him into a dark hallway, following at a run, away from the rapid thunder of gunfire and the screams of the wounded.

I struggled to keep up with the drell. "Which way?" I shouted over the echo of weapons.

"Just **_away_**!" he yelled, ducking under a barrier and sprinting towards a distant doorway.

I followed him. "Maybe this will lead us somewhere safe." he whispered, breathing hard as he hacked the door controls.

It opened and we stumbled backwards, away from two human men in imposing white and black armor, who held heavy weapons in our direction.

"Weapons down, gentlemen." I heard a voice, undeniably human, and female, but with an accent I had never before heard. It sounded almost like Dr. Chakwas'…only…coarser?

I heard footsteps and brought my biotics to bear, uncertain if we were facing enemies, friends, or anything in between. A woman emerged, standing between the gunmen with a decidedly relaxed air. The men lowered their weapons, indicating that the woman in her protective mesh light armor was indeed in some sort of command.

A waterfall of black hair fell to her shoulders where it curled inward in a luxurious wave. She was tall, about the same height as Serena, but her body was exceedingly feminine, not defined by the hard lines and taut muscles of a soldier. The swell of her breasts, the curve of her hips…she held herself like a predator well aware and confident in their lethality. She did not carry a weapon, which surprised me, due to the fact that possessing such a thing seemed to be a necessity on Omega.

At last, I looked at her face, impressed by the exact, acute symmetry of her features. There was no one in the galaxy who would not know her for a true beauty…but every attractive quality she possessed faded from my thoughts as I gazed into the hardest, coldest blue eyes I had ever seen.

Feron assumed a defensive stance and the woman sneered, contorting her lovely features into a hideous mask of disdain.

"Relax, drell." she ordered. "We're working towards the same goal." those wicked, icy eyes turned to me. "Well met, Doctor T'Soni. I'm Miranda. We're looking for Commander Shepard."


	20. Chapter 20

**Liara**

I weighed Miranda's words. The recent firefight still hung in my mind, and I had little doubt that it had been those who worked for or with Miranda that had opened fire on the Blue Suns. The krogan gang leader had spoken truly when he said that many were looking for Shepard…and I could trust none of them.

"Shepard is dead." I said, keeping my tone firm though I did not know if the words I spoke were complete truth.

"So go the rumors." Miranda nodded. "But Shepard has a history of defying the odds."

"Death is not an odd." Feron countered, crossing his arms, distrust evident in his golden eyes. "It's not something that can be defied if it's already happened."

Miranda ignored the drell entirely, saving her frigid focus for me alone. "Dr. T'Soni, I represent someone who very much wants to work with you. I'm allowed to tell you this much—_we_ might have a way to bring Shepard back."

I puzzled over the words and what this cold woman might mean by them. I had seen the dead returned to the world of the living. I had spoken to Avi Rivera; seen her supporting her once-lover after Sovereign crashed into the Citadel. But to bring the dead back to life…even with the amazing progress of technology on a daily basis...was impossible.

"What could you possibly mean by that?" I asked, feeling ill at ease as Miranda's expression did not change.

She seemed to wear a mask of composed, frigid confidence. Thus far, I had only seen that mask alter in the form of disdain. She turned such a look on me now, a calculated sneer.

"Just come with me." condescension dripped from her lips. "You can even bring your little drell friend. Today, we'll make an exception."

I glanced to Feron, but could read nothing in his features but anger at being dismissed by a human, an infant race in the galaxy.

"Do we have a choice?" I asked in a whisper.

Feron frowned. "We're pinioned." he muttered. "If we go it alone, we'll just be caught again."

I bit my lip and my bruised face protested the movement. "I do believe I am forced to side with the ones who _have not _pistol-whipped me."

"Well?" Miranda asked.

"Lead on." I relented, though I was not pleased with the decision. However, it seemed to be the sole one I could make. Better an offer of help than an offer of death.

"Good call." Miranda nodded, but her approval was fraught with patronization.

I bristled even as I fell in step behind her and her armed guards. She had no right to treat me or Feron in such a manner. I despised the superiority I saw in her walk, the sway of her hips, as though she owned the ground she traversed. Humans and their pride disgusted me. They had brought xenophobia back into the galaxy with a vengeance. It had never faded completely…but violence due to it had been all but eliminated.

_At least in Council space_, I amended my thoughts, remembering Feron's earlier comments. _The Terminus Systems might be another situation entirely. Regardless…I do not see how humans hold themselves so far above those whose technology and knowledge and weaponry vastly outstrips their own. _

I chafed at the thought of following a human anywhere. I had done so once, and it had been my undoing.

_Though_, my lips trembled as emotions fiercely tamped down resurged, _Serena was…unlike most humans. Her pride was in her skill…but never did she condescend to another. Even in my gross ignorance, she never mocked me. _

"Oh." Miranda snapped her fingers, but it was a practiced gesture, and I became apprehensive. "The secondary location we are headed to must remain a secret." she half turned and her eyes glittered. "I'm sure you understand."

Two quick bursts of air followed her statement and I looked down at the dart protruding from my shoulder, glaring at the human woman before my vision wavered. Beside me, Feron collapsed to the floor, and I thought I managed to curse before joining him in unconsciousness.

* * *

"Ugh." Feron's voice broke the quiet. "Fucking hell. What was in that? Liara? Liara, are you okay?"

After a brief fight with my eyelids, they remained opened and I took in the dim lighting of the room around us. Feron was already standing, examining our surroundings, using his omni-tool to scan a symbol embossed on the door.

"I…I think so." my jaw ached and I reached up and touched my injured cheek, surprised to find the wound had been treated with medigel. "Where are we?"

Feron stared at his omni-tool and my vision cleared enough to see the extreme displeasure stamped on his features.

"You made the wrong decision, Liara." he hissed. "No one should come here, _us_ least of all! Look at this symbol!"

He shone the light on the symbol that had been embossed on the door; I recalled seeing it on Miranda's armor, over the left breast, much like a military uniform. But I had seen it before, too. I simply could not remember where.

"These people are Cerberus!" Feron hissed, kicking at the door in frustration. "They're dogmatically pro-human, and not just towards non-council species. Even an _asari_ isn't safe from the things they're willing to do! I'm shocked they did not put a bullet in my skull on sight! No wonder that Miranda bitch was so high and mighty. She's a blithering xenophobe! With a _violently _xenophobic organization! Are you even aware of the crimes committed by Cerberus!?"

I got to my feet, trying to shake off the residual weakness from the sedative we had been unceremoniously shot with. I stared at the symbol on the door, attempting to ignore Feron's agitated energy swarming around me. My head ached with the memories I did not want to recollect, and yet seeing the Cerberus emblem brought them back in a wave that made acid rise in my throat.

"I am well aware of the atrocities they have committed." I whispered. "Even against their own."

As the words left my lips, my eyes closed and suddenly I was in another time, another place, standing beside Serena…


	21. Chapter 21

**Liara**

_ "I don't even know if I **want** to know what's behind that door." Shepard says, eying the door as though she distrusts it. _

_ Behind us, we hear the sounds of the dying mercenaries. The wet, gurgling rasp of their breath still sends shivers down my spine. I am not yet fully accustomed to death. Truly ending a life. It is one thing to shoot a geth, to shred a mess of metal and wires…it is another thing to force bullets into flesh and see the multi-colored blood spewing from beneath the skin. _

_ I look at Serena's face, see the pain and the questions stamped on her brow. Admiral Hackett had tasked her with this assignment, to seek out the reason behind the deaths of scientists who formerly worked for the Alliance. Shepard had been about to decline as we were needed on Virmire, but the admiral had stayed her and said words that chilled my heart…he informed her that all of the scientists had worked on a classified project on Akuze._

_ Now, we stood here at a once well-guarded facility. Shepard sets her lips in a thin line and activates the door. _

_ "Toombs, you aren't well!" a middle-aged human male in a white lab coat holds his hands out in a gesture of placation, away from the well-armored man who holds a pistol at the scientist's head. "Look, we can talk about this, we can…"_

_ "You've done enough talking!" the man identified as Toombs yells, his voice layered with anger, spite, and murderous rage. "Now you die!"_

_ "Corporal Toombs!" Shepard shouts and I turn to see that her face has gone white and her hands are trembling. "Lower your weapon!"_

_ The man turns and his arm falls. With his free hand, he pulls his helmet off and drops it on the ground. His features mirror Shepard's, milky white and stamped with shock. _

_ "LT?" he asks._

_ "What the hell is a goddamn ghost doing on Ontaron?" Shepard breathes. "I saw you go down...on Akuze."_

_**Oh goddess! **__I looked from Toombs back to Shepard, afraid as once more I saw the ghosts swarming in her eyes that had taken hold of them after Edolus. First the maw. Now this…__**Shepard was the only survivor. How then did this come to pass?**_

_ "The maw took me and Richardson under." Toombs rasps. "Spat us back up…Richardson's neck snapped when he hit 'cause the acid had burned his damn arms off. I saw Ivey shoot Rivera," Shepard flinches as though she has been struck, "then he moved on to the rest of us. I hid," tears begin to stream down the man's face, running in the deep grooves of scarring that mar his features. "I pulled Richardson's body over mine. Ivey shot him in the back, three __**fucking**__ times! But he missed me. Then the crazy bastard shot himself in the head. Never thought I'd thank God for a friend's suicide but I was singing hallelujah."_

_ "Toombs…" Shepard's voice cracks as all of her is cracked. Her heart, her mind, so recently repaired after Edolus, tormented again by the memories of the past. _

_ "Then the scientists came." Toombs spits. "__**With**__ the Alliance. I'm guessing you were found by soldiers. I wasn't as lucky. They took me, LT."_

_ "You can't prove any of this!" the lab-coated man shouts, and I immediately doubt his integrity. His eyes dart to Shepard and take in her rank insignia. "Commander, this man is deranged! He needs help!"_

_ "Fucking __**listen**__ to me, LT!" Toombs begs and Shepard nods. "They were there, running tests on the thresher maws. They __**let**__ those things hit us just to watch and study! We were a goddamn science project, LT! They put me in a cell, delighted that I'd survived and…they turned me into a __**goddam **__**lab rat!**__"_

_ "Toombs…I saw you go under." Shepard repeats words she has said before, and I realize it is because she can find nothing else to say. _

_**Her body was broken. **__I did not understand how she could feel guilt for what had happened that day. __**Her lover had been shot before her eyes. She could barely speak, let alone move, let alone look for survivors! Even had she known Toombs lived, she could physically have done nothing! **_

_ "If I'd known I would have…" I can see the despair in her, but she cannot move, cannot actualize her emotions with her body, cannot give herself to that manner of release. "I wouldn't have let this happen." she manages. "I should have found you…"_

_ "You can't believe Toombs!" the scientist rages, turning enough for me to see the symbol embroidered on his lab coat, a gold and black stamp…it is not an Alliance insignia. "He has no proof! I demand a fair trial not this…vigilante justice!"_

_ "You were there you __**bastard!**__" Toombs screams. "He __**knows**__ the truth, LT! He's with some…some organization called Cerberus! They specialize in illicit research not condoned by the Systems Alliance or the Galactic Council!"_

_ "Ludicrous conspiracy theories!" the scientist shouts._

_ "You dripped thresher maw acid on my fucking face!" Toombs shatters. "You vaporized the shit and made me breathe it in to see if it could be turned into a biological weapon!" his free hand reaches up and bile rises in my throat as he sticks his fingers into his left eye socket and removes a glass orb, throwing it on the floor where it shatters. "That shit ate my eye, LT!" he looks at Shepard, openly weeping. "He deserves to die! They __**all**__ deserve to die! Me, you…Ivey, Richardson…Rivera…the whole goddamn squad! All of that blood is on __**his**__ hands! Are you with me or not?"_

_ He flings his gun up again and the scientist drops to his knees, sweat pouring down his face. Shepard's energy flares and coruscates around her like a physical flame. I have not felt this manner of pure wrath from her since she threw Sergeant Ledee from the Normandy and spaced him. _

_ "Corporal," she speaks, her voice even and controlled, "drop your weapon."_

_ "I don't have to follow your orders, LT!" Toombs rebels. "The Alliance turned its back on me!"_

_ "I didn't!" Shepard thunders. "I just didn't fucking know! You want to kill him, Toombs, go ahead and fucking kill him! What's it gonna do!? Is it gonna give you your eye back? Is it gonna make Ivey come back and __**not**__ go stark raving insane? Is it…is it going to bring Avi back to life? No. It won't." she is panting now, the words taking a toll on her as her darkest days and dreams resurge. I want to reach out and take her hand, to lend her my strength, but I cannot. I can only hope that my time spent in her mind is enough…enough to restore her from this second foray into hell. _

_ "It's not going to make the nightmares stop, Toombs." Shepard whispers. "I would know. I stood at courts martial. They were going to punish me for everything that happened. I saw Rivera's parents. I told them I was sorry…but that didn't bring her back. I went to the memorial they built on Akuze, but nothing gave me peace. Killing the ones who did this won't do it either. Let the dead rest, Toombs. You still have a goddamn fucking life! And you need to live it! That's an order, corporal!"_

_ "What did you lose!?" Toombs demands. "I was __**tortured **__for __**years!**__ You still have a career, so they obviously didn't find you guilty at courts martial! What'd you get, a few goddamn scratches and a paper trail? A badass reputation!?"_

_ Shepard's silver eyes flare, but she does not lose her temper. "Avi and I were engaged." she tells him. "We were going to get married, right after Akuze. The acid destroyed my back and my legs. The docs told me I was never going to walk again. I got through it, Toombs. Look at me, standing here. You're __**better**__ than them, than __**all**__ of them. They tortured you, they __**stole**__ from you, and you __**survived**__. Shove it in their goddamn faces by making something of yourself. Drop your weapon. You're a soldier, not a killer."_

_ Toombs visibly shrinks inside himself. Sweat drips from his nose and tears pour from his one working eye. He drops the pistol with a shaking hand and kicks it towards Shepard. "You're right." His shoulders slump. "I'm not a murderer. I'm not…not them. Just…arrest the hell out of him and make sure his day in court happens. Tell me, LT…does the screaming stop?"_

_ Shepard steps forward and rests her hand on his shoulder. "It gets quieter." she assures him. "I promise. It's time to go home, Corporal. You've done good, soldier. Damn good. Tali," she calls the quarian, who has been standing guard in the hall, away from the conversation, "escort Corporal Toombs to the Mako. Get Joker on comms and tell him to hail the Fifth Fleet. A soldier is coming home."_

_ "Roger that, Shepard." Tali wraps her slender arm around Toombs' waist and the Alliance soldier sags against her as they leave. _

_ The scientist turns to Shepard. "I suppose this means I'm under arrest?" he asks, a sneer on his features, pride in having preserved his life and his lies. "Though I won't be convicted. The corporal has no evidence."_

_ Shepard strides forward, nodding. "Oh I know. I know how slowly the wheels of justice turn." she responds, eying the man's extended arms with disdain. "I assume you have records here. Information on Cerberus?"_

_ "Ha!" the scientist scoffs. "The instant your vehicle appeared on our radar we destroyed everything. There is __**no**__ evidence other than that lunatic's testimony, and he's so riddled with PTSD that no court will accept his statement."_

_ "You're right." Shepard agrees, and I wonder why she dissuaded Toombs from killing this man who caused the both of them so much pain. "All of your calculations are right on. Except one."_

_ "Oh?" the scientist turns up his nose, glaring down at Shepard from his greater height. _

_ "No one who served under me would ever __**dare**__ lie to my face." Shepard asserts. "No matter how fucking crazy they went. And you see…" she reaches out in a flash of movement and grasps his wrist, snapping it backward in a display of rage and strength that terrifies me. The scientist screams and drops to his knees once more. "…Toombs has enough demons screaming at him. He's going to wake up every goddamn day wondering why he's breathing, and a man who asks that question doesn't sleep easy with the memory of taking a life. Killing you would only make him suffer more. But me? I'm going to enjoy every __**fucking **__minute of it."_

* * *

I faded out of the memory and back into the present. The present where Shepard did not exist, and where the agency that had destroyed her life in her young years now made veiled promises at being able to restore her to life.

I remembered watching Shepard remove her knife from her boot and torture the scientist until he screamed for mercy. Mercy she did not give him until all the secrets he held spilled from his blood-flecked lips. He had died with a knife in his heart, and I had looked into the soul of pure rage…its color was silver. Its name meant "serenity."

_Serena could be…a brutal woman. _I recalled, feeling a pang inside my chest that I did not want to exist. _But she so respected life. She cherished existing; she fought for the good remaining in the world. She sacrificed herself…her goodness, her humanity…to make the galaxy a safer place for better people. How…how could I have forgotten that? _

"We are in the belly of the beast." I said to Feron. "And everywhere I turn there are liars, pretenders, and charlatans."

_That is why this galaxy needs Shepard. I never had to wonder who she was, what she intended…she hid nothing. Not even her brutality. And only true power, true honesty, true knowledge of Self and Purpose, can defeat the enemies we face. _

"But," I continued, "to use a human term…I will ally with the Devil himself if only to get Serena back."

Feron spat at the symbol of Cerberus. "You may have done just that, Liara." He growled. "You may have done just that."


	22. Chapter 22

**Liara**

I acknowledged Feron's statement. But I had made worse deals before. I had agreed to follow an unknown soldier into the depths of the galaxy's darkest mysteries, without knowing what would happen to me at the end of it. Apparently…it led to this. A drell and I locked away, under the control of Cerberus.

"What I do not understand is why a group like Cerberus has an interest in Shepard." I muttered, staring at the door, daring it to open and reveal its secrets…to reveal why we were here.

"Humanity's damn hero complex." Feron spat. "Shepard was…everything. First human Spectre, the Savior of the Citadel…she's exactly the face that humans want to present to the world. And Cerberus is all about humanity and making them look better." he spat on the ground. "At any fucking cost."

I laughed aloud at this and Feron backed away, a questioning look in his metallic eyes.

"Fools." I breathed. "Shepard is the last person that Cerberus would desire as their front runner and figurehead."

"What makes you say that?" Feron asked, puzzling over his knowledge of both this extremist organization and what the histories portrayed of the woman Shepard was.

A small smile caught my lips. "Perhaps the fact that she ordered a sergeant under her command spaced because he attempted to mutiny…a mutiny spurred by this man's radical xenophobia."

Feron's lips parted and his eyes held surprise. "No." he shook his head. "That just…doesn't make sense."

"It did if you were Shepard." I whispered, remembering the trepidation I had felt as I walked to her cabin and begged her for a reason as to _why_ she had done such a thing.

Her answer had been calm…collected, even. There had been a logic and a reason behind it. And, what had startled me most of all…a _kindness _had dwelt beneath the action she had taken. A lie she had promised to tell…a kinder end than Sergeant Ledee would have met at courts martial.

"And that sort of loose canon behavior is what you and Cerberus and the Suns are all looking to lay your hands on again?" Feron mused, scratching his head. "No wonder everything is spinning out of control. The central point at all of this is chaos personified."

"An accurate assessment." I agreed, wrapping my arms about myself.

_But oh goddess…how I adored that chaos. How I loved it. _

The door opened and revealed the lithe silhouette of a creature who could only be Miranda Lawson. She smirked at the image Feron and I presented, upset at having been confined against our will, and moved to another location we knew nothing of.

Her cold blue eyes raked across my own. "Our leader will see you now." she said.

Something in the way she referenced her leader sent a chill down my spine. There was almost a…reverence…in her tone. I frowned as I followed her summons towards the door. Proud women like Miranda Lawson did not revere something…unless they owed it a great deal. Whoever this leader was, I knew he controlled the woman with the coldest eyes in the galaxy. That alone would be enough to give pause to a rational mind.

_Not that my mind has retained much of its rationality._

"I'm good here, thanks." Feron called after us.

"Excellent." Miranda muttered, slamming the door closed. "Since I don't recall asking."

She led me through what looked like a ship, though I knew we had not left Omega, walking in front of me and not looking back, making it clear that she did not consider me a threat. She reached another door, much like the one Feron and I had been locked behind. Long, elegant fingers entered a code and the door opened into a room that held no light whatsoever.

"Go in." Miranda urged. "You'll…_see_."

I frowned as I walked past her into the darkened room. The door shut behind me with the ominous thunk of magnetic locks. I stood in the complete black, waiting for…I did not know what. Before me, a soft light began to glow. It appeared as though I looked out of a window, seeing star systems and planets out in front of me. The hazy lines of a holographic projection began to form, coalescing into the image of a man at a desk, looking out of the same window as I. Smoke wisped around his right hand, which held a cigarette. His clothing was impeccably tailored, his iron hair styled with great care. His eyes, though were strange...they seemed almost mechanical, though that might have been a glitch in the imaging technology.

"Liara T'Soni." he spoke my name in an unremarkable voice, one that could be heard and not remembered. But there was a gravity even in the simple way he said my name, an inescapable pull. "It is a pleasure to meet you. You may call me The Illusive Man."

_That explains the tranquilizers, the locked door, and the hologram. _I thought, but I wanted clarification. It was possible I was meeting an immensely important human…though certainly not one whose power existed in the law.

"The Elusive Man?" I questioned. "Might I ask why the need for secrecy embeds itself into your very title?"

A chuckle met my ears. "While the need for secrecy is paramount, Dr. T'Soni, the title is _I-llusive_. I wish to enlighten the galaxy, to illuminate the dark places, to bring light to the shadows."

"And you do so by hiding in the dark?" I asked, confused by his logic.

He rose from his chair and smiled, touching his cigarette to his lips and inhaling deep of the smoke. "These times make darkness necessary. There are those meant for shadows, and those meant for light. For a man such as I, secrecy is a necessity. But our proclivities for light and shadow need not put us at odds. I hope we can forge something of a friendship, Liara."

I crossed my arms, thinking of how protective I felt of Feron already…because of his message that had brought me to this place, brought me to seek the thing I desired most in the galaxy. I did not feel that for this man; this organization. I had seen the horrors they had wrought upon the woman they claimed they desired to save.

"I had thought I would forge a bond with any who sought Shepard." I allowed. "But I am led to believe that you are the leader of Cerberus. I _know _what your organization has done. Moreso, I know what you have done to Shepard. Why now would you seek her?"

The Illusive Man's brow furrowed. "Our earlier actions are not easily understood." he claimed, and a little ember of wrath began to burn inside my chest. "And perhaps we were…over-eager…in our attempts to understand the mysteries of a new world. But I know you will not argue when I say that Shepard is…unique to this galaxy. Her actions and accomplishments overshadow the great deeds accomplished by entire _species_. She is important to humanity…even dead, we need her back."

"I do not understand your fervor in seeking a _corpse_." I hissed, my lips trembling as I remembered the fire and chaos aboard the Normandy…the horror of hearing Joker speak of Shepard's death.

"As an asari, I do not expect you to understand my reasons." he said, and my temper flared. I had learned of humanity from their greatest ambassador. I had loved a human woman with all of my soul. I _understood. _"But it is not altruistic reasons alone that drive me. The Shadow Broker," he spoke the title again and I frowned, "is also seeking Shepard. I consider this entity to be…my opposite as it comes to the gathering and use of information. The darkness to my light, you might say. I stand before you, secure and hidden, but you are seeing me in my true form. Miranda is my most trusted operative, and I do not risk her person or identity lightly. I believe in an honest, hands-on, above board approach. The Shadow Broker, on the other hand, is known to no one. And he has made a deal with the devil for the commander's body…several devils, in fact. You see, Dr. T'Soni-the Shadow Broker is working in the employ of the Collectors."

Alarm fired through my entire system and my heart rate doubled. The asari were one of the few races who still believed in the existence of the Collectors. Most of the other species had dismissed them as a myth…the boogeymen from human stories. But the asari were the discoverers of the Citadel, the first race to make the foray into the distant reaches of the galaxy. We had documented proof of the existence of the Collectors.

"The Collectors?" I could not stop the breathless question. "They are little more than slavers. What would they want with Shepard? Alive, I might understand but…why such interest in a dead body?"

"That is precisely what I need _you_ to find out." The Illusive Man answered. "Cerberus has been watching the Collectors. They come to Omega every once in a great while, making off with a person here or there. Never anything to cause alarm. A dyslexic krogan. An elcor who can sing. A human with two different eye colors. Small nothings, really. However, their interest in Shepard is…alarming, to say the least. Historically, they take those who no one would notice, anomalies that no one would miss. Shepard is the galaxy's hero, the name on every tongue. It is vital that she _not_ fall into their hands, because their motives cannot be trusted. That is why we need _you_."

I shook my head. "I do not understand. I am not technically savvy, but I know that your holographic display is not common communications technology. You obviously have a great deal of wealth, vast resources…and loyal followers, if Miss Lawson is any indication. Why would an operation as extensive and well-funded…and historically unkind to aliens…have need of me?"

"You ask the right questions." I heard a note of approval in his voice. "And I will honor them with honesty. You have a personal stake in this venture. Miranda, the others…they work for the money, the prestige, the knowledge gained. But your _heart_ is in this, and that is beyond useful. Moreso than the most talented commandos, brilliant technicians, and astute spies. You and Shepard were…more than friends, were you not?"

"That is a diplomatic assessment, to say the least." I nodded, refusing to give him any further information.

"As I thought." he smiled and ground out the ember of his cigarette on the arm of his chair. "The drell obviously has a lead on the location of Shepard's body. He sought you out. That is not nothing. He may be useful…for an alien." I heard the displeasure in his tone and it rankled. "So…do we have an accord? Can I count on your help?"

I pondered the question as I lost myself in memories. I remembered the thick, cloying smell of blood in the air as Shepard tortured the Cerberus scientist, shaving off pieces of his skin with her razor-edged knife, cutting the third finger of his left hand off in a twisted vengeance from tearing her future away from her. Cerberus had done that. They had been responsible for the death of fifty marines on Akuze. They had been responsible for the dead soldiers on Edolus, and the maw that had nearly destroyed Shepard's sanity. There was no way that I could trust them, work with them…or believe in the Illusive Man's ultimate goal, whatever it may have been.

But the Collectors and the Shadow Broker were no better. In fact, they were worse. I could, as Ashley had once said, "trust the devil I knew." And I knew more of Cerberus than I would ever know of the galaxy's most mysterious slavers.

"No." I answered at last. "_You_ cannot count on me. But Shepard can."

_No matter what I may feel for her, or against her…I will __**not **__let her be taken by the Collectors. She deserves to rest in peace…not whatever those monsters have planned for her. _

"That's all I ask." he smiled, and I felt as though I had lost something, but I did not know what. "Ask Miranda for anything you may need. She will be more than happy to oblige."

The magnetic lock thunked once more and the door slid open as the hologram faded from view. I walked out of the darkened room, further into the belly of the beast.


	23. Chapter 23

_**Author's Note:** I sincerely apologize for the delay in the updating of this story, but life has given me the luxury of being quite sick and unable to recuperate and I simply have had no energy to spare for writing. However, I am now back, and hopefully will be able to return to regular updates. Thank you all so much for your patience, your favorites, follows, and reviews, and I hope that you all continue to enjoy this story. _

_Bright Blessings, _

_~R.S._

* * *

**Liara**

The transport from Cerberus' hideout, or base, I had not seen enough to glean a proper definition, was quiet. Our escort back was none other than Miranda, and the entire atmosphere of the sky car could be defined as chilly, at its best. Feron sulked in the back, and I did not know if he was upset with having been locked out of my negotiations with The Illusive Man, or by being in Cerberus custody in general. Perhaps a blend of the two.

I kept my peripheral vision focused on our unhappy driver, using the time I had to attempt to puzzle things through. There had to be a reason that Feron had sought me out, a reason that he possessed the information that he did. It was obvious that Ceberus was detouring from their normal manner of conducting an investigation by bringing an asari on board. But their Illusive Man had been right. I did have a personal stake in this matter.

_If the Collectors are truly in play, as Cerberus seems to believe…then the galaxy might well be matched on any level of force. In fact, it might even have been a Collector vessel that attacked the Normandy. Her stealth systems were online at the time, and there is no race or species with the technology to detect it. Unless it was a race rarely seen or heard from, who have never committed crimes grotesque enough to draw the attention of the galaxy. _

I pursed my lips and pinched the bridge of my nose, attempting to connect the many threads and strands that had culminated in this moment and this task. None of this would have happened had the Normandy not been attacked, had Serena not crawled through the burning wreckage to save the life of the pilot. A new enemy had emerged, perhaps working for the Reapers.

_Goddess_, more of my thoughts aligned, _what if they have been allied with the Reapers all along? When we stopped Saren, we destroyed the relay that would bring the Reapers back from dark space. But, what if, in one of these cycles, they have been stopped in that manner before? Surely they would have a failsafe…a way to return without the use of the Citadel as their relay. And for that they would require allies…indoctrinated servants who serve them. _

I fell back into the memories of my time aboard the Normandy, slicing through the emotion that tied me to the time and focusing solely on what I had learned. Vigil, the Prothean VI we had spoken to on Ilos, revealed that the Reapers came every fifty-thousand years, eradicating the highly advanced races…leaving the others behind.

The Illusive Man's words about the Collectors returned to me. How they never took but one or two victims…oddities that the galaxy would not miss, search for, or avenge. Because of that, we never knew why they Collectors took them.

_But what if they were conducting research…research that is not being put to use by them, but by the Reapers? To see the mutations, the defects, find out information…anything that might indicate that a race has reached its pinnacle. What if they are building a list of the races to be exterminated in the next cycle? _

The very thought of it sickened me, and yet I could not help but follow my thoughts to their conclusions. This galaxy held so many secrets and what Shepard and the crew of the Normandy had uncovered merely scratched the surface. We knew the Reapers existed. We did not know where they had come from…machines did not simply emerge into existence. They had to have been created. But by whom? And _why?_

I shook my head, attempting to clear it. I was not among friends here. Not surrounded by those whom I had fought alongside and forged bonds with. I could trust no one. Not the drell who had contacted me, nor the human woman who worked for an organization as shadowy as the Broker's. I could not afford to let myself become distracted by theories and hypotheses that might lead nowhere.

The current mission was clear. Find Shepard's body. Rescue it from the Collectors. But that would come later. I would not rescue Serena at the cost of my own life…though I knew she would do so for me, she would not thank me for the sacrifice. Just as I would not and did not thank her for hers.

_What good did your death do us, Shepard? _I asked as the skycar slowed, arriving at the main stretch of Omega…the docking port with its entryway straight into Afterlife. An ominous omen for anyone possessed of a semi-sane mind.

"Liara!?" Miranda's accent grated against my hearing. "Were you even listening to me?"

"Precisely, no." I replied, irked at her use of my first name as if we were friends…or worse, as if she had a _right_ to do so. "Why? Were you attempting to say something important?"

Her full lips curled up in a decidedly unflattering sneer. "I was attempting to inform you that your best strategy would be to seek out the Blue Suns mercenaries. From your description of the encounter, they attempted to stop you from your pursuit of Shepard, which lends credence to the drell's belief…"

"I have a _name_." Feron hissed from the backseat as the transport's hatch opened.

"…that the body is here on Omega, and not yet transferred to the Shadow Broker's agent. Which means we have a chance at success."

I all but snarled as I exited the car and stretched my tired muscles. "Do you not mean that _Feron _and _I _have a chance of success, since you seem loathe to play anything but a manipulative backer?"

I did not think it possible, but Miranda's eyes hardened further. "Don't forget," she handed me a credit chit, "we're financing your operation."

"_Not_ something I needed assistance with." I quipped. "Unlike your lack of civility."

She stepped into the skycar and tossed back her dark tresses. "Find Shepard." she ordered, and I stiffened. Her utter sense of command seemed…manufactured. It was not natural. Not like Serena's. "Bring her here. And, as the boss said, ask the drell. I'm sure you're mutually bumpy heads can come up with a lead."

The skycar sped away, leaving me with a very upset Feron. "They're fools if they think I'll help them!" he roared in a whisper. "And look at what happened when I tried leading you the first time? I nearly got you killed. What do they think I can get you?"

_Look indeed. _I puzzled over the moment I found myself in. _Cerberus is reluctant to bring __**me**__ on board, and yet The Illusive Man and Miranda both have done nothing but encourage my working with Feron, though it is clear they despise __**all**__ who are alien to them. Therefore, it stands to reason that he has information they want, just as they have information on him that I do not…which means that they __**know**__ who he is, and are counting on me not to discover it, because they cannot trust him and believe that if I know his identity, I will not trust him and not procure what they need._

_ Which is Shepard. _

_ Feron knows where she is. He does not work with Cerberus…and this information is not privy to an independent broker, otherwise Omega would be crawling with independents looking for the financial benefits…this leads me to but one belief. _

"Everything," I rounded on him, furious with my discovery, but unable to make an enemy of him. "You work for the Shadow Broker, and they know it."

"What?" his golden eyes held no dishonesty, his tone only indignation, not surprise.

Anger surged through me and biotic energy wrapped around the fist that I threw against his jaw. He fell to the ground, but none of the passersby noticed. This was Omega. No one would care.

"Now I know it, too." I seethed. "And our working relationship is about to change."


	24. Chapter 24

**Liara**

"Are you crazy, Liara?" Feron held his hand to his cheek. "Biotics? You could have killed me!"

"Yes, I could have." I hissed, allowing him to see that I was unafraid of using force. "Though while we are contemplating the subject of respective mortalities, it would have been entirely possible for those mercenaries to have killed both of us. I trust that, working for the entity you do, you are not unaware of how very quickly those situations can escalate. You were also the only person who knew that I was here, looking for Shepard, which leads me to the belief that you purposefully walked me into that trap!"

Feron lifted his hands in the universal gesture of defense. "It isn't what you think." he climbed to his feet and I backed away, too far for a physical attack to be successful. "I've been taking the odd assignment from the Broker for a while now. He pays _well_ for eyes and ears everywhere. He knew that Shepard's friends would be looking for her. My assignment was to lead you away."

I stared at the drell for a long moment of silence. And then I began laughing, loud and long, free on the streets of Omega. I did not care what anyone might think, that I had lost my mind, or that I had abused any number of illegal stimulants.

Feron stared at me with an expression that made it clear he believed I had lost my mind. "Why are you laughing?" he asked.

"Because paranoia is an end in itself." I replied after I had calmed. "Feron, had you not sent me that message, I would never have come. I would never have sought Shepard out."

His eyes went wide. "Are you serious?" he asked, looking around, presumably for those eyes and ears of which he was part. "But…if not you, surely the Alliance…"

I shook my head. "No." I replied. "The two who would, Ashley Williams and Karin Chakwas, have no real sway when it comes to enacting missions of this type and caliber. And militaries are…political entities. Shepard will be the great martyr, the role that requires filling, and her legacy will attract an entire new generation of glory-seeking soldiers. In some ways, her death is more profitable than her life, especially given her last moments in view of the galaxy."

Feron offered a slight grin, as though he did not know what to do with my words. "Her greatest moment, in my opinion."

I remembered the fierce pride that had gripped me in that moment, when the soldier broke military bearing and Serena showed her true face to the galaxy. The woman who had bled for them. The woman who had given them so much, though they did not even realize the extent of her sacrifices, the scars stamped on her body and inside her mind.

"There were greater moments." I told Feron, not caring if he believed me.

_The moment when a woman who had known a life filled with nothing but pain took me in her arms and took my suffering onto her shoulders. When she comforted me after Benezia's death. When she fought and made an enemy of the matriarchs to see Benezia's body returned to Thessia. When she protected the innocents of Feros from their own people, who had preyed on them. When she tore down all of her walls…she was so beautiful then, scars and tears and transcendent beauty. Goddess, _a wash of remembered emotion threatened to drown the very beat of my heart, _I __**miss **__you. _

Feron sighed and straightened his shoulders. "If that is the truth, Liara, you shouldn't be here. You should go. The Broker was attempting a pre-emptive strike. I was to distract you, lead you away, and no one was meant to be hurt."

"Those terms have changed." I stood my ground. "They altered when I was struck across the face with a gun, when Cerberus entered the equation, and now that I have learned that the Collectors are looking for her," I met his eyes with my own, so that he could see the blistering force of my honesty, "_no one_ will stand in my way. So tell me now, did you know about any of this? The Collectors? Cerberus?"

"Cerberus, yes." Feron nodded. "The Collectors…there were rumors, but nothing to go on. As for the Suns, I'm certain they were hired as added manpower. The Broker must be getting nervous. Liara, you would be better off without me. I'm a liability now. You should attempt this on your own."

He turned and I grabbed the collar of his jacket, wrenching him around towards me. "No." I said. "Money has exchanged hands, Feron, and it shouldn't matter who it belongs to, whether it is mine or Miranda's. You agreed to this, brought me into this, and now you will see it through."

Another wave of emotion nearly swallowed me whole. I had spoken as Shepard would about dedication, passion, working through the difficulties to attain the end result.

"I _loved_ Serena Shepard, Feron." I whispered. "I loved her and I let her turn her back on me. I let her go back into a burning ship and I let the best soldier and person I have ever known die. You…you dragged me into this and now I cannot turn my back. I can't leave her, and let her be taken by _anything or anyone _that does not understand and appreciate who she was. This is my chance to atone for the mistakes I made. You won't deny me that."

I could see the war he waged within himself. I did not care. His own conscience would not be the deciding factor in that battle. He would guide me to Shepard, even if he did it under duress. I had spoken the truth, and I would not turn back now.

"I think…" he said, pausing and taking a breath, "…that if I were to die in such a way, I would like to believe that someone like you would be looking for me."

"It's settled then." I placed my hands on my hips and nodded. "Lead the way."


	25. Chapter 25

**Liara**

My jaw ached, my head ached, and I could feel the obnoxious beat of the bass vibrating through my bones. I did not know how anyone could find this pleasant, or how anyone could be persuaded to remain here for longer than a few moments.

_Perhaps, _I eyed the ever-busy bartender, _inebriation is the key to tolerance. _

I glowered at Feron. "And the reason we are back in Afterlife would be?"

"You do recall that I said I was supposed to lead you _away_, right?" Feron asked with a snarky tone.

My glower deepened. "Shepard is _here_?"

_If so, how macabre, and fitting. _

"Not exactly." Feron looked around, a wariness taking over his body that did not bode well for what we might be seeking. "We're here for Aria."

"Aria?" I asked, slightly confused. "Feron…this does not seem to be the venue for human opera, no matter how much I might prefer it to the current musical selection."

Gold eyes flashed with incredulity. "You're kidding, right?" he asked, once more looking left and right. "You mean you've never heard of Aria T'Loak?"

I shook my head.

"The Queen of Omega? The lawless asari?" he hissed.

"Asking me more questions on the same subject will not enlighten my comprehension." I folded my arms across my chest and glared at the drell.

"Look." he stepped in closer. "Supposedly, there is no rule or law on Omega. That's where everyone is wrong. Aria rules here and _no one _stands in her way."

I shook my head. "I thought the queen of Omega was a myth." I muttered.

_Then again, the Reapers were once a myth as well. Goddess. _

"No." Feron shook his head. "She isn't a myth. She's the goddamn queen of Omega, and this is her high court."

"I can already tell that this is going to be less than amusing." I followed him as he began to make his way through the crowd, by the private booths, towards the back of the club.

"Oh, I don't know." a hand arrested my movement and pulled me off balance. A hulking, overweight batarian who reeked of alcohol dragged me in front of him. "I think I might be able to find something to _amuse _you. Move over," he glared at the volus in the booth with him, "We'll need some room."

The volus vacated the booth and waddled over to Feron while I stood, jaw open, agape at what was happening, and that Feron did nothing.

"Is the girl for sale, Trader?" the volus asked Feron and I fought against the batarian's disgusting grip. "The market's brimming with asari consorts since the attack on the Citadel, but there's always room for a pretty maiden."

Feron's palm slammed against his forehead and I lost all composure. I brought my leg up and snapped a biotic kick into the batarian's elbow. The bone shattered and he screamed, letting go of me and cradling his injured arm to his chest.

"Biotics." the volus groaned, reaching into his belt and removing a pair of biotic dampening cuffs. "Always a problem. You should take better care of your girls, trader."

A cry of disgust flew from my lips as I slammed the volus against the wall. I smiled as I heard the cracking of bones and the hissing of air as his suit was fissured in several places. The slam had caught the batarian as well. He lay against the seat in a distinctly odd position, his neck not properly aligned with the rest of his body.

"I am _nobody's __**girl**_." I hissed, wiping my arm where the batarian had grabbed it. "Welcome to the literal afterlife, gentlemen."

I turned back to Feron, smiling in approval as I saw the alarm in his eyes. "I feel like I got off easy now." he muttered. "And now that that's over with, Anto," he addressed someone else and I turned, catching my breath as I stared at the largest batarian I had ever seen, "we'd like to see Aria."

"She doesn't have time for a two-bit pissant like you." Anto growled in the deepest baritone I had ever heard. "Get out."

"Yeah…about that." Feron grinned and it's feral nature surprised me. "It won't be easy to do, but I'll inform her of the business you and I _normally_ do. Because she probably wouldn't mind knowing someone on her payroll is informing on who she sees and when."

"Fucking gutter rat." Anto growled, turning his mountainous back to us. "Follow me."

He led us through a door and the pounding of the bass mercifully eased. I examined the area with great care, in case another frantic escape might be required. The lighting was dim and the atmosphere hovered with something sinister. I could easily imagine the horrific spectre that the asari described when they spoke of the Queen of Omega dwelling here.

We reached what must have been considered Aria's throne room. I could see the buzzing hive of activity in Afterlife through the rails of the balcony guard. A figure stood, silhouetted by a pillar with fire spurting from it.

"Your friend is lovely, Feron." a dark, rich voice spooled through the room, heavy with command and disdain. "And much more seemly than your normal compatriots."

A lithe, supple body descended the steps, into the half light. Her skin was a rich lilac, her features sharp, perfect, and unforgiving. Deep violet, elegant markings cut across her features, and generous indigo lips lifted in a smile. It was a smile you would want to see as you die. And it was the smile that would kill you.

Deep blue eyes raked across my skin. "Young, lovely. Obviously high born." elegant fingers traced the laceration on my cheek.

"And just as obviously enjoying her first stay on Omega. Though I must say, the way you dealt with those gentlemen down there was…impressive. A maiden so adept in biotics is a rare thing. In fact, in her company, Feron, I would advise you against tormenting poor Anto so. He knows by now that _nothing_ is secret from me." a mocking laugh filtered through the semi-dark. "_Especially_ not in my own establishment. He is quite lucky I'm fond of him…it's an excellent survival trait."

She turned away from us and placed her hand beneath her chin in a well-studied gesture of thought. I attempted to keep myself from laughing. It was clear that she was no one to be trifled with, but I had stood in front of those who devoured the galaxy. And I had touched, kissed, and made love to the one who had defeated them. I did not understand why Feron kept his distance, or his silence.

"It's not often that the Shadow Broker sends one of his minions to me. What you are looking for must be so…tantalizing and rich that he simply can't resist. Anto," she flicked her finger in the direction of the exit, "do give us some privacy."

Feron nudged my shoulder and I turned my attention to him. "Just stay quiet." he ordered. "I'll handle this."

_As you wish, _I thought, looking back to Aria. _I can better use this time to learn why exactly she is Queen of Omega…and what might best upset the throne. _


	26. Chapter 26

**Liara**

Feron stepped forward, but I kept my eyes on Aria. She was the real power here on Omega. Not the gangs, not Cerberus, and not the Shadow Broker.

_But, like anyone with true power, she will not be persuaded. Threats are useless, money of no consequence, and violence pointless. No…this requires more subtlety. _

"We're looking for something very valuable," Feron began, "and very disputed. Commander Shepard's body. We know the Blue Suns are set to hand it off to the Shadow Broker. What we lack is the location of the exchange."

Aria turned and her glare at Feron could only be considered cruel. "You mean you don't?" she asked, her tones lofty and mocking. "How very humorous." she needled him and a chilling laugh followed. "I knew the Broker adored his secrecy, but for his own sycophant not to know what he's doing? That is…highly amusing."

She continued to walk the stairs, a carefully cultivated, mesmerizing sway to her hips. Her eyes landed on me once more and her brow furrowed as her gaze seemed to pierce my skin. At last, her lips curled up in a smile.

"It's you." she said at last. "Benezia's girl. Oh, your face was all over the news and the extranet. Were the rumors true, Liara?" my teeth ground together as she used my first name in the same manner as Miranda had. As though it were hers for the use. "Did you not just join Shepard's crew, but her bed as well? If you're looking for her, then you _must_ have been more than a casual fuck."

I clenched my hands into fists, attempting to keep my promise to Feron and remain silent. But I could not stand to have what Shepard and I had shared be cheapened. I had given Serena my soul. I had given her my body. And she had protected both of them. It was my heart she had destroyed. Inadvertently, perhaps. Because she could do nothing else but what she had done…perhaps. No matter what had happened, the outcome remained the same. She had died, and taken my heart with her.

Aria glared at me, clearly dissatisfied with my refusal to speak. "Tell me, Liara, could you _talk_ when you were aboard the Normandy? Or did you adopt something so quaint and foolish and human as a vow of silence?"

I kept my peace and she dismissed me with a flick of her fingers.

"No matter. Silent or speaking, you're obviously no threat. Just as the Broker is not a threat. Heavily influential, that is for certain, but _I_ hold the power on Omega. _Nothing_ happens here without my notice and oversight. I do know about the transfer, and where it is taking place. But I need something in return, Feron."

"I'm not surprised." Feron replied, disgust in the set of his shoulders.

_Information. _I began to realize. _Information is the true power here, and the only way to get what we need from Aria is to possess knowledge that she does not. It is the sole way to tip the nebulous balance of power in our favor. But the time to strike must carefully be weighed. _

"Tell me why the Broker is so interested in Shepard? Especially _dead _Shepard."

Feron's posture slumped. "I don't know." he answered. "That's why I need to know the location of the exchange. To uncover the reason."

"Bullshit." Aria snapped. "You'll find out nothing about the location of the transfer until you tell me what I _know _you know."

_And now I do what I must to tip the scales in our favor. _

"Because the Broker can be hired." I broke my silence. "And that is the case this time. He has no personal stake in the acquisition of Shepard's body…besides the desire not to anger his clients, the Collectors."

"The Collectors!" Aria all but shrieked. Her eyes burned and for the faintest of moments, I could have sworn a flash of fear crossed her face. "No one said _anything_ about the Collectors."

I smirked. "I thought you said you knew everything that happened on Omega."

"You little…" her lips curled in a feral snarl. "Out! Now! The both of you! **_Anto_**," she roared, "get in here and get them out!"

Feron moved toward the exit but I held my ground. "I thought you said you would tell us where the exchange was taking place if we told you what the Shadow Broker wanted with Shepard. I'm not afraid of you, Aria, and I _will_ hold you to your end of this bargain."

"You'll be lucky if I don't toss your pert blue ass in a tin-can ship and send you back to the matriarchy." Aria seethed. "Liara T'Soni, you are aware that you're wanted for murder on Thessia?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Well aware. But, unless I'm mistaken, you're bound to Omega for fear of reprisal for _your _crimes if you return to Council space. If you cannot physically leave, surely your influence does not extend much further."

Aria backed away a step, her gaze no longer flaring with rage. Instead, her eyes appraised me, not as someone beneath her, but as something new.

"There is a human tem for you, Liara T'Soni." she spat. "You're a goddess damned maverick, and I don't like you." She brought up her omni-tool and Feron did the same. "Omega's lower levels. The old mining processing plant. Those are the coordinates." she nodded to Feron. "The Suns are taking your _friend_ there. This meeting is over. Now, get out."

We left, Anto greeting us at the exit and escorting us back into the humming den of Afterlife. Only after we departed did Feron turn to me.

"What in the galaxy was _that_?" he hissed, too low for anyone but me to hear. "There is _one_ rule on Omega, and you broke it! You don't _fuck_ with Aria, T'Soni!"

"It worked, didn't it?" I asked, and after a moment he nodded and the anger left him.

"Yes." he admitted, almost against his will. "But you'll find no refuge on Omega now. And you might want to start thinking about that, Liara. You can't go back to Thessia."

I nodded, acknowledging that he was right. "I do have one question, Feron."

"Ask away." he muttered as we walked towards the exit of Afterlife.

"Do you happen to know the proper definition of what Aria called me?" I wondered aloud.

"A maverick." we left the club and the comparative quiet stunned me. The drell appraised me with a frank look, and nodded. "From what I know, it defines someone who lives outside the bounds assigned to them by race, culture, and respective laws." he chuckled. "It is essentially the definition of someone who cannot be defined."

I smiled as comprehension found me. "I do believe I can live with that." I told him as he pulled up his omni-tool.

"Excellent. Let's get going. This is one meeting we cannot be late for."

I fell in step beside him as we followed the map Aria had given us. _You abandoned me, but I will not do the same. I will not fail you. I am coming, Serena. _


	27. Chapter 27

**Thessia**

Sen looked at the sunlight peering through the tall windows of her borrowed room. It did not seem right that the sun should be shining. Not in light of what had happened to the woman she loved. Not in light of the memories...nightmares...she could see inside Liara's eyes. Without thinking, the cardiologist rose from the bed and pulled the dark, heavy curtains across the window, eliminating the sunlight.

_Darkness is nothing to be feared, _Sen remembered her mother's words from when she had been but a child. _Even light gets tired and needs its rest. _

The words had been simple to the child's mind, to the fear in her heart of the unseen and the unknown. Now, they rang with deeper wisdom, a wisdom with which Sen could translate Liara's story. The archaeologist had stood beside, been part and parcel with, the light of the galaxy. That light had not been allowed to rest, had not been given the time to adjust and process. It had been forced to keep shining, and Liara with it.

Therefore it came as no surprise, to Sen, that when the light had gone out, darkness had swallowed Liara whole. Even now, recalling what had happened centuries ago, her friend's hands shook, her eyes filled with tears that did not fall. Her regret for that time was clear, and Sen believed she had not yet heard the worst of it. Still, Liara's tale of her journey into the void struck Sen's heart with something akin to jealousy. The fearlessness of Liara's search, her boldness in the face of the attack by the Blue Suns, her confrontation with The Illusive Man, and with Aria T'Loak, still reigning Queen of Omega.

Sen had wished for that manner of boldness on so many occasions. Her professional life had often required it, but she had failed herself too many times, taking orders that made no sense, shouldering the burden of her colleague's disdain. Her initial love of her work, of mending hearts and saving lives, had been colored and tainted by her lack of self-defense. It had become so much a burden, and less a gift.

_And my weakness is what tore me from Mira, _Sen thought, grief striking her anew as she thought of her lover, fighting for her life all alone on a foreign planet. _I left her for my work on a consistent basis, attempting to earn favor that never arrived…that I might have been given if I had one ounce of the courage Liara possesses. The courage to say no when necessary…to earn respect instead of hoping that one day it will be given. _

A wave of self-loathing swept over the doctor and she sat back down on the bed with a heavy sigh. Sen's eyes turned to Liara and she nearly began to weep at the look of compassion in the older asari's gaze.

"It is not something to be admired, Sen." Liara spoke and Sen's eyes flared with shock as her friend seemed to read her mind.

"Courage is always worthy of admiration, Liara." Sen replied, her tone gentle, her mind still berating herself for her lack of bravery.

"Yes, it is." Liara agreed. "But what I showed in that time was the furthest thing from true courage. All I had within me was rage, grief, and my thoughts, which would turn from hate to love in the span of a second. I had no desire to face those emotions and thus they burst forth from me in obscene shows of brutality and bravado that should have gotten me killed. I was like a firework…an impressive flash of sparks and power that frightened and protected. But it faded in an instant, and left me once more in the black."

"Then what do you consider courage?" Sen asked. "Because taking a stand cannot simply be bravado. Fighting for something that you love must come from something deeper than rage. Especially given the scope of those you were working with and against."

Liara looked down at the comforter, tracing the intricate sworls of the pattern with her fingertips. Her eyes closed and Sen saw a shadow cross her face, a shadow that made her look young, vulnerable, but possessed of such beauty that it caused Sen's heart pain.

_It is no wonder that Shepard loved her, _Sen thought to herself. _She is so passionate, so wise, so caring. Even the hardest of hearts would break from seeing the depth of hers. _

"Courage is something achieved with wisdom." Liara answered after a long pause. "It is not the ability to pull the trigger, because any coward will fight for his life. It is not bravado in the face of those more powerful, because any braggart can be brash and insouciant. Courage," Liara looked up, her blue eyes glimmering with memory and a power that transcended any physical force, "is being able to look at yourself without shame and without fear. It is holstering the weapon you hold because you do not fear your enemy. Courage is, not only understanding mercy, but extending it. Courage is the endurance of mockery and the clinging to the truth, no matter how ridiculous it might seem." Liara smiled, soft and gentle. "It is the ability to forgive, Sen. It is being at peace with peace itself, yet knowing and _accepting _that it might fall apart at any moment."

A single tear, like a drop of blood, slipped from Liara's eye. Sen watched as it traced down the asari's cheek. She wanted to wipe it away, to erase the pain it represented, to comfort the hurt that it carried from Liara's soul. But she did not, because Liara seemed so untouchable in this moment. Sen had never witnessed grief carried with such grace, and burdens borne with Liara's immense clarity and calm. The fact that the elder asari grieved for the centuries past only indicated and solidified her strength.

"Courage," Liara continued, as though she needed to finish this thought, as though it were paramount above all else, "is looking into the eyes of love and still being able to whisper that it is time. Courage is turning from heaven and walking into hell. I know that now…but I did not know it then. I had thought that nothing could take Serena from me, because she was so powerful. At that time, I did not realize that power had many definitions."

"Oh?" Sen asked, muted but intrigued.

"Yes." Liara reached up and brushed her tear away with an elegant hand. "Aria T'Loak is very powerful, but when she dies, there will be a whisper of relief through the galaxy. This is true of many of the powerful in this galaxy, because they are feared, or because they are unknown. I would know this, because I am one of those with that manner of power."

Shock filled Sen's eyes, but she said nothing. She could see that, in certain moments, Liara inspired fear. She knew that the archaeologist had killed, both in battle and in cold blood. She did not know how Liara had acquired the information that she had, but she could see something in Liara's eyes that unnerved her. And it was the power that she spoke of. The secret menace that hovered just out of the reach of exposure and comprehension.

"That manner of power is transient and temporary." Liara went on. "Because it dies with the person who holds it. But true greatness, true power," her eyes sparked with life and the ghosts of memories and longing, "transcends the small word we give to describe it. When one who holds true power falls…even their enemies mourn."


	28. Chapter 28

**Liara**

"There is nothing here." I looked from our small hiding place down onto the expanse beneath us.

It was full of crates and antiquated equipment, a truly forgotten memory of the time when Omega was a mining plant on the asteroid that became the station that became the end of all things. I pulled at the collar of my armor, attempting to encourage airflow. The heat in this part of the station was stifling, and the exertion from earlier had reminded me of how little I had eaten, drank, and slept in the last few days.

I did not even have proper comprehension of the passing of time. I sighed, looking down into the barely illuminated shipping dock, and began to doubt the information that Aria had given us.

"Do you think the Queen of Omega would lead us astray?" I wondered aloud, looking at Feron. "Seeing as you warned me that I had grossly displeased her."

Feron shrugged. "You never know with Aria." he replied. "But I think she was more shaken by your dropping the information about the Collectors in her lap than she was by you. Any other time I'd think she might have intentionally knocked us off course. But not this one. These coordinates are too obscure to just be thrown at us as a distraction."

"You believe we're early then?"

"I hope so." Feron scrutinized the area, cursing the lack of light under his breath. "I'd certainly like to have an advantage. The Blue Suns have neither an overabundance of intelligence or skill, however they do have a _lot_ of manpower. That's enough to make us need a damn good advantage, if we can get one."

"So I am right in believing that the Broker does not hire those who possess inquiring minds." I teased him with my observation, though it was not strictly in jest.

Feron nodded. "It depends on the job, really." he answered. "Something like this…too many inquiries are a bad idea. Especially with the Collectors being involved. Which makes me wonder how much they want this."

"Whatever do you mean?" I inquired, illuminating my hand with biotics and searching the area we had concealed ourselves in. A staircase led to the floor below, the only safe exit, as leaping from the platform we stood on, concealed by crates, promised a broken leg, or worse, from the elevation.

Feron frowned. "You're not stupid, Liara. How often do the Collectors do anything newsworthy? They emerge from wherever they hide so rarely that most don't even believe they exist. Shepard is…famous. She's the hero of the fucking galaxy. _Why_, if they're so intent on secrecy, are they making deals for her corpse?"

_Because of the Reapers. _I wanted to say, but I held my tongue. Feron had not earned enough trust to be privy to that manner of information. In fact, if he were still intent on working for the Broker, I might not be safe in the moments to come.

"You know as well as I." I answered.

"And you know more than you're saying." Feron muttered.

"Yes, I do." I smiled, letting him know that he would receive no further information from me.

Not now, and possibly not ever.

Feron shook his head. "I suppose that's fair." he said.

A loud thunk echoed through the room and the lights went on, revealing several of the Blue Suns in their indicatively colored armor milling about on the ground. Feron and I ducked behind the crates though we were so out of the way I doubted we would be noticed were we to lift our heads.

"Looks like Aria was right." Feron looked up and surveyed the situation. "And we got here early. As soon as they bring the body out, we can move. This should be nice and easy."

I raised my head and watched as a single, small, obviously high-end, ship entered the large hangar bay. It landed without a sound and the ramp dropped with the low hiss of hydraulics. I scanned the area once more, watching as several of the Blue Suns fought with an obviously heavy burden.

_Shepard_…my heart kicked against my ribs with a decidedly painful thump. I turned my attention to the ship's passenger.

A heavily armored, heavily armed, _huge_ salarian disembarked the ship. His complexion was a dark green, and his stature lifted him above even the krogan Blue Sun who greeted him. Large black eyes shone with brutality, and his mouth seemed set in a permanent line of unpleasantness.

"Damn it!." Feron hissed beside me. "Did I say this was going to be easy? Forget it, forget I said anything like that."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, keeping my voice low, as I was afraid that his increasing volume would draw unwanted attention.

"The Broker would send Taz for this pickup." Feron muttered, but he was speaking to himself. "First the crazy asari, then Cerberus, now _this…_my day just gets better and better."

"The salarian?" I pushed my inquiry further. "Why does it matter who the Broker sent for pickup?"

"Because Tazzik is the Shadow Broker's _only_ contract killer." Feron spat the words. "The Suns are nothing, hired muscle, slime who'll shoot at anything for the right amount of credits. Taz is a…specialist. He gets results. Quick, clean kills, then he's gone. If the Broker sent _him_…our lives just got a lot more difficult."

I pursed my lips and watched as the Blue Suns led Tazzik to a pod, specially built for the holding of bodies. Red lights glowed, illuminating the status of its contents. My heart threatened to shear in two. The strong, vibrant, wise, beautiful soldier I loved had been reduced to the contested contents of a box.

"Is that Shepard?" Tazzik asked, the deep tones of his voice, antithetical to most salarians, startled me.

"Yeah." the krogan answered. "What's left of her anyway. I'm shocked there's that much. Human body must be able to take a lot of punishment."

_You've no idea_. I thought as unwanted tears pricked my eyes. _You've no idea how she suffered. The horrors that her life comprised. Now she is dead…in that box…lost to all who loved, admired, and needed her. _

"I've known some that couldn't." Tazzik smiled, and it was a sick baring of teeth. "Your credits are here, but if this is some sort of trick, I will come back. And there won't be need for a box for what's left of you."

All of the gang members backed away. Biotic energy swirled around me and I stood, ready to take Serena back, to preserve her from the machinations of her enemies.

"It's her. Let's go." I whispered, heading for the staircase. Feron's arms arrested me and I fought against him.

"Liara, it's too risky!" Feron hissed. "We can't make a move now."

"No." I shouted in a whisper. "You won't keep me from her again! I did not get almost killed and drawn into a Cerberus trap for _you_ to stop me now!"

"That's what you think I'm doing? Still carrying out the original mission? Keeping you away?"

"I've no reason to believe otherwise." I struggled and he let me go.

"That's not it at all." Feron stressed the words. "I've _seen_ Tazzik's work. He'll rip you apart in seconds. We have to have an advantage." he looked around, and his eyes widened as he saw what looked like a turret gun.

"Look, that's an old defense gun from when this mine was constantly pirated. I'll bet everything it's still functional. One shot will disable Tazzik's ship."

"Excellent." I nodded my approval. "But I have to get down there before they move her and your blast disables his ship and ruins what's left of Shepard."

I crept down the stairs as fast as I could, readying my biotics, my pistol, and my mind. I had fought beside Shepard. I had fought with Shepard. This would be the first time that I had fought _for_ her. And I looked forward to it.


	29. Chapter 29

**Liara**

I moved behind more crates, keeping to the shadows, wishing that I could be in two places simultaneously. Misgiving filled me as my eyes darted upward, towards the turret gun. I had not considered how much I would miss going into dangerous situations with those I knew I could trust. Ashley, Garrus, Wrex, Tali…even Kaidan would not have let me fall before an enemy. And Serena. Especially Serena.

_Because it's you…_her words on Virmire floated through my mind. She had kept me from my excitement, from venturing near the Prothean beacon that Saren had kept. She had taken the punishing touch of that artifact herself, and I had wondered at her reasoning and her explanation.

_She loved me. _I realized, my eyes riveted to the box that held what remained of her body. _She loved me as none other ever had, or possibly ever will. To take the amount of pain she endured for my sake…not a sane mind in the galaxy would do that, even in the name of love. But her mind was broken enough, fractured enough, tempered by insanity __**just**__ enough…to love me in a manner that outstrips comprehension. _

I shook my head to clear it, knowing that, above all, I needed to focus on the task at hand. Saving Shepard. Her body was so close…and if I had been with any single one of the others from the Normandy, I would have felt no fear. But Feron…Feron I could not trust. He could speak of his personal misgivings and attempt to help me all that he wished, but I would believe none of it. Trust had standards that needed met, and he had not done that.

The krogan leader of the Blue Suns turned his face towards the stasis pod and the two men straining to move it.

"What's taking so long?" he growled. "Is it marked 'handle with care'? Get a damn move on." He chuckled. "Not like Shepard's going to get _more_ damaged."

My hand curled into an angry fist. _You uncouth bastard!_

Tazzik's dark gaze was drawn to the ineffective actions of the gang members and his mouth curled in a sneer. "I'll take it from here." he told the krogan. "Your part in this is done, you've been paid, and I don't ever want to see you again. Stay in one place too long and things go…"

A loud blast tore the words away. Fire exploded into the crates…behind the ship. Feron had fired the gun, but missed the target. I wreathed my body in biotic energy as all attention and weapons turned towards the deck Feron had fired from.

Gunfire sounded through the hangar bay, but over it I could hear Tazzik shouting.

"Get that body on this ship now!" he ordered, his voice clearer above all the others that screamed out Feron's location.

I ran from behind the crates.

"You're not taking her!" I shouted, unleashing a biotic shockwave at the krogan leader.

The wave of energy knocked him back, into the still burning flames from the explosion. I ignored the screams and the miniature explosions of specialized rounds as they pinged off of my shields. A turian Sun ran up to me and received a biotic punch to the jaw. The hard plating of his mandibles tore my knuckles open, but he fell to the ground and did not rise again. I grabbed my pistol and fired in Tazzik's direction, but the smoke obscured too much for my aim to be true.

Another Blue Sun aimed his weapon at me and I wrapped biotics around it, wrenching it from his grasp. His weapon flew away and he flew upwards under the force of my lift, falling after I riddled his chest with bullets. They ripped through his armor as though it were paper and I briefly thanked Cerberus for their illicit modifications to their guns and ammunition.

I turned as a loud, scraping noise drew my attention, and saw the pod containing Shepard's body, the woman who had been dearest to me in all the galaxy, being loaded onto Tazzik's ship. The salarian himself stood on the ramp, pure disgust on his face as the Suns ran amok and were demolished by my biotics and Feron's bullets.

He hefted his weapon in his hands and seemed to sigh. I began to run towards him when someone tackled me, pushing me out of the way before a grenade exploded. The concussive blast propelled us further and my head slammed against the edge of a crate as we hit the ground. I sat up, disoriented, the room tilting in front of me, barely noticing that Feron was the one who had pushed me out of the way of the explosion.

If he had not, I would be dead, but I dismissed the thought as I broke from cover, running after the departing ship. A thousand emotions and feelings scoured through me, but at the foremost was the most wretched sense of failure and grief I had ever endured.

"Shepard!" I shouted after the ship, knowing it was useless, knowing she was dead, but screaming her name out anyway as though she might hear me and return.

_The dead that she loved returned to her!_ I thought as angry tears streamed down my cheeks. _Why am I not given the same consideration!? My love of her was no less pure, no less true, no less lasting! Come back to me, damn you! Come __**back!**_

"Serena!" I screamed, though there were none to hear it but Feron and the last of the Blue Suns, who had been wiped out with the shot from Tazzik's grenade launcher.

"Liara," the drell's voice, the thing I wanted _least_ to hear, "Liara, she's gone."

I turned and shoved him, knocking him to the floor, not caring that I saw bloody gouges across his face or that he cradled his left arm against his chest.

"And it's your fault, you incompetent, blithering _traitor!_" I yelled. "You're _still_ working for the Shadow Broker aren't you? Only pretending to help me so that you could drag me here, get me killed, and make _certain _Tazzik got away!"

"I never stopped working for the Broker, Liara!" Feron backpedaled on the ground, having the good grace to at least look terrified. "As far as _he_ knows! But I did _not _do that on purpose! I don't want her body going to the Collectors, but this is fucking complicated. Now, you can kill me…"

He lifted his hands in self-defense as I approached, a swarming swirling mass of wrath and biotic energy. "That sounds _entirely _too tempting." the words emerged on a growl.

"Or you can get in my ship with me and we can trail Tazzik." Feron offered, and I stopped short.

_If he was working for the Broker, then this would be the end of his mission. He would not offer me this, not even to preserve his life. In fact, _I looked at him, seeing the weapon holstered at his side, _he would kill me and be done with this entire sordid affair. I can offer him leniency...now._

"This is your _last_ chance." I hissed, extending my hand and pulling him to his feet. "One more _incident_ like this and you won't _have_ to worry about the Broker finding you. I'll fillet you myself."

"Of that," he brushed dirt from his jacket, "I have not the slightest doubt."


	30. Chapter 30

**Liara**

Feron's ship deserved one description. Small. It held only one acceleration chair and Feron, as the pilot, sat there. I sat on the floor beside the chair, cramped and uncomfortable, my knees drawn up to my chest. Though the atmospheric temperature was comfortable, sweat broke out on my forehead and began to trickle down my face. I kept my head lowered, hoping that Feron did not notice. I did not want questions asked, and I did not want to give an explanation.

All I could think of in this tiny space was the cramped conditions of the escape pod. When I had heard Joker's voice breaking. When he had told us the news that shook everyone present to their very core. I did not think I could ever bear to be in such a cramped space again…I would be forever reminded of that time, the horror, the disbelief, and the heartbreak that had followed.

The heartbreak that remained present, no matter how much I attempted not to focus on it. It hovered in my chest with the lingering ache of a deep bruise. A wound which would know no mending. I had not healed from Benezia's death, but the pain of her loss had grown easier with each passing day. Somehow, I did not believe that the same would be true of losing Serena. Time and distance had separated me from my mother long before her death. But Shepard…we were so new, so very in love, so close…and I did not know how to heal from the wound she had left in my heart.

I hoped that bringing her back, saving her body from the Collector's machinations, might provide some form of catharsis. That restoring her to her own people might provide closure to what had been the happiest and most terrible moments of my life.

"So _that's_ where he's going." Feron's voice broke the silence and stopped my mind from falling into memories that I both longed and had no desire to revisit.

I stood up and looked at the mass relay in front of us, watching Tazzik's ship disappear into the void of space through it.

"How do you know?" I questioned the drell. "He could go to any number of planets in any number of star systems."

Feron shook his head and began to key in coordinates for the leap through space. "The Shadow Broker only has one base through that relay." he said. "On Alignon. That's where Taz is going, and we shouldn't have any problem following him."

"You say that now." I muttered, bracing myself for the leap through space.

The entire ship shuddered as we entered the relay, and the expression on my face must have been one of pure alarm, because Feron looked at me and laughed.

"You look like this is the first time you've gone through a relay." he teased.

"It _is_ the first time I have gone through a relay..." I said, enjoying the shock in his eyes as I paused for effect, "...in a ship that Aria would most certainly define as a 'tin-can' vessel."

"You wound me, Liara." Feron exclaimed, pressing his hand to his chest in dramatic agony.

I found myself smiling, and it hurt. At another point in time, were we not the people we were, with the goal we needed to accomplish, I would have liked the drell very much. I would have befriended him. But our loyalties divided us. Yes, we were here for the same reason, but our motivations were different.

He did not want the Collectors to possess Shepard's body. I wanted…much more than that. I wanted absolution, redemption…to pay for abandoning her aboard the burning Normandy. She would never have done that to me. And I felt I had betrayed her.

_That is the gnawing in my gut, the unease in my soul, the tearing at my heart, _I tried to convince myself. _Once she is safe, those emotions will vanish. I will be able to adjust to my new reality. I will heal from these wounds. Surely that will be so. _

As much as the thoughts appealed to me, there dwelt a sneaking suspicion that they might not prove true. My heart had never before been broken. I did not know how to mend it. And I did not know how to forget. Trying to reclaim Shepard would only be a distraction for as long as the mission lasted. Afterward…I was wanted on Thessia, had ruined any chance of refuge on Omega…I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I had no future.

"You look deep in thought." Feron noted as we emerged through the relay. "If you're making battle plans, you might consider cluing me in. I do know the area after all."

"I'm not making battle plans." my voice sounded more dejected than I have ever heard it. "I am…sorely out of my depth. In this and in all other things. And I am so very tired."

"It will take us a little while to get to Alignon." Feron attempted to sound comforting. "I can put the ship on auto-pilot; we can get some rest."

"No." I shook my head. "I do not want to sleep. When I sleep I…" I stopped myself before I confessed more than he needed to know.

"You dream of what you've lost." Feron answered, this time, true compassion etched in his tones. I looked up at him, surprised. "You're not the only one with a past, Liara." he tried to smile, but there was a sorrow in it. "Everyone's lost something…or made mistakes. There's not a single person who doesn't have nightmares."

"Be that as it may…" I remembered the terrible dreams I had been given, dreams of Shepard dying in my arms, or separated from her loved ones in some horrorscape, "…I have no wish to face these."

Feron nodded in understanding. He reached down beneath the pilot's console and withdrew a small box.

"Working for the Broker is exhausting." he opened the box and withdrew a small vial and syringe. "You have to keep alert, sometimes for days on end. While drell require less sleep than most other species, we do have our limits." he plunged the syringe into the vial and filled it. "This helps."

He pushed the air from the syringe until liquid burst from the needle, and handed it to me. I eyed it with distrust. But if he wanted to kill me, he would have done so already. And though every bone in my body begged for rest, I had no desire to revisit my subconscious mind.

"What's in it?" I questioned.

Feron's eyes darkened. "I don't think you want to know."

I gave a breathy laugh as I stared at the syringe. The lights of the flight deck gleamed off of the needle that promised respite and relief.

"You are more than likely right." I replied, pushing the needle into my arm and depressing the plunger of the syringe.

Immediately my head felt lighter; the ache between my temples disappeared. The hazy edges of the ship vanished and everything once more became clear. Strength surged through my veins, every ache and pain faded, and I stood up, looking out into space, ready to face whatever might come. I no longer needed to fear the darkness of my dreams.


	31. Chapter 31

**Liara**

"Is it freezing out here, or am I alone in my discomfort?" I asked, huddling into myself, attempting to keep out the chill, biting wind making me shiver.

Feron did nothing but smile. "It's a little cool, yes." he answered. "But you're likely feeling the effects of the drugs you took and the rush from…"

"Almost exploding, yes." I frowned. "I do recall."

The Shadow Broker had posted sentries around Alignon, ships guided by VI intelligence that were set to attack anyone who entered the planet's atmosphere. Feron's solution to their attack had been to fly into the heart of a mined-out asteroid composed of highly combustible materials. I still did not know how his ship had survived the explosion, but it had, and the Broker's sentries had no longer been a problem.

The temperature, however, was. My teeth were chattering and I forced myself to follow the drell, in the weak hopes of generating enough body heat to shop the shivering.

I opened my omni-tool, intent on searching for information about the planet Alignon, but the screen was simply blank. I stared at it for a moment before looking at Feron.

"I believe something planetary is interfering with my signal." I told him. "Your Shadow Broker certainly did not choose the proper place for a base of operations."

Feron merely grinned as we climbed over the desolate, rocky landscape, heading to a destination only he knew. I did not like that fact, but was forced to follow him nonetheless.

"That's where you're wrong." he replied, crouching behind a rock and looking for…something. More sentries, perhaps? Armed guards? Mercenaries? The list could be unending. "The Broker has a system that can cut straight through the atmospheric interference. But, for obvious reasons, it's not technology he's willing to share. He makes his agents come to Alignon in _person_ to receive their orders."

"I do not think that I could live a life filled with such rampant paranoia and secrecy." I muttered as I my foot slipped from under me and I slid down a small decline, a shower of dust and pebbles following me as I landed, unpleasantly, on my ass.

Feron offered me a hand and I accepted his help as he pulled me to my feet.

"It's just another layer of protection." he muttered. "And though it seems like overkill, the Broker has his reasons. You don't rule the galaxy's black market and information trade from out in the open. That's a quick way to die. Still, the security has its distinct lack of perks. The sentries that attacked us, for instance. We weren't on the list of arrivals they had when they took off and that's why we were targeted."

"That's ludicrous." I muttered, clinging to an almost smooth rock face and making my way down. "He has so many layers of security that his people are tripping over themselves. It's an over-encumbered organization, almost worse than a government bureaucracy. How does he get anything done with any manner of efficiency?"

"Beats me." Feron shrugged his shoulders. "But I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that he's willing to shoot anything that brings up a red tape issue, instead of having to slog through it."

"Be that as it may…"

"Look, it might be beneficial to us in this case." Feron lowered his voice as we approached a structure, couched in the middle of nowhere on a planet that naturally disrupted communications frequencies.

"How so?" I asked, following his lead and crouching lower against the ground and behind the rocks.

"If everyone else is as uninformed as we are, and we have to believe that they are, then we can make up a much more feasible lie, instead of trying to decipher what information they actually have."

"I can only hope you're right." I replied, eyeing the two turian sentries who guarded the door to the base.

"I'm bored, I'm angry, and I don't want to be here." one of them snarled. "There's no outside to this place. Just...rocks."

"Quit your bitching." the other one snapped. "The money's good, isn't it?"

"Credits aren't anything if I can never get a damn moment to spend them…somewhere that _isn't_ this place."

"Oh good." Feron smiled. "I love these two. Good with their guns, but that's about it. They might have a half a brain cell between them."

"Your estimations of situations have not aided us before." I muttered.

"True enough." he relented. "And, also, I apologize."

"Whatever fo…"

My words were cut off as Feron wrapped his arm around me in a stranglehold and pressed the metal of his pistol directly into my cheek. I flinched as the metal grazed the healing wound, risking tearing it open once more.

He dragged me out from behind the rock and towards the door, and though I wanted to flare into a biotic rage and throw him against the building, I did not do so, certain that he at least had a plan, and hoping that it wouldn't fall apart.

"Good morning, gentlemen!" he fairly beamed. "I've got a delivery—someone the Broker has wanted to see for a…very long time."

"Hey, Feron." one of the turians greeted him, pulling up his omni-tool. His mandibles fluttered as he scrolled down the screen. "You're not on the list for today." his eyes narrowed.

"I'm not on _your_ list." Feron stressed. "But since when does the Broker tell you _everything_? This delivery is…special." he winked. "If you get my meaning."

"Figures." the unhappy turian grumbled. "He's getting laid and we're not. And _we_ are supposed to know _everyone_ who's coming. It's _on the list_."

"The _fucking_ list." Feron exaggeratedly rolled his eyes. "Are you the Broker, Delwian?"

"No." the turian, Delwian, frowned.

Feron played off of that and turned to the other. "And you, Joppa?" he needled. "Are _you_ the Broker?"

Joppa laughed. "Fuck no, and glad of it. What business are you running now, Feron?"

Feron grinned and placed a finger to his lips. "That's a secret." he whispered, like a true showman. Then he ran his hand down my side, across my hip, and between my legs, leaving it there while in my mind I ripped him apart limb from limb. "But it involves delicious asari escorts." he said. "Maybe I can find one for you on my next run."

Joppa grinned, all sharp teeth and lust. "Make sure you do." he all but drooled.

Feron squeezed between my thighs and my eyes flared, but I forced myself to remain still. "You've got it, my friend." he quipped, and just like that, we were through the doors.

After they closed, I glanced around. I could hear others in the building, but we were not visible to any of them at the moment. I wrenched out of his grip and promptly slapped him across the face.

His hand flew to his cheek as he staggered backwards. "What the fuck was that?" he hissed.

"A human gesture of appreciation for a job well done." I smiled. "I believe they call it a 'high-five'."


	32. Chapter 32

**Liara**

Feron led me through the desolate halls of the Shadow Broker's base on Alignon. Our footsteps echoed and I saw no one else as we moved through the labyrinthine halls. I had never known that the air of secrecy could have a pervasive discomfort, an unconscious sway that, with little effort, could dominate the mind and be used to control.

_I do not, however, see the need for everything to be so still, silent, and ominous. Surely the Broker's power would be better used without all the convoluted layers. Mayhaps he has his reasons but…but I should like to know what they might be. This is all very…inefficient. _

"I am getting the distinct impression that your employer is far less broker and far more shadow." I commented in a low voice as we walked. "If this is a base, where is the manning? Where are the people?"

"At other, more known, locations." Feron answered. "Alignon is for beyond-covert operations only. Shepard's body qualifies."

I frowned, attempting not to think of the contents of the box, but of the warm, confident, beautiful woman whose bed and heart I had shared. She should be remembered as such, as someone who was alive, and whose life touched countless who were living. Those, like me, who owed her their lives. And those, out in the far-flung reaches of space, who would never know how much she had sacrificed for them.

"I am tired of her being spoken of as merchandise." I hissed. "She was…still is…so much more."

"I doubt she cares all that…" Feron's callous, if intended for humor, statement fell short as he saw my face. "You don't believe she's dead." he breathed. "Or else you think Cerberus could actually do the impossible."

I shook my head. "I am a scientist, Feron." I whispered. "I studied the dead…and I have seen firsthand the legacy they left, the fingerprints all across the galaxy that most do not even recognize. Shepard lived an…expansive life. I know she is dead." the words made my chest feel hollow. "But that does not mean that she ceases to exist."

"Siari, right?" Feron asked, stating the name of the belief that had largely overtaken my people's belief in our Goddess. "Everything returns to the universe? Becomes something new? That has to help you cope a little bit."

I laughed, it tasted bitter, cold…with an edge of wistfulness that surprised me. "There is no coping, Feron. Nor any forgetting, nor any respite. My mother...Serena...I've not been haunted long enough to know if the phantoms of memory ever fade. I know that at times they lose their potency, but always there is a resurgence."

"Scientist my ass." Feron smirked, offsetting my brooding recollections with snark.

_A coping mechanism_, my heart lurched in my chest, _how often did Shepard, Ashley, Garrus, Wrex, and Tali all devolve into insulting each other and making each other laugh in the most dire of circumstances? Feron even now is doing so. _

"Oh?" I raised my brow. "And what am I, Feron?"

"A philosopher." he decided with an emphatic nod.

I shook my head, but what might have been merriment stopped at the sound of footsteps and what had to have been the harsh, stilted breathing of a volus. The sounds drew closer and Feron and I ducked down behind a wall partition. The sound of the volus' respirator…or whatever it was…grew louder and I trusted the shadows to keep me safe enough to lift my head.

My throat dried out and tightened and my heart rate tripled as I saw something that few in the galaxy ever did…and if they did, they rarely lived to tell the tale. I had to assume it was a Collector, because I had never seen its like anywhere, not even a picture in the depths of the extranet.

It loomed over the volus it walked beside, casting an immense, threatening shadow. Its shoulders were broader than even those of a krogan, and its body…I shuddered. Its body looked as though its skeleton had forced itself out, over the skin, forming into armor across its chest, outer thighs, shoulders, back, and head. Its hands were talons and even its feet were clawed, with wicked spurs made of the same bone-like armor that covered it. Its head looked almost like an Earth creature…a cobra, if I recalled correctly. Beneath what looked like bone, I could see the maroon definition of striated muscle, tight and hard and powerful. The entire being shimmered with an aura of pure lethality, and a shiver crept down my spine as I saw its eyes.

There were four of them, all glowing orange and yellow, and filled with…nothing. I thought, once, that I had witnessed empty eyes, but that had not been the case. Behind the four glittering orbs there lay an absolute blank, a light without reason and a life-force without name and being and a terror fiercer than any that had a name nestled deep within the core of me.

"The package…is at the north dock." the volus spoke in their familiar, stilted cadence. "I…assure you…it is in…prime condition."

"It had better be." the words were simple, but I flinched at every syllable. I knew that deep, resonating, haunting voice. It was not this thing…this Collector…that spoke. Those tones belonged to only one sort of creature, one sort of sentience.

_I was __**right**_**! **I thought, and I dreaded the truth of it. _They __**are**__ in league with the Reapers, if not completely controlled by them. _

Biotic energy swirled around my hands and I prepared to break from cover as the Collector and volus moved past us. An attack from behind would be our best chance at catching them off guard. After all, it was a secure base and no one would expect a hostile force…

"Liara, no!" Feron grabbed me by the arms, stopping me…_again!_

"Let me _go_!" I hissed. "This is our _one _chance!"

"We have time." he assured me, and the fervor in his eyes convinced me that he spoke true. "We have time, I _swear_. I know exactly where they're going, and they're going to have to repressurize the landing bay. But we need to find out _why_ this exchange is even taking place."

I thought of the Collector and I shuddered. "How could the Broker deal with them?" I asked Feron. "How could anyone in their _right_ mind give Shepard's body to…to that monstrosity?"

For the first time, Feron looked truly appalled. "I don't know, Liara." he admitted at last, no longer seeming as though he knew more than I, or had more insight into the entirety of the situation. "So far, the Broker has been neutral in everything…never took a side. But…but this goes beyond anything I've ever seen him pull."

He sighed and looked up, beyond our ersatz hideaway, towards a door.

"This is why I'm helping you." he cemented his loyalty at last. "I _need_ to know more. And if there is one thing I've learned in this business, it's to never interrogate the middleman." he moved out and I followed him towards the door. "You always," he ran a complicated hack with his omni-tool and the door flared open, "go to the source."


	33. Chapter 33

**Liara**

"Those who break that threshold come only when called, Feron." a harsh voice rang as the door opened and we stepped into the room. It boomed from a bright, almost soft light that surrounded a shadowy, humanoid figure. "You were not called."

The voice could not be defined, and had been greatly digitally altered to the point where I could distinguish neither gender nor species. Yet another artifice to increase secrecy. I did not know if any amount of power could consign me to living a life where no one knew me. A life of complete isolation. How could one wield power in such a way? How could one destroy themselves for the pursuit of information and knowledge, and the wealth gleaned from thence? That level of power would be comforting…but cold. So very, very cold.

"Is any of this real?" I wondered aloud, feeling as though I were in a dream, seeking something that could not be found…something that lay in the hands of someone who did not exist. Except as a shadow, a menace in the darkness. Who wielded a power where one word could end a life.

Before the Normandy, I had never seen true death. I had never known combat. But I did know, now, that there was honesty in the taking of life and the uncovering of knowledge. It had been straightforward, a bullet into a body…a brutal exchange. A piece of the soldier's soul for the victory achieved. This…this power wielded by the broker in the shadows…was as insidious as the evil perpetrated by the Reapers. I could not do it. I could not condone it.

_I hate him, whoever he may be. I hate that he plays with those who work for him, that he toys with their emotions and clouds their lives and pervades their consciousness for no purpose except his own protection. It is criminal and sadistic. It needs to be destroyed…the entire construct. _

"I don't know." Feron answered the question I had asked. "I have never been this close."

We moved closer towards the platform, and the brightness of the light surrounding it seemed to fade. A bitter laugh echoed and died inside my mind as I saw that the figure was not real, simply another projection, another smoke-screen, another veneer of invincibility. The amount of technology in this room was immense, servers and interfaces the likes of which I had never seen. I would have wagered that the technology in this room outstripped all of that in the Normandy.

I wished that Tali were with me, certain that the quarian would be able to understand the wealth of information that hummed and buzzed and surrounded us. I hoped, at least, that we would find the reasons behind all of this madness…the reason why the dead were not allowed to rest.

"I am awaiting an answer, trader." the Broker spoke again. "What gave you the idea that you can come before me without an invitation?"

"The doubt of your sanity, broker." Feron answered. I could see his fear, but also that he fought through it, and I could respect that. "You began working with the Collectors. That's insanity and suicide in one motion. Is that a simple enough explanation?"

"I find your scruples amusing." the Broker's cold, digital voice held no emotion. "And I see it was not an unwise decision to send the Blue Suns to watch you. Your loyalties have ever been fluid, in spite of the fact that you are a businessman. You know that money and information rule the galaxy. So your sensibilities should be placated when I tell you that the offer made was too good to walk away from."

"_I_ do not understand." I addressed the entity with no body and, I was certain, no soul. "I do not understand how the dead could be consigned to _merchandise_. I do not understand the selling of flesh and the desecration of the deceased!"

"Liara, wait." Feron hissed, and my shoulders stiffened.

_Not this, not again, I won't be fucking __**stopped**__ one more time!_

"Please trust me." he begged, whispering against my crest. "I know you don't, but stall him, please. I need a moment with these systems. I can find everything here about what the Broker ordered—with the Collectors. With Shepard! Just…just give me time."

"Have you not heard, Dr. T'Soni," the Broker said my name and I bristled, "the ancient adage, that wealth overrides the sacredness of death? Morality has no place in my line of work. It is a hindrance, not a help." a low, monotone laugh followed his words, and it chilled me to the bone as well as focused my anger into biotic energy swirling around my hands.

"How…"

"I know who you are." the Broker cut off my words. "I know what you want. And I do not care. I have no personal grievance against Commander Shepard, or any of her compatriots. It is simply sound business."

Biotic energy sworled around me as I approached the terminal at which his representation stood. "For all your secrecy, all your supposed wealth and knowledge, I am actually _pleased_ to inform you that you are so far out of your depth that your pretense of superiority is _beyond_ childish." I hissed. "Shepard died while," _a secretive mission we enacted while cleaning up the geth for the Alliance_, "searching for evidence of the Reapers, who attacked the Citadel and ripped it to shreds. If you could follow logic to its inevitable end, you would realize that the Collectors are in league with the terror of the galaxy! Why would you risk giving the woman who was our _one _hope into enemy hands!?"

The monotone laughter had a jagged edge of derision. "You're making too much of this, Liara." the Broker stated, the _third_ entity to use my name as though it was _theirs_. "It's a corpse. What could they possibly gain from that?"

"If they are indeed simply seeking a corpse, I would be _thrilled_ to provide them with yours!" I hissed, loathing him for speaking of Shepard in such a crude and dismissive manner.

_That woman could fill the galaxy with her presence. She could stand in the face of an enemy so powerful we have never known its like, and curse it, and claim victory before even facing it in battle. You do __**not**__ call that legacy a __**corpse!**__ In so many ways…__**She. Still. Lives!**_

"If only you would show yourself, you goddess-damned _coward! _Where are you!?" I demanded, staring the Broker's construct in its featureless face, wishing it had eyes so that I could peer to the depths of its soul and rip it to shreds.

"I am where I am needed." the Broker claimed. "And the deal is done, Liara. Tazzik is preparing to make the exchange. This is simply product for payment. All is as it should be, where it is needed, as it was planned. Except for the two of you." the sonorous, digital voice turned cold somehow. "This room connects me to my personal staff on Alignon. I will give the word and they will come. And you will be captured. You will be tortured. If you are working anything but independently, you will give up that information under duress and bloodshed. These are not my usual methods, but on occasion, I find they give me pleasure."

His every word, every thought, sickened me. Biotic energy coruscated around my body, wisping across the floor, indicating the rage I kept barely contained against the entity who pretended neutrality while personifying malevolence.

"Liara," Feron shouted, holding an OSD aloft, "I've got it!"

A primal cry ripped out of my throat as I released all of the pent up rage. It flowed out in a stream of pure destruction. Feron ducked behind a secured console as I reveled in the chaos. I heard the shrieking crunch of metal, the shattering of glass, the dull hum of computers and communications tech warped, twisted, and silenced. The rage shredded out of my body, giving sway to a deeper, swelling power that I wanted to deny.

Grief welled up within me and my heart skipped a beat, sending me to my knees. I parted my lips and I screamed again, a raging sob, ringing for the reasons I stood here, for what had driven me to this planet and this time and this company. Grief for the galaxy that would go unsaved for its ignorance. Grief for those that I had murdered to be here at this moment. Grief for the body of the woman I loved, who would _willingly_ have given of her entire life, but who in death had been cheapened and used as a tool for wealth and personal gain.

Another blast of biotic energy, beyond my control, shook the room, destroying what the first wave had not, and leaving me in a clear-headed state that bordered euphoria. I knew the burdens would return, the rage and grief and love that swarmed within me…but for now, they had been vanquished.

I remained kneeling in the detritus of what had been a place of subterfuge and power. Feron peered out from behind the crumpled remains of the console and stared at me with wide, gold eyes.

A manic smile crossed my lips as I met his gaze. "That felt good."

* * *

_**Author's Note: **An immense thanks to all who have read, followed, favorited, and reviewed this fic. I so appreciate your time and your commentary, and I apologize for the erratic updates. My muse has been a witholding monstrosity lately (I did something to piss her off, I'm sure), but I am attempting to update as often as possible. Thank you all so much for your patience, and I hope you continue to read and enjoy. _

_Bright Blessings, _

_~Raven_


	34. Chapter 34

**Liara**

Feron coughed in the settling dust. He got to his feet and brushed down his jacket, eyes widening as he surveyed the room. Nothing that had been standing did so any longer. It had been warped, twisted, and brought low. Sparks flew from what had been the Shadow Broker's communications terminal. I rose to my feet and the drell came over beside me, holding the OSD he had pulled from the terminal as though it were fragile.

"So…that's a biotic wipeout?" he asked.

"I do not believe that what I have done here holds any particular name." I said, attempting to conceal my own shock from him.

I had never done anything this destructive…never done anything this raw. For so long every part of my life had been carefully structured, meticulously ordered, and known. Joining the Normandy had introduced chaos to that order. But this…what I stood amidst now, was something stronger and more manic than chaos. Something primal. Something powerful. Something old, before biotic techniques were honed and given names, a fluidity introduced to the energy that had its base as raw power.

_Raw power that has this level of potential. _A shiver ran down my spine. Not a shiver of fear, but almost of delight.

"Regardless," Feron surveyed the scene again, "I am impressed. Also," he held the OSD up for my perusal. "I downloaded a lot of information about the Broker's dealings. This is a closed system. What he had on Alignon stayed here, and with him not being able to give orders from this base until all of this is fixed…what's on this disk might mean our lives."

In any other situation, with any less knowledge, I would have been pleased to hear this news. But I did not care.

"It doesn't matter." the words felt hollow as they left my lips. "You heard the Broker as well as I, Feron. The deal is done. Shepard is with the Collectors…if it was them that attacked the Normandy, we will never get her back. We simply don't have the power, the technology, or the ability to do so. I failed her, Feron. I lost Shepard."

"The Brokerage runs off of lies, Liara." Feron rested a hand on my shoulder. "He was trying to stall for time by telling you that what you came to stop had already happened. Before you blitzed the building I found out where they were. They've just arrived at the north portal."

"Then we have to go!" I grabbed his arm and almost dragged him with me towards the door. "If at all possible, I still have to finish this!"

_Properly. To take her to her home. To let her rest. Out of her innate honor and her consideration for my grief, she gave Benezia that gift. Perhaps it will assuage my heart to do the same for her. Because, deep within me, grief still lives. And, if I allow it, if I do not keep working, it might very well swallow me whole. _

"We have time." Feron dragged his feet and I turned back, almost irate, until I saw the expression on the drell's face. "While we still have the chance…I need to tell you who I'm _really_ working for."

I opened my mouth to protest, to shout…but I could not. We were pressed for time, and before I had spoken to the Broker and ripped apart his stronghold, I had realized that I trusted the drell. Not as much as I had trusted the Normandy crew, or Serena, but he had declared his intention. To help me. No matter this new revelation, I did not believe he would betray _that_ word.

"Another confession, Feron?" I smiled and his worried expression eased. "I will listen, only if you confide whatever lurks in your black little heart while we head to the north portal…or whatever it is."

The drell offered a tremulous smile and we set off at a run, stopping short as we heard myriad voices and footsteps.

"What's going on?" a turian voice grumbled. I remembered the tones…one of the entry guards.

"I don't know," the other turian from the entry replied. "All I know is that the Broker's channel is solid static. Something big is going down, and _I'm_ not going to take the hit for anything that goes wrong."

"Five, maybe six." Feron whispered, ascertaining the number of guards en-route to our own destination.

"One hand doesn't know what the other's doing." the first turian growled. "How do we know this isn't another goddamn drill?"

"We take them either now or later." I said, sheathing my hand in biotics.

I stepped into the corridor and slammed the turian to the ground before he knew what had happened. Feron dove out behind me and laid down suppressing fire as I drew my pistol and punched through the slim resistance of the bewildered guards. Multi-colored blood spattered the walls, cries from every species ripped from throats. I stood over the gasping wounded, planting two bullets in each skull, simply for good measure. I had muted the Shadow Broker on this base, but I did not wish to rest until all of Alignon was rendered silent, dead, and unknown.

"Take my word for it." I smiled down at the turian who still managed to suck in air though his throat had been ripped open. "This is no drill." One bullet between his eyes finished his rasping breaths.

I turned back to Feron, who stared at his pistol with a forlorn expression.

"You could have at least let me take half." he grumbled, and I laughed with the emotion of the truly deranged.

I wiped at the blood that had spattered my armor, thinking the smears rather pretty, remembering Serena walking through the puddles of blood shed by the dead varren on Feros. It had splashed her boots, and she had done nothing. Wearing the evidence of the dead. Wearing the evidence of her own identity. Shameless in it, as I was learning to be shameless. In our wide, bitter world, violence was a necessity. No matter how the asari tried to ignore this, working through infiltration and subterfuge, we could no longer, as a race, go blind to the manner in which the rest of the galaxy managed their affairs.

We could not foresee everything. We could not pre-empt every strike. And, on occasion, the righteous spilling of blood could feel…_glorious. _

"Were you deserving, I might have allowed it." I grinned. "Weren't you about to reveal to me another in your litanies of countless lies?"

His shoulders slumped. "As far as my lies go, this was fairly innocuous." he muttered.

"Spare me." I waved a dismissive hand in his direction. "How exactly did you manage to become a triple agent?"

"Let's keep moving," he looked back at the corpses and shuddered, "and I'll explain."


	35. Chapter 35

**Liara**

We continued walking to the north portal, where Tazzik had taken Shepard's body. Where the Collector had gone. Where those, who would destroy and weaken the galaxy, fought over the body of the woman who had saved it. Where I now went to stop them...aided by a liar and a thief. Not a soldier. Not a pilgrim. Not an enforcer of the law. Not a mercenary. Not a true leader.

Feron's eyes were lost in thought, as though he was walking backwards into his eidetic memory to locate the origin of the web of lies he had enmeshed us in. But I knew he would tell me the truth. We were so near the end...it would not matter now.

_And even if it did, _I thought, _who is to know if we will leave Alignon alive? I have faced ancient races and powers in battle before, but the Collector brings a new challenge. We might do as little as keep them from taking Shepard...this time._

For a short moment, I wished that I had called someone from the Normandy. That I had told them of my intentions, and where I was headed. That I was working to bring back the body of their commander and friend. But I had not...and now it was too late to do so. Alignon's atmosphere allowed no messages to leave. All I had was Feron, and my own determination.

I noticed Feron's eyes on me, burning with unspoken words. I nodded my head and at last, he told me the truth.

"I used to be in the information trade for myself." he admitted. "Before the Shadow Broker decided to bring everything into one house, so to speak. Before he sent his people to bring me in. I had made a lot of...useful...contacts. And the Broker had the funding I needed to go further in the business." he seemed almost disgusted. "It was easy jobs at first. Information gathering. Simple surveillance. Nothing that could be considered harmful to anyone. There's a reason the information trade is basically run by the Broker." Feron informed me. "He pays _well_."

The lights grew dimmer as we walked, almost ominous, but I was glad for the cover they provided...both for us, and for Feron's secrets. I knew from experience that words spoken in the light of day, where every micro-expression could be read and analyzed, was a frightening prospect. One that limited the confiding of truth. Darkness was for secrecy, yes, but also for honesty.

"Cerberus figured it out." he said. "That I worked for the Broker. They tried to flip me several times, and they used that Miranda woman." Feron spat after saying her name. "Thinks that people will switch sides at the drop of a hat, or because they're offered a better cut. Apparently, Cerberus believes that only humans understand what honor is."

"Understand it they may, possess it...honor is not an innate quality in them, either." I mused, recounting in my mind the utter lack of honor that characterized what actions we had uncovered of the Cerberus organization.

"It made me angry." Feron hissed. "Angry that they would try that, think that..._believe_ that. I have _never _screwed over a client. Nor have I ever cared enough to go behind their back and report them. Until I learned the Broker had struck a deal with the Collectors. I might not even have minded that...if it weren't for the fact that he was selling _Shepard's body_. That is on a level of perversity that I _cannot _countenance. I knew...I knew I had to stop it."

I looked at him, examining his features more closely, seeing the honesty in his golden eyes.

_Was it truly moral qualms that caused him to take this path? _I wondered. _Issues with the Collectors...or did Shepard's actions reach out, even into the heart of the Terminus systems, to races who have not been officially recognized by the Council? Is it because this deal involved her remains that this drell went out of his way to see the outcome affected?_

"Go on." I urged him.

"I didn't have the knowledge or resources to do anything on my own." Feron told me. "So I went to Cerberus. They'd approached me so many times, I _knew _that they needed me. Probably because they were as concerned about the Collector involvement as I was. I circumvented Miranda and went straight to The Illusive Man..."

"So _that_ is the reason that you were left behind when Miranda took me to him." I said, pieces falling into place. "The Illusive Man did not want to engender any suspicion from me as to your connections."

"Right." Feron nodded. "And I pretended indignation to keep up the ruse. He and I came up with a plan to snatch the body out from under the Broker's control...but the Broker himself became suspicious. Little by little, he began to cut me out of the operation, and I needed a way back in." He looked at me with fierce, golden eyes. "That way was you, Liara. I sent you the first message on a channel so encrypted I knew it would take the Broker at least two weeks to dig through all the layers. You messaged me back on my personal frequency, stating your intentions to come to Omega, and I took that to the Broker, volunteering to distract you while the deal went down, to earn my way back onto the op."

"That plan turned out to be a _rousing_ success." I muttered as we pressed ourselves against a wall until two sentries walked past. "And you must not be as trustworthy as you thought, seeing as the Broker sent the Blue Suns to watch your movements and rein you in if need be."

"I'd intended for it to work." Feron's eyes whispered apologies. "I truly did intend to lead you away, distract you, and find Shepard for myself. But The Illusive Man decided we would work better together, for some reason. In any case, you were not to know, under _any _circumstances, that I was working _with _Cerberus. Even Miranda doesn't know. It's safer."

"Given her rather vitriolic dislike of anything that isn't human, I tend to agree." I grinned in the darkness, and I knew the same expression lay on Feron's face as well. Then, he sighed.

"You were right back on Omega." he admitted. "I _did_ let Tazzik get away. The turret didn't malfunction. I wanted to come here and make certain that I wasn't risking everything for nothing, that the Broker really _is_ working with the Collectors. And I wanted one last chance to download everything I could about his dealings."

Feron removed the OSD from his pocket and looked at it for a long while. He stopped and I turned to him, wondering why he had paused. His eyes spoke of things I'd never known as he lifted my hand and pressed the OSD into it, trusting all that he selfishly had worked for on this mission, into my hand.

"Why?" I asked.

"I'm probably done as an information broker when this is over." he confessed. "The Shadow Broker will make sure _no one_ trusts me again when this is over. I was going to ask you to give this to Cerberus...but that's not what I'm asking now."

"What are you asking?" I narrowed my eyes.

"I've seen your anger, Liara." Feron replied. "I've seen your rage, and though you've kept it _well_ hidden, I've seen your grief. You put your life in the hands of a stranger to go after the _remains_ of someone you loved. At...at the end of the day, I want this information in your hands, because I know you'll do something better with it than the Broker _or_ Cerberus. You'll do what needs to be done, because you don't want what they want. You don't want power. You don't want wealth. You don't want superiority."

"You have no true concept of _what _I desire from this world, Feron." I said, almost humbled by his trust in me.

"I have enough of an idea." his tone grew very serious. "It's not every day a maiden asari with centuries to live goes up against two covert, powerful galactic entities and risks her _very_ long life for a _dead __human_. _That's_ the kind of guts it'll take to change the way things are. If...if I've helped power get to the right place, then I'm good with whatever happens to me. But you make me a promise, Liara T'Soni. You promise me that, no matter what happens, you'll get Shepard and that damned data out of here."

"You have my word." I assured him.

Feron's eyes flashed with something very much like relief and regret. "For the first time in my life," he said, "that's all the assurance I need."


	36. Chapter 36

**Liara**

Once more I found myself in the all too familiar position of crouching behind a crate while my enemies spoke to one another. Tazzik, the volus guide, several of the Broker's agents, and the Collector were gathered in the north bay of the Shadow Broker's base, standing over the box that contained my lover.

"You don't need to do an inventory." Tazzik growled into the Collector's direction, seeming entirely unfazed by the creature's grotesque appearance. "Everything that's Shepard is in there." he kicked the box with a dismissive armored boot and my grip on my pistol tightened.

The Collector stood over the box and leaned down with a boneless, fluid movement that made my gut churn.

"Hard to even tell what it is." Tazzik growled. "Burned and charred and all that. I myself don't even know if it's male or female, but the DNA checks out. If that's what you want, it's yours, as soon as the Broker receives payment."

"Remember what I said, Liara." Feron spoke, startling me out of my intense focus on the others. "Get Shepard, take the data, and get out."

He shoved his pistol in my hand and stood up.

"What are you…"

"All the times I've held you back?" he grinned. "And you're questioning my taking the lead? I owe you this, and I think I've got one last card to play. Just…kick ass and stay safe."

Feron approached Tazzik, his men, and the Collector with nonchalance in his shoulders and a confident swagger in his steps. The large, brutish salarian looked up and the corners of his mouth immediately journeyed downward.

"Taz, you salarian bastard!" Feron spread both empty hands, greeting the threat with intense bravado. "I thought _that_ was you!"

"Oh. You." Taz ignored the exuberant greeting. "Didn't I see you skulking around back on Omega? You're an interruption and a nuisance, so the boss must have sent you here for a reason, if he sent you at all."

"Only the best of reasons!" Feron exclaimed, drawing closer to Tazzik and further from the Collector. "There's been a problem with the payment, and the Broker is _not _happy."

I watched as the Collector, by itself, lifted the pod that contained Shepard's remains. My mouth went dry as I remembered how many of the Blue Suns it had taken to move it…this creature possessed immense strength.

"There is no problem with the payment!" it roared with the voice of destruction and damnation, relinquishing the pod as other, strange appendages protruded from its body like arms. "Half rendered now. Half rendered when **we** have confirmed the identity."

"Not happening." Feron placed an assertive hand on the pod. "He wants the full payment now. If you don't agree, no Shepard. That's the new deal. Take it or leave it."

"Get your hand off of there." Tazzik slapped Feron's arm away. "We haven't heard anything from the Broker about a change in plans. What are you trying to pull?"

_There is no way this will work_, I bit my lip, waiting for my time to strike, because I knew that this would not end peacefully, and I did not know what sort of game Feron was running.

"In case you haven't noticed, Taz," Feron smirked, "Alignon's internal communications are down. The Broker gave me this order in person. Until a new agreement is reached, you keep Shepard. Think about it, Taz. You don't to piss off the _Broker_ do you? He may not be able to talk right now but…" Feron paused carefully and scanned the ceiling before lowering his voice, "…he's always watching."

Tazzik bared his teeth. "Fuck this shit." he muttered, staring at Shepard's remains and signaling his men. They grabbed the pod and began to load it back onto the ship. "We'll keep Shepard until we sort this mess out."

The Collector's eyes flared, burning like the fires that had scorched the Citadel. "This is _**unacceptable**_!" it roared, and in the undertones I heard the thrumming notes that had lain in Saren's speech after Sovereign had resurrected him.

_There is no question, _I cemented my thesis, _the Collectors are indoctrinated. Feron, what are you doing? What can you possibly hope to gain by this? _

Noises came from the ramp of Tazzik's ship and the Shadow Broker's agents walked down, their burden once more stored away.

I watched the Collector, hearing a distant mumble that made it seem as though it were speaking to itself. But they had technology I did not know. Resources I could not fathom. One shot from their ship had ripped the Normandy in half…_oh Goddess! What if it is in direct communication with the Broker!?_

The Collector extended a taloned hand. "The Shadow Broker says that _Feron_ is the traitor!" he thundered.

Tazzik immediately rounded on the drell, drawing a weapon. Feron backed away, raising his hands, an abashed grin on his face as he kept his composure in spite of everything.

"Taz, slow down." he urged. "Think about this? Who are you going to believe? Me, or that…thing?" Feron gestured to the Collector. "The Broker can't talk to us, what makes you think he can talk to _that_?"

Taz glowered. "How did it know your name, Feron?"

_Shit!_ _Feron knew this would happen! He did this to get Shepard back on the ship so I could escape! This isn't a fight…it's a sacrifice! No! Not this! Not again! I **won't** let it happen again!_

Tazzik jammed his pistol against Feron's face. "You're smarter than you look, Taz." Feron's eyes flashed, almost desperate, but at the same time…resigned. "Still dumber than me. Liara, now!"

I broke from cover, my body surrounded by a rippling biotic shield. I did not attempt to streamline the energy into technique, merely let the raw power of it overtake me and stream out, striking Tazzik, ripping the pistol from his grip and throwing it against the wall so hard that the weapon became embedded in it.

The salarian and Feron fell with the force of the blow and I heard weapons drawn. Gunfire echoed. I turned and aimed both pistols at the agents who had returned Shepard's body to Tazzik's ship. The weapons, given to Feron and me by Cerberus, had been specially augmented, and the bullets ripped through the high quality armor and into the bodies. Once again, multi-colored blood spattered the floor in a grotesque mural while screams echoed in a cacophonic symphony.

I gloried in the brutal distraction, the shedding of blood for proper purpose. I focused my anger into my weapons, my rage into my biotics, using each to wreak havoc and once again destroy the constructs of those who would harm, who would steal, who would desecrate what was sacred. I felt as a holy avenger, set apart and untouchable as bullets fell, moot and useless against my shields.

"Asari bitch!" Tazzik shouted and I turned, looking into the barrel of another weapon. The salarian was on his feet, ready to charge. "Time for you to die!"

"Not today!" Feron cried, moving into Tazzik's way and surprising him with a knee snapped into the larger man's torso.

_He'll die! _I thought in horror as a roar made the ground tremble. _Feron is grossly outmatched!_

I started towards him and the Collector interrupted my path, all of his appendages threatening harm, his eyes aglow with malice, malevolence, and spite. It was stronger than I, but it was _not_ more determined.

I fired my pistols, watching as bullets pierced its flesh. My guns overheated and I threw them to the side as the Collector slumped to the ground. Once more I ran towards Feron, who was caught in Tazzik's grasp as the salarian repeatedly punched him in the face.

"Liara…go!" he gasped, blood flecking his words. "Go now! _Save Shepard!_"

"I don't want to leave you!" I screamed as another roar shook the ground.

The Collector was not dead. It lifted its terrible body from the ground in languorous movements, blood pouring out of its wounds, but it refused to die.

"I'm not what's important!" Tazzik's fist snapped Feron's head to the side. "You _**promised!**_"

My eyes widened as I remembered him pressing the OSD into my hand, telling me that Shepard was the one who was important, that this data belonged in my hands. I had promised, no matter the cost, to escape.

So again, loathing myself, I turned my back on a _good_ person and fled to the ship. I raced up the ramp and the Collector followed, moving faster now. Its talons clutched at the ramp and I snapped my leg out in a biotic kick, knocking the horrid thing away, praying to every god and goddess that might exist that it would fucking _die_.

I ran into the ship and slammed my hand against the ramp controls, breathing a sigh of relief as I heard the hiss of hydraulics, freeing me to run for the flight deck. I threw myself into the chair and opened the command console, scarcely able to fathom my luck as I saw that whoever had piloted the vessel had keyed a flight plan into the auto pilot.

"Engage." was the sole word I needed to say and the engines powered up.

The ship lifted off and turned, leaving the Shadow Broker's base and shrieking towards Alignon's atmosphere. I felt dizzy as relief punched me in the gut. My energy washed away and I slumped in the chair, my entire body shaking and trembling with the force of what it had just been through. I closed my eyes and Feron's image appeared, his face broken and bleeding, teeth missing, blood spewing from between his lips.

I shuddered and forced myself to my feet. _I must keep moving, _I thought, _I must keep doing. This planet belongs to the Broker, and I am not safe until I am __**far**__ from this place and out of his reach. _

I moved slow, leaning against the walls of the unfamiliar ship for support as I found my way to the cargo bay. The box that held my lover sat there and I stared at it, biting my lip. I knew what I needed to do, and I dreaded it. But I had to know.

I had to know that death was true, that Serena was _truly_ lost to me. I had come this far, hoping against hope that Cerberus had been right, that Shepard hovered in some limbo, that she might be awakened and returned to the galaxy, returned to me…able to help me find my way through the grief and rage conjured by her loss.

I staggered towards the box, falling to my knees beside it, fingers trembling as they hovered over the controls. One push of a button, and the window would lose its tint, allowing me to see the contents. I closed my eyes once more, picturing Shepard's face, the strength and severity of her features, the soft vulnerability of her lips, her silver, shining eyes. Inside my memory, I traced the brutal scar across her face, remembered the heat of her breath, her fiery kisses, her scarred, strong hands tracing my every curve.

I opened my eyes, exhaled, and pressed the button.


	37. Chapter 37

**Thessia**

Sen's hands clenched into fists. She felt helpless in the face of this. Horror _lived_ inside Liara T'Soni's eyes. The matron's words had fallen short, her azure skin had paled, her cobalt lips trembled. A presence existed in the room that Sen could not properly judge, that she could not give true name to. Whatever it was sent chills down the cardiologist's spine.

She had seen death. She had felt a heart stop beating inside her hands, and no amount of drugs, skill, and determination had been able to resuscitate it. These moments had wounded her, created scars in her psyche. What she witnessed in Liara's gaze could not have been a scar of old, haunting grief. It felt too raw, too powerful...

_It is not a scar. _Sen realized. _It is still…an open wound. Sweet Goddess, Liara…did you…you __**did.**_

"How did you do that?" Sen asked, suddenly bombarded with images of Mira, broken, bloodied, barely clinging to life.

Inside her mind, Sen heard a code being run; saw Mira unconscious in a hospital room, the bright lights of the monitors going dim, a flat line howling when the heart no longer beat. Her stomach roiled and her throat tightened as the images assailed her, one after the other in a sickening repeat. Sen gasped for breath and Liara looked up, concern etched in her blue eyes.

"Sen," Liara asked, gently pressing the back of her hand against Sen's forehead, "Sen, what's wrong?"

Sen lowered her eyes, almost ashamed of her weakness, of her need for a comforting touch, a friend that listened, a separate mind that understood.

"I have a vivid imagination." Sen whispered. "It is…not serving me well. Liara...I don't understand...how could you torment your mind in such a manner? How could you possess the courage to see what you saw?"

"The mind will always cling to two things, Sen, the two things we detest surrending to death." Liara answered, her tone heavy with the weight of brutal experience. "Our heroes and our lovers. For me, Shepard was both. Even though I knew what that pod contained, I had to see it for myself, to know in my heart that Serena had _truly_ died. To this day," Liara's eyes met Sen's, "I suffer from that memory. But, to this day, I do not regret what I did."

Sen attempted to gather her composure. "Might I ask…might I ask what you saw?"

Liara nodded and her eyelids closed, slow. She tilted her head back and breathed deep, holding the air in for a long moment until she released it. Her eyes opened once more and she met Sen's gaze.

"Serena was not, by human standards, a beautiful woman." Liara recalled. "Her features were so severe, her nose too large for her face, her lips too full and supple for the harshness of her countenance. Her beauty lay in her presence, in her voice, in her stance of command. She was the pinnacle of the soldier the galaxy needed, and to me, she was lovely, exotic…beauty held to a harsher standard. When I pressed that button, I expected to see at least a trace of that beauty. The vacuum of space is not forgiving, but it does leave the body intact, if cracked and devoid of color."

Sen nodded her understanding, having learned such science long ago while at university, studying to become a saver of lives, a guardian against death.

"I had forgotten," Liara's voice cracked, "the horrid fires in the Normandy. The explosion of the engines. When I looked through the window, I saw a blackened, cracking husk. A hairless creature with fissured skin; pools of black, congealed blood catching the lighting of the ship. Half of her face had been destroyed, and I could see the bone of her jaw, the roots of her teeth. The eyes that I loved had been melted in their sockets. Her lips had been torn off. Nothing remained of the woman I had loved."

"Goddess." Sen breathed, her stomach roiling once more as her vivid imagination turned Liara's words into terrifying visuals.

"I screamed." Liara's words were monotone, without emotion, cold, because her heart needed that frigidity to recollect this. "I saw her and I screamed until my throat became raw. I realized that the deaths I had witnessed had been tame by comparison. The images from my time at Shepard's side were in my memory, locked there forever…but the image of my lover's decimated corpse was seared into my brain. And I knew," Liara's lips trembled, "that I had reached the end of the road."

"What do you mean?" Sen asked.

"The love of my life was dead." Liara replied, wistful and sorrowful. "Dead and disfigured beyond recognition. I was wanted on Thessia, and I had broken Omega's one rule. I had the Shadow Broker's data from Alignon, and I knew that, with it in my possession, he would not cease hunting me. I can itemize these thoughts now, and speak of them as separate. At the time, they all smeared together in a swirling horrorscape that I could not avoid. My mind began to tear itself asunder. Bit by bit, piece by piece I lost it as I sat there, unable to pull my eyes away from Serena's remains, unable to press the button and darken the window into hell."

Sen's heart ached, and she wished she could have been there. To offer comfort to a broken-hearted asari. To show her of the hope still existent in the world. To prove that death was not the end of all things, but the beginning of something unknown and unseen.

"I did not move for perhaps an hour." Liara recounted. "Tazzik's ship broke through Alignon's atmosphere, and remained in orbit around the planet, as it had been programmed to do. I pulled myself away, knowing that, no matter what_ magic_ Cerberus thought they possessed, it would not restore Shepard. It simply could not be done. I dragged myself to the flight deck. My breathing was shallow, my head felt as though it would split open, and I was so dizzy I could not walk straight. Just as I pressed a shaky hand to the console, the ship jerked."

Sen's eyes widened. "Cerberus followed you?" she asked.

Liara nodded. "They caught Tazzik's ship in a tractor beam and began pulling it towards their cruiser. I did not have the mental faculties at hand to break free, no matter how much I wanted to. I wanted to leave behind the madness and bury and forget the two people who had sacrificed themselves for me. Feron and Shepard. I could not carry them with me. I could not wear the weight of their lives on my shoulders. I needed to run, to get away…but Cerberus had financed our venture, and thus they considered Shepard theirs. I was too weak to fight back."

Sen bit her lip, understanding that. So many times, she had lost the battles in her life to simple exhaustion. The fight was not always worth it; her strength not always greater. Sen understood compromise and capitulation. But Liara had not. She had defied her mother, a powerful matriarch, and charted her own path. She would have had to be utterly broken to cede Shepard's body to Cerberus.

"I thought I had been through the darkest part." A perfect tear fell from each azure eye. "What I did not know, Sen, was that the nightmare was just beginning."


	38. Chapter 38

**Liara**

Too bright. Too many lights in the cargo bay of the ship. Humans, dressed in white and black, with the orange symbol of Cerberus stamped above their hearts, poured onto the ship and surrounded the pod. I sat in the corner of the bay with my knees drawn up to my chest, imprisoned by my arms laced around them. I listened to the voices, the austere, un-emotional comments the Cerberus operatives recorded as they examined the pod and its contents.

Then, as one, they began to move it off of the ship, away from me and my protection. Protection I could not give. Every muscle in my body shook with fine tremors, as though my entire physical being possessed a nervous tic. I stared at the wall now as my vision faded in and out, blurring and returning with a stark clarity. My stomach growled and cramped and I wondered when I had last eaten or drank anything. Not that it mattered. My purpose was gone.

I had found Shepard. I had found her, and realized her death. The bright, vibrant woman I loved was destroyed. Destroyed by those in league with the Reapers, the ghosts of the galaxy that no one cared existed.

The sound of footsteps echoed in the now-empty cargo bay and I looked up slowly. My fluctuating vision moved over a landscape of long legs, sweeping hips, a tight abdomen, firm breasts, and finally on the unforgivingly beautiful features of Miranda Lawson. Had it been Shepard, Chakwas, or Ashley, she would have knelt beside me and met my eyes when she spoke. But she was not those three women. She was something else entirely…an operative of Cerberus.

"The Illusive Man wishes me to extend our thanks." the last word sounded as though it tasted bitter on her lips. "Your recovery of Shepard's body is a job well done."

I looked up at the woman who stood over me and rose shakily to my feet, refusing to speak from the floor, refusing to appear as her organization wished me to…a subservient alien, beneath the gaze of humanity.

"I want her back." I said, struggling to keep my voice steady. "On Omega, Feron suggested that I let the dead rest and I…I should have listened to him. She is out of Collector control now, and she deserves the rest that she went to. Please return her remains so that I can see to them properly."

Miranda's eyebrow twitched upward and her lips turned down at the corner. "It will not behoove you to renege on the terms of our arrangement." she warned.

"Oh, I will not renege." I shook my head. "I will of course reimburse Cerberus for the financial backing you rendered. And I…" I winced and fell silent as a spear of pain shot from my temples into my eyes, ricocheting back and forth through my skull.

"What are you on?" Miranda asked, her hand lifting my chin, forcing my eyes to her cold ones, examining me like I was some sort of laboratory specimen. "Your temperature is elevated, pupils dilated, and…" she pressed two fingertips to the artery in my neck and her eyes flared, "…your pulse is racing."

I slapped her hand away from me. "That is not important." I spoke. "Will you agree to financial compensation and return Shepard's remains to me?"

"No." Miranda shook her head. "And I've a very good reason for refusal. Do come with me, Dr. T'Soni."

She turned and left, not giving me much of an option. I followed her out of Tazzik's stolen ship, into the Cerberus cruiser. We entered an elevator and journeyed down to the lower levels of the ship. When the doors opened, I blinked rapidly, almost blinded by the brightness of the lights. The air smelled clean, sterile, as though I were breathing pure oxygen and nothing else. Miranda led me to a wide window and directed me to look inside.

I saw the opened pod that had contained Shepard's remains. Further into the room lay a bio-bed with brutal fluorescent lights over it, turning the husk that was Shepard into a bleak silhouette. Men and women in haz-mat suits stood over the body, entering information into charts, excavating my lover's corpse as though it were an archaeological dig. I placed my hand against the cold window and remembered the warmth of Serena's skin, the heat of her breath against my neck, her scorching kisses and tender caresses.

_Soldier's hands can be so gentle…_

"The Illusive Man has allowed me to reveal this to you." Miranda spoke. "We were not solely interested in returning Shepard to human hands. We wish to return her to life. I've been researching this possibility for years, and technology has at last progressed to the point where it will be possible. It will take time, of course, but I am fully confident that we will be able to, in essence, resurrect Commander Shepard."

_That is…_my mind filled with images of Serena's smile, of her silver eyes flashing with fury against the wrong-doings of the galaxy, her words in the face of horrible actions taken for the most honorable of reasons…_so very wrong. She abandoned me. She left me behind to save the weak. She has endured so much already…why must she be dragged out of death to serve…_I examined Miranda, the arrogant tilt of her chin, the utter confidence in her icy eyes…_a darker purpose; one that she despised. _

"Tell me, Miranda," I whispered, "will she be who she was before? Will her voice make lesser hearts tremble? Will her hands mete justice…will her heart be willing to carry the burdens of others?"

Confusion swirled in Miranda's eyes, mixed with ire and frustration in a tornado of disdain. "Does that truly matter?" she asked. "Shepard is a soldier, a symbol. She is what we need to defeat our enemies, and living, she will succeed."

"But what of her soul?" I asked, glaring at the Cerberus operative and apparent scientist. "With all of your financial resources and technology; your supposed ability to restore scorched flesh into living tissue, to clone organs…can you reach into the nebulous ether of the human spirit and drag her soul back from the hands of eternity? For it is _that_ which makes her enemies tremble. It is _that_ which storms the bastion of the galaxy's most terrifying enemies. No _mind_ can carry the belief that defined Serena Shepard, that gave her victory when any other would have known crushing defeat."

Miranda's eyebrows drew close together as her eyes raked over me, looking for humor, for jest, for teasing. She would find none of those. I was in deadly earnest with my questioning. If they were indeed successful in resurrecting Shepard, it was _imperative_ that she return as she had been.

After seeing my sincerity etched in my stance and blazing in my eyes, Miranda's brow lifted and her lips parted. A hissing chuckle whispered past her lips, an attempt at laughter. It did not matter that the noise fell flat in the sterile hallway. What mattered was that her mockery was in earnest.

"Scientific discovery has _long_ since decimated the archaic notion of _souls_, Dr. T'Soni." Miranda informed me, her tone threaded with disgust. "I find it intriguing that a scientist such as yourself would cling to such a primitive notion."

"I had disavowed the very concept as mere mysticism." I admitted, squaring my shoulders. "Until I met Serena Shepard. I saw into her _mind_, Miss Lawson. Nothing so broken, so shattered, so riddled with open wounds and scars and mental trauma beyond my conception could have endured against what we witnessed while hunting Saren. No mere physical construct could have persevered. My stance is not because I adhere to a primitive notion, but because I have witnessed the presence of something so frightening that humans have attempted to logic and reason it out of existence."

"I do not catch your meaning." Miranda waved a lofty hand.

"Your species is so enamored of _control_." I spat the world. "You terraform a planet and attempt to rule over it. You _fight _against everything; accept nothing that does not conform to the miniscule limits of your imagination. You _deny_ the existence of anything that might require _faith_ because you are so fucking terrified of _not_ ruling over every aspect of your life. Your desire for power is what makes you too weak to ever wield it. And Shepard _was not like that_. She. Was. Different. Mere science cannot restore the woman you want to place at the head of armies."

"Mere science?" Miranda shook her head, lifting her omni-tool, directing it at me, and running a scan. She blinked, slow, then typed in a command before closing down the interface. "Grief can cause strange reactions and even skew the mind's perception of truth and reality, Dr. T'Soni. You are understandably distraught and perhaps not in the right frame of mine to grasp the concepts I am presenting. I can bring the dead back to life once more."

"But not restore a soul." I said, and Miranda's pale skin flushed with anger. "Very well, Miss Lawson. Should your project succeed, a soldier of flesh you shall have. You shall have the face of Serena Shepard to place at the head of your mission. But it shall be a face and a name alone. It will be nothing else."

"I refuse to argue this with you any longer." Miranda said in a haughty tone as a Cerberus officer approached. The young man gave Miranda a sealed box, which she took, then dismissed him with a wave of her hand. "Regardless of your recalcitrance, _we_ have gone out of our way to assist you. It is no secret that you are wanted on Thessia, and while most in your position would take refuge on Omega, Aria has banned you from the station. We took the liberty of digging deep into your mother's holdings and discovered that she has an apartment under an alias on the planet Illium. It is an asari planet, as you know, but the laws are fluid, and credits will often procure innocence."

Miranda brought up her omni-tool and sent a message to mine. I pulled open my screen and saw the address. I wanted to be angry that Cerberus had meddled in my private affairs, but the relief I felt at having a safe place to flee to provided enough comfort to dissuade a wrathful reply.

"Also," Miranda extended the slim silver box to me, "you will need this. The stimulant in your system is quite powerful and highly addictive, and you are about to suffer heavily from withdrawal. You will need to continue dosing yourself with smaller increments until your system stabilizes."

I took the box and narrowed my eyes as I opened it, surveying the syringes and vials it contained. I glared at Miranda with suspicion.

"I do not understand why you are attempting to help me." I said.

"It is not altruism that drives me, Dr. T'Soni." Miranda shook her head, her raven tresses swaying. "The Illusive Man considers you a valuable resource. I am simply following orders to keep you sane and useful. The salarian's ship is yours, and you are free to depart at any time."

"That time is now." I said.

I had no wish to remain here, to see the ways in which they would use perverse science to restore Shepard. Secretly, I hoped that they failed. Shepard was dear to me, even in my anger towards her, even in my loathing of my grief. She deserved better than to be brought back and used by galactic terrorists.

"You know the way out." Miranda said, and I turned to leave. "Also, Liara, the Illusive Man has authorized me to inform you of the success of this project. Do you wish to be notified when Shepard returns?"

"No." I looked back over my shoulder. "Even if your resurrection attempt is successful…Serena Shepard is dead."


	39. Chapter 39

**Liara**

Silence. It could be sweet. Could be soothing. Could even be healing. Inside Tazzik's ship, it was none of those things. Silence had a life of its own, becoming my companion, my reminder, my own personal ghost.

The communications were off, not that anyone would contact this ship. Miranda informed me that Cerberus operatives had thoroughly scanned the vessel, removing anything that might have been an extraneous comm-system or a tracking device installed by the Broker. I should be able to get to Illium safely. So they said. They also said they could bring Shepard back.

_Nothing can, though. _My hands curled and uncurled into fists of impotent bitterness. _Neither grief nor rage can bring her back, yet those are all I have. Those are what she left me. Silence. She left me silence. I gave her my heart, I gave her my voice, and __**all**__ that she gave me is this._

I thought of speaking aloud to the void, but to break the oppressive quiet with my own voice would do nothing but draw the madness hovering in the back of my mind ever closer. Feron had kept it at bay. Searching for Shepard had kept it at bay. But both of them were gone now. If Feron lived...the Broker surely had him, and I could not even begin to know where to look. I had nothing but the menacing whispers growing ever nearer my thoughts, slipping through the cracks in my conscious mind.

_Not that I have the strength to stop them_, I thought as I looked at the galaxy map before me.

Illium was two solar days away, a planet at the very edge of Council space. Though it was an asari planet, the matriarchy did little to meddle in its affairs. A great deal could be gained from ignoring established law, and as long as the matriarchs presented a face of honesty and possessed plausible deniability…why forcefully intervene in the success of undoubtedly illicit ventures if it profited them?

_I will be safe there, _I reasoned, attempting to draw some cold comfort from this slow death called living. _At least from arrest and prosecution. I will not be safe from myself. _

I eyed the slim, silver box that Miranda had given me. I could feel the withdrawal she had spoken of. Pain gnawed behind my eyes and my fingers twitched of their own volition with no conscious control. Every now and again my heartbeat would race and sweat would break out on my forehead, but after that I would feel cold and begin to shake.

Smaller doses of the drug would ease the transition…but Miranda had said the drug was highly addictive. I did not wish to risk that. I had lost my one love. I had lost my family home. I had lost what little reputation I had. My mind and body were my last refuge and I would not risk that, no matter the relief from the pain of my fluttering heart and pounding head.

_Water_, I thought. _I need to drink something. Eat something. It has been at least a half day since I have done either. _

Locking those priorities in my mind, I rose from the chair, clinging to the back of it as a wave of dizziness washed over me. The floor of the ship tilted, whirled, then aligned properly once more. I shook my head, trying to clear it, before realizing my mistake. The pain behind my eyes intensified to such a degree that tears washed down my cheeks and my vision went white…

* * *

_The door slides open and my lips part as I survey the room before me. There is a soft, hazy glow from the seven or so lit candles scattered through the captain's cabin on the Normandy. A sweet, dusky scent permeates the air. It is the smell of dirt and wood, with a hint of caramelized sugar and vanilla, two wonderful Earth flavors I have been introduced to aboard the Normandy. _

_ "Shepard?" I call her name, wondering where she might be, as I cannot see her in the shadows. _

_ Two strong hands grasp my shoulders and I flinch before a contented moan is pulled from my lips as those hands begin to knead the taut muscles in my shoulders. My head falls back and my lips part as Shepard's talented fingers work the knots out of my body, moving across my shoulder blades to my neck, sending fire racing along the sensitive nerves at the base of my crest. _

_ I savor the warmth of her body near me, relaxing into her sure, confident touch. I moan as her lips replace her hands, kissing the back of my neck. Strong, bare, muscled arms wrap around my torso and she pulls me against her, fitting my form to her own as a hint of teeth nip at the base of my neck and her tongue slides along the underside of my crest. I groan as my entire body electrifies. Serena's hands move up, undoing the clasps of my tunic and reaching for the zipper. _

_ "Is this all right?" she asks, kind, solicitous, still aware and considerate of my naïveté in these matters. _

_ "Oh goddess yes." I breathe, biting my lip as her hands lower the zipper of my tunic in a slow, torturous movement that serves but to heighten my anticipation. _

_ A hum of contentment in her low, powerful voice vibrates across my skin as her hands rove over the expanse of flesh she has bared. I bask in the heat of her hands as they tantalize and tease. Her nails rake up my sides, gentle, enough to set my abdominal muscles fluttering. Her hands grasp the edges of my tunic, pulling it off and I slide my arms from the sleeves, allowing my lover to unclothe me. _

_ I am still unused to this, but I cannot deny that each and every time I grow more confident, more sure, and more desirous of her body and mine wrapped around each other, inside each other. I keep my hands at my sides, denying the maidenish nervousness that makes me wish to cover my breasts. I know I am safe here, that Serena will protect me, love me, and honor me in all ways. _

_ Her fingers ghost over the strap of my bra and I nod before she can ask, knowing that she will inquire if this, too, is all right. With a deft movement, the clasps are undone and the article of clothing falls away, leaving my entire upper body bare. Serena rests her hands on my shoulders again and turns me to face her. _

_ In the dim candlelight, the angry scar across her face is soft, her eyes are luminescent silver, her skin is pale and smooth and lovely. Her lips part as they always do when she gazes upon me, as if she is surprised each and every time by the revelation of my body. _

_ She leans forward and presses her lips to mine. The kiss is soft, sweet, tender, a love song given motion, a single, flaring point of contact, an intimate dance. I reach for the hem of her shirt and her hands grasp my wrists as she breaks the kiss and meets my eyes. _

_ "Not tonight, álainn anam." she whispers. "You don't need to do anything." her hand cups my cheek. "I want to make love to you." she says, and I shudder at the intimate longing in her voice. "I want to do everything for you." her eyes begin to burn, silver-fire passion and heat. "Let your body be the temple in which I worship." _

_ The sincerity and beauty of her words strikes me and I wonder again how this woman ever came to profess love for me, to want me at her side, to share her deepest secrets and sorrows, her greatest triumphs and victories. I still cannot fathom the depth of her heart. _

_ "Do as you wish." I accept, giving her what she desires, even if I do not feel worthy. _

_ A shocked cry that turns to laughter flutters from my lips as she sweeps me up in her strong arms and carries me to the bed. With great care, she sets me down on the edge of the bed and kneels before me, smiling into my gaze as she reaches out and begins to unlace my boots. Her movements are methodical, reverent, as she unties the knots and removes the boots, setting them beside the nightstand with great care. _

_ Her eyes search mine, once more asking for permission. I nod and stand up, allowing her hands to undo the buttons of my pants. She slides them, and my underwear, down my legs, taking her time, pressing kisses across my thighs as she undresses me. I lift each foot in turn and she removes my pants, folding them before setting them atop my boots. She stands and I take her in as her eyes devour me. I can see the hardened peaks of her nipples through the thin material of her white shirt. My mouth goes dry with want and desire, but I refrain from movement, allowing Serena the sum of her desires. _

_ She reaches out and takes my hand. "Lie down with me." she entreats, and I sit back down on the bed, moving into the center of it, resting on the pillows. Serena joins me, wearing nothing but her white t-shirt and soft black pajama pants. Her feet are bare, her eyes are on mine…in the flashing silver I can see her soul…and it is naked, raw, and perfect. _

_ Her hand reaches out, resting on the curve of my hip before moving and cupping my bottom, pulling me close against her lithe, lean frame. She kneads the soft flesh with her hand as her mouth lowers to my breasts. She takes a cobalt nipple into her mouth and I gasp as sensation rushes through me. My nerves spark and crackle, destroying my thoughts and leaving in their place a wordless, clawing need. My hand creeps along the base of Serena's neck, my fingers tangle in the soft tresses of her flaming hair as I pinion her against my breasts. The edges of her teeth close around my nipple and bite with just enough pressure to make me whimper. My hips pulse forward and she slips her knee between my legs, placing the hardness of her body against the softness of my own. _

_ The edge of her kneecap presses into the ridge of my azure, the soft material she wears bringing a new sensation in a swarming ocean of them. Her strong hand is moving across my back and buttocks, sending shivers down my spine; her mouth is feasting at my breasts, tormenting one nipple, then the other. My inner walls clench as my hips continue surging against her knee and I feel slickness on my thighs, preparing me for the touch of her hand, the pleasant pressure of her skilled, dexterous fingers. _

_ Her lips continue their feasting, my breasts, my neck, along my crest. Her tongue carves a pathway of heavenly shockwaves as it presses against and traces the line of my collarbone. Her teeth scrape down my abdomen as she nudges me onto my back. Her hands grip my hips as she lowers her head, her hair swinging, tickling my inner thighs as she presses her lips against my azure. I cry out and my hands clutch the covers, grasping fistfuls of the material as though holding on for dear life. _

_ Serena's tongue traces the hardened ridge of engorged flesh above my entrance and I bite my lip, attempting to smother the scream of absolute bliss that fires through me, a nigh-unbearable conflagration that threatens to tear me apart. But the cries will not be held back, breaking free as her wicked tongue presses against my entrance and darts inside of me, the lithe muscle tasting and raking my inner walls with soft savagery. _

_ "Goddess!" I shout as she works her tongue in and out of me, swirling, tormenting, beautiful and warming. _

_ Her mouth leaves me. "You are." she whispers, pressing gentle kisses against my azure that cause me to writhe beneath her and whimper. "You are my goddess, Liara."_

_ I can no longer control myself and I reach for her, grasping a fistful of her hair and pulling her towards me in a harsh movement, crying out again as she follows my leading but pushes two fingers inside of me as I draw her face to mine. Her fingers undulate inside me as her thumb rubs against my azure and my hips surge into her touch, drawing her deeper, closer…__**more**__. _

_ "Serena," her eyes lock with mine, her naked soul in them, giving me all of her, "embrace eternity!"_

**_... ... ..._**

_ Her mind is chaos and pain and every pleasant sensation flees as my heart threatens to beat out of my chest. _

_**Almost…**I hear her thoughts as though I am in her body, feeling her weariness, her panic, the edge of her endurance._

_ The heavy burden I share with her is thrust forward and infinite relief fills me. The ground shakes beneath my feet and I lose my balance, beginning to fall backward when a hand grasps my own. I hold tight, knowing that I am within Shepard, living this memory with her, sharing every experience, every feeling. _

_ A wet crunch is more felt than heard and the hand holding mine loses its strength. I begin to fly backward, gasping for breath, thinking of nothing and everything, seeing flashes of Serena's life through the meld we share. They are battering my eyes, splitting my mind in two with a savage barrage of hope, pain, terror, love…mingled and smeared to one. _

_ Something strikes my side and the pain is immediate. Warnings scream through the interface of the suit I am wearing. Flashing lights are blinding me and I clutch my helmet, trying to get them to stop, trying to breathe as air becomes shorter and shorter. Soon there is nothing __**to**__ breathe and my lungs burn as my body feels too hot. There is one thought screaming through our shared mind…it is my name…_

_**I love you, Liara…**__Shepard's last thought rips through my mind and I want to scream but I have no air, no life, no anything to cling to. _

_ Another object strikes my back and I cannot feel the wound I know is there. I see droplets of my own blood floating in front of my eyes as everything goes dark…_

**_... ... ..._**

_ "No!" I shriek, ripping out of the meld, looking for my kind, beautiful lover, wanting to ask her what hellscape nightmare it was that presented itself. _

_ A body lies on top of mine. It has no warmth. It has no life. The sharp edges of charred, blackened skin assault me with vivid terror. I lie beneath it naked, my eyes too horrified to close as I see the gaping hole in her face, the bone of her jaw, the roots of her teeth. Black, congealed blood oozes from the multiple tears in her skin, slipping onto my flesh with a cold stickiness that makes bile rise in my throat. I reach up and attempt to push it off of me, wondering what has changed, where Serena has gone…until I no longer need to wonder._

_**This...is...her**__…my mind realizes and I scream, not in pleasure, but in horror, in terror, in anguish so immense that no species or language has any word to name it. _

_ My strength is not enough to lift the grotesque mockery of what remains of Serena's body and I struggle to summon my biotics, but they will not work. I writhe beneath the burden, feeling the charred skin rip from her body, exposing muscle and bone as I struggle to escape. My mouth opens to cry for help and I taste death…_

* * *

I woke up, struggling to breathe, pushing myself to my knees and crawling across the floor of the ship, scrambling for some place to hide from the hideous images I could not escape. My nose was filled with the scent of rot and decay and bile rose in my throat. I swallowed it down as pain pounded behind my eyelids, threatening to make the darkness and the dreams come again.

The silver box sat on the console, promising me awareness, promising me strength, and I could not resist it. I could not go back to where I had been…to the pleasure and the pain and the gut-wrenching horror. I could still feel the corpse on top of me, the parchment-like feel of the blackened skin, the cold hardness of exposed bone against my naked flesh. I could smell the scorched salt of blackened, sludgy blood.

I scrabbled to my feet and staggered to the console, ripping open the box and taking a syringe, filling it from one of the several vials. I did not measure an amount; I no longer cared. Anything so as not to black out once more, so as not to sleep again.

I used my biotics to construct a vice around my upper arm, bringing the veins to the surface. Before I could reconsider, not that I would, I plunged the needle into my skin and depressed the syringe, filling my system with the stimulant so that I would _never, __**ever **_again venture where I had gone.

Strength and vigor poured through me and I collapsed against the console, releasing my biotics and staring at the needle stuck in my arms, breathing deep to compensate for the acceleration of my heart.

"I trusted you." I heard a voice, a voice that was not mine, that I had heard in the flesh only once before.

I looked to where it came from…the chair in front of the galaxy map. The chair swiveled and hazel eyes looked into mine. A waterfall of black hair swayed as the woman dressed in Alliance fatigues leaned forward, drawing closer to me. I could see the name emblazoned on her chest.

_Rivera._

"I trusted you, and you failed."


	40. Chapter 40

**Liara**

I could not escape the gaze of those eyes. The eyes that Shepard had loved not so long ago, those eyes that shone with fearlessness in the face of the truth. Avi had never been "diplomatic" as Serena had once termed me. She had never hesitated to call Shepard out for hiding herself, being afraid, avoiding an issue. She had been unafraid to breach Shepard's theoretical armor. Instead of waiting for it to fall, as I had, Avi Rivera had stripped it off with her own hands, and then shown her commanding officer that she was strong enough to bear the scars that lay behind it.

"Why are you here?" I asked, my lips trembling as I backed further against the console, as though it might hide me.

"That's a stupid question if I ever heard one, Liara." Avi replied. "You brought me here."

"I…I do not understand." I shivered as the drugs sped through my system. "I have seen the sort of woman you are…you would not return from death to heap recriminations on me."

"No." she nodded. "But you would."

I blinked, slow, attempting to understand her words. I had seen Avi Rivera on the Citadel after Sovereign's remains had crashed through the Council chambers and Garrus and I thought Serena crushed to death beneath them. Avi had pulled Shepard from the wreckage and brought her to me. I had taken Shepard from Avi's arms, felt the solidity of the deceased ensign's body, the warmth of her skin. In a meld, I had seen her return to Serena, only briefly, and the commander had touched her…real as she had been in life.

I reached out for her leg, to touch her, to confirm her reality. My hand met no resistance, no physical form, though I could see her body in front of me. She had no body and no flesh. She was…

"Never seen your thoughts made manifest, Dr. T'Soni?" Avi needled. "You can't make something mystical out of this. You're using my image because it's one you relate to. Someone else who loved Shepard."

"Someone else who left her." it did not matter that this was a hallucination.

It felt real, because I needed it to be real. I need an outlet for the rage and the grief that my heart would not cease feeling and my mind would not process. I had still not cried over my loss of my lover. I had screamed, I had dreamed, and I had murdered. But I had not wept. And I needed this pain, this fresh, raw agony so that I could feel something that might transcend the emotion that threatened to drown me.

"Oh shut the fuck up, T'Soni." Avi kicked back in the chair, crossed her arms, and glared at me. "I didn't _leave_ her. Not like you. I was fucking shot. Sergeant Ivey put a bullet in my gut, and I did what you _wish_ you'd done. I _died_ with Shepard."

"But she did not die." I countered.

"Really?" Avi questioned. "You mean the person that you met on the Normandy was the same person I knew and loved?"

"Not precisely but…"

"Part of her died on Akuze, Liara, with me." Avi told me, sliding out of the chair and sitting on the ground, cross-legged, her eyes piercing through mine with clarity, brevity, and the brutal bluntness that had defined her character. "And I died with her. Just like you keep thinking you should have done."

"I should have." I muttered.

"And now it's too late." Avi kept speaking, saying my thoughts aloud, telling me that which was my own mind, my own thoughts. "Now it's too late to be anything but a stupid suicide, and you're better than that." she paused, purposeful. "Aren't you?"

My lips trembled. "I…I don't know."

"There's a chance she could live again." Avi looked away from me, towards the ceiling of the ship. "Aren't you the least bit happy about that? The least bit excited?"

I shook my head. "She will not be Serena." I whispered my fears. "Her soul is gone, but Cerberus is only interested in her body, in her face. They do not care who she was. If they succeed, they will bring back who they need...not who she was."

"So gentle." Avi nodded. "God, the way she could talk sometimes. The world condensed to a pinpoint and everything faded to her words. Who knew a marine could be that fucking eloquent? And her hands, like poetry in motion. The way they felt on my skin, all rough texture and soft movements, and the way she'd whisper in my ear…"

"Stop!" I shouted as the memories of my nightmare overtook me, the pleasure panging through my body that turned into…into what had to be hell. "Why are you saying this!? Why are you tormenting me?"

"_I'm_ not tormenting you, Liara." Avi's crimson lips lifted in a smile. "You're doing this to yourself. The drugs, the nightmares. Your mind is slipping away from you, and you can't control everything. The minute you walked away from Serena in the burning Normandy, you lost any semblance of control you had."

"You're wrong." I countered, unwilling to believe that I, who had defied my mother, one of the most powerful matriarchs, could lose something as simple as control and presence of mind, as it related to the conditions surrounding me.

"Am I?" she asked, her brows lowering with suspicion. "Or did you not just put a needle in your arm because you got scared after a little nightmare?"

"What are you saying!?" I demanded. "If you truly are a construct of my own mind, why are you tormenting me yet further!? Where is your kindness, Avi? Where is your sympathy?"

"If you really wanted that," Avi replied, shrugging her shoulders, "then I would exhibit it. But you don't. You're trying to tear yourself apart, to make sense of a world that's all fractured and splintered and shattered. There's little pieces of you scattered all through the galaxy, and poor little Liara doesn't know how to put them back together again. You want to shred yourself until you don't exist anymore."

"I order you to be silent!" I screamed, rising to my feet and yanking the needle from my arm.

"No." she hissed. "You brought me here. I'm your helplessness, your reminder. I trusted you, on the Citadel. I put the woman I loved in your arms and I _trusted_ that you would take care of her. But what's funny is…I'm not the face of your failure."

"Then what are you?" I asked, almost driven to tears by this spectre that I had made real, made speak.

"I'm what comforts you." Avi said. "Because right now, you'd rather be hated than loved. Love, Liara, would remind you of your true failures. You don't want me to leave, because what comes after would be a worse torment."

A scoff of disdain burst out of my throat. "I highly doubt that."

"Oh really?" Avi smirked. "Then I'll go away for a little while, just to show you what tortures your own damn mind can conjure."

With a salute, she faded…but I heard footsteps in the ship. A remembered cadence of a stride I would never forget.


	41. Chapter 41

**Liara**

I froze in place. I did not want to turn around, did not want to look at who would be standing behind me. It did not matter that my own mind had summoned them here. It mattered that Avi had been the face that I wanted to see, the acknowledgment of my anger and bitterness. And she had left me in the presence of the one thing I could not face.

"Stay where you are." I ordered. "I do not desire your wrath nor need your condescension and reprimand."

"I do not have those things to offer, Little Wing." my mother's voice filled the ship and my heart turned to ice. "Will you not look upon me? Will you not let me see your face and offer you my comfort?"

"You have never been a comfort to me." I hissed, though I knew it was a lie.

_Benezia…I remember her from when I was a child. The kind, calm mother who would disregard her work for my company, who would hold me in her arms and explain to me the beauty of the world. The voice that would sing ancient lullabies in the asari language, who taught me of the Goddess and the siari cycle and the great galaxy that was our inheritance. And then I began to wonder, to dig in the dirt and follow the past and the supportive mother I had known faded into the cold, austere stranger who died in my arms. _

"Why do you tell yourself such painful lies, little one?" her powerful voice held an emotion I did not attribute to her, but that I had always wished to remember…but I found it so difficult to do so. It was so long ago that she had loved me.

"Please go." I begged, remaining rooted to where I stood.

_Avi was right. I do not want this. _

"And deny you what you need most?" Benezia inquired.

I heard her footsteps once again, but I could not move. I could not turn as she walked in front me, standing taller than I. I closed my eyes and gave in to my trembling body. I did not want to look into her face, into the features that were nothing like mine.

_I remember asking Shiala, once, why my mother had become so distant. She did not have an answer, merely a speculation. That I looked and acted too much like my father…a father I still do not know. _

"Liara, look at me." my mother spoke, but it was not the cold dictate I was so used to. Her tone held compassion beyond measure, understanding so broad my own mind could not grasp it.

After a long moment, I opened my eyes and looked into hers. The blue, the same shade of my own, held such gentleness and understanding that tears pricked my eyes. But I did not let them fall. I would not cry in front of her; I would not show my weakness. I would not reveal to her the deepest secrets of my heart. I would let the dead impart their torment and I would go my way…no matter its direction.

"Do you think I do not love you, child?" Benezia asked and I immediately became a child again, far beneath her gaze, desperate for her approval and understanding. "Do you think that I cannot hear your screams echoing through the galaxy, chasing after one who has gone into eternity?"

"You aren't real." I shook my head and took a step back, knowing that she was not real, but wanting her to be. I feared I would reach out for her embrace, and that my heart would break further.

"Perhaps." she allowed. "But my wisdom is still present; your need of me is evident. In the darkness of your mind you have called _me_ forth when you could have called another. You could have called your Shepard, stood with her in the depth of your hallucinations, and begged her to stand for what I do."

"I do not know why you are here." I whispered, wanting her gone, wanting Avi back with her blunt, scathing condemnations, her rage against my actions. "I do not know what you stand for…I cannot sort through the chaos of my mind."

"I am the love you need so desperately, Little Wing." Benezia reached out and touched my cheek, but I felt nothing, because she was not really there. "The love you do not believe you deserve, because you turned your back on Shepard. You fled when she asked you to do so. There is no flaw in that, Liara. There is no flaw in leaving behind someone you love at their behest. You left me be when I asked it of you. You let me die and it did not tear at you like this."

"I had Shepard then." I muttered. "She…she helped me. She guided me through your loss."

"And you cannot use the wisdom she gave you to guide yourself through this loss?" my mother asked, gentle.

"It is not the same!" I shrieked. "I _loved _her as I have never loved anything in my entire life!"

"You say you loved?" Benezia questioned. "You do not still love her? Has that love within your heart died? Will you no longer accept it? Not even from me?"

"You couldn't understand!" I shouted. "You could not possibly grasp what is within my heart, because you abandoned me! You think you know me but…"

"I _do_ know you." she interrupts. "I am the mother you wish to remember, the one who cradled her Little Wing close, who saw your dreams and cherished them, even though I dreaded your following them and flying far from me. I am the mother who became once again myself at the hour of my death, who saw the human you would come to love and gave her my blessing. I begged her to be good to you, and she was. Yet here you stand, destroying yourself after her loss. All I would do is heal your heart, Liara. All I would ask is that you listen."

"Listen to _what!?_" I demanded. "If you have come from my own mind, what could you possibly tell me that I do not _already know!?_"

"Nothing." she admitted. "But my concern is that you will not listen. You are allowing your darker voices to conquer your thoughts, and reason will not be had."

"Then why do you persist in trying?"

"How many times must I tell you that I love you before you truly believe me?" Benezia asked, stepping closer once more.

I closed my eyes and imagined the way that she smelled, of flowers, sunlight, and the color yellow. I convinced myself that I felt the warmth she had exuded in my childhood. I looked at her once again and a radiant smile crossed her lips.

"This loss will only break you if you let it." Benezia told me. "Your heart is strong and powerful, but your love of her is now an open wound, and you must tend to it. You are letting it fester and grow infected."

I collapsed to my knees and gripped my chest. My heart literally, physically hurt as she spoke the words.

"What do you truly feel, Little Wing?" my mother pressed. "It cannot be confusion. You rescued her. You know where she is, and are aware that she truly is gone."

"It is not confusion!" I shouted to the image of my mother created by my own mind. "It is _rage_." I got to my feet. "I do not _want_ to feel love! It hurts too damn much, mother! It hurts too damn much to feel that powerful of an emotion and know that there is _nothing_ to be done with it. I _cannot_ let grief run its natural course or I will _lose my mind!_ I…I want to _hurt_ things! And I want to hide! And I want to get out of this hell that, had I not abandoned her, I _would not be in!_"

"Let your wounds bleed clean, Liara." Benezia advised, her hand reaching to turn my eyes to hers, but I would not look and she could not touch me. "Remember her love. Remember mine. Let it comfort you."

"_No!_" I reached out and struck the thin air where my mother's presence resided. "I do not need something so easily damaged as love! There is nothing in it worth preserving! I want to forget her, and forget you, and forget that such a time in my life ever even _existed!_"

In a flash, Benezia faded and I sat on the floor, attempting to gather my breath.

"Told you." Avi's voice chimed from the galaxy map console. "You wouldn't want to see what came after me."

"Will the dead ever fade?" I muttered as I got to my feet.

Avi laughed. "Nope." she shook her head. "We're here for the long haul. And why not? You seem intent on destroying yourself. Why not let us help?"

"Fuck you, Avi." I growled.

"That's what Shepard said." a wry grin quirked the ensign's lips. "Granted, it was in a different context."

The meaning of her innuendo struck me and biotics streamed from my body, tearing through the illusion of Avi Rivera, and destroying the acceleration chair and the galaxy map. It felt…cleansing.

"Nice one, T'Soni." Avi mocked from my side, surveying the damage with her keen eyes.

I crumpled to the floor once more and sighed. _This will not end. I might as well accept it and give in to the madness. _


	42. Chapter 42

**Thessia**

Pain in its raw form had never before looked…so elegant. Sen had seen the freshly wounded and the terminally ill come under her care. Their pain had been fierce, their agony blistering, and Sen had immediately begun to do all within her power to heal them and rid them of the anguish they carried.

The pain in Liara's eyes was different. It was pain, but also peace. Longsuffering mixed with wisdom and comprehension. The asari before her now was worlds away from the person she had described to Sen in terms that made the cardiologist cringe. Despondent. At sanity's edge. Hallucinating images of the dead, speaking to the phantoms crafted from her own mind.

"There is nothing worse than grieving, and having no purpose." Liara whispered. "I had kept it at bay while searching for Shepard, but after finding her, I had nothing. I was running to Illium, away from those who wanted me on Thessia…and I chose to run from my own mind as well. From my own emotions."

Sen's heart panged. She had delivered the worst of news to the families of her patients. She had been forced to tell them that all of her efforts, all of her work, had been for nothing, and that death had taken their loved one. She had seen the tears in their eyes, and, in her calmest voice, directed them towards the hospital's grief counselors.

Now, she trembled. She wondered if her failures had led to the manic, monstrous grief that Liara described. She wondered if those to whom she had spoken had hallucinated the presence of their loved one. If they had filled their bodies with illicit substances and been tortured by nightmares.

_Is there anything I might have done, _Sen wondered, _anything I could have said to make that news less painful? How would I react…were I to receive that news…about Mira? _

Sen's throat tightened. Mira's loss was an unimaginable horror that she did not want to dwell on. _But_, she looked at the company she kept, _I know I can trust Liara to help me through it._

_But Liara had no one. _Sen realized, perhaps for the first time, how terrible it must have been to be truly alone during the time Liara described. No wonder she had fallen to pieces. But Liara had also said something that piqued Sen's interest.

"All this time," Sen found her voice, "you have spoken of choosing. That you chose to leave the crew of the Normandy. That you chose to use violence against Matriarch Avarya. That you chose to find Shepard, chose to leave Feron behind. Now you say that you chose to run from your own mind. Did you know…at that time…that you were choosing these things?"

Liara laughed. "Of course I did not." she replied. "I felt forced into every choice I made. I felt spurned by the galaxy; that all the stars had aligned against me. And feeling the victim was easier than coping with all that had happened. It was easy to be eaten alive, easy to capitulate instead of understand. It was easier to feel rage rather than pain. Easier to hide from sleep than to let my subconscious mend itself with the nightmares."

"So…how did you cope?" Sen asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

_How did she break herself from that and attain the wisdom that she possesses? How did she come from that grief to be the asari that she is now? _

"I reached Illium," Liara answered, "with various pieces of my ship ripped apart. I spent the two solar days alone, tormented, haunted in turn by the phantoms of Avi and my mother. I kept using the drugs…which I discovered were a mix of levoamphetamines and Hallex."

"Goddess." Sen breathed. "I can see the draw of course." the doctor's mind sped through her litany of pharmaceutical knowledge. "The euphoria described by Hallex users is certainly addictive, as well as its propensity to heighten the libido...but the combination with levoamphetamines…you were playing with fire…and it's no wonder you were hallucinating."

Liara nodded, a small smile on her lips as she remembered the stupidity of her youth. "They dimmed the pain." she explained. "They kept me awake, they kept the nightmares away. Any time I reached the point of sobriety, life would crash in once again and I could not endure it. It was easy to acquire them on Illium. Easy to feed the addiction that brought euphoria and forgetfulness. The side effects were obvious, the weight loss, the headaches and tremors, but the euphoria of the Hallex did away with my worry over that."

Sen's brow creased as she heard Liara describing her addiction with no hesitance or worry. As though she did not care what Sen might think.

"How are you able to tell me this?" Sen wondered aloud. "These are things that _no one _ knows about you. These are the secrets you have kept for centuries and yet…yet you are giving them to me?"

"Regardless of those who know and do not," Liara met Sen's eyes, "I am not ashamed of my past, Sen. I have done what I have done, and at the time I had my reasons."

"So…you feel no shame?" Sen asked, attempting to understand Liara further. "Not even for the murder of Matriarch Avarya?"

Liara's eyes darkened, but they did not lose their gentle expression. "Remorse is not the same as shame." she replied. "I do grieve my actions, regret my responses and the darkness that drove me to hideous acts and hideous things. But I need not feel shame for such things. Where I have been has led me to where I am. And I wear my darkness and my light, shameless in both. I have done my best to make reparations for the hurt I caused. My heart has served a sentence for those crimes that no external punishment could impart."

"Liara…can you admire someone and find parts of them reprehensible?" Sen asked.

"Yes." Liara reached out and touched Sen's hand.

The cardiologist stared down at their intertwined fingers. For so long, Liara T'Soni had been a paragon in the galaxy. History wrote of her accomplishments, her actions during the Reaper War that had helped save the galaxy from extinction. But no one truly knew what the hand that held Sen's had done. How it had harmed others…how it had harmed the body it belonged to.

"I will not fault you for your judgment of me, Sen." Liara said, her voice low and fraught with meaning. "I have done things that are not admirable. I have been someone worthy of no respect and devoid of any emotion that might resonate with another in a positive light. I am not telling you this to better your opinion of me. I am telling you this so that you might know the entirety of who I am." Liara bit her lip, looking, for some reason, as though these words pained her to speak. "I am…I am your friend, Sen, but if anything I tell you makes you question your decision to be the same to me I…I understand."

"No." Sen hastened to clarify. "It isn't that. This is simply…a great deal to process."

"I understand." Liara relinquished Sen's hand as her omni-tool chirped.

Liara looked at the message from Glyph. The VI had information, though the message did not illuminate what it was. Liara frowned at the VIs programming for absolute subterfuge…something she had not been able to break it of through the centuries. She would have to find it to receive the information in person.

"Pardon me for a moment." she rose from the bed and spoke to Sen. "I will return shortly."

Sen nodded and Liara left the room, walking down the hall, wondering if all that she had told the cardiologist had been the truth. Most of it had been truth. She was more than willing to admit her flaws, to admit to the crimes she had committed and the actions she had taken. But one of the things she had done went further than the drugs she had abused in order to forget. One of them went further than the violence she had committed and the lives she had taken.

_I betrayed my own heart_, Liara thought as she went through the rote steps of accessing her secure room. _ I attempted to drown myself beneath an onslaught of sensation…for the bliss of the moment to drive away the horror of the past. _


	43. Chapter 43

**Liara**

The doors of my new haven opened for me. The throbbing music cut straight through my skin and vibrated against my bones, a dark threnody of bass chaos and rippling treble. In Afterlife, this music had seemed discordant and grating. Here, on Illium, in Eternity, it replaced the dry, dead beating of my heart. Here, in the pulsating pounding of the drums, I could lose myself. I could run from the images that haunted me, the phantoms of my mind that dogged me without ceasing.

I took a seat at the bar and raised a single finger. The newer bartender, not the indigo skinned asari, immediately placed a glass before me and filled it with whiskey. I took a sip of the liquid and swallowed it. It no longer burned. The drugs coursing through my system obliterated any unpleasant sensation. They kept away sleep, scorched the nightmares, and blurred a galaxy of pain to the point where nothing hurt any longer. One prick of the needle and pain faded into a blur of altered senses and infinite pleasures.

I smiled over the rim of my glass as I watched the asari dancers. My eyes devoured the curve of their hips, the press of their breasts against the poles, against each other. The thick, sweaty glide of skin on skin made my throat tighten.

"Oh come off it, T'Soni." Avi leaned against the bar, obscuring my view of the dancers. "You're still drinking Shep's poison of choice. You're still shooting up to run away from her." A martini appeared in the hallucination's hands and Avi took a sip. "Nothing's going to chase away your ghosts."

"Shut up." I growled, throwing back the remaining whiskey in one swallow and slamming the glass down, grinning as the bartender filled it.

They knew me here now, enough to remain silent if they overheard me talking to the blank air in front of me. Enough to keep their eyes averted from the deep bruising on the inside of my arms. There were many here on Illium like me…there were many like me in all planets of the galaxy. Those on the run. Those addicted to a numb, painless existence.

"Damn." Avi whistled low as she looked at the dancers. "No wonder Serena was all over you. If you've got a body like _that _hiding under those clothes, she wouldn't have been able to resist."

"You're a bitch, Avi." I muttered, draining another glass, letting my eyes fog over as the alcohol mixed with the drugs for an entirely different sort of euphoria. "It was more than that between us, I assure you."

"Yeah." Avi's eyes narrow. "Passion. Acceptance. Love. Tell me, Liara, do you still want that? Have you looked at the time? The date? Exactly seven months to the day that you and Shepard did the deed." she took another sip of her martini. "Six months since she died. And you've been a drug addicted nightmare pretty much since then."

"I don't have to listen to this." I drank a third glass of the whiskey.

It tasted like water. It tasted like numb. It tasted like nothing. The euphoria was lessening each day. Every needle in my skin brought with it less and less satisfaction. And my hallucination had been right. It had been six months since I had been touched. Six months since I had done anything but fight and drink and shoot up.

Disgusted, I lifted my empty glass and threw it on the floor, watching shards of glass skate across the ground with dim satisfaction. Destruction felt good. It felt different. It simply…had feeling. The bartender stared at me, a look of wrathful indignation on his face until I slammed a credit chit on the bar and stalked off, towards the dance floor. My hallucination remained by the bar, sipping her martini, a knowing grin quirking the corners of her lips.

I turned away and let the music wash over me in a wave. The beat took control of my muscles as I began to dance. My eyes closed and I swayed to the slow, seductive rhythm, letting go of my thoughts, my will, the last remainder of my inhibitions, which the drugs had all but obliterated. The music became the sway of my hips, the undulating of my back, the smooth motion of my arms as I lifted them high and twined them together at the wrists, subconsciously acknowledging that I was a prisoner of my own weaknesses.

_But I don't have to be strong anymore, _I thought, feeling a warm comfort in the pit of my stomach. _I am not fighting the enemies of the galaxy. I am not holding steady for the woman I love, because she is dead. Let the purpose and drive I have been a slave to for a hundred years die. I do not need it. _

I felt so at peace, so high, that when a warm pair of hands grasped my hips I did not startle. I opened my eyes and looked before me, a slight smile crossing my face. A pair of snapping black eyes met my gaze, framed by long, exquisite lashes. Obsidian hair caught the flashing lights of the club, tinging blue and violet beneath the flare of strobes. I rested my hands over the ones that still held my hips, feeling the smooth, soft caramel skin beneath my own. The human was beautiful...a soft, gentle beauty, not hard and harsh and brazen like...never mind.

"I saw you dancing." a low, velvet voice whispered. "I couldn't resist. I had to touch you."

Desire and honey-mead scented her breath and I moved my hands from hers, lacing my fingers through her belt-loops, pulling her near me as my smile widened and became coy. We moved to the music, our bodies shielding each other from whatever demons pursued us both. No living being lacked its ghosts, phantoms, evils. No living being lacked something it needed to run from.

I ran my hands around the small of her back, waiting for the thump of the music to reignite. I grasped the curves of her shapely ass and pulled her forward, moving my thigh between her legs. A low groan left her lips as she rolled her hips to the beat, pressing herself against my thigh. Her hands grasped my shoulders for leverage and she continued her movements, which became less a dance and more a primal surge against my body. Her wet, crimson lips parted and her breath washed against my face with a remembered warmth…a memory whose power I immediately quashed.

I did not want the memories of sweet whispers in the night. I did not want the sensation of tender hands that knew every curve of my body intimately. I wanted to continue to run, to flee, and, if need be, bury every memory of sweet seductions in the body that I held close to mine. To let animalistic passion be the grave in which I discarded the last of my emotion and soul.

I stepped away and my dance partner whimpered at the loss of contact. Her hands swiped against her leather pants, leaving a streak of sweat on the gleaming material. I wanted that heat, that slick, fevered touch. So I took it. I grasped her hand in my own and she followed me through the crowd of undulating bodies of all species.

I walked her to the velvet rope that separated the VIP booths from the normal crowds. A huge, towering human man stood beside it, crossing his arms and glaring at me. Before he could demand a pass, I dropped a credit chit between his arms and chest. He pulled it up, eyes widening at the amount.

The velvet rope dropped and I led my conquest to a shadowed booth, pulling the curtain closed behind us. The lights above us were red, the color of anger and passion. It suited the pulsing blood in my veins, the rapid tattoo of my heart, the thrumming need between my legs.

"Well this is nice." my partner commented, coming up behind me and rubbing her hand up my side. "I'm…"

I turned and pressed a finger to her lips, sparks shooting through my arm as she took my finger in her mouth and slid her tongue along it, making me shudder.

"I don't want your name." I told her. "Just you, naked and writhing beneath me."

She released my finger from her mouth with a resounding 'smack' of her lips. Her smile revealed brilliant, gleaming teeth.

"We're going to get along _just_ fine." she purred.

Her hands reached for the buttons of her white silk shirt, but I did not want a slow unveiling. I wanted _nothing_ that would remind me of Serena. It was bad enough that this woman was human, but I would take what came to me. And I would forget. And for once, away from the drugs and the liquor that defined my life, I would feel _good_.

I grabbed her wrists, stopping her movement, forcing her against the wall and pressing my lips to hers. I was not subtle, not kind, not tender. My lips attacked her with months of pent-up fury, desire suppressed. Arousal surged through me, mixing with the amphetamines and the Hallex, doubling every sensation until I felt weak in the knees, ready to come with one touch.

I kept her pinned to the wall with one hand and moved the other between her legs, squeezing the seam of her pants tight against her. Her hips bucked into my hand and her mouth opened in a gasp of shock and pleasure. Taking advantage, I plunged my tongue into her mouth, raking it along her own, feeling the shockwaves as our teeth collided and tongues dueled. Heat suffused me as I continued my rough massage between her thighs, indulging in the whimpers that spooled into my mouth. I swallowed them down, drowning in them, forgetting everything but the body surging against my own.

I lowered my lips, feasting on the pulse point at her neck, feeling the blood pounding through her veins. I bit and pulled on the tender skin, intent on leaving a bruise, a mark, something to show that I had been here, touched this, done this.

Her breath hissed out and her hand clutched the back of my neck, fingernails raking in the creases there, sending sheer pleasure radiating across my crest. It felt good, but I needed more, wanted more. My lust gnawed at me from the inside, clawing through my gut, between my legs, sizzling across my lips.

I pushed myself off of the wall and took in the lean body of the human in front of me. Her hands were pressed against the wall for support. Her breath shuddered out and through the thin white silk of her shirt I could see the rise of her hardened nipples. My mouth watered with want as she began to straighten up and get her legs underneath her for proper support.

Biotic energy swirled around my hands and I wrapped it around her body. She stared at the blue glow encompassing her, looking at me with heated eyes that, to my satisfaction, held a spark of fear. I pulled my hands apart and her clothes followed, ripped to shreds by the biotic energy. Scraps of white silk and black leather floated to the floor as I molded the energy around her body, flowing around her nipples, flaming between her legs, probing and spreading the lips of her sex with undulating pressure. She gasped and stumbled back against the wall, her head thrown back, her lower lip caught between her teeth, her hands running across her breasts and stomach with fingers splayed.

Her raven hair floated, lifted by wisps of the energy I used to torment her to the edge of pleasure, always ceasing when I felt she was close to release. Panting moans fell from her lips as I manipulated her body from afar, dominating her, making her mine without her knowledge.

"God." she gasped as her legs began to tremble. "You're…fucking…evil."

With a smile on my face I snapped my biotics out of existence. Her legs buckled at the loss of support and I was there, holding her limp, quivering, unsatisfied body in my arms, savaging her lips with my own once again. I guided her to the couch and straddled her, cupping her breasts in my hands, kneading the malleable, sensitive flesh, running the flat of my palms over her rock-hard nipples, savoring every hitched breath and high-pitched whimper.

It was not enough. I needed to feel the heat of her skin against mine, to soak myself in the sweat the sheened her body and made it glisten in the red light. I removed my hands and pulled off my shirt, letting it fall to the floor as I grasped her wrists and pressed her hands against my own breasts. The softness of her hands comforted me as she probed my body, so alien to her and yet so similar to her own. She moved up from the couch and lowered her mouth to my nipple, teasing its opposite between her fingers as she licked and nipped and sucked my skin into her mouth, feeling its rigidity. Her teeth clamped down on the tip and I arched my back and restrained a cry of pleasure.

Her lips and teeth tormented my breasts and her hands fumbled with the clasp of my pants, at last figuring out how to undo them and pulling them off of my hips, her nails raking my skin. I pulled away from her and stood, removing the offending clothing the rest of the way. She reached for me and grasped my arm. I winced as her thumb pressed on the bruises on my elbow and she took notice, removing her hand and staring at the obvious needle marks in my arm.

I thought she might pull away, might sneer in disgust, but instead, her black eyes sparked. She looked at me with absolute _want_ in her gaze, as though I were a goddess, and she a needy supplicant at my temple.

"What are you on?" she asked. "And do you have any with you?"

_Oh yes, _my sex pulsed with a fresh rush of blood. _Join me in ecstasy. __**Feel**__ everything. _

"I do. And it is _wonderful._" I replied, tracing my finger down her cheek, catching her sweat and lifting it to my lips, tasting it. "But I want something from you first."

Her eyes flared. "Anything." she whispered.

I knelt in front of her and reached for my discarded pants, slipping my hand into the cargo pocket, where I kept a locked box with filled syringes at all times.

I lowered my head and kissed her inner thigh, smelling the musk of her arousal. I pulled the box out of my pocket and met her eyes.

"Touch yourself." I ordered, pressing my thumb on the bio-scanner of the box and hearing the snap of it unlocking.

I stood and pulled out a syringe, setting the box on the table and watching as her hand dipped between her legs. Her middle finger slipped inside her and a light, breathy moan escaped her lips as she began moving it in and out in a slow, tormenting rhythm. I licked my lips as I watched, holding the syringe in front of her, a promise of bliss and heightened sensation. She bit her lips and moved her other hand, circling her clit with movements that became more and more frantic. Her back arched off of the couch as her hips pulsed to her own touch.

Her eyes closed and she began to moan, rhythmic bursts of sound that stoked my desire. Her abdominal muscles fluttered, her thighs trembled. She was close.

"Stop." I ordered.

She cried out in distress and want, absolute need spreading over her features, but her hands stilled and withdrew. I owned her completely, in this moment, and I reveled in it.

"Lie down." I whispered, and she complied, stretching out on the couch, her fingers finding her breasts, kneading them, pulling at her nipples. The air was scented with her desire, and I craved it.

I tightened my biotics into a band around my arm and slipped the syringe into my bruised veins, injecting its contents. I closed my eyes and moaned as the high resurged. Every part of my body that had been touched, kissed, and licked caught fire, spilling straight between my legs. I wanted release, satiation, satisfaction. I opened my eyes and stared at the naked, lean, yearning body in front of me. So weak. So submissive.

_Exquisite._

"Please." my partner's lips quivered. "Please. I need…"

I reached back, placing the empty syringe in a box and withdrawing a full one. Her eyes ignited again.

"Beg." I whispered, walking closer, standing over her. "You do it so prettily."

Her lips parted and a stream of words left them that I did not hear and did not care about. The power I had over her felt intoxicating, better than alcohol, better than drugs. It held a rush that drove away everything. I felt nothing in that moment but desire and power and it felt so _good_ and _right_ that I pushed away the last little voice that said I was going insane.

I lowered my body over hers and she shivered. Her lips parted and she literally cried out from the pain of needing release.

"Give me your arm." I whispered. She extended it and I traced the large vein at her wrist with the tip of the needle, scraping it along her skin to the flesh of her elbow. I wrapped her upper arm with biotic energy and compressed it until her veins rose to the surface of the skin. I pressed the needle into her vein and she sobbed. My other hand stroked through the thick, black curls above her sex, titillating her already abused nerves.

I spread my fingers and ran them across her swollen lips, carefully avoiding touching her clit, though I could feel the hard bundle of nerves pulsing against my palm. I pressed two fingertips to her entrance and, with deliberate movements, depressed the plunger of the syringe and slid inside her at the same moment.

She _shrieked_ and her body lunged upward. I pulled the syringe out of her arm and threw it away, releasing my biotics, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and pulling her to me, thrusting inside of her, ravaging her neck with my teeth as her head fell back. I splayed my hand across her back, feeling the muscles spasm with every pulse of my fingers. I curled them inside of her and an anguished, needy growl peeled from her throat as I pulled upward in short, quick jerks, pressing my palm to her clit with every movement.

It did not take long. The drugs ignited her nerves and my hand forced her to ecstasy. She _screamed_ and I gloried in the sound, in the rush of heat against my hands, the full-body convulsions that shook her as she released. Her inner walls clamped around my fingers with powerful ripples and my own desire heightened as she sagged in my arms, her black eyes no longer snapping, but glazed from the drugs and the hormones flooding her system.

I held her body against my own, pressing vicious kisses to her lips. She returned them with an uncoordinated gracelessness that made me simply want more. More of this new, unique high that chased everything away, that killed the demons, that buried everything.

I kept my hand inside her as we kissed, feeling her clit, still hard and pulsing, against my hand. Her body wanted more. As did mine. I pulled my fingers out and she groaned as I spread her slickness across the bundle of nerves that begged for attention.

"Wait." she gasped. "Just…give me…a second."

I smiled into her deep black eyes. "One." I whispered, and entered her once again.

She groaned and her eyes fluttered closed as her breathing became soft pants. Her surrender was beautiful and I craved it. I slid my body down hers and feasted at her breasts as I kept up my slow, undulating rhythm. I could feel her body tightening again as I scraped my teeth down the taut lines of her stomach. Giving into my desires, I closed my mouth over her sex, laving her clit with my tongue, grinning as her hair tickled the bridge of my nose.

"Oh…God…" her voice was high, still with that velvet edge, intoxicating as she lost control.

Her had splayed over the top of my crest, urging me on, begging. Once more, I curled my fingers upward and pressed down on her clit with my tongue, micro movements that dragged her, inch by inch, towards the edge. Her thighs trembled and I felt their vibration across my cheeks. A single push, and she was over the edge, sobbing on the razor sharp blade of release. I continued still, between her legs, tasting, kissing, nipping, drawing out her aftershocks, tasting the sweet, tangy flavor of her essence. I dragged my tongue through her slit and a high, keening wail filled the room.

"No more." she begged. "Oh God, please, I can't take it. Feels…so good…but…too much."

"I know." I whispered, running my hand through the hair between her thighs, up, along her stomach, leaving it splayed between her breasts, feeling her accelerated heartbeat.

I did not know who I was anymore. Neither did I care. This felt too good. It was not simply release of the body. Something else had fled, something that a deeper part of me wanted to chase after. I ignored it.

I rose to my knees and straddled her stomach, tangling my hand in her hair, tracing the shell of her ear with a flicker of biotic energy.

"Make me feel good." I urged her, lifting her arm and licking the line of blood that had trailed down it from the prick of the needle.

Her black eyes sparked once more and she lifted her arms, wrapping them around my thighs and pulling herself up. Her lips closed over my azure and I groaned, pulsing my hips against her mouth, threading my fingers through her hair. Each sweep of her tongue stacked sensation upon sensation and I began to tremble and lose control. Biotic energy swarmed around my body. My hand gripped her hair tighter and I rode her face without mercy, seeking the crest of pleasure with drugged, avid abandon.

An urge whispered through me and I did not deny it. I grabbed her head and held it, moving it from between my legs, staring into her eyes.

"Embrace eternity." I whispered.

I fell inside her mind, ignoring her identity, pushing back her memories, focusing solely on the nerves that still pulsed with sensation. Using the technique I had learned with…someone I once knew…I fused our nerves together.

Her mouth went back to its work and she cried out as she felt what she was doing to me echo in her own body. I abused every spike of pleasure, building one upon the other within me, looping them through her nerves, sending them back into mine with double the sensation, multiplying the pressure until it almost became agony.

Her teeth grazed the ridge of my azure and I broke. My body convulsed and I did not even hear her voice as a third orgasm ripped through her. I snapped out of the meld and collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily, savoring the quiver in my thighs. The oppressive weight that had been on my shoulders vanished. I rolled off of my partner and dressed, tucking my box back into my cargo pocket. I looked down at the naked woman on the couch, her body still shuddering with orgasmic convulsions. Her swollen lips were parted with soft, stilted breathing, her eyes were closed, dancing beneath her lids as she succumbed to exhaustion and slumber.

I rolled my shoulders and stole out of the booth, back through the crowd. I wanted to go home and savor the intense freedom I felt in my soul. I felt light...without care…_good_.

The door of Eternity opened for me and I stepped out onto the streets of Illium, savoring the darkness that surrounded me. Phantom footsteps sounded in my ear and I looked into Avi Rivera's hazel eyes.

"Do not even begin." I ordered, and she shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm just here to say good-bye." she told me, her expression darkening. "I may be crafted from your mind but…but it is no longer there. You're not Liara anymore."


	44. Chapter 44

**Thessia**

Liara leaned against the wall of her secure room, her eyes closed with the pain of a memory revisited. Her thoughts had not ventured there in decades. Though her subconscious had constant knowledge of all that she had been, she did not participate in active recollection of those memories. Remembering her former identity hurt in ways she had not thought it would...even after over a hundred years had passed.

It had not simply been the one. There had been others, many, many others. A stream of company to keep her out of her own head, to share with her in the temporary ecstasy that eased the pain less and less until it no longer served its purpose. At that point, it had become rote. Tradition, even. To sacrifice her sanity to the needle, her throat to the alcohol, and her body to whomever would be a willing host for the pain and self-loathing she spilled into them with every touch, every meld.

Liara looked down at her hands, at the minute threads of old scars that no one but her could see any longer. Time had let them fade into almost non-existence, but in her mind she could see them, tracing the patterns like maps of where she had been. She wondered of those she had been with...if they remembered the desperate, drug-infused couplings, the malicious grin on cobalt lips and the hands that speared their veins.

_Most of them are no longer alive,_ Liara thought. _Most of them will never know how truly, truly sorry I am for those nights when I did not inhabit my own mind. Goddess,_ Liara looked up, her eyes fading into the distance, shaping a face, a body, another memory that ached, but did not haunt, _how did you ever bring yourself to forgive me, Shepard?_

"Doctor T'Soni," Glyph appeared at her elbow, startling Liara from her thoughts, a distraction she was grateful for. "There are updated reports on the condition of one Mira Dorsen. You said to alert you imm..."

"Yes. Thank you, Glyph." Liara cut the hovering VI off, pulling up the monitor and reading over the doctor and surgeon's report.

_Alive. _A breath Liara had been holding rushed from her lungs as relief swept over her. Remembering her own loss, her own grief, and the dark spiral that had been her existence after losing Shepard...she could not bear to see Sen walk that same path. Or any path even close to it.

_However, if the worst does come to pass, _Liara translated the medical jargon as she skimmed over the report, her eyes darkening at the severity of Mira's injuries, _I owe it to Sen to be here for her. It will be the only way to begin to repay the debt that I owe. Though I doubt anything I shall ever do will truly absolve me._

Liara copied the data from the Broker's terminal to her omni-tool and left the secure room with a heavy heart. The sole good news was that Mira had survived. However, the recovery, if her tenuous state did not worsen, would be long and involved. Liara remembered what Sen had told her at the hospital, that Mira's father was en route to Thessia. It would not surprise her if the human man took his daughter back to her home to recover. Humans often did such things. It would be a loss for Sen...but not nearly so terrible at losing a love to death, especially a love that showed promise of repair.

She tapped on the door of Sen's room and heard the quiet voice allowing her entry. Sen's eyes did not meet hers when she came in, and Liara's heart fell.

_Can you admire someone and yet find them reprehensible? _Sen's question echoed in Liara's mind and in her heart, hanging on the knife blade it had pierced her with. Those words had wounded her in ways she would never tell the cardiologist. They had reminded Liara of her own shortcomings. They had reminded her that love could be blind...but that when that blindness ceased, the image before the open eyes could sear, scar, and brand a soul for eternity.

"I have news, Sen." Liara whispered, and the asari's head lifted, her unusual eyes shining with a universal emotion that broke Liara's heart.

_How is it that hope looks beautiful in every gaze? _Liara wondered. _Even the eyes of fanatics, when gleaming with hope, are lovely._

Liara sat down beside her younger friend and opened her omni-tool, letting Sen's more educated eyes read over the medical reports. The cardiologist paled and her lips parted, but she seemed to steel herself as she continued to read.

"Goddess." Sen whispered, lifting a finger and closing the screen of Liara's omni. Her hand trembled. "It's all...so much. So much damage."

_So much damage..._Liara rocked backwards in time, hearing those words in a calm, weary British accent. _I will do what I can, but you do understand that sometimes...sometimes what life that remains cannot be salvaged._

Liara wrapped an arm about Sen's shoulders as the cardiologist looked up to the ceiling. "She'll be moved to the Traumatic Care Unit." Sen calculated the hospital's procedures. "Because of the neuro-surgery, she'll probably have quarter-hour observations. Probably only one permitted visitor and her father won't be here for...for at least another day."

Sen's last words ended on a whisper and a knowing, commiserating smile crossed Liara's lips as she pulled Sen closer against her, imparting comfort.

"Do you want to go to her?" Liara asked. "I promise you, you will not be alone."

"I don't know." Sen looked up at the one friend she had in the galaxy. Two perfect tears fell from each one of Sen's eyes. "I am afraid, Liara. I am afraid of the reality of this. It is easier to read, to understand from a cold, clinical purview but I..."

"It is always difficult to witness." Liara acknowledged. "But I know that your heart wishes to be with her. That your hands want to touch and heal. That your lips wish to whisper words of comfort and that the thought of her waking alone terrifies you."

"How..." Sen's eyes fell, "...you would know, wouldn't you?"

Liara took a deep breath and nodded. "I would." she wiped away Sen's tears. "I would know all too well."

Sen closed her eyes, calculating. "It's morning, so Valen should be lead at the TCU." she thought aloud. "Thankfully, we work well together...it helps that Valen cannot stand Chief T'Vari either, and constantly circumvents orders when in the patient's bests interests. But if chief finds out and tries to have me removed..."

Liara rested a calming hand on Sen's wrist. "If that happens, Sen, _I_ will handle Ela T'Vari."

Sen looked up, incredulous, weighing what she knew of the chief of medicine at Thessia Medical against what she knew of Liara T'Soni. A small smile touched her lips as she realized that T'Vari did not stand a chance.

"You would do that for me?" Sen asked, suddenly shy, suddenly feeling as though Liara had power that surpassed her family name and her heroism in the Reaper War. Something darker, something more sinister...something hidden from the eyes of the public.

"Indeed I would." Liara nodded, standing up and helping Sen to her feet. "After all, Thessia Medical's funding must come from _somewhere_."

An absolutely _wicked_ smile crossed Liara's lips and Sen wanted to shiver...but in the hope of the moment, all she could do was laugh.


	45. Chapter 45

**Thessia**

The doors of Thessia Medical swished open and Sen stepped through, wondering when this place had stopped feeling like her second home. Her month suspended had alienated her, and even though she knew the faces of many of the nurses and the staff, she did not offer them anything more than a nod. They seemed as strangers to her and a strange realization dawned. She missed her work...not her workplace. Somehow she had managed to tangle them in her mind, but the absence from Thessia Medical had cleared her thoughts and redefined her priorities.

She stopped abruptly as she saw a member of hospital security. They had not seen her yet, and, since she worked the night shift, may not have been familiar with her enough to know that she was banned from the premises. Liara's hand wrapped around her arm and she felt calm, comforted, and almost invincible. Liara had promised to help her, promised to protect her.

"I am following you, Sen." Liara reminded her with a small smile. "I have no idea where I am going."

Sen released the breath she had been holding and walked past the reception desk to the elevators. She entered the command for the Traumatic Care Unit floor and leaned against the wall as the elevator ascended. Images assailed her, images of the trauma patients who had wound up on her table, beneath her care. Her hands had been steady, her mind detached from everything but the need to help them. She had learned not to smell the blood, feel the fear.

She had taught herself to ignore the thoughts of her patient's loved ones. Their parents, spouses, siblings…or, Goddess forbid, their children. She had never been in their position until now. As the elevator opened, she found herself hoping. Hoping that the physicians that had attended to Mira had not been like her. Sen hoped that they had considered, not only their patient, but the lives in which she was important.

The TCU was quiet and still, home to a peaceful atmosphere that promoted healing. But beneath the veneer, Sen could feel the undercurrent of frenetic energy, the doctors and nurses constantly on alert, those in the waiting area who could not be soothed. Worry settled and gnawed in her gut as she saw the glass walls of the rooms, the monitors over each patient's bed, carrying life signs, bearing hope itself.

"Sen?" she heard a voice and looked around. "Sen T'Aryn?"

A light blue asari matron entered her vision, green eyes shining out with competence and kindness. She had lovely, black facial markings that sparked above and beneath her eyes in firework patterns, and a black line beneath her lower lip that traced to her chin. The white lab coat she wore contrasted with the black scrubs, a human style of clothing that had been popularized in the medical profession the galaxy over.

"Hello, Dr. Valen." Sen offered a slight bow in greeting, as was proper for a maiden greeting a matron.

"Sen, please." Dr. Valen surprised her with a light hug. "Call me Treya." she broke from the embrace and seemed to at last see Liara. "Pardon me, matron." she smiled. "I'm Doctor Treya Valen."

Liara extended her hand and Treya gave Sen a bemused expression as she returned the human greeting.

"A pleasure, Doctor Valen." Liara spoke. "Dr. Liara T'Soni."

Treya's eyes flared and she looked to Sen with utter shock on her face. Sen shrugged and Treya shook her shoulders, immediately regaining her professional demeanor, attempting to ignore the status of the asari standing before her and not immediately fall into awe-struck hero worship.

Treya glanced around, looking for any security. "Did T'Vari end your suspension?" she asked. "Or are you…goddess..."

"Mira Dorsen." Sen fought to keep her voice steady.

Treya's face fell and Sen's heart rate doubled in speed. "Oh, Sen…"

"Treya…how bad is it?"

Treya shook her head. "I can't tell you, Sen. You know that. You're not immediate family and since you've been suspended, _I'm_ the one in T'Vari's sights. Even though I want to, I…I simply cannot risk it."

"Sen and Mira are affianced." Liara lied with a calm authority, and both doctors turned to her. "Also, humans have a provision for times like this. It is called power of attorney. You will find, if you research properly, that Miss Dorsen has given Doctor T'Aryn that power, which includes release of medical information."

Treya nodded and looked relieved. "I will trust you, Dr. T'Soni. With the severity of Miss Dorsen's condition, we were more concerned with immediate treatment. I'll take you to her, Sen. But you cannot stay for long."

"Thank you." Sen whispered, letting Treya move further ahead before whispering to Liara. "Mira did no such thing, Liara. I'm simply her emergency contact…and that only because she forgot to change it."

"Trust me, Sen." Liara interrupted. "If they look for proof, they will find it."

Sen's lips parted. Liara continued to surprise her. How she had accessed the paramedics report was still a mystery, but Sen did not doubt its accuracy. Nor did she doubt the updated medical records that Liara showed her before they came here. The asari had some secret, Sen was certain of it. However, she did not dare ask. Liara had been too kind, too supportive…a good friend. And a mystery.

Treya stopped in front of one of the rooms and turned to face Sen. Her light green eyes, which could dance, were filled with compassion and concern.

"Sen," Treya warned, "we're all very, very hopeful. But she's had a very hard time of it."

"I need to know." Sen said. _Records only say so much...clinical information, and little at that, depending on who inputs them._

"You can read her chart…" Treyna began, but Sen shook her head.

"I need to know from someone I trust, Treya." Sen murmured, attempting not to sound as though she begged.

Treya nodded, noticing that Liara slipped her hand inside Sen's and held it tight.

"The worst of it was the head injury." Treya informed them. "She had an open, comminuted fracture of the skull which resulted in acute subdural hemorrhage." Sen bit her lip and held tight to Liara's hand. "Immediate surgery was required to relieve the pressure on her brain, but no matter how quickly we worked, some damage may have been done. She's on anti-convulsion medication, but she has seized twice. Each time it was quickly arrested, but you know as well as I that it might become a persistent issue."

"I know." Sen's voice was hoarse, and her legs trembled. "Please go on."

"The paramedics on scene were told that she was standing about three meters away from the car when the engine exploded." Treya continued, watching Sen wince and Liara's expression darken. "A piece of shrapnel struck her in the abdomen and punctured her small intestine. The puncture was repaired, and she's on broad-spectrum antibiotics in hopes of preventing infection but," Treya shrugged her shoulders, "it's too soon to tell. Sen, are you all right? You look pale."

Sen swallowed the lump in her throat. "This is…very hard to hear."

"I know." Treya replied, resting a hand on her former co-worker's shoulder. "I understand if you don't want me to go on…"

"I need to hear all of it." Sen straightened her shoulders, heartened by Liara's presence beside her, the calm composure exuded by the asari who had looked the Reapers in the face, and not been daunted. "Mira's father is traveling to Thessia and he needs…he needs to hear this from me."

Treya shook her head. "I'll never understand T'Vari." she muttered, lowering her voice as another doctor passed them. "Suspending one of our best surgeons…what the fuck was she thinking?"

"I have often wondered the same thing." Liara assented, and their words warmed Sen's heart.

"Miss Dorsen has three broken ribs on her right side." Treya persisted. "Which led to the collapse of her right lung. We put a chest tube in, and with the oxygen mask on, she's doing well."

Sen chewed on her lower lip. "Can…can she breathe on her own?"

"Yes." Treya answered and a sigh of relief flew from Sen's lips. "She also had an open fracture of the left tibia, and a hairline fracture of the left femur."

"Wha…how?" Sen asked. "The femur is the strongest bone in the human body and skycar engines are designed to contain the explosions if they destabilize…I don't see how this could have happened."

"The engine was found to be illegally modified." Liara spoke and Sen and Treya both turned incredulous looks on her. "The engine's containment safeguards had been removed and the engine itself was from a one person craft meant for inter-system travel, but not capable of FTL functions or passing through a relay. How they managed to augment it for a skycar is still a mystery, but that is the reason that the collateral damage of its crash was so high."

"And you know all of this how?" Treya asked.

Sen shook her head. "I've found it is best not to ask." she said. "Is there," she braced herself, "anything more?"

"Multiple contusions and lacerations." Treya answered. "All treated and none that are life threatening."

"Has she regained consciousness?" Sen asked, yearning to go through the door she stood beside, to be with the woman she loved.

"No." Treya replied. "But the good news is that, in spite of severe head trauma, she is no longer in a comatose state. If she does come to, notify me _immediately_."

"Of course." Sen nodded.

Treya entered the code and the door opened, leading to a small entry room that contained a decontamination chamber. Sen stepped inside and closed her eyes, protecting herself from the mist and the harsh ultraviolet flash. The inner door opened and she stepped into the room.

Sen kept her footsteps light as she approached the bed. Mira's face was half-obscured by the oxygen mask, but Sen could see the bruising, dark even against the rich coffee color of Mira's skin. She gripped the railing of the bed as she saw that half of Mira's hair had been shaved in order to tend to her head wound. A jagged cut, about thirteen centimeters long, stretched across Mira's head. It had been stitched and sealed with medigel.

Her love's entire left leg was encased in a fusion device to repair the fractures and Sen was grateful that Mira slept, so that she did not have to feel the pain. Osteofusion was a beautiful process that cut the healing time from several months to mere days, but research was still being done on how to make it less agonizing for the patient. Sen frowned. If Mira did wake up, she would have to remain conscious. Due to the severity of her head injury, sedation would not be an option, and even pain medication would be risky.

Tears pricked Sen's eyes as she lifted the blanket and saw the horrible, deep bruising splashed across Mira's chest. The sight of the ugly chest tube, inserted in Mira's side, just under her right breast, made Sen's throat tighten. She lowered the blanket as she caught sight of the bandages taped across Mira's abdomen, lightly dotted with blood.

Sen's eyes flew to the monitors, pleased to see that Mira's heartbeat was strong and even, a little slow, but nothing to cause too much concern. Her oxygen saturation levels were well within normal range for the collapsed lung, and her temperature only slightly elevated from the norm.

Sen reached out and trailed her fingers down the golden tattoo on Mira's arm. She laced their fingers together and felt relief crash through her in a powerful wave that threatened to buckle her knees. Careful, she lifted Mira's hand and lowered her lips to it, pressing a prolonged kiss to the back of her lover's hand.

"I'm here, sweetheart." Sen whispered. "And I…I do not know if you can hear me, but if you want me here, which I hope to the goddess you do, I will _never_ leave your side. I'm so…I'm so sorry I didn't walk you home, that I couldn't help you or be with you because…because I would take these injuries from you and give them to myself, if I could."

Sen threaded her hand through what remained of Mira's hair and pressed a tremulous, light kiss to her forehead.

"I love you, Mira Dorsen." she whispered in the human's ear, admiring the delicacy of its shape and texture. "I know you're strong, and I know you'll come through this like you do everything else. And I'm going to prove to you what I failed to prove when we were together. That I will be there when you need me. Always."

Sen's omni-tool beeped and she brought up the message.

_{Stay where you are. I will take care of this.}_

Sen looked out through the walls and saw two hospital security personnel speaking to Liara, gesturing to Sen with increasingly broad, aggressive movement. Liara's expression was impassive, almost bored, and Treya caught Sen's eyes through the glass with an expression that indicated that Sen owed her a lengthy explanation.

Sen just smiled, turned back to her lover, and trusted her friend to keep her word.


	46. Chapter 46

**Thessia**

"Matron," an asari dressed in the security uniform of Thessia Medical addressed Liara, "I am going to have to ask you to move. You are blocking our path."

"I am well aware of that." Liara replied with a smile that conveyed absolute charm. "Do me the favor of _not_ reading directly from the professional handbook."

"You don't seem to understand, matron." the asari that had first spoken to her cleared her throat. "Former employed physician Sen T'Aryn is in that room, and she has been barred from the premises by Ela T'Vari, Chief of Medicine."

"Oh _has_ she?" Liara asked, lowering her eyes to examine her nails, refusing to move a centimeter. "I didn't know."

"Matron." a note of ire entered the security guard's tone. "You are obstructing us from performing in our duties and following orders."

"Goddess." Liara sighed, looking to Treya Valen, who watched the proceedings with interest, "Are all of these security guards so absolutely pedantic?"

Treya raised her hands and backed away, wanting nothing to do with whatever game Liara was playing. The introduction to a living asari hero had been enough shock and awe for one morning, and there were things to do, lives to save...and the always pressing need to retain her employment.

"Matron..."

"Please." Liara interrupted. "I cannot abide needless formality." Once again she extended her hand in the common human greeting. "Dr. Liara T'Soni, most definitely _not_ at your service."

She watched with grim satisfaction as the two asari paled and retreated several steps. They may have been maidens, barely a century old, but one did not simply live on Thessia without hearing her name, understanding her status, and fearing her legend. The one who had spoken so brusquely before now attempted in vain to find words, but Liara made the search unnecessary.

"I do understand that you are simply following orders." she said. "And I am being obstinate to make your lives difficult. However, if you attempt to distract Dr. T'Aryn in any way, shape, or form, you'll no longer be wearing that uniform, or even permitted to work on this particular planet. However, do not think me entirely cruel. I know that Chief Ela T'Vari has ordered you to escort the troublesome rule-breaker to her offices. Do escort me in Dr. T'Aryn's place, will you? I'm certain I could bring myself to forget the unpleasantness of our previous discussion."

The two maidens exchanged glances, deciding that they would take the known threat of disobeying the Chief of Medicine rather than risk the anger of a wealthy, powerful unknown. They nodded to each other in full agreement.

"Please come with us, Dr. T'Soni."

Liara followed them into the elevators, smiling to herself as they ascended to the top level of the hospital. She could not help the pleased expression stamped across her features. She had learned the wise use of power, and at times she loathed her renown and reputation. But there were those who, for no reason, abused the power they possessed, and tore lives apart simply because they had the capability to do so. Ela T'Vari, by Sen's account and the research Liara herself had done, was one such person. It was this sort of person that Liara took pride in impairing, because it bettered the world in which they lived. And no willful destroyer of livelihoods deserved to be in the profession of healing.

The security guards led Liara to the chief's office suite, informing T'Vari's secretary that her visitor had arrived. The secretary buzzed the chief over the intercom and, after a moment, looked up at Liara.

"You may go in." she said.

Liara smiled as she entered the door. She examined the opulence of the room, the plush carpeting, the ornately framed paintings by one of Thessia's premier artists. The chief's desk was finely crafted, from an imported wood. Mahogany, Liara remembered. She had seen it before, while on Earth. The material was costly on its own planet. Importing it to Thessia would have required a small fortune. Liara frowned at the needless luxury in Ela T'Vari's office. In spite of her profession and the fact that she was Liara's senior by four centuries, Liara lost the last shred of respect she might have had for the matriarch.

Chief T'Vari stood in front of the wide window that overlooked the urban sprawl of the city below from a height that vied with the other towers. Her back was to Liara, and her arms were laced together at the small of her back, much like the military position "parade rest". Liara leaned against the door and waited. Ela T'Vari was an asari who would want the first word, to set the tone, to establish dominance. Liara wanted to take the words said, force the matriarch to eat them, and ensure that the taste was unpleasant.

"I did fear that this moment would come to pass, Dr. T'Aryn." Ela spoke, firm authority in her voice. "You have violated the conditions of your suspension and trespassed on hospital grounds while still under investigation. I am addressing you as a physician for the moment, but rest assured that this is the _last_ day you will hold that title. I have meticulously reviewed your history at this establishment, and found you lacking in multiple areas. I, and the hospital's board of directors, have come to the conclusion that it is in the best interest of those who might be your patients to have your medical license stripped. The hacking of a patient's medical equipment to cover your incompetence was simply the final failure we could countenance."

_Oh, stow it you trumped up piss-pot_, Liara remembered Karin Chakwas speaking to Ambassador Udina, and she laughed.

"This is most assuredly _not_ a laughing matter, Maiden T'Aryn." Ela hissed, turning to face the asari she thought was Sen. "We are discussing your future!"

Liara raised her head, savoring the horrified shock stamped on Ela T'Vari's elegant features.

"No, Chief T'Vari." Liara said. "I believe it is _your_ future we are discussing."

"Doctor T'Soni!" Ela gasped. "I _do_ apologize! I was expecting…"

"Doctor Sen T'Aryn." Liara smiled. "I know. In fact, Sen is the reason I am here."

Ela's eyes narrowed as she scrabbled for the composure that had fled. "Dr. T'Soni, I assure you that the situation is well under control. It is unforgivable that Dr. T'Aryn failed in her care of you, and that she somehow managed to hack the equipment that monitored your condition. We are still looking into how it was done but…"

Liara lifted a hand and the stream of stupidity ceased.

"Chief T'Vari, you misunderstand me." Liara adopted a condescending tone, simply to dig beneath Ela's skin. "What is _unforgivable_ is your framing the young doctor for something she did not do, simply because she does not fit your personal paradigm of a competent physician. And bringing me into your petty grievance is the height of impudence that I simply cannot countenance."

Ela drew herself up. In spite of Liara's fame, in spite of what she had done for the galaxy, she was still but a matron. And matrons ceded the arena of wisdom to the matriarchs. It had always been done thus on Thessia, and now would be no different.

"My concern for the welfare of our patients and the competence of our physicians is far from _petty_, Dr. T'Soni."

"Do spare me the inanities of your rhetoric." Liara smiled, seating herself in one of the chairs before Ela's desk, and propping her feet up on the rich wood, taking pleasure from Ela's appalled expression. "I have no doubt that you are concerned for your patients and your physicians. The sparseness of your office indicates that you have ordered the charitable financing that this hospital receives to be appropriately dispensed to those patients and physicians. I cannot describe to you the satisfaction I feel knowing that the donations I send to this institution are so selflessly dispensed."

"Now you are simply being insulting, Doctor." Ela hissed, sinking into her rich leather chair, setting her arms on the armrests studded with precious metals.

"Am I?" Liara's eyes widened in feigned ignorance. "At least my insults are thinly veiled with sarcasm, which lends them an air of civility that yours lack. Or did I not enter this room to your unfounded decrying of one of the best cardiologists in her field, and this hospital?"

"You were under her care, Dr. T'Soni." Ela pursed her lips, knowing that the information she possessed gave her the upper hand in what was quickly becoming a battle. "Your monitoring devices were hacked, and the information inaccurate. Your life could have been in danger."

Liara shrugged and Ela tensed. She had expected outrage, fright, and a demand that justice be meted _immediately_. Instead, Liara laced her hands behind her neck and looked up at the ceiling.

"And you are _certain_ that Sen hacked those records?" Liara asked.

"We are awaiting a verification of the digital signature from the hacker's system." Ela smiled, knowing her victory was at hand. "I am fully confident that it will have come from Sen T'Aryn."

"Oh, it surely _must_." Liara rolled her eyes and saw the matriarch before her stiffen. "Otherwise all the time you have spent editing her records and building false allegations will have been for nothing."

"Doctor T'Soni," Ela's tones were heavy with indignation, "what are you insinuating!?"

"Only the truth." Liara removed her legs from the desk and sat up straight, pulling an OSD from her pocket and tossing it on the desk. "There you will find the _original_ records of Sen's qualifications, her glowing reviews, and the malpractice suits she has _spared_ this institution by her competence. You simply find her frustrating because she has made physicians personally vetted and endorsed by _you_ look like blithering fools."

A smug smile crossed Liara's face. The instant she had heard of Sen's suspension, she had gone into the Broker network and torn through all of Thessia Medical's records. She had pored over the life story of every physician and administrator, seen the reports of every case Sen had worked, and built the defense of her friend. Liara had learned long ago that information ran the world, and that those who held it set the course.

"Sen is perhaps the best cardiologist that this institution has to offer." Liara continued. "Indeed, I would hazard that she is also the most qualified physician. She has multiple degrees in inter-species anatomy, physiology, and treatment. She worked for twelve years as a trauma surgeon while continuing her education pursuant to cardiology. She has multiple papers published which contain research that has altered surgical procedures the galaxy over. It is your archaic prejudice concerning 'how things should be' which has hampered her advancement at every turn, Chief T'Vari, and I simply will not stand for it."

Ela flung the OSD back across the desk; her eyes became flaming coals of wrath. "I do not care _who_ you are." she growled, placing her hands on her desk and rising to her feet, towering over Liara. "It is _not_ your place to interfere in this investigation and I could have you arrested for making the threats you have, veiled though they may be."

Liara bit her lip to keep from laughing. "I know who hacked the monitors, Chief T'Vari, and it was not Sen T'Aryn." a beautiful flower of shock once more bloomed on Ela's face. "When your investigators at last locate that oh, so elusive digital signature, they will discover that it came from the systems inside _your_ home." Once more, Liara examined her nails, an action that she had learned from Shepard projected deliberate insouciance.

"I did _no such thing_." Ela gasped.

Liara shrugged once more. "By your horrified response, I assume you _are_ aware that tampering with a patient's medical records is a felony?" she inquired. "Of course, it is understandable. Your prejudice against the physician I requested and your fear that something would go wrong inspired you to _fix_ the readouts so that anything that might have befallen me would look like either equipment malfunction or malpractice. You were safeguarding the institution you spent your entire life nurturing and building to be the center of healing, learning, and excellence that it is today. An institution whose reputation, and _yours_, I placed in jeopardy simply by seeking treatment."

"This is preposterous!" Ela roared, flushing a deep shade of violet.

"Is it?" Liara looked up, innocence stamped in her eyes. "Thessia Medical has a closed information network, almost impossible to hack from the outside. You did well when you procured that. But…you did make one mistake, Chief T'Vari."

"Oh?" Ela asked, her fists clenched, her shoulders shaking, her entire body poised on the edge of losing her composture and control.

"Yes." Liara nodded. "You see, aside from what she must utilize in her profession, Sen is absolutely technologically incompetent, an incompetence she could prove while being questioned in a court of law. You, on the other hand, Chief T'Vari, have been fully briefed on your institution's systems, and you have multiple degrees in computer science, network building…I need not go on. Suffice to say, you possess all the skills you would need to link your home system to the closed system of this institution and alter unfavorable situations in your favor."

"You conniving, scheming, insouciant…"

"Are you serious, matriarch?" Liara rose, pressing a hand to her chest. "Are you insulting one of the two living heroes of the Reaper War? Are you accusing me of lacking integrity? I…" Liara coughed and swayed, wincing purposefully as she pitched forward and leaned heavily on Ela's desk, "…I have a weak heart, Chief T'Vari. But you…you released me with a," Liara gasped again, carefully metering her breaths, "clean bill of health."

"Doctor T'Soni, do sit down." Ela urged, moving around her desk and grabbing Liara's elbow, assisting her as she almost fell into the chair. "Are you feeling any pain? Any tightness in your chest?" Ela brought up her omnitool and prepared to run a scan.

Liara placed a hand on the chief's wrist. "A simple…dizzy spell." she said, pleased that her charade had worked. "I will be fine, and I thank you for your help. However, it would be wise to call off your investigation, should the state of my health worsen and cause inquiry. Stop your ridiculous crusade against Sen, and accept what she can do for your hospital. Let her do what she loves, and save lives. That is the true purpose of this place is it not? At the end of the day, does tradition matter in the face of potential lost life? Do see reason, Chief T'Vari."

Ela rose, closed her eyes, and sighed. "Your actions are underhanded and borderline malicious." she spoke. "However, I cannot deny that you have persuaded me. Sen T'Aryn's suspension will be lifted and she will be allowed to return to work as soon as she chooses."

"And you will also…" Liara pressed.

"Drop the investigation." Ela grunted. "I do hate to be rude, Dr. T'Soni, but I do have a hospital to run."

"Indeed you do." Liara rose. "Thank you for your time, matriarch. I will show myself out."


	47. Chapter 47

**Thessia**

The elevator door opened out into the TCU, and Liara made her way back to Mira's room. If she had judged Treya Valen's character with any accuracy, she had full reason to believe that Sen would still be with Mira, visitor's time limits notwithstanding. She approached Mira's room, witnessed the scene beyond the glass walls, and smiled.

Sen stood at Mira's bedside, examining her lover's chart. Every now and again darkness would cross Sen's face as she read some bit of information that pained her. But through the entire review, her lips moved. Liara read them, seeing the words Sen spoke to Mira.

Calm explanations of what had happened, whispered words of comfort and affection, and promises that all would be well fell from Sen's lips to Mira's unconscious ears. The cardiologist conveyed nothing but the utmost love, and a light shone in her eyes that made tears well in Liara's own.

_No matter the trials that have defined our lives, _Liara thought, _there is nothing more beautiful in all the galaxy than love. Even the scars left by love have their grandeur. They set us apart and make us unique while simultaneously bonding us with every other living creature that has loved. _

Liara felt an old, familiar smile cross her face. The expression she wore was a scar in its own right. It was tremulous hope, a pleading heart, and the love that had dominated and defined her. She had stood so many times where Sen stood now. Those moments had been horrifying, soul-shattering, gut-wrenching, and yet Liara would trade them for nothing. They had made her the asari she was. They had made her capable of standing beside her friend in this moment. They had made her capable of living again. And living well.

Liara watched as Sen closed the chart. Adoring eyes looked down at Mira, a gentle hand took the human's limp, weak fingers and held them with great care. Passionate lips descended and the barest, eloquent kiss was pressed against Mira's brow.

"Sleep well, my love." Liara read Sen's lips.

The cardiologist walked away and exited the room. Liara met her eyes and watched the strength in them disintegrate. The scar/smile remained on Liara's face as she opened her arms, letting Sen fall into them. Liara made herself a friend and fortress, holding Sen as she wept with the full force of all that she knew. Some believed that not knowing was more difficult than knowing when it came to situations such as these. Others held that full knowledge of the situation was more devastating.

Liara held neither of those opinions. Both held their own terrors and benefits. All of it was hell. Liara rubbed her hand along Sen's back as it bucked and spasmed with forceful, silent sobs. She absorbed the grief that swarmed around her friend, sharing the burden in the only way she could. A few moments later, Sen's body stilled and her tears dried.

She pulled away from Liara's embrace and looked at her friend with wounded, tired eyes.

"Is everything all right, Liara?" Sen asked. "I saw you speaking with security and watched you follow them. Is anything wrong?"

Liara shook her head at the words Sen spoke. For all she knew, she had gone back in time and heard another voice speak those words, with that tone and inflection.

"All that _was_ wrong has been remedied." Liara answered. "Ela T'Vari will be a thorn in your side no longer, Sen. She has seen the error of her ways, dropped the investigation, lifted your suspension, and says that, when you are ready, your position is waiting for you."

Sen's eyes narrowed. "And you're not bleeding anywhere? You weren't thrown out of her window or through her door? Or has giving me this bankrupted you?"

Liara laughed, drawing the disapproving gaze of several nurses. "It cost me nothing but a few words, Sen. Of that, you may rest assured. The Chief of Medicine is not _entirely _unreasonable."

"What world do you live on?" Sen asked, incredulous. "Are we on Thessia any longer?"

Liara frowned as she noticed Sen's pallor and how she trembled with exhaustion. She wrapped an arm around Sen's waist and guided her to one of the couches in the waiting area.

"I am a very powerful asari, Sen." she said, keeping their eyes locked. "And am made so by more than my reputation or past deeds. No harm was done, no sacrifices were made, and all is as it should be."

"I don't…I don't know how to thank you." Sen breathed. "Through all of this…you've been so kind. It's difficult to remember that our relationship began with you under my care. I owe…"

"Nothing." Liara interrupted. "Because our mutual debts cancel each other. I am a recluse, Sen, and I do not deny it. I have simply never had the need to be anything else for quite some time. Those I called friends died centuries ago." Liara's expression became faraway and wistful. "I watch over their children now." she whispered. "And their children's children. I protect the families of the ones I loved…so long, long ago."

Sen's lips trembled. She had just entered a room that held nothing but pain for her, but that pain seemed as nothing compared to the _anguish_ emanating from Liara. The matron's stoicism and calm acceptance impressed her because Sen knew, beyond any doubt, that Liara felt every emotion, every loss, every day spent alone, deeply.

"I cannot even begin to imagine." Sen whispered, feeling her strength return. She rose from her seat and looked at Liara. "Can we…can we leave, Liara? I hate to seem weak but I…I cannot bear to be here and not be with her, and the way I am feeling now, I would hinder her healing more than help it. Nothing is worse for recovery than a fractious, worried person inhabiting your hospital room."

Liara stood. "Of course." she answered. "If you like…you are still more than welcome to stay with me during her recovery. It is further distance from here, but…"

"Thank you, and I will." Sen nodded. "If you do not mind letting me gather a few of my things. Mira is in good hands. Her father will be here tomorrow, and when she wakes…I do not know if I'll be welcome. If that is the case then…then I know I shouldn't be alone."

Liara shook her head. "You have Zhira's infuriating common sense." she murmured as they entered the elevator and journeyed to the ground level.

"That I do." Sen laughed, before stopping and staring, bewildered, at Liara. "Wait…what?"

"I do recall mentioning that I knew your mother." Liara reminded the cardiologist as they left the sterile air of the hospital behind them.

Sen searched her memory. "You mentioned it but did not elaborate." she recalled at last. "You…you knew my mother? When? Where? How?"

_And why did mother never __**mention**__ knowing Liara T'Soni!? _Sen wondered. _I __**idolized **__her as a child. An asari who had changed the world, and saved it…at only one-hundred and six…I wanted to __**be**__ Liara. _

Liara laughed in the open air. "On Illium." her tone darkened. "In Eternity. Through…unpleasant circumstances."

Sen's heart leapt into her throat and her stomach fell to her feet. "I am not…I am not certain I wish to know this story."

Liara closed her eyes and nodded as the skycar rose. "Trust me a little further, Sen." she said. "Because this is a story that you will want to hear, and moreover, it is one I need to tell you."

* * *

_**Author's Note: **Merry meet and blessed be! Thank you all so much for all of your support for this story. I know that I've been to some dark places, and written some questionable content up to this point, but the light at the end of the tunnel is due to make an appearance. Your reviews have been inspirational, encouraging, and an absolute gift that I want to thank you all for. It might be a few days before the next update, as Samhain is tomorrow and my weekend is getting more packed all the time. But I wanted to wish all of you peace during the Thinning of the Veil, and I hope that your Halloween is filled with fun, delight, and joy. _

_Bright Blessings, _

_~Raven Sinead_


	48. Chapter 48

**Liara**

The world had sharp edges. Bladed. Cold. I followed the writhing of the dancer's bodies in Eternity. Each curve and line cut into the air around it, leaving a gaping hole. I felt like I could see through their skin, to their hearts, to the scars surely stamped there.

Suffering. It was something every creature in the galaxy knew on some level. Even those at the perfect level of material contentment must have known it. Joyous times united no one. Contentment for some bred contempt in others…and thus the cycle of suffering continued.

_I wonder, _I thought as I contemplated the drink I held in a trembling hand, _if the Reapers really are as evil as we all believed. Yes, so much suffering is endured, but only to the point of eradication. When there is no one left to weep, the pain is ended, and all who are spared are free to rebuild their lives. Peace must be enjoyed for a great time as societies advance and evolve before they fall backwards into discontent and war. Is that so bad? _

I lifted the glass to my lips, tasting the savory spices of the Thessian red wine. The bite of my traditional whiskey had dulled. It had lost its affect. The strangers I woke next to each morning were becoming less and less alluring. Less promising. More painful than pleasurable. More hurtful than healing. The needles I slipped in my veins helped less and less in blocking out reality.

The drug induced euphoria had become more of a glossy sheen over the world, allowing me to see the darkness of my actions and myself that it had formerly obliterated. Those I brought to my bed were more and more willing to leave it when we were finished. I frowned as I stared into my glass of wine. Sobriety threatened to emerge, and I missed the hazed edges of my surroundings.

The stark clarity frightened me. I had run from it for so long and fleeing further seemed to be the only comforting thing. I set my wine aside on the table and withdrew my silver box from my pocket. I needed the haze, craved the oblivion, the chemicals that would sever my soul from its all too cruel reality. I examined the three filled syringes inside the box. One was no longer enough. Two would dull the pain, but not eradicate it.

Some small inner voice screamed at me. It begged me to stop in a melodic voice that could cut like a razor or pierce like a sword. It was my voice that screamed as I pushed the first needle into my skin. Inside my mind, I heard Benezia sobbing for her lost daughter as the second needle punctured its vein. I lifted the third needle and stared at it. I smiled as the bitterness of the world faded away. But it did not leave. It hovered like a stalker, painting the world in dark shades that threatened to strip away the layers of my soul and lay it bare. I needed to run. I needed to feel nothing.

_Don't make me say good-bye. _Another voice filtered through my thoughts, sweet, firm, lovely and dead. _Álainn anam. _

"You're not here." I whispered, pressing the needle into my skin. "I've already said good-bye."

I depressed the plunger and watched the world fade. The sharp edges were gone; the shadows receded to a place where they could no longer speak or touch me. I sank back against the couch, watching the dancers. Their bodies no longer cut the air; no longer could I see through their skin. And I wanted to touch and taste and take. I wanted to augment the high. I wanted to _feel __**anything **_but the pain.

I rose from my seat, intent on going to the dance floor, my hunting ground, and finding my secondary drug and high…a warm body to share a moment of false intimacy. To pretend that I was capable of true feeling…a lie.

I took a step forward and the world swerved in front of me. My entire body shook now, not just my hands. The air in Eternity felt cool for the first time, when normally one began to sweat as soon as they entered. I took a deep breath and it was not enough to fill my lungs. I breathed deeper and still felt deprived of air.

My knees shook so badly that I collapsed to the floor, holding my throat, breathing faster and harder until I was gasping for air. Black spots began to hover in my vision as I coughed and the muscles in my back seized before tremoring uncontrollably. Their first flutter doubled me over, but no one noticed in the chaos that defined Eternity.

My back seized again, the tightness of the muscles made me feel as though they would snap. I cried out as my back arched, the muscles spasmed and it threw me back onto the floor. I still could not breathe and every exhale was a sob of pain and fear that I had gone too far. The room swirled above me as my body continued to tremor and shake. I could feel everything but could do nothing to stop it. The air around me felt like an icy tundra and I could no longer decipher my shivering from the tremors I could not control.

My heart kicked in my chest as I tried to breathe, to gather enough air to cry out, to call for someone who might care enough to find my life worth saving. My body seized and released again, the force of the spasm forcing me forward. My head slammed against the leg of the table and I cried out from the pain. My eye burned as blood dripped into it. Blood that felt cold on my skin instead of warm.

_Something is wrong…very, very wrong. _

Suddenly I felt frigid hands pulling me away from the table, touching my cheek, trying to steady me as my body bucked and thrashed.

"Matriarch!" I heard a voice cry out. "Matriarch Aethyta, I need you over here!"

The music continued, people kept dancing, drinking, giving Eternity its purpose…a place to flee from the world that surrounded them. I felt an impossible clarity in that moment as a stranger held me, tried to soothe me, tried to keep me from hurting myself as my body rebelled, my mind's wishes and commands thwarted by the drugs invading my system.

"It's all right." I heard the voice that belonged to the hands, so blessedly cool and sure. "You're safe. Help is on the way."

I heard a low, raspy voice yelling at patrons and the bartender of Eternity knelt down beside me. Her eyes were dark, darker than any asari's I had ever seen. And her face bereft of any markings…so unusual. Oddly compelling.

"Bloody fuck." she hissed. Her hand grabbed my wrist and activated my omnitool. "Take her here." she pointed to a line of text that blurred in my vision.

I kept gasping for air as my heart raced, slowed, and raced again. My body continued to seize and release and I felt helpless.

"Aethyta, she needs a hospital." the other voice protested and the cold hand rested on my forehead. "She's burning alive and if she doesn't get help soon, these tremors will turn into full blown seizures. I would know."

"No hospitals." the matriarch growled. "Trust me. I'll handle it. Just. Get. Her. Home."

"Don't make me regret this." the gentle arms slipped around my shoulders and under my knees, lifting me from the floor.

The cool of her skin pierced my clothes. It felt so good…she was scarcely wearing anything. Was she a dancer?

Another spasm racked my body, blood and sweat burned my eyes, I struggled to breathe. Black danced in my vision and I fought it. A door opened and we walked into the open air. The chill of it _hurt_ and I moaned, fighting to stay awake to know what was happening, not to succumb.

"Let it happen." the asari carrying me urged. "You're not alone, and I'm not leaving."

All of the air flew out of my lungs as her words resonated.

_ You're not alone. _

I had been…for so long. I let the darkness wash over me, trusting the kindness of strangers. I had done so before…and been blessed.


	49. Chapter 49

** Liara**

"Are you serious!?" I heard a loud, angry voice.

It was the voice that had carried me out of Eternity. The voice that had encouraged me to let the black swallow me whole. The voice that had chased away the pain and the heat wracking my body.

"Watch your fucking mouth." the grating, harsh tones of Matriarch Aethyta, bar-tender of Eternity.

_Why is she here? _I wondered. _Wherever here may be…is too quiet...it is not Eternity._

"I don't care how damn old you are, or what in the galaxy you've done...why in the Goddess' name did you let her do that to herself!? Especially considering that you're..."

"Keep your lips shut or I'll sew 'em to your asshole." Aethyta hissed.

"I don't even know why I'm talking to you." the voice hissed. "I shouldn't be surprised that the Goddess-damned matriarchy is doing something like this. It's easy to see she's in so much pain she can't even fucking function."

"Yeah." Aethyta sounded regretful, though not at all abashed, in spite of the razor-sharp words flung at her. "Got orders not to inter-fucking-fere. Shouldn't have listened."

"I hope you're denied the universe." the other asari growled and I flinched.

Those words were the asari equivalent of the human's "go to hell". They were not spoken lightly, especially not to a matriarch, unless it was another matriarch that addressed her. And I could tell, simply by the tone of her voice, that the other asari in the room was no matriarch.

"With that fucking mouth on you, how are you not dead yet?" Aethyta asked, and it shocked me that she did not sound angry in the least.

"Because I'm not a blithering, heartless fool." the arrogant reply. "Unlike the bitch I'm currently talking to."

"Any other matriarch would've put your face through the wall, T'Aryn." Aethyta said, and I thought I detected a tinge of warning.

"Let them _try_. I'm not letting a damn one of them near her, Aethyta. Not even you. Not after what you've done." T'Aryn muttered. "In fact, I think you should go. You're a negative drain on my state of mind."

_T'Aryn...T'Aryn..._I kept repeating the house name in my mind, struggling to recall where I had heard it before.

I squeezed my closed eyes tighter and fought down the messages my body attempted to send to my brain. Discomfort. Aching. I shivered beneath the covers...covers? When had I been put in bed? No matter. I needed to remember something that I had forgotten. A name...a name that I had heard before, a name that Benezia had spoken with anger in her voice.

_T'Aryn! _I remembered at last, going back at least eighty years in my memory, recalling seeing my mother pacing in the foyer of the T'Soni estate, followed by her acolytes, furious and fuming. _Kariah T'Aryn was a matriarch. She was found guilty of investing in illegal weapons resarch, drug-running, and the batarian slave trade. But she was too protected for the matriarchy to simply arrest her...T'Aryn's commandos knew no equal. Shiala was one of them, I recall...before she found working for Kariah too morally damaging and joined my mother. The matriarchy banished Kariah and her entire family from Thessia and barred her from the Council of Matriarchs. She moved to Illium, still in control of her fortune and still pursuing her illicit ventures. The family itself was untouchable at the time. I wonder if that remains the case._

"Fine." Aethyta conceded. "But I expect you to keep me updated. The doc's number is on your omni-tool if you need to call him again."

"Thanks." she did not sound at all grateful. "Get the fuck out."

"Not even your goddamn place and you're fucking giving me orders. Feels familiar." Aethyta muttered, but it sounded like a laugh. "I always liked your grandmother, y'know. She had a fucking quad on her."

"Until a turian sniper, contracted by the matriarchy, put a bullet between her eyes. You always have to bring shit up don't you, Aethyta?" a cold, furious reply. "Get. The. Fuck. Out. Now."

"Good night, kid." Aethyta sounded like she was smiling. "Call if you need me."

"I'd sooner jam a nail through my crest." I heard a muttered grumble.

The door slammed and I felt the tightness that had been in the air ease a little. I risked opening my eyes and I groaned as the light from the lamp slammed into them. My head ached fiercely and I continued to shiver beneath the covers.

"Dr. T'Soni?" I heard her again. Weight settled on the bed and her hand, warm now, not frigid as when she had first touched me, touched my shoulder. "I thought I heard you stirring. Dr. T'Soni, are you awake? Can you open your eyes for me?"

"Light...hurts." I mumbled. My throat felt dry and raspy.

"Let me dim it for you." she sounded completely different from the angry asari who had traded bitter words with Matriarch Aethyta. Her tones were soothing, compassionate, calm, and kind. "There." she spoke after a moment. "Can you try now?"

I risked pulling my eyelids open once again, finding that the light had been dimmed to an endurable level. My gaze darted around, taking in my surroundings. I frowned as I realized that we were in my own apartment on Illium. It was no mystery how we had made it in…my omni was keyed to open the door as soon as I came within a meter of it.

"What...what happened?" my voice slurred across the words.

"You overdosed." she informed me, simple. "I brought you home and Aethyta called a doctor, who apparently owes her all kinds of favors. Thankfully, he got to you before you started seizing. But...you're dehydrated, malnourished, and you've been abusing the fuck out of that shit, haven't you?"

It seemed that her words should have hurt, but the blunt, brutal truth reminded me of something else. Someone else. Someone who would have cared enough about me to give me the unpleasant truths in the same manner as this asari. It felt comforting.

"Yes."

"I figured." she rose from her seat, opened the closet, pulled out another blanket, and drew it over me.

I glared at her. Her skin was a rich indigo, darker than Matriarch Aethyta's. Her facial markings were jagged bolts of silver that looked like lightning strikes beneath her intense, amethyst eyes. A glittering jewel gleamed out from an aqualine nose. Her lips were not full, but they were generous when they smiled, and set off by the slim, silver ring in the center of her bottom lip. She turned her head towards me and the light glowed against her neck, illuminating a thick line of lighter blue scar tissue over the carotid artery. It held a story.

She caught my glare and smiled. "I'm not trying to upset you, Dr. T'Soni." she said, and I wondered at her formality with me, when she had called a matriarch by her given name. It was obvious that she was a maiden, perhaps a century older than myself...at most. "May I call you Liara?"

My eyes widened as I remembered back seven months or so. Feron, Miranda, The Illusive Man, and the Shadow Broker all using my first name as though I had given it to them. This asari...she did not take it for her own, but asked for its use. It was different. It was kind. Even though a part of me wanted to be angry with her for breaking into my life and treading where she had no right, I could not summon wrath.

"Yes." I assented, feeling more in control of my existence than I had in some time.

"Thank you." she smiled. "Like I said, I'm not trying to upset you. But I knew what was happening to you the instant I saw you go down in Eternity."

"Are you a medical professional?" I wondered, thinking she might be a nurse or paramedic, seeing as a doctor had apparently been called.

"No." she shook her head. "I'm a dancer."

"Then how..."

"Because I've been there." she said. "And, if you'll let me, I want to help you get well, Liara."

I looked at her eyes, seeking dishonesty, seeking deceit, but neither dwelled there. Instead, pure clarity and concern shone forth. She seemed an asari possessed of her entire self, and I remembered when I had been much the same. I did not know if I could become that again. I did not know who I was, for beyond the drugged haze lay the wasteland of pain that had chewed at my shadow for months on end. I knew who I was when I ran from it...but who I would be when I entered it...and who I might become if I emerged through it...I had no way of knowing.

She grinned and pressed the back of her hand to my forehead. "You're still a little warm." she said. "You don't have to decide right away, Liara. And I know you're tired. You should rest a while. I'll be here when you wake up."

I fought to keep my eyes open a little longer, if only to meet her gaze and ask her one thing more. "Who...who are you?" I asked.

A quicksilver smile crossed her lips again. "My name is Zhira." she answered. "Zhira T'Aryn."


	50. Chapter 50

**Thessia**

Liara fell silent and Sen stopped in front of her dresser, looking at the holo-display sitting on it. A few swipes of her finger through various pictures at last revealed one of Sen and Zhira. She saw the indigo skin Liara had mentioned, the bright facial markings that Sen had always envied for their symmetry and beauty…unlike her own.

Sen traced the still image with her eyes, wondering at what Liara had told her…all the things she had never known.

"She never told me." Sen whispered, feeling some emotion that she could not name.

It was not hurt. It was not betrayal. Sen knew that people, even family, even mothers, were allowed their pasts and their secrets. Perhaps it was guilt that she felt. Guilt for never asking her mother about her life. Guilt for never wondering why Zhira had expressly forbidden Sen to learn combative biotics beyond the techniques taught to all asari for self defense. Wondering why her mother had abhorred the thought of a standing asari army, and never went near, or allowed her daughter close, to a weapon.

"What did she never tell you, Sen?" Liara asked, drawing closer to the daughter of her old friend.

"Any of what you said." Sen murmured. "That she was a dancer. Or that…" Sen looked to Liara's eyes, her own wide with questions, "…drugs?"

Liara nodded her head. "In retrospect, I should probably not have told you this." she said, regret tingeing her voice. "I simply…Zhira is exceedingly forthright, honest. She hid nothing from me and…I foolishly thought that she would have been as open with you."

"I am her daughter." Sen breathed, turning away from the holo-display. "She wanted me to have pride in our family, such as it is. Matriarch Kariah's reputation is not dead, though she is long gone from this life. We are a stain on the galaxy, and the reputation of the asari race as a whole. Aria T'Loak and her dealings are one thing, but she is one asari, out in the Terminus Systems where no one will care. A true rogue. The T'Aryn family is another thing entirely. We are equated to what the humans call a 'mafia'."

"Indeed _they_ are." Liara made certain to sever Sen and Zhira from the rest of the T'Aryn house. "And of all those who carry Kariah's house name and lineage, Zhira is the sole one who broke from that. And believe me when I say it is not easy to turn your back on wealth and power, even if it is the power of infamy."

"She is admirable." Sen agreed. "And formidable. And I can understand her desire to keep who she was and what she did before she severed her familial ties a secret from me. I mean…" Sen sighed and looked to Liara, "would you reveal all that you have told me to your daughter, if you had one?" she asked, watching Liara's eyes darken. "Would you want her to know the pain and torment that you have described to me? Would you divulge your darker heart to the child you carried in your womb or…or would you want to give her only the joys and beauties and pride of your life?"

Liara waited a long moment before speaking, contemplating the questions Sen had asked her. They were not easy, or pleasant, to dwell upon.

Liara exhaled and met Sen's eyes. "I would like to believe that I would tell my child everything." she answered. "The joys, beauties, and pride that you speak of are all well and good…but to give only that to your child would…would be what Benezia left to me. All of my life with her, she gave me an image of perceived perfection that I could never achieve. Until the day she died, I had always felt a failure when she looked at me. Perhaps if I had known of her own weaknesses, if she had divulged her flaws…my life might have been different. Our lives cannot be comprised solely of triumphs. It is not a fair, or real, image. It is not a gift to our children, but a hindrance to their growth. So, in answer…yes. I would tell my daughter everything."

"You continue to be the most unusual asari I have ever met." Sen smiled as she opened her dresser, removed her clothing, and began to pack.

Liara remained quiet and, after a moment, curiosity took over the cardiologist as she gathered her belongings.

"What was my mother like?" Sen asked. "I cannot envision her as a nurse of any sort." she grinned. "Her bedside manner is…somewhat lacking."

A wide smile spread across Liara's face. "You will face no argument from me on that matter." the archaeologist replied. "But I did not need a nurse at that point in my life, Sen. I needed someone very much like your mother. Zhira did not let me hide. She did not let me run. For some reason, she attached herself to me and when I could not fight my demons, she stood in my place and fought them for me."

Sen blinked, slow, digesting the information and contrasting Liara's words with her knowledge of her mother.

"I can imagine that." Sen whispered, a slight smile on her lips. "My mother is brusque but…but no one that she calls friend or loved one lacks for protection."

Sen looked up, seeing nightmares in Liara's eyes once again. Her heart hurt for the old pain that still lived in Liara's mind and gnawed at her soul. She wondered if, even after centuries, Liara dreamed of the horror and pain that had been the Reaper War, and what she had endured in it.

"Withdrawal is an abyss." Liara murmured. "It swallows you whole and eats you alive. And through all of it, the needle hovers in your mind like a sword with which to cut through the pain and the need and provide relief. I slept." Liara shuddered. "I dreamed…worse dreams than the ones that had driven me to the drugs in the beginning. I would wake, sweating, crying, begging for the relief of oblivion. And Zhira kept her promise. She was always there…always denying me the peace I craved, for my own benefit. Goddess."

Liara's silence seemed ominous, as though she were biting back an anger still present, even though Sen knew that was not the case.

"What?" Sen asked.

Liara laughed at herself, at her past, at all the pain she had endured, because now it was safe to do so. It was something she had come through, stronger and wiser. It had been a triumph, hard-earned.

"Sen…" Liara calmed and chuckled, "...there were times I _hated_ your mother. I remember once…"


	51. Chapter 51

**Liara**

A week passed by in an absolute fugue state. I slept for hours beyond counting, always waking with the expectations of seeing those I had spoken to in my dreams. Expecting them to stand at my bedside with the same blurry features and indistinct voices my mind attributed them. I woke with my hands curled as though they held a weapon. I woke with tears in my eyes or sweat on my brow and always with the shuddering of my breath or shaking of my body.

With each painful, labor-intensive awakening there were amethyst eyes drawing me from the nightmares and into the present. With each shiver came a corresponding, gentle touch. Every pained breath over cracked lips was answered with a strong arm around my shoulders and a cup of water or a soothing balm.

All of this was done in silence. If I did not speak, no words were said to me. It seemed as though Zhira T'Aryn wished to become my personal ghost, akin to a figment of my own imagination. Or perhaps she simply believed that I desired her to be silent and thus remained so.

I did not even know who I was, in some moments. In the haze of withdrawal, my identity fled. I was an empty vessel, held prisoner, denied that which would free me. That which would provide relief, and fill the gaping chasm in my body that ached, twisted, and _hurt_. Spikes of silver littered the wasteland of my dreaming, tips glinting in the sun, begging for me to lay my skin against them and wake from the illusion, blessedly whole and alive again.

I woke from one such dream, desperate to be in a world where pain neither ventured nor existed. My hands had clutched fistfuls of the sheets in my sleep. I released them, slow, hearing the knuckles of my fingers crack. The clothes covering my body were damp with sweat, sticking to my body. I watched my chest rise and fall and listened to the sound of my breathing…like dead leaves rustling in my chest.

"How long?" I asked the question that I always did, knowing that the asari who had kept her promise not to leave would answer me. She always did.

"About twelve hours this time." Zhira replied from her chair in the corner of the room. "You're sleeping for shorter periods of time. That's a good thing. It means your body is starting to recover from the hell you put it through."

"My mind is not grateful." I growled, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed.

It had become something of a routine. I would wake up, shake off whatever nightmare had tormented me (they were a new constant in my life), and stagger into the shower. When I emerged, Zhira would force food on me and I would eat, tasting nothing. By that time, I would be too exhausted to do much more than stagger back to the bed and read or watch a vid before falling asleep yet again.

Zhira had told me this was normal. That the amphetamines had pushed my body beyond any sane limit; that I needed an immense amount of time to repair the damage done. Time without the drug. Hearing this…was horrible. Time without the drug meant time spent remembering. Simple distractions were not powerful enough to deliver me from what I fled. They were not powerful enough to silence the voices that memories played through my mind.

Simple distractions could not stop the low, husky chuckle whispering over my crest. They could not block the warm body that lay next to mine in dreams, or the memories of hands that brushed my skin with utmost gentleness. With every day I spent back in the land of the living and the normal, I began to remember more and more.

And I hated it. I hated every damn second of it. I hated the webs of the arachnids, for their silk looked too much like human hair. I hated every shade that reminded me of the colors of human skin. I despised the color red, the color of passion, warning, and human blood. But what I hated most of all were the moments when I saw the color silver…and instead of thinking of the needle's constant pull, I saw a pair of eyes flashing at me with the laughter of the gods.

I shuffled into the washroom and leaned against the sink, closing my eyes as another dizzy spell rolled over me. I breathed in deep, as Zhira had counseled, exhaling and counting ten long beats before opening my eyes again. When I did, as she had promised, the world no longer spun around me. I turned on the water, not even waiting for it to warm before splashing it on my face and washing away the sweat.

I closed my eyes again as another wave of dizziness came and went.

_It will pass, _I tried to convince myself. _Zhira said that it would pass, and it __**is **__getting better. Time. It will simply require time. And…if there is anything I possess in abundance…it is time._

I opened my eyes once more and stared at the royal blue towel hanging over the mirror. Zhira had covered it. When I had asked why, she said something about not needing to see myself yet. I thought her concerns, or quirks, whichever it may have been, were unnecessary. How would seeing my own reflection affect me adversely? It was nothing I had not seen before.

Rebellious against my caretaker…_whom I did __**not **__ask for…_I reached up and tore away the towel. My reflection stared back at me and my heart faltered. My lips quivered as I drew away from the glass. I did not know the asari standing in front of me. I did not recognize the eyes that I looked into.

No light lived in them. They were flat, dull, listless…I looked like a fragile, broken thing. There were deep, violet shadows beneath my eyes. My skin looked thin, almost translucent, stretched taut across my bones, giving my face an almost skeletal appearance. The skin of my lips was chapped and torn…I reached up and touched them, feeling the roughened texture of skin torn open and scabbed over too often.

I stared at the shadow of an asari who had once been Liara T'Soni. The maiden who had defied a matriarch and charted her own path across the galaxy. The maiden who had fought the greatest enemy in the galaxy and won. The maiden who had fallen in love with a human woman made of sparks, tungsten, fire, and blood. Everything of that maiden that had once existed...had been eaten away.

_No one could love this_, I thought, staring at the mockery of my face, the ludicrous shadow of my identity. _Even I cannot find a shadow of who I was to reacquaint myself with._

Disgust and self-loathing rose in my throat as my gut and heart twisted, wrenched sharply by the revelation that I had brought upon myself. It would seem that Zhira was wiser than I in the matter of mirrors. But she was more foolish than I when she thought that some part of me could be salvaged. I could not continue in the routine we had established.

I could no longer surrender to the nightmares and let them take over my mind and heart. I could no longer stand the burn of tears in my eyes or the heat raging beneath my skin. I turned from the mirror and my fingers grasped the edge of a particular tile with a chip in the corner. I pulled it off of the wall and reached back into the space that it concealed, withdrawing yet another of many silver boxes.

My hands shook and my heart raced as I at last looked forward to something again. I wanted the oblivion. After so long denied, it would be a rush of relief; a beautiful, damning high that I would give myself over to and forget the suffering that had defined my waking and sleeping hours since my overdose in Eternity. _That_ would not happen again. I would make sure of it. I would be careful.

I snapped the catch and opened the box. Two syringes fell on the floor, but I paid attention only to the one that I held in my hand. The needle glinted in the harsh, artificial light, promising relief, promising freedom from the nightmares and the pain and the raspy voice of my un-solicited caretaker.

So enraptured was I at the thought of deliverance, I did not hear the door open until it was too late.

"Lia..." an ominous pause, and I did not look up, knowing who I would see, knowing what expression would be written on her face. "What the fuck do you think you're doing!?"


	52. Chapter 52

**Liara**

I had expected the words and anticipated the anger in her tone. I myself did not feel the need for anger. I did not have the need for explanations. If Zhira did, in fact, understand the addiction that drove me, then surely the question she asked, with ire in her tone and frustration in her eyes, was rhetorical. I kept the syringe in my hand and met the fury in her amythest eyes, comprehending the coals that burned there. What I did not comprehend was the sorrow in her gaze, or the stance that was not aggressive, but protective in nature.

"You already know, Zhira." I answered, surprised by the deadly calm in my voice. "And since you know, why do you ask me foolish questions?"

"Because you're deaf to the part of you that's asking them." Zhira replied. "And you damn well need to hear it from _someone_."

"You're a fool." I whispered.

"I'm beginning to think so." Zhira answered. "Is that going to kill you, Liara?" she gestured to the needle, the deliverance, in my hands. "Is there enough in there to take you to oblivion?"

"Of course not." I glared at her, incredulous.

Zhira leaned against the open door, her entire position now one of nonchalance. "Then why even bother?" she asked. "What good is the high going to do you if you just crash down again? It's a vicious cycle, Liara. It'll eat you alive, and since you obviously don't find life without it worth the living, you might as well just stop breathing."

"How _dare_ you be so callous?" I felt a flicker of wrath kindling in some distant part of my soul. "How dare you cheapen the life you know _nothing_ about?"

"I'm not the one shoving a needle in your veins, Liara." Zhira replied, stoking the spark building within me. "I'm not cheapening your life. You are. You're pretty damn far gone. You're worse than I was when I got dragged back to sobriety."

Her eyes turned from me and she stared at the floor.

"What are you doing?" I asked, disregarding the needle, distracted by her dismissive, abrasive behavior.

"If you don't want to exist, I won't force you to." Zhira answered, eyes still fixed on the ground. "I can't fight your battles for you. I'll help you, but only if you want that help. You think I didn't know you have that shit stashed all around this apartment? I used to be an addict, Liara. I know all the hiding places." She consistently refused to look in my direction and it _angered_ me. "You've got two in here. One behind that tile, the other hidden behind the towels. Obvious, but you don't have guests over, so it works. Also, in your closet, there's a pair of boots you don't wear, but they never gather dust. You've got a box stashed in one of them, maybe both. One in the refrigerator, another in the top right cabinet over the sink, probably tucked into an empty box of food you don't eat. How am I doing so far?"

The coal in my spirit glowed, burning brighter, hotter, and more fierce, scouring away the haze that had clouded my clarity and identity.

"All too well." I snarled. "What will you say next, Zhira? Some beautiful incantation about how life is worth _the living? _About how you _understand_ the pain I have been through? About how I am casting away my life on some _feckless, errant _whim!?"

"I don't believe that at all." Zhira replied, surprising me. Her eyes lifted from the floor, locked on my own, and _burned_. "You talk in your sleep. You say things that…that shred me in two. I don't know who Serena was but…"

"_Don't!_" I shouted, and the syringe flew out of my hands as biotic energy swirled around them. "Don't you _dare _say her name!"

"Liara," Zhira's eyes, full of worry, flared, and she lifted her hands in a gesture of what looked like supplication. "Liara, stop that right now. You're still too weak; you can't use biotics!"

My lips curled up in a sneer. I had reached the edge of biotic exhaustion before. I had helped bring down a Reaper. My lover and I had staggered from the detritus of the ending of an enemy so powerful we still did not comprehend its scope and range. I had seen the dead walking among us again. I had shared words with them. I had flung the power of the Shadow Broker back in his face and made him a _failure_. I _would not_ be called _weak. _

I built the energy in my hands, not intending an attack, but simply to disprove this asari who had, without my blessing or wishes, inserted herself into the intimacies of my existence.

_She does not know me! She knows nothing of what I have done, what I have endured, what I have been through. Her words are harsh, barbed, and even though I can hear the truth in them there are other truths that she does **not** realize! _

"Liara." Zhira's voice sounded deadly, sharp, worthy of the wariness the T'Aryn name inspired. "Rein it in, now."

"You have no idea, Zhira T'Aryn." I whispered, holding a ball of swirling energy in my hand, letting blue wisps of power lick down my body and along the floor. "You have _no idea_."

"Give me one." she offered. "But please, stop. Your body _cannot handle_ what you're doing!"

"The hell it can't."

Zhira shook her head in frustration, though a grin I did not understand played about her lips. "And in three…two…one." she mumbled.

My heart kicked in my chest and pain seared through my temples, stunning me. I barked out a gasp as the biotic energy faded into nothing. My knees trembled and my vision swam and suddenly the floor was staring at me as I fell in what seemed slow motion. I winced, waiting for the harsh impact of full collapse.

Strong arms wrapped around my waist, arresting my fall. I stumbled into a body made of hard lines and raw strength. There was no softness in Zhira T'Aryn's form, but in her embrace there was a gentleness that I had not felt since Serena's touch.

"Breathe." she counseled, and I inhaled, feeling the air scour my nose and throat.

Zhira went to her knees, easing me onto the floor. I felt the warmth of her skin against the chill of mine as I gulped down air.

"You're so fucking stubborn." Zhira's rough voice calmed the rapid beating of my heart. "And you're doing well. Why go back to that shit?" she asked, staring at the three fallen syringes on the floor. "You're better than that, Liara."

"Am I?" I wondered. "I no longer know who I am, Zhira."

"That's your mistake." I could hear warmth and empathy in her tone. "Right now, your mind is locked in who you were. Those dreams that make you toss and turn and…Goddess…_scream_…you're sorting out the past. Let them do what they're meant to do, Liara. And I know it is the furthest thing from pleasant…"

"You've no idea." the words shivered out between my lips and I looked with longing at the syringes on the ground.

"No, I don't." Zhira replied. "But you can give me one. And if you do, I'll make you a promise."

"I don't want a promise, Zhira." I said, remembering all the words given that had been broken and shattered when the Normandy caught fire.

_It's time…_I heard my lover's words in my mind, the words she had spoken on the last day of her life.

_Perhaps I heard them wrong, _I thought, trembling in Zhira's embrace. _Perhaps it was not Serena anticipating her death…but facing the ultimate reckoning. In fire and chaos, she reconciled her identity and her past, all that she had been, looking to the future, and accepting the burdens that command placed on her shoulders. Her sacrifice was…something she required of herself. Perhaps it was not death that she greeted, but her own identity; in herself she saw someone who would not save her own life for love, but be willing to give it for the lives and loves of others. Is **that** what she accepted when she said those words?_

"You may not want a promise." Zhira's words pulled me from my thoughts. "But I think you need this one."

"What is your promise, Zhira?" I asked.

Zhira got to her feet and offered me her hand. I accepted her strength as she helped me stand, and she turned me towards the mirror. Her hands rested on my shoulders and when I averted my gaze from the stranger inside my eyes, Zhira took my chin in her hand and made me look into the mirror.

"If you choose now," she said, "to reclaim your life, then I can make you a promise. You will, some day, perhaps in a year, a decade, or even centuries, look back on this time. And when you do, Liara T'Soni, I promise you that you will _laugh_. You will laugh in triumph over the sorrow and pain. You will laugh for the joy of your choice and its success. If you cannot find words, Liara, then show me. Show me what hurts you so much that you want to die. Show me what makes you fear being fully conscious of the world. You can trust me, and I promise you, I _swear_, that if you face what haunts you and push yourself through it, you will laugh again."

I stared at the face in the mirror, and I wanted Zhira's words to be true. I wanted to laugh again. I wanted to live again. I simply…I simply did not know how. But she had kept her first promise. She had not left me. If she was honest in that, perhaps truth lay in this promise as well.

I glanced down at the syringes on the floor, then back to the face in the mirror. I felt Zhira's hands, solid and sure, on my shoulders.

"Get rid of them, please." I whispered, knowing she would understand. "It's time."


	53. Chapter 53

**Liara**

I felt lightheaded as I returned to my bedroom. However, for the first time, it was a lightheadedness that had nothing to do with withdrawal, or the drugs. It felt as a completely different sensation, accompanied by a lightness in my shoulders that made me feel…free. Of something.

_I wonder how soon this will fade, _my darker mind wondered. _This is not something conquered in a day. Nor in a week. Some who fall as far as I have fallen never lift themselves from the ground, no matter if their promised life-span exists in decades or centuries. _

I heard faint noises coming from the other rooms in the apartment, and I knew it was Zhira carrying out my wishes. Finding what I had tucked away and destroying it. I did not know how it could have been possible, but I felt stronger than I had since Feron and I had scoured the galaxy, searching for Shepard's body, and faced down the Shadow Broker and the Collectors.

_It is because it was my decision, _I realized and a clarity I had not felt for months infused me, a clarity that reminded me of the asari scientist aboard the Normandy, ever inquisitive, ever pressing for answers, no matter the terror that mind stem from the finding of them.

Zhira re-entered the bedroom. I expected to see some sort of triumph in her, some light in her eyes that conveyed her pride in having brought me this far, but there was nothing of the sort. She seemed unchanged from the asari who had spoken to me, harshly and without mercy, not minutes ago.

"It's done." she said, sitting in the chair next to mine, searching my face for…something. "How do you feel?"

"I…" I measured my voice carefully, afraid to use too much of it, afraid to remind myself of a time when I spoke words that had meaning, "…I do not know."

"That's fair." Zhira smiled, revealing a kindness that her harsh voice and rough speech would not allow most to find. "How does food sound?"

I allowed a small quirk of my lips in self-deprecation. "Truthfully?" she nodded. "Awful."

"Good." she nodded her head and brought up her omni tool. "I'll order something then."

"Why are you doing this?" I at last felt cogent enough to ask the question that had plagued me since she had lifted me in her arms and carried me out of Eternity. "You have given me glimpses, pieces, but why choose me, Zhira? Why choose me for your ultimate compassion, when surely there are thousands of lost souls on this planet who could have used your intervention."

Zhira pursed her lips, considering my question. "You're not wrong." she nodded. "But I guess it's because too many of those who could have used my intervention were too much like me."

"What do you mean?" I asked, enjoying the clarity, remembering what it felt like to have a meaningful conversation with another that needed not go elsewhere, that need not be avoided or hidden from.

"I don't have much sympathy for the addicts who were like me." Zhira explained. "You obviously know a little bit about my family, what we've done, what _they_," she emphasized the word, "continue to do. I oversaw my grandmother's Illium interests in the drug trade for fifty years."

"Goddess." I breathed.

"Something like that." Zhira muttered, shaking her head. "I was…untouchable. People feared me, no matter their species, no matter who they were or what they did. The power backing them was useless, because I had more backing me. I was a manufacturer, a dealer, and an enforcer. I've…I've done things I'm not proud of, Liara. I've killed people."

My hand twitched at my side, hearing the abject sorrow in her voice. I wanted to reach out, at long last, make contact with another living being who had taken the time from their hell to help me fight through my own. And I obeyed the instinct that drove me. I lifted my hand from my side and placed it on the angle of Zhira's elbow.

"In that," I whispered, "you are not alone."

"Yeah, I know." her voice sounded dejected, and I realized that she believed that I spoke to her in generalities, that she did not realize that I spoke of myself. "It doesn't change the fact that _I_ fell that low. Regardless, at that time, I couldn't bring myself to care. I remember looking over the profit reports one night and just thinking '_why the hell not_'?" she laughed in mockery at what she had been. "I was tired. Looking for change. Needing something new. The drugs were easy, and for me, they were free. Of course, my grandmother would have flayed me alive if she'd realized I was sampling the product, but I felt fucking invincible. I mean, I'd ripped apart a squad of commandos by that point. Who could touch me?"

I remembered, once, thinking the same thing. Not from my own actions, but because of how invincible I had felt when protected by Serena. How the prowess and the strength of the Normandy crew had made it so easy for me to find my own. And how, when I had found it, I had been welcomed into their ranks as one of them. I rested my other hand across the scar on my chest, the first and only bullet I had thus far taken. I had survived that. Not many did.

"What…what changed?" I asked. "What made you want to step away from…from the addiction?"

Zhira laughed, as she had promised me I would once again. "I took on the _wrong _matriarch." she answered. "You remember Aethyta from Eternity, right?" I nodded. "She was in the area when a major transaction went down. Funny thing is, I don't think she would have stepped in at all if guns hadn't been drawn between the two sides and we started firing. Aethyta ripped in there like…like some sort of fucking demon. I've never seen a gun twisted into so many pieces of useless metal before. Or a body." she shuddered.

I watched Zhira carefully, looking for any sign of discomfort, any sign that these memories brought her pain. I wondered if they might have spawned dreams in her akin to the ones I suffered through each time I closed my eyes and surrendered to sleep.

"In any case, I was scared and I was pissed." Zhira continued her story. "I'd never seen anyone that strong, that powerful. But I was Kariah T'Aryn's granddaughter, and our interests had been attacked. I had to stand up to whatever had blitzed through my guys and the other guys. So I took on Aethyta." Zhira laughed again. "Biggest and best goddess-damned mistake I've ever made. She kicked my ass from Illium to Thessia and back, and at the end, when she had her boot planted on my chest, she looked down at me, and I still remember her words."

"What were they?" I wondered.

"Goddammit, you're a fucking kid." Zhira quoted. "And you're high as the fucking Citadel."

Those words were in keeping with the little verbal interaction I had had with Matriarch Aethyta. I nodded.

"Aethyta dragged me back to her place. Took care of me and got me clean. Helped me see things a little more clearly. As soon as I got a grip back on my life I went back to my family. By that time, the assassination had happened. Kariah T'Aryn was dead. My mother was ruling the family now. It was actually easier to face her than it would have been my grandmother. I told her I was done, leaving, and that I didn't want any more of what the name T'Aryn had to offer."

_We are more alike than Zhira knows, _I realized. _She turned her back on her family as I did mine. Though her family was embedded in dark things and my mother stood as a pinnacle of the asari people. We both rebelled. We both turned our backs on what our heritage desired for us. _

"What happened then?" I wondered, feeling closer to Zhira than I had, sensing a kinship between us that before had not existed.

Zhira turned and ran a single finger down the thick line of scar tissue on her neck.

"This." she answered. "As I was leaving, my own damn mother pulled a gun and tried to kill me. I'd promised her my silence and Goddess knew I still loved her. But no. Leaving was too high a crime. Getting high wasn't. Even getting addicted wasn't. But being free of that life, that madness, was deserving of death."

"Zhira, I am…"

"Don't say sorry." Zhira's amythest eyes flickered. "I don't need anyone's pity, Liara. I've moved past that. I was a stupid kid who decided to get high to switch things up. I was fucking stupid, and I don't have the patience for that in anyone else. People who choose it need a swift ass-kicking. I'm aware it's a flaw, that I'm too hard on the world, but my heart isn't the sort to bleed for just anyone."

"Then…why me?" I asked again, believing that the answer would soon come.

Zhira shifted in her seat and faced me. "Because I could _see_ the ghosts swirling around you, Liara T'Soni." she whispered. "I was dancing and I looked down, and I saw your eyes, and all of a sudden I was in a place darker than any I'd personally ever been to. I saw the glassy sheen in your eyes, the sweat on your skin, the blood running down your arm, and I knew that _you_ were someone who deserved saving. Because you hadn't chosen it…you'd been driven to it. And that's why. That's why you."

Tears pricked my eyes and began to fall. I had felt so useless, so worthless, for so long. I had been abandoned by my lover, who chose death instead of a life with me. I had killed one of the revered matriarchs of my own people in the coldest of blood and fled my home. I had nothing left but this inheritance and the dim promise that Serena Shepard would be in the galaxy once more.

_But she will not…she will not be the woman I loved. Such a thing is impossible. _

"Now you know my side of things." Zhira said, slow, measured. "Will you tell me yours? Will you show me what grabbed your throat and drowned you in the darkness? It doesn't have to be right now. It doesn't even have to be soon. Just tell me that you will. I'll help you face it, whatever it might be."

Her hand reached out, palm open, waiting. Feeling strength once again, I placed my hand inside hers.

"I will." I promised. "I will."


	54. Chapter 54

**Thessia**

Liara's skycar set down in front of the T'Soni estate and Sen looked at her friend. Something lay in Liara's eyes, something deeper than the story she had been relaying, something other than the secrets that she had revealed thus far. Sen bit her lip, knowing that she needed to ask a question, but uncertain of the words with which to voice it. Her inquiry still had no form, no shape, but perhaps, if she gave it thought, she would be able to figure it out.

"Mother never…never talks about you." Sen mentioned.

"No." Liara shook her head and the pain in her eyes deepened. "She wouldn't."

"Did you…did you two have an argument?" Sen wondered. "A disagreement or something that drove you apart?"

Liara bit her lip, as if wondering how to answer. "Of a sort, you might say." she answered at last. "But it was neither of our doing, and beneath the brutality of extreme circumstance. I miss your mother, Sen. I miss her every day."

Though Liara's words were sorrowful, the asari laughed. Her eyes faded back into her memories, and Sen found a smile spreading across her face as Liara's mirth ensnared her.

"Why are you laughing?" Sen asked.

"Because I have been blessed." Liara replied. "It is so very rare in this life, Sen, to find those who care for you enough to never lie to you. Many friends are made who, when faced with presenting the truth, will dance around it, or shade it beneath so many layers of pleasantness that the bitterness of their words is dulled, and the truth they give you skewed. I have had three people in my life who have never shied away from being brutal in their honesty."

"Oh?" Sen asked.

"Serena Shepard. My father. And your mother." Liara said. "They all cared for me, and loved me in their ways, but never once did that love keep them from giving me the full gift of their truth, no matter how much it may have hurt me at the time to hear it."

_Loved me in their ways…_Liara's words played out in Sen's mind and puzzles wormed into her brain.

_Love? _Sen wondered. _Did my mother __**love**__ Liara T'Soni? Is that what their disagreement was about? Did Liara not return her affection? Or did…did something happen between them, so long ago? Something that should have kept them together, but instead drove them apart? Something like…something like Liara's lover returning from the dead. Oh great Goddess…_

Sen shook her head, clearing away the thoughts. It was simply impossible. If her mother had loved Liara T'Soni in _that _way, then she _surely_ would have spoken to her daughter about it. Or showed her in the many melds they had shared through Sen's childhood and over the decades.

Sen smiled as she remembered visiting Zhira on Illium, a few months after meeting Mira and establishing a relationship. She had spoken to her mother with exuberance, joy, and all the giddiness of a much younger maiden in love. Zhira had smiled at her daughter, rested a hand on her shoulder, and given her advice that she remembered to this day.

_You're smart as all hell, Sen. But smart and love don't always mix. Listen to that heart of yours that you know so damn much about, all right? Learn from it. Sometimes love means not doing the smart thing. And that's okay. _

Sen had asked her mother about those that Zhira had loved and, ever candid, her mother had asked for a knowledge meld. Through their link, she had shown Sen all of the ones that she held dear to her heart. A human woman, for ten years. A turian male, for twenty-three. An asari, whom Sen remembered from her childhood years. That had perhaps been Zhira's longest love, but it had not lasted.

In the meld, Zhira had shown Sen the triumphs of her relationships, but also the failures. She had been unequivocally fair, revealing to her daughter the moments that Zhira herself had been at fault. With great care, Zhira had taught Sen the pitfalls of affection and the grandeur of romance. Her daughter had emerged from the meld a wiser asari, but still…she had made mistakes. Mistakes that had jeopardized her relationship. Mistakes that Sen still hoped were not permanent damage between her and the woman she loved.

Sen exited the skycar and gathered her bags, deciding to save her questions for Liara until she had heard more. She would do the smart thing and be patient in her inquiries. Well…all but one.

"What happened next?" she asked as she walked through the doors with Liara.

Liara grinned at the eagerness she heard in Sen's tone.

"I continued to get better." she answered. "There were still days in which I craved oblivion, days in which I simply could not eat or think, or do anything but lie in bed and stare at the wall in listless, exhausted silence. Zhira continued to be patient. She never pushed me too far. She never demanded that I leap ahead in my recovery. She never asked more from me than I could give. If I did not have the strength to fight that day, she would sit beside me, hold my hand, and tell me to apply as much pressure as I needed to escape the pain in my body and mind. There were days in which a brief squeeze was enough…and days when I feared I might have broken her hand. If ever I did, she never mentioned it."

Sen nodded. The word "stoic" did not begin to describe Sen's mother. Zhira, like Liara, felt everything that surrounded her. Every emotion was greeted, recognized, and processed without flinching. Sen had noticed…those who felt everything, weathered everything, greeted the world with a false dispassionance that made them seem invulnerable. Stoicism was an attributed often given to those who refused to let emotion touch them. For Sen, the word bore a different meaning. It connoted those who were so at ease with themselves, so assured and confident in their emotions that their strength rendered them almost invulnerable.

Such was the character of Zhira T'Aryn. Such was the character of Liara T'Soni. Such was the character that Sen wished she possessed. But there were moments still where she hid from her own heart and kept secrets from her own mind. There were moments still where Sen refused to admit anger, confusion, or grief. Perhaps, someday, she would be as strong as her mother. As pure, fierce, and unassailable. Until that day, she would learn.

Sen entered the guest room she had stayed in earlier and began unzipping her bags as Liara opened drawers and the closet, making certain that Sen knew she was to consider this place a home of sorts.

"There was one night, however." Liara paused by the closet door, clinging to it as she remembered. "One night when Zhira did push me. I was so afraid, so broken…a fragile and trembling thing. I did not wish to listen to her that night." Liara confided. "But to this day, I am thankful that I did."


	55. Chapter 55

_**Author's Note:** A great deal of gratitude to all who have read and reviewed, followed, and favorited this story thus far. It gladdens my heart immensely and makes me want to continue writing and telling this story. But, I also wanted to mention the significance of this day. Veteran's Day, in my country. Armistice Day, in others. I personally want to thank all of those who have served their countries, donned a uniform and promised their lives. It is not easy work. It is often not pleasant work. It can leave wounds, in the body, soul, and psyche. And those who would take that oath and stand before others in order to protect them deserve the highest praise, respect, and thanks. So, if any of you reading have served, are serving, or even have family members in the military, **thank you** for what you do. I wish you peace, I wish you blessings, and I wish you healing. Your sacrifices are not forgotten. They are not unknown. And they are appreciated. _

_Blessings, _

_~Raven Sinead_

* * *

**Liara**

"This one was worse than the others, wasn't it?" Zhira asked.

I shuddered beneath the covers, wishing I could see the stars beyond the gleaming lights of Illium. But I could not. All that shone through the windows was the harsh, artificial brilliance that cast the shadows. Shadows I wanted to swallow me whole. Anonymity that I craved.

Sweat poured down my face and burned in my eyes. Zhira grabbed a washcloth from the nightstand and wiped the moisture from my brow.

"Liara?" she asked, her voice rough with sleeplessness.

I felt guilty. My screams must have awakened her. They had awakened me. The sound of raw anguish spilling into the room had pulled me from slumber and I could not find the strength to close my eyes again.

"_Liara_." Zhira's voice grew harder, laced with worry.

_She worries over me, _I attempted conscious thought. _I should answer. I don't know how…not after what I just saw. Oh Goddess…please help me. _

"I'm not…I'm not all right." I whispered at last, a ragged confession that has always been the truth.

This time, however, it is a truth that I have spoken. I have given it words. I had taken its power by stating it, and my heart rate began to calm as breathing became easier. The tightness in my chest eased and my taut muscles unclenched.

Zhira's hand caressed my cheek before coming to rest on my brow. Her lips pursed in concentration.

"No fever." she told me. "Definitely a good sign. The drugs are finally getting out of your system all together."

"Then why do the dreams not cease?" I asked. "I do not think I can keep seeing what I see, Zhira. It makes me wake up craving the needle. I need the euphoria…because, right now, I don't think I'll be all right ever again and I want to be. I very much want to be...well again."

"What do you dream about?" she asked.

I shook my head, the pain still too raw, the wounds still too fresh. The dreams did not allow them to heal. They peeled off the scabs and dug their claws into the wounds, ripping away the clotted blood and awakening the nerves to feel the horror all over again. My psyche was a battlefield. I could not surrender and I could not stop pressing the attack. I felt stuck.

"I cannot…I cannot tell you that." I breathed.

I wait for her to sigh and relent, to give me the space that she always has after moments and nights like this. Zhira possesses a rough kindness, but it is still complete. It is still more compassion than I have known since Shepard's death. She will say something gentle, tell me to rest, and return to her room, as she has done every time before.

"I think you need to, Liara." she replied, shocking me. "I think it's time you show me what happened to you."

"No." I refused, shaking my head.

Zhira's lips thinned and she took me by the shoulders, helping me sit up. I stared down at the comforter, not wanting to meet her eyes, not wanting her to see the inner torment and suffering.

"Look at me, Liara." she urged. "Look at me, and let me tell you something."

_If I do this, will you silence and leave me to my pain? It has been a month. You know I will not go back to the drugs. You know that I will fight and resist that temptation. So why do you stay? Why do you ask of me what you do? _

I met her amethyst gaze and nearly fell into it. I knew that her words in these moments between us were always honest, but it was another thing entirely to see it in her soul and read it in her gaze.

"What is it you wish to say?" I asked.

"You're ripping me apart." she answered, shocking me. I had not expected those words. "You're getting over the physical parts of this, but I can see the psychological shit tearing you to pieces. And it's hurting me, Liara. It's hurting me because I don't know what to say or what to do because I don't know what's going on inside your mind. I don't know what you're seeing, but I know it's agonizing and I want to _help_."

I averted my eyes and Zhira cupped my cheek once again and turned my face to hers.

"We're asari, Liara." she stated the obvious. "We have a gift that we forget about so often. We use it for pleasure. We use it to confide history and impart wisdom and experience. But so rarely do we use our gift to ease someone's pain."

I remembered the mission after Edolus. I remembered holding Serena in my arms as she flashed back to the horror that was Akuze. I closed my eyes and saw Serena's…full of silver pain and violent grief. Her confusion as she tried to move her legs and found that they didn't work. I relived her terror and confusion. Karin Chakwas had asked me to go into her mind and sort out the chaos there. I had. And I had emerged from Serena's mind with a deeper understanding of who she was and what she had endured. I had eased her pain with the gift of my species.

"I know words are hard." Zhira pushed. "I know that talking makes you feel vulnerable and that tears can choke you and that sometimes you don't want to face the truth of it in words, because they can be misheard and judged too harshly. I know you're afraid of looking into my eyes and telling me about your ghosts. I get that it's intimate. If it weren't, you wouldn't be suffering so damn much. I can't heal an injury if I can't find a wound, Liara. Please meld with me. Show me what hurts. Bleed your soul clean."

I did not know what to do. My pain was sacred. It was mine. I belonged to it, and let it help define me. Because in that pain I remembered Liara T'Soni, daughter of Matriarch Benezia. The archaeologist and the warrior that she became. I remembered who I was through my suffering, and to lay it bare, to give it to someone else…what if I lost myself entirely? What if I healed? Where would I go in a new life? Who would I be?

"Zhira, I do not think I can."

"I know you can." she urged. "I haven't turned my back on you, Liara T'Soni. And I'm not going to, no matter what happens. Because I can handle your pain. I can help you cope with it. But what I can't do is keep watching you suffer and not know what to do. I can't just let you wake up night after night with all that _fear_ in your eyes. Seeing you in agony _hurts_ me."

Her words reminded me what it is to live. What it is to care about another person so much so that you ache to help them, no matter the personal cost. But I did not know why she wished to do this. I knew why she saved me, why she took enough pity on me to get me free of my addictions…but I did not know why she would be interested in anything beyond that. She owed me nothing. In fact, it was I who was indebted to her. For her kindness. Her care. Her friendship this past month.

"Tell me why, Zhira." I whispered. "Tell me why you are so adamant in this."

Zhira nodded, breathed deep, and took my hand in hers. She turned my palm upwards and began tracing the lines across it with her fingertips.

"Humans used to believe you could read someone's future in the lines of their hands." she told me. "It's fucking nonsense, of course. You can't tell anyone's future from their hands. But you can tell their pasts." she continued tracing the lines in my palm, the various tiny scars from time spent on archaeological digs, a few burns from an overheated pistol. "You've got strong hands, Liara. They know what it is to work. They know what it is to hold something close, bandage a wound, impart comfort and care. I'd hazard a guess that they know what it is to kill."

I nodded, mute.

"But there are scars on them that can't be seen. Claw marks from where something was ripped out of them." My hand began to tremble in hers. "These hands are so hurt they can't hold on to anything anymore. They're full of your pain, cradling your wounds, trying to stop the bleeding in your heart. These hands," the timbre of her voice dropped, "need to hold something again, something that will let them create, heal, and move forward. But they can't do that because they're wounded and full of anguish. So," she took my other hand in hers and held them both, my palms on top of hers, "show me. Let me hold your pain for a little while. This is why. Because I've come to care for you. Because I know we're alike in a lot of ways. Because I know, even if you don't fully realize it yet, that you can trust me. Please realize that. Please show me."

After a long moment of consideration, I looked up. Blue met amethyst and I felt her hands beneath mine. They were empty of judgment, empty of selfishness. They were open, waiting, and strong. They had cared for the needs of my body, and now she asked to minister to the needs of my heart.

_It would be so pleasant…to be free of this burden…if only for a moment. Goddess, give me strength. Give me faith and hope. Give me life again. I want to live. _

"Zhira T'Aryn." I grasped her hands tighter. "Embrace eternity."


	56. Chapter 56

**Liara**

_I breathe deep as I enter the chaos of the meld. I am one with myself, intensely aware of every resistant flutter of muscle, every synapse snapping with recalcitrance. For so long my body has been my fortress; I have locked myself within it and made a home with sorrow and pain. Now there is another here, and every level of my consciousness can sense that. _

_ "It's okay." Zhira says the words I cannot tell myself, for I am not certain if I believe them. "Liara, it's okay. You can trust me."_

_ I say nothing, knowing that my body will speak for me. That she will feel in the spark of my nerves and the tension of my muscles the words that I cannot utter. I know this is a knowledge meld, but I still find myself looking for similarities between this meld and the others I have shared. To see if similarities lie also beneath the skin as they exist in the waking world._

_ I remain still for a time, simply feeling Zhira with me, sensing who she is. In the world we share, both of us inside our own skin, this asari reminds me very much of Serena Shepard. Zhira is fierce, blunt, flawed, tragic, and powerful. She knows who she is to the world around her, and she knows all that she expects from herself. _

_ I cannot deny my curiosity, and it is good to feel such a thing again. I must know how much she is like Shepard, where it matters. In her heart. In her mind. _

_ "I'm not hiding, Liara." Zhira tells me, and there is a smile in her voice. "I know you have questions. Points of trust that have to be met. I'm right here. Search me."_

_ I exhale and grip her hands tighter, letting the restraints around my own mind fall. I feel her innate essence within me, a raging torrent of power underlain by a stability that feels like the bedrock of time itself. I have my answer. Zhira T'Aryn and Serena Shepard share many similar traits, but the power within them comes from differing places. _

_ Shepard was fire and lightning, fueled by the passion born of her tragedies. She showed the cosmos the sharp edges of her teeth and stood in the way of any who would break the hearts of the world as hers had been broken. She moved as an active aggressor in this galaxy, driving the fight far from where she called home, far from the places where her innermost soul dwelled. _

_ Zhira is strong waters and deep roots. She does not act save in defense, because these are the lessons she has learned. Violence is not a friend to her, nor even an asset, for it defined a life she despises having lived. She moves in the galaxy silent and still, defending those weaker, providing wisdom and insight that she has gathered, all the while gathering more unto herself from those wiser than she. _

_ Their differences relieve me. No longer do I fear that the closeness I feel with Zhira is because she reminds me of Shepard. I am more aware now…aware enough to realize that if I keep her near me because she reminds me of one who is gone, our relationship cannot continue as it is. It will be unhealthy for me, and cruel to her. But this is not the case. They are similar in the shallows, so different in their depths. _

_ With this comfort, I draw Zhira alongside me and, much as Shepard once did with me, I show her my life. I walk her through the dig on Therum, the appearance of the geth. I let her see my fear, the absolute terror of the unknown driving me to flee. I show her my use of the Prothean technology to protect myself, and the prison that it became. My heart kicks painfully in my chest as I see Shepard once more in the memory. I remember being terrified of her, then. I remember not knowing her intentions, and the immediate wariness I felt when she asked me if I were the daughter of Matriarch Benezia._

_ Zhira lives through the time I spent on the Normandy. She sees the silly questions that I asked, the misunderstandings and arguments. In the meld, she holds me tight when I watch my mother die again. She whispers something that I cannot hear as I cradle Benezia to my chest while life leaves her body. And after, Zhira bears witness to the tears that Shepard cried for me. She witnesses a human decry the matriarchy and I sense an admiration of Shepard begin to grow in Zhira as well. _

_ I walk with Zhira through the ruins of Edolus, showing her my lover's beautiful weaknesses, and how I had helped to heal them. I guide her through Virmire, showing her the Prothean beacon, the terror that called itself Sovereign. I let Zhira see the anger that had ripped into me when Shepard chose to let Kaidan die. I tear myself open and show her my mockery and my hatred, the thoughts that had decried the commander. _

_ And later, those thoughts had changed. I had recanted. I allow Zhira into the heart that fell in love with a human woman with fire-hair and silver eyes. A woman with a scar that cleaved her face in two…as her heart was torn in two…and her spirit. I show Zhira the Shepard I saw at that time. A human who was two parts. Woman and soldier. I learned later that such a thing was not the truth, but I need Zhira to follow me through the entirety of this story._

_ From Virmire I move forward, ripping open my heart and splaying it before her, showing her the terror that was the Battle of the Citadel. I let her live through those moments with me, the surety of Shepard being gone, the heat of the flames as Sovereign and the Citadel burned around us. I let her feel my joy and my panic as two figures stagger from the smoke. Avi and Serena. One long dead. The other barely living. _

_ "What…what the hell?" Zhira asks as the memory fades. "That…Liara…that didn't happen."_

_ "Can you feel my conviction, Zhira?" I ask in return. "Can you not see that I am exhausted, but not delusional? I saw what I saw. I believe what I believe."_

_ "Why her?" Zhira demands. "I can feel your thoughts on this matter, Liara, and I want to ask you a question. Why would the universe turn on its head for Shepard? I know __**you**__ think she's special; I can sense your __**love**__ for her like I've never felt love before, but goddess-__**damn**__ it…the dead don't come back. Not just for one human."_

_ "If it happened for her…can it not happen for anyone?" I ask. "And would you, Zhira, if you witnessed this…would you tell another soul?"_

_ Zhira shakes her head, but I feel her reticence ease and her kindness emerge. Questions still hover around her, but she will subvert them, for now. _

_ My heart begins to flutter in my chest as I move past the confrontation with Udina on the Destiny Ascension, as I show Zhira the blissful time I spent with Shepard before…before the day that tore me apart. That day appears in my memory. The scenes flash in front of me, more violent than they were when they happened. I see myself ripping apart the elevator and descending, rushing through the chaos, hearing the screams…_

_ …__**oh, Goddess the screams…**_

_ Breathing becomes difficult as I see Shepard standing in front of me once again, alive, well, made of the same fire that consumes the ship. _

_**Please, álainn anam. Please go. Be safe. **_

_ "Promise me you'll come back." I mouth the words in the memory, even though I can feel Zhira's hand around my arm, an anchor so that I do not lose myself here. I speak regardless. "Serena, promise me I'll see you again."_

_ She tells me, again, that it's time. She begs me to go and I listen. I escape the fire and the explosions. I escape the destruction. I let Zhira see, but I do not watch. I am lost in the nightmare that follows. I am lost in the murder of Matriarch Avarya. I am lost in the swirl of Omega and defying her queen. I am lost in the hectic fight with Feron at my side. _

_ Zhira bears witness to all of this until we come to the moment where I made the mistake and cleared the window. Where I saw the mockery that had been the body of the woman I loved beyond reason and self. _

_ I scream in the memory and in the now and Zhira's arms surround me, firm, insistent. _

_ "Break the meld, Liara." she orders. "Break it now. It's all right. You're not there. You're here, with me. Break the meld. Trust me, Liara, trust me. I've got you."_

_ I draw back, look into amethyst eyes, and close my own. I am lost here…I am lost…_

_**…find me…please…**_


	57. Chapter 57

**Liara**

_"Heart in my home_

_I will seek forever_

_Light of the dawning_

_home of the stars._

_Goddess, your call_

_I answer and always_

_return to my home,_

_safe from the seeking._

_Though body be bound_

_my heart, it is endless,_

_and gravity's sway_

_shall hold me no more."_

The gentle song drew me further into consciousness. I felt the warm rush of a friend's breath across my crest, the strength of the arms that cradled me close. My head rested on Zhira's shoulder, and blurry eyes watched her chest rise and fall with the rhythm of her breathing.

"My mother…" I rasped. My voice felt old and disused, my throat raw, "…once sang me that song."

Zhira nodded. "Whose mother did not?" she idly wondered.

The words she sang were the lyrics of an ancient asari lullaby. Our histories held that it was penned when the first asari left her daughter on the day our race first ventured from Thessia into the stars. I always thought it odd that the last words were not of returning to the safety and love of home, but of continuing to journey beyond the planet home that was all we had known for millennia.

"Welcome back, Liara." Zhira whispered, distracting me from my thoughts.

I sat up a bit and caught her eyes, looking for something I obviously did not yet realize. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"I tried you pull you out of the meld." Zhira answered. "But you didn't leave. It's been an hour since you let me go…I was beginning to get worried."

I could see the truth of her words stamped on her features…amethyst eyes held nothing but concern. I thought I saw the tracks of old tears on her cheeks, but could not be certain of it. I wanted to alleviate what anxiety I witnessed.

"I am all right." I assured her.

Zhira shook her head. "You really aren't." she managed. "How did you deal with what I saw screaming in your brain?"

I remembered when I learned what it was to have a sense of humor in dark, dire times.

"I really didn't." I smiled. "Or do you not recall pulling me, half dead, off of the floor at Eternity?"

"Goddess, Liara." Zhira's eyes pierced right through me. "You didn't even cry for her? Just…just kept running from one thing to the next until you found the drugs. Then you abused the shit out of them."

I did not really register her last sentences, because I focused on her question. In a flash, every memory that I had relived in the meld blitzed through my mind like a bullet. I saw all that I had done, over and over again, ripping into the parts of me that I had thought were healed over…I was wrong.

I started breathing faster as I realized the truth of Zhira's words. I never had…I never had…

_How is it possible? _I asked myself amidst the barrage of memories that would not cease. _How is it possible that I never…that I never __**mourned**__ Shepard?_

The forgotten wounds in my soul ripped open. Black, thick infection spilled out into my heart and I let out a shriek of pain that inhabited all states of my being. Physical. Mental. Emotional. Spiritual. Everything hurt as fresh as it had that day on the Normandy. I had not healed. I had not recovered. I had not even begun.

I had hidden. I had run away. I had thrown my mind and body into whatever provided a distraction. It was why I had gotten lost in the meld; why I had spent an hour fighting through every recollection all over again, reliving everything. I had gotten so lost…lost in the life I had once lived, in the company of those I once lived it with.

I moved away from Zhira's embrace and curled into a tight ball on the bed, shuddering, shaking, not knowing where to go. I felt exactly as I did aboard the salarian STG ship that had saved us from the destruction of the Normandy. Adrift. Suffering. Cast aside. I needed to find somewhere safe, somewhere alone, somewhere to hide. I needed to...

"Move." Zhira commanded, though her tones were gentle. "Liara, move your ass, right fucking now."

When I did not uncurl, Zhira grasped my ankles and pulled my body straight out across the bed, refusing to let me wrap around myself once more. She yanked me down to her and straddled me, her powerful thighs on either side of my waist.

"Look me in the eye, Liara T'Soni." she ordered and, helpless to even think of resisting, I obeyed. "Don't you ever do that again." Zhira said, her voice more serious than I had ever heard it. "Don't you _ever_ curl up again and try to build a wall to keep the world out."

"Zhira…"

"No." she shook her head, adamant. "You can't do something like that in front of me again. Not after I've seen who you are and what you've done. I thought I knew what hard times were. But what I saw in your head was the definition of the human's hell if ever there was one. I knew when I saw you in Eternity that something drove you to the drugs, but I swear to the Goddess, Liara…if I'd lived through that, drugs wouldn't have done it for me. I'd've killed myself."

"I nearly did." I mumbled. "Please, Zhira…let me go. Let me curl into myself and grieve."

"_No_." she insisted. "If you believe what you tell me you believe, if you believe what you saw in the goddess-damned Citadel, then you _honor_ that woman you loved _properly. _Love doesn't cry in the dark, huddled into itself like a wounded varren. Love is _raw_. Love is _agonizing. _Love saves a life and makes you strong and when it gets taken away you're _allowed_ to fall the fuck apart, but don't you ever dare _hide_, Liara T'Soni. Because the woman you loved would have cried for you. I can see that in her, even if I only saw her in your memories. Give her that same courtesy. Love her like she loved you, because dammit, Liara…that woman risked everything for you."

I shook my head, not believing her. "That…that's not true." I said. "She risked everything for the galaxy, because she wanted to save them. The Council was wilfully blind, they ignored the evidence and..."

"I'm not talking about that." Zhira interrupted.

Confusion whispered through me, needing clarity. "What do you mean then?" I wondered.

"I've met some Alliance officials in my day." Zhira said. "Mostly when Kariah's business crossed into human colonies. They didn't like me all that much. We may be getting along better with the humans, but xenophobia still runs strong, _especially_ for those who remember the First Contact War. I guarantee you, Liara, if the wrong admiral or captain found out that you and Shepard were together…she'd've been put through _hell_. After the First Contact, they put regulations on the books that said fraternization with _any_ alien of _any_ species was illegal and punishable under their Uniform Code of Military Justice. They've softened on that since then, but those regulations are _still in place. _The ambassador, that Udina fuck, could have grounded Shepard and stripped her command on a technicality, if he'd known about the two of you."

Her eyes held no dishonesty. My entire mind went blank. I had never known such a thing. Shepard had never told me. Under an archaic statute, her enemies could have taken her military career…simply because she cared for me.

_Goddess…_I thought back and remembered…_she __**kissed**__ me on the Citadel, in the Normandy's docking bay. That area is __**filled**__ with surveillance cameras and the like. _

"She must have loved you beyond sanity." Zhira whispered. "Because she risked her life for the galaxy, Liara, but she risked everything that she personally held dear for _you_."

It became more difficult to breathe. I felt the weight of Zhira hovering over me, but it was nothing compared to the heaviness on my chest. The weight of that had a bladed edge, piercing the muscles, flooding my spirit, racing through my veins alongside the pent-up infection held at bay by months of running."

"I…I can't…I can't…"

"You _can_." Zhira insisted. "Listen to the truth I told you and let them slap you across the face. Let them put a knife in your heart and let that blade _twist. Feel it,_ Liara. _Feel it_ and let it _touch_ you. Scream. Cry. Do whatever you want. But cry openly. Grieve with _purpose_. Because if you don't, you'll put your tears in a needle and shoot it in your veins again and you'll _kill_ the valiant, courageous asari I saw inside your mind."

I wanted to run. I wanted to flee. I wanted to curl up again and build a fortress of my body against the world. But Zhira held me down, kept me still, forced me to look into her eyes and _listen_ to every word that she said. I let them strike me. I let myself bleed from them. My lips trembled. My eyes burned.

"What she called you." Zhira spoke, her voice calm and comforting. "'_Álainn anam'_. What does that mean?"

My entire body began to shake.

"B…beautiful soul." I stammered out.

Zhira moved off of me, sitting beside my prone form, taking my hand, looking me in the eye. She smiled and it was beautiful, kind, and understanding.

"Yeah." she nodded. "I can definitely see that. You're worth the way she loved you, Liara. Even now, you're worth it."

Her words were the final blow. The flames in my eyes exploded and a wash of silent tears poured down my cheeks. I lay there, gasping for air in ragged sobs that echoed in the empty room and the dark of night. It hurt too much to lie still. I lurched upward, sobbing, ragged screams tearing out of my throat.

Zhira caught me as I fell forward, holding me in her strong, caring arms. Her hand wrapped around my neck and guided my head onto her shoulder. Tears dripped off of my cheeks and stained her shirt. For the first time since the Normandy had been ripped apart, I cried for Serena.

I cried for the woman I loved. The woman who had captured my heart. The woman who had fought against enemies without and within, and who had _still_ found the power in her heart to love me. I mourned for the woman who had been my peace and comprehension. I grieved for the woman who had been my calm in the chaos.

My heart began to bleed, pushing out the black, horrific infection that had festered for months on end. I closed my eyes and I saw Serena's face. I looked into her haunted, lovely silver eyes that had seen death and destruction and chaos, eyes that had looked on losses immeasurable…and could still gleam with love.

"I…_miss_…her." I gasped against Zhira's shoulder. "I want..._I want__ her back!_"

"I know, Liara." Zhira murmured, moving her hand in a soothing motion across my crest. "I know."

She began singing the lullaby again in a rough, tuneless voice. Her arms shielded me as I grieved in the open and wept as I should have...so long ago.


	58. Chapter 58

**Liara**

Zhira spent the entirety of the night with me, awake. We shared tears between us, and though she had seen it all within my mind, she asked to be told the story of my life, in my own words. It reminded me of when I had asked Shepard to tell me the stories of her past, flashes of which I had seen in our first meld, and how she had been unable to do so. I had not known, then, how to give her the courage to do so…Zhira did have that knowledge, and I did speak to her, empowered by her compassion and her giving of her heart.

The sun rose and found me sitting in my bed, underneath the covers, emotionally spent and physically exhausted. I looked out of the windows, wondering what it would be like to feel hope again. A sweet smell wafted through the air and I looked away from the window. Zhira entered the room, carrying two steaming teacups.

I caught another, subtler scent that I remembered from the Normandy. My brow raised and Zhira smiled, sensing the question before I asked it.

"There's honey in it." she confirmed my suspicion and handed me a cup.

I wrapped my hands around it and found myself pleased by the lack of trembling in my fingers. It had not been easy to arrive at this place, and the difficulty for me had not ended. But I felt, though empty and drained of everything, more myself than I had in months. More myself than I had during the desperate search for Shepard's body and the mad, manic time that followed.

I took a sip of the tea and smiled at the sweetness that had been so novel aboard the Normandy. The flavor splashed across my tongue and even though the heat scalded me a bit, I found myself enjoying it. Zhira drank hers as well, but set the cup aside as thoughts clouded her amethyst eyes.

"So, you've told me that this Miranda bitch thinks she can bring Shepard back to life." Zhira spoke, her no-nonsense voice not dancing around my past whatsoever, comforting me with its brusqueness. "Are you holding out any hope for that?"

I stared into my teacup, remembering Dr. Chakwas' _ridiculous _assertions that one could read their future in tea leaves. I wished, however, at this moment, that her assertions, not made in earnest but in jest, had been true. It would have been pleasant to be able to see what would come to pass.

"No." I shook my head. "I…I do believe that with enough research and technology full resurrection could be accomplished. But…but it will not be Serena any longer. It will be her face and body, perhaps even her voice…but it will not be Serena. It will be enough to convince those who did not know her as I did. The truth of her person is something no science can restore. It is somewhere that none can retrieve it and she…she has earned her rest, Zhira."

Zhira nodded over the top of her teacup. "I agree with you there. I just…wondered how you felt about that. Besides confused, that is. I felt plenty of that in the meld."

I offered a self-deprecating smile. "I cannot allow myself to waste away and yearn for what shall never exist again. In fact, Zhira…" I paused, thinking over the ramifications of the words that hovered on the edge of my tongue. I spoke them. "…I do not think I shall ever love another as I loved her. In fact…I do not know if I shall ever love again."

"Love hurts like nothing else in this galaxy can." Zhira said, but she did not agree with or support my statement. "Just…" she reached out and laid her hand on my arm, "…don't give up on the idea all together. Don't fall into anything ill-advised, or risk attachment while you're still healing, but…but don't lock your heart away, Liara. Don't become…" she paused and shook her head, "...never mind."

I narrowed my eyes at the asari who had, through the course of our interaction, been nothing but forthright. "Zhira, what were you going to say?"

"I don't want to hurt you, Liara." Zhira answered. "Seems like the galaxy's done enough of that its own damn self."

My eyes hardened. "Tell me, Zhira. Please."

Her breath left her body in a hissing sigh. "Don't become like your mother, Liara." she said at last. "Don't become the cold, distant asari that I saw inside your mind. Just…just fucking don't. You're better than that."

I bit my lip, unable to deny that her words had stung, even though I had asked for them. "I do not…I do not know if I am better than that, Zhira."

"I'll believe for you until you can believe for yourself." Zhira gave a wide, easy grin. "It's worked before hasn't it?"

"Even so." I found myself smiling again, and it was pleasant.

"I get it, Liara." Zhira told me. "I do. Just giving you a friendly warning. But I know you better now, and I know what you need so that you don't go running off into something new and equally as harmful as a drug addiction. You're the sort who needs a purpose, a mission…something to occupy that wickedly brilliant mind of yours."

My features fell and my smile vanished. "You might be right, Zhira." I acknowledged. "But I…I have nothing with which to occupy my time. I've lost my purpose."

Zhira bit her lip and reached into her pocket, withdrawing a small object. "I found this when I was cleaning out your stashes." she said. "You kept it with your drugs, so I figured it was important."

She extended her hand and I gasped. It was the OSD that Feron had trusted me with, the information on the Shadow Broker's dealings from his base on Alignon. I had forgotten it all but entirely in the drug-induced haze that had defined my life…but I had not shown Zhira that event in the meld. She knew nothing of my dealings with the Shadow Broker…only that I had stolen Shepard's body out from under him with the help of a drell who had been captured in the attempt.

Zhira read my expression. "I see that it's obviously important."

"More than you could imagine." I whispered. "That, Zhira, is the key to the galaxy's underworld."

Zhira's eyes widened. "Are you goddess-damned serious, Liara?"

"Yes." I spoke, locking my eyes with hers. "Feron pressed this into my hands not moments before he was captured…by the Shadow Broker's most trusted enforcer."

Zhira's lips parted, but all that left them was a stream of curses in old Thessian, the original language of the asari.

"Zhira, stop." I chuckled and her stream of curses ended. "It is all but useless to me. I have the funds to follow the information contained there to its end, but I do not have the capability of doing such a thing myself. I can fight, I can even kill but...but I am not well-versed in subterfuge."

"Liara, I saw that last fight." Zhira said, her voice fierce. "Your drell friend was being beaten, but if that bulked up salarian had wanted him dead, then he would have killed him right then and there. There's a chance that Feron is still alive. You have to follow this to its end."

"Zhira, I _can't_." I stressed the words. "As I said, I do not even know where to begin…"

"With me." she offered. "You have the funding to begin and the mind to be successful in this sort of work. _I_ can help you with the rest. A lot of Kariah's people left when my grandmother was killed; they don't like the way my mother runs things, and they're still looking for work. If you pay well and stay honest, I'll get you commando-level agents."

I looked down at the OSD, feeling something inside my chest kindle and brighten as I thought on it more and more. At last, I removed the disk from Zhira's hands.

"We start small." I said. "I know you can be trusted not to speak of this but before anyone else is involved. We must see exactly where this information will lead us. I know the ways in which the Broker works, Zhira. Layers on layers of failsafes, carefully plotted points of ignorance. No one of his agents, or bases, I imagine, has all of the information we will need to find him. We will have to put this puzzle together, and its pieces are scattered all across the galaxy."

Zhira grinned, reached out, and squeezed my hand. "I'm with you in this, Liara." she said. "I've been a dancer for a while now, and frankly, I kind of miss the excitement that working for Kariah provided. I want to do this. I want to help you."

"Zhira, you have already done so much for me…"

"Don't even finish that sentence." Zhira extended her hand, in the human manner of greeting, parting, and agreement. "Let's get started, shall we, T'Soni?"

I shook my head, but clasped her hand in my own. "Liara T'Soni, information broker." I tried out the title, finding it not at all unpleasant. "I do believe it has an agreeable sound."

* * *

_**Author's Note: **Hello all! Thank you so much for the faves, follows, and reviews. I apologize that it's been a while since I've updated (with no explanation). Life kind of crashed in over the weekend and I barely had a second to breathe, let alone write. But hopefully I'll get back to regular updates this week, and then take another 3 day break next weekend, because I'm going to be meeting my baby nephew for the first time. Once again, thank you for all of your encouragement, and your patience. _

_Bright Blessings, _

_~Raven_


	59. Chapter 59

**Thessia**

"An…an information broker?" Sen asked. "_That's_ the direction you went?"

Liara answered with a knowing smile and simply nodded.

"Is that how…" Sen began to put the pieces together and her question ceased in favor of a statement. "That's how you found out about Mira, isn't it?"

"Yes it is." Liara stated, calm. "Information brokering is something I have excelled in for over three hundred years. It has allowed me to help those in need, and bring those who would misuse power to ruin. I wish…I wish that such were my motivations when I began my pursuits."

Sen opened her mouth to speak, then paused, remembering that the Liara of three centuries ago had been very, very different from the asari standing before her now. The dark, dangerous, broken, embittered creature Liara described from the past was worlds away from the kind, gentle, and caring asari in front of her.

Sen decided, in that moment, that the sins of the past did not matter. They had been committed, they had been paid for, perhaps even dearly, and now would not be the time to judge another for who they had been and what they had done before Sen herself was even born. Instead of placing distance between them, Sen parted her lips and done what she had from the beginning. Asked for more.

"What were your motivations?"

Liara, once again, looked back into her past. "I wanted to believe what Zhira told me. At that point in my life, I desperately needed something to live for. And so I decided that Feron's life would become my reason. I remembered what he had told me…that if he were to die, and his body be sought, that he would desire me to be the one searching for him. Those words became my mantra, my guideline, my driving force."

Liara trailed off, and to Sen it seemed that, for the first time, Liara did not wish to continue her story. Sen could not imagine what might drive Liara to silence now. Surely the asari had already told her of the worst moments in her life, how far she had fallen down into the abyss of addiction and struggled to climb up from there.

_How, _Sen wondered, _how could it possibly be worse? _

"Liara?" Sen asked. "Is something wrong?"

"Just…remembering." Liara whispered. "Wishing I had realized the gravity of what I told Zhira on that day. Wishing I had known how those thoughts, so fecklessly put in the form of spoken word, would affect my future and what transpired after."

"What exactly happened?" Sen questioned.

"Your mother was right in that I needed a distraction." Liara said, her words slow, controlled, carefully thought out. "But I, all too soon, let that distraction become another addiction. The Shadow Broker's OSD opened a door to a new world, a world of intrigue, secrets, the hidden power behind so many figurative thrones. Bit by bit, I began to dismantle his organization, using what information we had found on Alignon to locate other, similar bases. I raided them and razed them. I became hard, coarse, brutal, almost, in my search for his bastions of power and knowledge. I used people. I killed people. I stole what I needed when I could not buy it. I became ruthless. Still, I could not find what I needed. I could not find the Broker himself. The frustration of that led to anger, and in my anger I became yet more dogged in my search. Those I had hired, those Zhira trusted, soon could not manage the workload I had given them and I began bringing others into my brokerage…those who had not been vetted by one I trusted implicitly. It…it was a mistake."

Liara sighed and Sen saw the regret in her eyes. She wondered if this was what had pulled Liara and her mother apart, if this had been the circumstance that drove a wedge between them and ended their friendship.

"How…how long did my mother stay with you?" Sen asked, needing answers of her own now, wondering if the thoughts nagging at her brain for the last hour had any sort of truth or merit in them. Wondering if she could gather the courage to ask.

"Through all of it." Liara murmured. "I could see grief in Zhira's eyes sometimes…and to this day I wonder what might have been had I not disregarded that grief. What might have happened if, when she gave me her advice, I had not rebelled against it. She cautioned me against expanding my brokerage. She cautioned me against hiring Nyxeris and I did not listen. But your mother is kind in the same manner that my father was kind."

Sen laughed, understanding exactly what Liara was saying. "The kindness of letting you make your own mistakes and fall flat on your ass in order to learn from them?" she asked.

Liara smiled and nodded. "The very same."

The matron sighed and silence fell between the two of them. Sen's heart hammered against her ribs. Her question needed to be asked. She needed to know, before this story went any further. She knew how the story ended. History had spelled that out in black and white. What Sen needed to know is how it began…how _she_ began.

"Dr. T'Soni," she spoke, cringing as her nervousness forced her to fall back on unnecessary formality.

"Yes, Sen." Liara did not seem to notice the change in the way Sen addressed her…or if she did, she did not mention it.

"I am sorry but..." Sen stuttered, reaching for composure and finding her grasp unsure, "…there are so many parts of your story that have me asking a question. It is a question that cannot be ignored, and even so, I am terrified of asking it."

"Please ask." Liara entreated, resting a kind hand on Sen's knee. "I would not lie to you, Sen."

"I know that." Sen smiled, attempting to feel reassured, but still so very afraid to ask. "Did…did you and my mother…are you…Liara…are you my father?"

Sen looked at Liara, attempting to see the truth in her body language before Liara spoke. The older asari gave nothing away. Her eyes did not flare, her lips did not move. Her body remained still, and Sen waited, trembling with apprehension, wondering if she had offended her friend.

After a long moment, Liara sighed. "No." she answered. "I am not your father. Though, at one time, I believed that I loved Zhira beyond the sister-like bond we had forged. One night, while celebrating a victory over the Shadow Broker, I kissed her. She returned the kiss, pulled away, and told me that it was a mistake. She said that while it pleased her that my heart felt strong enough to do such a thing…that she was not the one that I loved. Not truly. After that night, we had no more physical contact between us, and I realized the gravity of the feckless words I had spoken that night we melded. I could not love another as I had loved Shepard...I thought, then, that I could not love at all."

"Oh." Sen deflated, though she could not deny feeling slightly relieved.

Her mother had never revealed her father's identity, and Zhira always had good reasons for her concealment of a matter. She said that if Sen were meant to know, that someday she would find out.

"Sen," Liara's voice drew the cardiologist's eyes upward, "if I were your father, nothing would keep me from revealing that fact. I would be proud to claim you as part of me, and I would never have been absent from you when you were young. I promise you that."

"Did you…did you ever meet my father?" Sen had to know.

If Liara and Zhira had been close, close as sisters, surely Liara would have met the stranger who supplied the other half of Sen's genetics.

"I did." Liara replied. "But that is a story for another time."

Sen sighed and nodded. Liara would tell her. Those stories for other times had always been told to her, and she was certain that this tale would be no different.

"Then where does this story begin again?" Sen asked, smiling for her own sake, and Liara's.

"Almost a year and a half later." Liara replied. "When I was firmly ensconced as an information broker on Illium. My brokerage had gained power and reputation, and the Shadow Broker had taken notice of me. I did not have his mastery of secrecy and concealment at that time, and he began to search me out to eliminate me. It was at that time…my door opened. And my world turned on its end."

* * *

_**Author's Note: **Hello all! So, I didn't expect to do this, but I am. I'm kind of broke, and so could not afford Dragon Age: Inquisitions. That is until my bondmate presented me with a copy of it after work. So I am going to place this story on hiatus for a little while, which I hope you all understand. I will definitely return to it though. Next chapter will be the beginning of the "Lair of the Shadow Broker" storyline from Mass Effect 2, which I hope you all will enjoy. Until then, to those who are playing with me, I wish you luck and enjoyment!_

_Bright Blessings, _

_~Raven Sinead_


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